A/N: I'm sorry it's been a while since I last updated. But I have a new chapter up finally! Finals are in a week so I don't think I'll have another chapter up till I go home for Christmas vacation in about two weeks. I might, but it's highly unlikely. Well enjoy the story! And thank you for all of your great reviews!
~Kandimoon
"If she was going to survive, she had to make herself hard and strong. She couldn't care about anybody else, or trust anybody or rely on anybody. Nobody could protect her."
-The Night World
Chapter Twelve
"Why'd you do it Virginia?" An all too familiar voice asked me sometime after breakfast. I cracked my eyes open for a split second to gaze at Draco's silvery-blonde hair. Here's the start to another wonderful day…
"You broke your promise Ginny! Do you know what would have happen had I arrived a few minutes later! You could have died!" He was shouting by the end of the last sentence, I winced at the tone, he was really mad.
"I broke your promise, did I? What about yours? You told me nothing was going to happen at this little 'get together', you told me he wouldn't initiate you yet!"
"Don't you turn the tables on me Ginny, I had no idea what Voldemort planed to do the other night. I couldn't have avoided what happened but you! You promised you wouldn't cut again, you promised me! Do you know what it's like to hold someone in your arms and feel them dying? That's how I felt when I found you! I wanted you to wake up just so I could hurt you again for being so bloody stupid! Hurting yourself doesn't make your problems disappear, I've told you that before! It just makes things worse in the end Virginia!"
"It may not make my problems disappear but it helps with the pain, Draco! I saw them; I saw what 'your kind' did to them! They were just lying there so helpless…oh god…they were good people! They died and they didn't do a single damn thing to anyone ever!" I screamed back at him. All the pain, all the visions of that day poured back into me at that moment and I couldn't stop the shaking of my own body.
"Who's dead? What are you talking about?" He asked curiously, and more quietly.
"The Sinclairs! The only people who ever gave a damn about me in this pathetic world! They were killed…by your kind!" I screamed at him. He winced as the recognition of the situation hit him.
"When did this happen?" He asked softly. A peculiar looked passed through his eyes but I didn't ask him about it.
"The same night you found me lying unconscious in a pool of blood." I sarcastically replied back to him.
He didn't say anything but instead gathered me in his arms and kissed my forehead. I wanted to scream, I wanted to scream and hit and throw a fit about the unfairness of the world but I didn't. I couldn't no matter how hard I would try. Nothing I could do would bring back the ones I lost and deep down I knew that they were happy in whatever heaven was out there. While my mind accepted the idea that they were gone, my heart was still in denial.
"Virginia you must understand I did not want any of this to happen. I didn't ask to be my father's child, I didn't want to become a death eater like him, and I didn't ask for your love, but I got it all anyway didn't I? If things were different, if we were not in this stupid war, if Potter would just kill that bastard already, maybe then…well…then anything is possible. Ginny you are in a dangerous situation, though you may not know it. I doubt Lord Voldemort randomly killed your friends; he must have known that you were associating with them. Being around them unintentionally put them in danger and they were killed because Voldemort can't stomach the thought of a pureblood, no matter how poor, being around non-magic folk. But there is more Ginny, I too am a danger to you, if Voldemort found out that we were 'together', or even my father for that matter, I would be cursed and thrown in a dungeon and then well…you can draw your own conclusions from there. Ginny I can't…I can't put you in danger like that. I would rather you live, that both of us live, with what we know, with what we feel, but we can't be together physically, it's too dangerous. I don't want to risk your life because of…this…whatever this may be that's between us. I'm afraid we can't see each other anymore."
I stared blankly at him for a good few minutes before attempting to speak. Everything was coming at me all at once and the pressure of it all was crushing my soul into a thousand broken shards of glass. No, this wasn't happening to me, not again, not when things might have started looking UP for once in my life. Oh God it hurt, it hurt so much. My body…my body was on fire and my mind…no…this isn't right…
"NO!" I screamed at him. I didn't care if Madam Pomfrey heard; I didn't care if the whole of Hogwarts heard me right now.
"Not now, you cannot stand there and tell me this now, not after everything that's happened, not after all that we've been through. Do you know what it's like to have your world constantly turned upside down? To not be good enough? And then, and then someone comes along and changes that for you. Someone comes along and turns your world around again but this time for the better! I was living Draco! For once in my life I was truly alive! I could feel again, I let myself feel again. Do you know what it's like to be told by someone you 'loved' that you were less than perfect? Do you know what it's like to lie in a dark, cold room as they beat and rape the very body they feel is inadequate? Do you know what it's like to be used, and to not feel a thing? You once noticed the scars on my wrists Draco, but what about the ones on my soul? Did you ever bother to look and see that maybe things were much more than the simple fact that I am not good enough for my family, that I'm tainted, spoiled, a failure? You can suck up to dear old Daddy and he'll be your best friend, not matter what horrible deeds he may have you do. But I could suck up to my parents for years and they would still see me as nothing, absolutely nothing. I was numb Draco Malfoy, I was numb for so many years and you…you made me feel again. Even when you were sneering and calling me names there was still a part of me that knew that underneath your cool stiff exterior beat the heart of a caring individual. I saw you Draco…I saw the real you and I love every piece of it. How can you throw away all of what we worked so hard for just because it's dangerous? Danger is all around us, but yet people still take risks because…because how can we know what's good or bad for us if we don't? How can we tell the good from the bad if we don't live, if we don't experience all of the possibilities? I love you Draco…I don't know why I love you but I do and I can't walk away knowing that you love me too and yet we can't be together. I can't turn back to who I was again…I won't let myself become like that."
He didn't say a word for a few moments after my outburst. Tears were gathering around the corners of my eyes, I never lost control in front of a person before so why now? I never truly planned for my story with Tom to be known by anyone…let alone the guy who was my enemy not long ago. Would Draco care? Would he shun away like most others would? Would he still love me knowing that I wasn't as pure as people thought I was? Would it matter to him?
Just then a small crystal tear fell gently along the side of his face. That was the first time I have ever seen a guy cry and my heart felt like a knife was twisting itself around in circles. Oh dear god what have I done?
"It was Tom wasn't it?" He asked. I knew what he was referring to.
I nodded.
"I never knew…I'm so sorry Ginny, I never knew. I…don't know what to say…"
"Don't say anything…please. I tried so hard and for so long to forget…and no one ever knew…no one ever suspected. And Tom…well he left and I was free once again."
"God I'm so sorry…but…Ginny you do realize the danger that you are in right? Especially with your work with Snape on that potion. You must understand that if anything…even the slightest rumor…is spread to the dark side then we are in trouble. My father and undoubtedly Voldemort, would never miss a chance to kill a Weasley, especially one closely linked to Potter. We must take extra precautions when we are together, we must only meet once a week and for only a short amount of time. If you need me owl unanimously and place everything in code, or simply use the necklace. God I love you so much. I promise you Ginny, I promise no one will ever hurt you like that again. They will have to kill me a thousand times over first….They'd…"
"Draco? Shut up and kiss me already." He smiled and happily obliged.
"Madam Pomfrey will be back in a few minutes to check on you, I must go for now. I promise I'll try to visit as soon as possible, as soon as I'm out of the suspecting eyes of the Slytherins. Your brother and his friends are also suspecting something so my visit will have to be late tonight. Is that okay with you?" He asked, truly concerned.
"As long as I can see you I don't what time of the night it is." I smiled back in reply.
He kissed me again quickly on my forehead before exiting the door. A few seconds later Professor Snape came through the door with a small vile of blue liquid in his hands.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked the pale, tall, and dark featured professor.
"I'm not mad Miss Weasley, I am disappointed in you though. When things became too rough you took the easy way out, you disappoint your house name by doing what you did."
"But Professor, it is rumored you were once in the inner circle of elite death eaters under Voldemort in his earlier reign. However I know for a fact by your intelligence that you were a smart and dedicated student during your time at Hogwarts. Yet you wasted your talent for dark purposes instead of using it to help mankind. Did you not take the easy way out as well?"
"One learns from his mistakes Miss Weasley. What you say is true, however it was a dark time and not many people could escape Voldemorts clutches even if they wanted to." He responded, but his traditional sneer (always reserved for my brother and his two best friends) wasn't visible. In truth he looked forlorn, regretful.
"Exactly, one learns from his mistakes. I've made mistakes and I'm not afraid to admit that. But for me to learn from them, I first had to experience them, didn't I?"
"Your words don't make much sense Miss Weasley."
"I've had some…complications…that have happened in my past. And it is hard, wouldn't you say, to suddenly change your ways. I suspect it took a good few years to finally accept the good side by using your talents for help rather than harm, am I right?"
He nodded.
"Well I spent a lot of time living with these…memories…that I thought were real, but now I've seen a new way of looking at things. Draco has helped me see that. But when he left and things went wrong, I went back to the way I used to be, and I've paid the price for my mistake. So now, after learning of the consequences for my actions, I can try to get better. It won't be overnight, or even in a month or so, it will take years. Just like it took years for you to get used to working under Dumbledore and to accept the good again."
"Your mind never ceases to amaze me Miss Weasley. You are far more intelligent then you let yourself believe you are. However your talents happen to be the same as mine, and I look forward to getting back to researching our potion as soon as you feel better. Do you feel 'healed' enough to work tomorrow night around 8 o'clock in the evening?"
"I'll see you in your lab at 8 professor." I replied.
"Good day then Miss Weasley."
"Professor?" I called as he was leaving through the door.
"Yes?" He turned as his black eyes bore into my own brown ones.
"Thank you."
He didn't smile really…not in the true sense anyway. But the corner of his lip did curl up for a brief second as he walked out of the door and back to the Slytherin dormitory.
That afternoon I had a dream much like the ones before. There was a castle on the cliffs and the sun was shinning brightly in the sky. Draco was standing in front of the doorway waving at me to come to him and behind him I could see all of our friends. Snape was there, so was Raven, and behind them were the Sinclairs. They were all smiling happily and calling out my name to come join them. Then, just as I was about to grasp Draco's outstretched hand another one took its place. I turned abruptly into the face of Thomas Somerson, Tom. I screamed as he grabbed my waist and the image of Draco and my friends slowly diminished as a new dream took form. Tom was back and he was hitting me again, but this time I hit him back and he screamed as my nails racked across his skin.
"You bitch! How dare you make me bleed you ungrateful whore!" He screamed at me in my dream.
"Bastard!" I spat back at him.
"You will pay you incompetent piece of vial filth." And then I found myself holding my stomach after having a metal bar slammed into my abdomen. Blood poured down my legs as I fell to the ground unconsciously. And then I knew…suddenly I knew…
I had lost the baby.
