Chapter 3:  Oh, Sweet Denial; Drink of Gods and Reincarnated Crossdressers

~*~

I shook my head, staring wide-eyed at the Willow but knowing that this couldn't be real, this couldn't be, because it was insane!  Damn it, I'd just been reading too much fanfiction recently, that was all, and toss in the fact that I was getting a little stressed over school and watching episode thirty-three just a few too many times and--voila!  Formula for hallucination!  That was it.  Next chance I got, I was writing a letter of complaint to that Purple Mouse girl--it was her fics' faults, damn it.  Her fault.  Yeah.

My mind was made up; convinced entirely--it could file this away under Certifiable and walk away right this instant.  Unfortunately, my eyes still seemed to be of the opinion that they were seeing a Chinese character glowing on my collarbone, and so we had a bit of a problem.  Good God, what if I really was going crazy?  I mean, what other explanation was there?  Girl suddenly imagines she's the reincarnation of a fictional character--and, not just any fictional character, but a male crossdressing -animated- fictional character!  Aaaaaaaahhhhh!!

I clamped my hands over my eyes.  See no evil, see no evil, see no evil...

Then, very carefully, I spread my fingers apart a little bit, just in front of my eyes, let my eyelid slide upwards just a liiiiiiiiittle bit...

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, it's still therrrrrrrrrre!" I shrieked.  "Whyyyy is it still therrrrrrrre!?"

I needed a shower.  Yes.  Yes, yes, yes.  A shower would most definitely make me feel better.  Wash away, make it clean, la la la, damn it!!  I was going insane!  Shower.  Yes.  Focus.  Shower.  I shuffled over to the bathtub, reached in, and twisted the shower knob, pulled up the little This-Makes-It-A-Shower-Instead-of-a-Bath plug.  The water was hot and foggy, washing up through my sinuses, making it easier to breathe.  Yes, nice hot shower, make it better...

Somehow, I gathered enough cognizance to strip off my clothes, toss them into a crumpled pile on the fuzzy toilet lid, and then climb into the shower, but it was a near thing.  And, then, I was under the hot stream of water, and all I could do for a long moment was just stand there, letting the water soak into my long, braided hair, surge over my face, wash down over that spot...that spot on my collarbone...

Out, out, damned spot, some random part of my subconsious muttered.

But...somehow...it was going out.  I could feel it fading on my skin, feel the warmth fading, the power fading, and I knew that things were going back to normal, now, that I was drifting back into myself and soon would be Sane Riley again.  And, yet, so much had happened--how could I ever go back, now?  Gah, and what the hell did I think I was I gonna do?  Seek medical attention?  And, then what?  Explain to whoever treated me that I somehow managed to survive Whatever the Hell It Was That Had Happened by channeling up my seishi powers and scaring the little chest-ripping demons away??  They'd damn well lock me up.

And, what could I tell my mother?  Lord, she already kept hinting around about the fact that she thought I was gay, what would she think if I came out (nice phrasing, my mind sneered) with the fact that I secretly believed myself to be the reincarnation of a guy?  A crossdressing guy?  A presumably-gay guy?  AN ANIMATED GUY, DAMN IT, RILEY!!

I drew in a long breath, let it out slowly through my nostrils.  Okay.  This was getting me nowhere--I needed to think about this logically.  What were the possibilities, anyway?  Okay.  Possibility 1:  Riley is insane and needs to be locked up in a huge white room for a few years without Fushigi Yuugi.  Possbility 2:  Riley is simply having a severe withdrawl reaction to caffeine, and will stop seeing Chinese characters on her skin and imagining she's in great pain as soon as she gets a nice tall glass of iced tea.

Or--I drew a deep breath--Possibility 3.

I wasn't imagining the Willow appearing on my chest, and neither was I suffering from hallucinations or insanity or caffeine-deprived-madness.  I was, quite simply, the real-world reincarnation of Nuriko, and that was why what had happened had happened. 

I was quiet for a long time after that, the splatter of the water hitting the tub the only sound in the bathroom or my mind.  And, then, I let out a deep breath, reached forward, and switched off the water.  I wasn't exactly clean, but then that hadn't really been the point, so I climbed out and grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around myself, not bothering to sponge the excess water from my hair as I moved.  As such, a great trail of drips followed me as I trekked across the bathroom floor (giving myself a scared little once-over while passing the mirror and seeing that the Willow was, indeed, gone), latched onto the doorknob, and tugged it towards me.  An immediate rush of cool air swept over me with the motion, and I felt strangely energized.

Hey, I'm alive, I realized all of a sudden.  I'm...I'm alive.

See, there was always a silver lining somewhere, ne?

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Awhile later, still feeling shaky but at least not insane and shaky, I dripped my way downstairs and started wandering towards the fridge.  I was about halfway there before I remembered that there was no iced tea--sigh--and thus turned my wandering in a different direction.  I ended up walking in a slow circle around the dining room table, my feet thudding against the black and white tile and jangling the bowl of assorted candy on the table.  Thud-jingle.  Thud-jingle.  Thud-jingle.  Thud-jingle-squeak.  I paused, then, that familiar sound somehow jarring me out of my stupor, and stared with dull eyes at the computer chair.  It really was a pretty comfortable place to sit, I found myself thinking.  A good place for spinning in circles, at least, and it'd probably be a bit more fun than these damned slow circles I was taking around the table.

I thunked into the chair with a shrill squeak, leaned back in the chair and gave myself a little push-off.  And, whooooooosh.  I was spinning, spinning, spinning...  When things wound down and I was still again, the world kept on spinning for a few moments, and I felt a bit more at home than I had since I'd left that morning for class. 

Caffeine-deprivation can do strange things to people. 

As it was, I spun around in said computer chair for approximately forty-five minutes before, ultimately, turning a weary mind towards the computer screen and--through force of habit--bringing up fanfiction dot net to check my reviews.  Given that I was immensely obsessive-compulsive when it came to certain things, I had a bad habit of checking and rechecking my reviews several times during the course of my computer-time.  It was like a silent voice that was always in my mind, addicted and longing for a fix.  Check them check them check them you know you want to. 

All the other kids are doing it!

I sighed, clapped a hand to my forehead, and resolved to find caffeine no matter the cost to my health.  Errr...after I checked my reviews.  And, sure enough, when I clicked into the Statistics page and scanned the familiar numbers, I found that--gasp-choke-smile--one of them had gone up one.  So, despite the fact that I had quite a lot to ponder and probably had better things to be doing with my time than checking such things, I opened up the fic and clicked a couple thousand times on the reviews before they finally decided to come up.

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Kats (legolaschan@pitt.edu)  Date:  2002-01-20  Ch2:  Anonymous                                 

you @#$(*&@$ rock, man!!!  hohotori's sugoi... and chiriko was so funny. anyway I just thought I'd warn ya, my mom and a bunch of her friends are comin over today and I'd rather not be there for it, so if it's okay I thought maybe I could come over to your house for awhile? onegaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiii??  anyway, great job on the fic, write more soon.  *fanged grin*  -Kats                                  ___________________________________________________________

"Kats," I murmured, frowning thoughtfully at the screen. 

A visitor.  A mostly-sane visitor.  A mostly-sane visitor who worked at a deli and thus could bring me caffeine. 

The phone was in my hand a second later, my fingers jabbing at the big square numbers a little frantically (had to redial twice, truthfully), and then, it was ringing.

Kats' Mom:  Hehhlo.

Me:  Is Kats there?

Kats' Mom:  Yeah, just a second. 

Kats' Mom's Voice at Five Times the Decibal Level:  KAAAAAATTTTTTSSSS!!  RILEY'S ON THE PHONE!

Me:  *wince*

Kats:  Hey.

Me:  Hey.  You still wanna come over?

Kats:  Hell, yeah!  You sure it's okay?

Me:  Yes.  Definitely.

Kats:  'kay.  I'll be over in a few minutes.

Me:  Okay.  Bring caffeine, okay?

Kats:  Hehehe, sure.  I'll stop by the deli on the way.  See ya.

Me:  See ya.

And, that was that.  Kats was going to come over, and--if I didn't manage to convince her that I was certifiable and/or some reject fangirl with a Nuriko-wannabe complex--I was sure things would seem brighter.  Kats always seemed to be able to cheer me up.  And, if she couldn't, then hey, at least I'd have somebody around to knock me upside the head if I got weird again.  Firm inner nod. 
And, she was bringing caffeine.  What could possibly go wrong?

Oh, shut-up, you idiotYou know people who say things like that are always headed for ironic demise.

I sighed.  Oh, good.  I thought my day was missing something.

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