Jacqueline's Dilemma by Emma - Part Fifteen

"He's been like that ever since he returned the other night," Louise said to Maurice as they watched Captain Polignac snapping at yet another stable boy who happened to cross his path. "I can't think what's come over him. He's usually so charming."

"He's probably just had some bad news. Now we mustn't pry, it's none of our business," Maurice replied, gently turning his wife away from the window, through which she had been peering at the restless captain.

"I just wonder where he was the other night. I wouldn't have put him down as one to desert his post like that."

"He probably had private business to attend to, now it really is none of our business," Maurice said, a little more forcefully now. Louise gave her husband an icy stare, telling him that he ought to disappear before he got a tongue lashing from her. He did just that, mumbling something about grapes as he disappeared out of the kitchen doors.

Louise wandered past the kitchen maids, inspecting the bread they made as she went. As usual they were all perfect. They had learned quickly that Louise would not accept sloppy work. Sitting in the corner, eating a late breakfast, was her long time ally Paulette.

"What have you been gassing about?" Paulette asked suspiciously. She could always tell when Louise had something to reveal, or just wanted to know something. "I could see your tongue wagging from over here."

"Don't be so nosy, it's none of your business." The acidity of their conversations often belied the fondness they had for each other.

"Now you know as well as I do that everything that goes on around here is my business."

"Yes I suppose it is." Louise pulled up a chair to sit with her friend. "I was just wondering what's been the matter with Captain Polignac these past two days? He's been like a dragon."

"You noticed that too. Well I think something happened when he went out on Saturday night."

"I think that's obvious. It must have been something really bad to put him in such a mood."

"But he's been in a mood since Jacqueline left. It just got worse after Saturday night."

"I suppose you're right. You don't suppose that he's..."

"He's what?"

"He's you know. Missing her. Mademoiselle Jacqueline."

"Nooo. Can't be. Can he?"

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While this conversation was going on in the kitchen, outside Antoine was in a foul mood. Since he had discovered his worst fear was true, he had become increasingly angry, mainly at himself. If only he had recognised it before maybe he could have done something. But now it was almost certainly too late.

Every waking moment had been torture for him since the night of Mignonette's birth. That moment when his lips had finally met with Jacqueline's had been replayed in his memory a thousand times and with every vision it became more perfect. Her lips had been every bit as soft and inviting as he had imagined. He had wondered what had made him do it, but now he was wondering what it was that had stopped him for so long. The fact was, he had thought about kissing her many times, but had always stopped himself. It was improper and destructive. She was beyond his reach.

But all day on Saturday he had desperately wanted to speak with her, to form some sort of understanding. He did not want their friendship ruined by his impulsive behaviour. He was not sure what impulse had made him do it. But he had to at least see her. That is why on Saturday night he had mounted his horse and rode over to his cousins home. He knew that he must not be seen, but he needed to be able to see her. He needed to know that she was not lamenting on that moment as he was. To him it had been perfect, but by the way she had fled the stables, she must have been completely repulsed by the experience. He needed to know that she was all right.

When he had finally arrived at the chateau, the royal party were already there, as were all the other guests. He had walked through the doors, with his head down, just handing his invitation to the guards on the door. once inside, he had quickly made his way to the shadows which engulfed the sides of the ballroom, so that he might observe unseen.

What he witnessed that night had made his blood boil. Jacqueline had looked so beautiful, he wanted to die, knowing that he could not touch her perfect skin, or listen to her melodic voice. But to see that beauty tainted so, by all of those unworthy men being allowed to touch her hand in the dance was more than he could stand.

All the time he was hearing rumours that Prince Ludwig was so enthralled by her that he would surely wish to court her. This angered him. Even a Prince was too good for her. But he knew that this was not the man to be jealous of. He knew exactly who the danger was when he saw her stand up with Marc Laurent. After a minute he could no longer watch, it sickened him to see them together.

He had turned to leave, but it was too late, he had already been spotted. He could remember the conversation that had followed vividly, as if it had only just happened.
***
"Antoine, what on Earth are you doing here?" The Marquis de Limoges said as he walked up to Antoine's shadowy hiding place. "I thought that duty was to keep you away from us. Come, take some wine." He pulled him into the light. "Good God you look awful man. What ever's the matter?"

"Nothing I.. I needed to do something." The Marquis looked at his quizzically, before deciding that this was probably something that should be done in private.

"I've got some good port in my office, the guests can spare me a few minutes," and he led his cousin away to a more private part of the house.

Once inside the oak panelled room, Antoine sat down on an overstuffed chair, and Arnaud poured the drinks.

"Have you spoken with Jacqueline de Ghent at all?" Antoine asked, not wanting to seem too eager.

"Yes, we enjoyed a delightful five minutes in dance. Why do you ask?" He was always suspicious of his cousin where women were concerned. "Please don't tell me she is your latest conquest. If there is any decency in this world, she would surely be one to be kept innocent."

"No, I have no relationship with her. She is the mistress of the Manor de Barbarac, where I am posted."

"Yes I know that. Is this what brings you here, business?" Arnaud instinctively knew that this would not be the case.

"No, I needed to... Tell me Arnaud, has she danced with Captain Laurent often tonight?"

"No just once to my knowledge, although she has danced with so many men, I did lose track. Do I detect jealousy in your countenance?" Antoine hated to admit it, but his cousin was right, he was so jealous it hurt him. However it was his next comment that had given Antoine the revelation he so desperately needed.

"I do believe cousin, that love has finally struck that impenetrable heart of yours, and I can only assume that it is the fair Jacqueline who has touched you so."

"Don't be ridiculous," Antoine said forcefully, not willing to believe it. "What makes you say that?" He was not so sure himself.

"You obviously pine for her. Take it from one who has been there, you are in love. Now if you will excuse me, my guests will be wondering where I am." Arnaud left Antoine alone to contemplate what had just been said.

In those few moments of silence, Antoine realised that everything which had just been put to him was true, he was hopelessly in love with Jacqueline. How could he have been so blind as to miss such an obvious truth?
***

That blissful feeling of love he had felt at that moment was soon eclipsed by the torment of realising that she could not possibly return his affection. This is what had been the cause of his foul temper over the past few days.

How would he be able to see her everyday, knowing that he could not have her? How was he supposed to endure watching her marry, love somebody else? What devilish being had planted these ideas in his head? He needed to be rid of these feelings to exorcise the demon of love.

Then an idea came into his head. What better way of taking away love, than to destroy hope? If he were to make his feelings known to her then she would be able to tell him face to face, that his wishes were futile. Her rejection of his proposal of marriage would be swift and final. Maybe then he would not pine so. He suddenly realised that he had to see her. He walked over to the stables and ordered his horse be saddled, this was something that could not wait a moment longer.