And just imagined everything's alright
But she could not hide her tears
'Cause they were sent to wash away those years
They were sent to wash away those years…"
-Creed
Chapter Two
I don't remember how long I hid in the forest, protected by the shelter of the tall forest pines. I'm not sure either how long my oldest brother stood behind me waiting for his acknowledgement.
"Thought I'd find you out here hiding from the crowd." Charlie began as he came to sit beside me on the fallen log. I scooted over to make room for him. He, like the rest of me and the rest of our family, has bright red hair and pale freckles adorned across his entire face. It gave him an innocent boyish look to him, which rumor says, drives the women crazy. One thing Charlie or Bill never lacked was female attention.
"I just needed some air." I replied
"It's weird you know. Bill getting married last year and now Percy. Rumor is Fred and his girlfriend Adara are thinking of marriage and it's only a matter of time before Ron announces his and Hermione's engagement. Our family is growing up and moving apart so quickly. It won't be long before you graduate school and move out into the world."
A great pressure was building in my chest as he mentioned my graduation. I still had this coming year and next of course but the reality of it all seemed to be overtaking my senses, and I couldn't breathe.
"So how is dragon hunting going out in Romania?" I asked him, desperate to change the topic of conversation. If he was curious about the sudden change, he didn't announce it.
"It's going good. Had a few close calls with injury but that's all part of the job I guess. How are things going here at home?"
I wanted to tell him the truth, desperately wanted to tell him of the pain, the neglect, the fear of failure that has weighed down upon my slim bony shoulders. I wanted to scream the truth to him, make him no, force him, to understand what my life has become. I wanted to shout to the world that I was alone, that I was dying, that I just wanted to belong. 'I am Ginny Weasley, I am your child too!'
"Things are going great. It's been hectic with the wedding and all, but otherwise nothing new to report." I had to bite my lip so hard it began to bleed to keep from telling him the horrible, ugly truth. I tasted the copper of my own blood pour down my throat as I swallowed the proof of my own weakness. I was a disgrace to the name Gryffindor.
"Any boyfriends I should know about. You know so I can do the older brother thing and beat them up." He smiled. I paled, nausea was a constant beating in my stomach and I wasn't sure how long I'd be able to hold it in this time.
"Are you okay Ginny? You seem a little pale." He continued. I glanced over and smiled as far as my lips could stretch at the moment. Replays of that night two years ago flashed over and over in my mind, the way his hands ripped and tore across my pearl skin, the sound of false accusations and lies escaping from his lips. I didn't fight back that night; I laid there like a limp rag doll at the disposal of an uncaring child.
"I'm fine Charlie. I'm just getting over a small cold that's all. Why don't you head back to the celebration, I'll be along in just a few minutes. I need to sit just a while longer." I told him, pleading with my stomach to hold it in until he leaves the area.
"I'll see you back there then." He replied and took the trail back to the house. As soon as he was out of earshot I doubled over in blinding pain and surrendered to the bile that rose in my throat as memories replayed over in my mind. It was as if I was a prisoner to my memories, and I was in for life.
By the time I walked back to the party most of the guests and the bride and groom, were nearly gone. Mother was flittering around with her wand beginning the long task of clean up and Father was talking to Penelope's father about some new Muggle technology that they've discovered. Fred and George took off to their store in New York some two hours previous, which was all and well because I was not in the mood for any of their practical jokes at the moment, and Bill and Charlie were taking off as I merged through the back door of our house.
"If you're looking for Ron and the gang they went downtown to pick up something for mum. They looked for you to see if you wanted to join them but I told them you weren't feeling well. I'll write to you later sis. Bye." And with that Bill and Charlie Weasley apparated into thin air. I knew I should stay and help my parents clean up, but I wasn't feeling all that social and frankly all I wanted to do was sleep. School begins in less than a week and I wanted to get my last hours of freedom in before going back to 'prison'.
"Ginny, be a dear and help us with the cleaning." My mother bellowed from two rooms down. Maybe school wasn't my only prison after all. It seems as though my prison is all around me, consuming me, eating away at my outer shell as if trying to expose what I've spent my life hiding.
"Yes Mum." I replied back to her. I didn't want to stay in this house any longer; I needed the freedom and openness of the forest outside. I wanted the shelter of the trees and the lulling sound of nature to engulf me and sweep me away from this place. But no, that would never happen, so much for wishful thinking Ginny. Being a child means being a slave to your elders, and I was already a slave to life in general. But I obliged my mother's wishes and decided to start with the kitchen and putting the leftover food into storage containers. An hour later the 'Three Musketeers' returned from their trip downtown and came in to the kitchen to help with the cleanup, mother's orders.
"Some party eh Ginny?" My brother mentioned as he came over to put an arm around my shoulders. I hated when he acts like the loving sibling in front of his friends; I hate fakes.
"I suppose so." Not mentioning the fact that I didn't stay longer than ten minutes during the entire gathering. Though I doubted they really noticed anyway, too absorbed in each other to care about the lone stray of the group.
"I didn't catch much glimpse of you Ginny. Were you mostly indoors?" Hermione asked while flipping her long curly brown hair over her shoulders. During Hermione's fifth year she started relaxing her bushy hair thus causing it to curl and fall down to mid back. Also her once beaver teeth were now perfectly straight and even. Hermione, I found out a few weeks ago, was made Head Girl for this year along with Harry Potter as Head Boy. No one was truly shocked at finding out this information for Hermione was incredibly intelligent and Harry was cunning and very practical. If it were not for my brother being so hung up on her, I'd imagine Hermione and Harry almost as a perfect couple. Almost like Percy and Penelope…
"For the most part." I replied to her. I felt bad lying, she really was a great person, though a bit over obsessed with her grades and all. I respected her I guess you could say. She was every first years' role model and often times at night I found myself incredibly jealous of her success. I mean, here is a mudblood whose family has not one drop of magic blood in them, and she excels as the highest student in Hogwarts. It was remarkable! I spend the past five years struggling through some of my courses and I grew up in a full wizard home. I have six older brothers for goodness sake! Everything seemed to come so natural to her and here I am jealous as all sin.
"So are you nervous about school Ginny?" Harry asked me, for the second time that day. I tried to hold in the emotions that nearly fell out when Charlie asked the same thing earlier.
"Not too much I suppose." I replied to him. He is still as sinfully handsome as he was 6 years ago when I first met him. I was just an innocent ten year-old then with a crush on the most famous wizard of all time. He was the "Boy Who Lived", was responsible for the weakening of the most evil dark lord of our time. And yet he had no clue for the first 11 years of his life, who he really was. Now Harry Potter, Seeker extraordinaire, is at the top of his class and is rumored to be seeing a short, blonde-haired 5th year Ravenclaw named Sarya.
"So how's the boyfriend doing? You still with that Tom guy?" Ron asked me. For the second time that day I paled as the nausea rose up my throat. 'Not again, please I beg you, not again.'
"We broke up, a while ago. I'm surprised you didn't notice." No I'm not, I wanted to add, but didn't dare. My hands began to shake as more flash backs resurfaced.
"You're
messing around with him aren't you? Or
maybe it isn't Seamus after all; maybe you want that Potter kid instead. Is he better than me Ginny? Answer me you stupid whore!" Tom shouted as
he slammed the door to the deserted classroom and placed a soundproof charm on
it. He was a bastard, but a clever bastard.
It was dark
and the light from his wand only showed a shadow of his face. I didn't speak, was too afraid to after the
first punch connected with my jaw, the next with my stomach.
"I love
you Tom, only you I swear." I stuttered, forcing the words to escape my swollen
lips.
"Lying
bitch. You're nobody Ginny Weasley,
nobody do you hear me? You will never
be your brother, you will never be perfect and smart and good-looking. You're no one."
"Excuse me, I think I'll go on up to bed now. Goodbye Harry and Hermione, I'll see you on the train next week I'm sure. Goodnight Ron." I made it to the bathroom with only a few seconds to spare. I thought there was nothing left in me to get rid of, but I was wrong, I usually am.
He was right now that I look at it. He knew even then that I would be nobody in this miserable world of ours. Maybe I deserved the punishment he laid on me that night; maybe it was the price to pay for my failure…
Maybe it's me after all…
Sleep didn't come easy for me that night; it hardly ever does these days. I kept thinking back and reliving an alternate universe. What if I was the golden child in my mother's eyes? What if I was the smartest, the prettiest, the fastest, the most popular? There were so many what ifs that every hour I would wake up sweating and at times it felt so real. I could feel the love of my mother as she kissed my cheek as a reward for getting straight A's. I could hear the crowd cheering me on my winning goal, and our recent victory over Slytherin. When I looked in the mirror I even thought I saw a new and prettier me staring back. But in the morning it was just a dream, they always were. They were just a glimpse of what life will never be like, and I had to accept that. School will be starting again very soon and there would be no time left for silly kids dreams. No time to think about the 'what ifs' and the 'could bes' of my life. This year I would study and I would become a better student, a better witch.
So why couldn't I bring myself to really care?…
