Chapter VIII:
She didn't come til late. He supposed she'd
come earlier, but at some point, he'd fallen asleep. He was
surprised, considering he wasn't tired, nor did he feel tired at
all during the day.
He heard her first. She was hesitant, hanging
about the doorframe, as though not entirely sure she wanted to
approach him. He could smell the tears on her, and for a moment
he re-thought his original plan to "discuss" some
issues with her. "Marie." He said the word, keeping his
eyes closed, unable to look at her. Because looking at her would
mean having to give in to the awful emotions etched out over her
countenance.
She started, and raised a hand to her chest in
surprise. "Ah thought you were asleep still."
"No." His eyes followed her as she
moved slowly over to his bed. He did not offer her a seat as he
usually did, but sat silently instead. He could feel her realize
that he was angry with her, and she at last sat, stiffly, barely
leaning back into the seat. She was far from relaxed, and
glancing over he noticed her body was trembling slightly. It was
not cold, at least, not to him, so he wondered what the matter
was. And then he mentally cursed and told himself not to care.
"You're upset."
"Oh Logan... you have no idea... it was so
awful! Ah-"
"I didn't ask for details, Nurse."
The brief, blunt manner in which he spoke surprised her, so much
so that she snapped her mouth closed and sat, staring at him in
disbelief.
"Nurse...? You know mah name now, Logan,
why don't you use it?"
"With everyone else using it nowadays... I
figured I shouldn't wear it out."
"Wear it out...? Logan, what are you so
upset with me about?"
"As though you don't know."
"As a matter of fact, Ah don't!" She
winced at her own words, fearful that they were growing loud
enough for others to hear. "Logan, why don't you just tell
me what Ah've done?"
"How's your friend, over in bed 7? He sure
must love your company, to keep you so long. What was he, quoting
sonnets and making up love poems, while pleading for you to marry
him?" The bitterness in his voice was thick enough to be
tangible. He was glad when he saw her start, and moreso when her
face twisted some into a grimace. He had hurt her, just as she
had him. They were even. Now they could both move on. Or so he
thought, anyway.
"Why are you bringin' Jacob into all of
this?" Her voice was apprehensive, and a little shakey.
"Thought you nurses didn't like to know
names? I guess it's okay though, when he wants to marry you, am I
right?"
"No Logan, you aren't right! Not at
all!" Her voice remained at a low volume, but her tone went
up slightly at the end of each word. She was angry. Well good!
For the past three hours he'd sat there, feeling like an ass, and
being just as angry, if not moreso. It was time she learned
everything wasn't perfect in the world today.
"Oh yeah? Prove it." She looked at
him a moment, a gaze he was not about to break. He searched her
eyes, looking for anything that would tell him it was all a lie.
Instead he saw pain. Lots of pain. Pain he thought he'd
inflicted. Pain he'd been proud of a moment before, and now was
nothing but ashamed of.
"Jacob was mah neighbor when Ah was a
little girl. He was like a big brother to me. Ah've never had any
other feelin's for him, an' tha same is true of his feelings for
me."
"And the marriage proposal?"
"Tha boy was filled with morphine! Another
minute an' he would have asked a dog to marry him! God,
Logan..." She ran a hand through her hair, obviously shaken.
And Logan? Well... he was starting to feel guilty. That, and very
stupid for having listened to gossip. Since when did that
constitute as truth?
"So quick to defend him. I'd say you're
lying, Marie. I can see it in your eyes. Any minute now, you're
going to go running back to him and accept." She stiffened
even more then, glaring at him with a look of pure hatred
reflecting in her eyes.
"How dare you! Ah can't go back an' do
that now, even if Ah wanted to."
"Why, because you're on duty?" He was
baiting her, and he knew it. He wanted to get her angry, because
he wanted to finally hurt her as badly as she did him.
"No! Because he's dead!" With that
she was up out of the chair and out the room. He winced when the
chair hit the ground, echoing throughout the large, empty room,
and causing his ears to ring painfully.
At that particular moment, he wasn't sure what
he wanted to do. He knew he wanted to kill something, but
couldn't make the distinction between who it was he wanted to
kill, himself, or little miss lying Betsy. After a few moments
contemplation, he decided he was most angry at himself, for being
such an idiot. He realized it wasn't his place to be in
love. He was highly uneducated in the ways of women, and anything
else that had nothing to do with war.
Staring at the ceiling, he began to hate. It
wasn't directed at anything in particular, though it all joined
together at some point and directed back at himself. After what
seemed like an hour or so, he'd come to the conclusion that his
time here was up. He'd pushed himself into a corner that had but
one choice of escape. He had to leave this place. Put as much
distance between himself and Marie as humanly possible, before he
messed things up even more so. He didn't belong in that hospital
anyway; feigning injury was only keeping one truly injured person
from receiving the care they needed. No... it wasn't here he
belonged at all, but back in the war. And tomorrow, he'd return
there. It was too late now to catch a transport outta this place,
but tomorrow...