Pick yourself up, be sorry, shake yourself, and go on again. – Evelyn Underhill


It's been 3 months since I first saw her again. I tried to keep my face even, but the shock must have shown. She spoke to me, I think I replied, but my mind is a blank. I know I escaped as soon as I could. I can't believe she's here. On the Enterprise. Although I shouldn't, she's a bloody good engineer. Archer wanted only the best.

When I first met her I had no idea of what she was like. She looked so normal, how could I have known what a black core she really had. At first it seemed harmless, but each 'Have you ever tried …' pulled me deeper into her warped, sick little world. She was a genius at hiding it from people; I'm not surprised that she fooled the psych evaluation to get into Starfleet.

I cringe when I look back on the weeks I spent under her spell. It wasn't long before I was in over my head. She was so possessive; I had to be with her every moment we weren't on duty. Each time I would get enough backbone to break it off, she would go into her weeping passive-aggressive mode and I would lose my nerve. Yeah, me, Malcolm Reed, trained for all sorts of combat, ready for capture, interrogation, any kind of mind games at an enemy's hands. But none of that prepared you for dating a psychotic sadist, did it now, Malcolm?

I realized the only way I was going to get out of that destructive relationship was reassignment after our project was over. I asked for Sydney because I knew there was nothing for her there. Distance finally gave me the backbone to be busy when she was in town or have other plans when I went on leave. I know I was being passive-aggressive myself, and I'm not proud of the way I handled it. I've always been an introvert, having a father who's a total control freak will do that to you.

Maybe that's why it was so easy to get involved with her. She's the same personality type as my Dad; it's what I know, what I was used to. My old roommate at the Academy said that's the reason I got into weaponry; it gave me the excuse to be aggressive without being personally accountable. Psych majors, what do they know.

And now she's here. I'm going to have to tell Archer about our background, but certainly not the whole story. She's not going to pull me in this time. I'm not some green Ensign, I'm the Armory Officer on the Starship Enterprise, hand picked by the Captain. I have friends now, and the bottle to stand up to her manipulative ways. And maybe to do a couple of pre- emptive strikes.

Courage in danger is half the battle. - Titus Plautus