It was hours before he was relieved by a fellow officer. He was soaked to
the bone, thanks to the rain that had started in at sunset. It seemed
appropriate though, seeing as how the entire war was nothing but grim, that
the weather should accompany the feeling. He hadn't thought about much of
anything. He rather lucked having his mind numb, muddling through the
routine of looking for any soul still alive. He alone had found thirteen,
and hoped the others would be successful. Remembering Marie, and the dread
that had washed over him at finding her so bad off, he almost refused to
let someone else take over for him.
In the end, though, he'd rationalized and decided that, weary and preoccupied with other thoughts, he wouldn't be much help. Pulling out the heavy wool gloves he had, he was surprised to find they were still relatively dry. He pulled them over his frozen, shaking hands and rubbed them together. His toes had lost all feeling hours ago, and the rest of his body was threatening to follow suit. All he wanted to do was collapse in a tent and sleep for a few hours. He had to check on Marie first, though, and he knew that once he saw her, he wouldn't want to leave her side again.
Pushing back the flap of the tent covering the entrance, he stooped down and moved inside. He was pretty angry to find that no one had stayed there with her, as he'd told them to. The last place anyone in her situation needed was to be left alone. He'd talk to someone about this later.
Pulling out a flint, he managed to light the candle beside her that had either been put out by the light breeze, or went out on its own. The light from the flame reflected against the wall of the tent, and slightly illuminated her face. After setting the candle aside where it couldn't be knocked over, he stooped down beside her. The bruises seemed to look a little better. Whether it was his imagination, and the fact that he just didn't want to think that she was bad off, or the truth, he wouldn't know. Keeping the heavy gloves on, now for protection against her almost uncontrollable mutant power, he slowly moved his hand against her cheek, stroking it gently with her thumb. "How could I let this happen...?" Something in him told him it wasn't his fault, that he had been too far away and too in the dark to do anything about this. Still, he'd wanted to do all he could to protect her. He'd warned her about the situations in other camps, and told her not to transfer to any of them. So why did she...?
He remembered that he hadn't had the chance to respond to her letters. Maybe that was the reason. Many not hearing from him had upset her to a point where she didn't care what would happen to her...maybe...
"Logan...?" Only when the form beside him began to move did he tear away from his guilt trodden thoughts.
"Hey..." He watched as she coaxed her eyes open, mentally adding some encouragement of his own. When her eyelids managed to get no more than a slight apart, he forced a tight smile as his heart fell slightly.
"Thought...Ah was dreamin' before..." She shifted some, in an attempt to get more comfortable, and he quickly aided her in it. He took a blanket off a pile beside her and covered her with it, noticing how her tiny, thin frame was shivering. The extra blankets he placed behind her head, enabling her to sit up comfortably.
"Been lookin' for you for two months darlin'..."
"Why...didn't you write me...?" He sighed some to himself, pulling the blankets up to just below her chin.
"I tried. Just...I couldn't think of anything worthwhile to say. But don't think about that now. Just rest. Within the next few hours, they'll have a medical transport here. They'll get you away from this...place and take you home where you'll get better." He saw her begin to protest, so he quickly continued on. "I can't go home with you. I need to stay and make sure the rest of the camps are liberated. After that, Marie, I'm packing up and heading home. By the close of the year, I'll be with you to stay. I promise."
"Forever...?"
"And a day." They sat in silence a few moments, Marie straining to breathe, Logan wishing he could take her pain upon his own shoulders.
"Did you...hear me...?"
"Hear you...? When, y'mean just now?"
"No...back...in Calais..." He looked away from her, staring at the wall of the tent, willing his mind to remember that time. Since he'd heard of Marie's capture, he thought of nothing but that time. Now, when he tried, it wouldn't come to him. The idea was there, but the details were hazy.
"What about Calais?"
"When...you asked me...to say it..." The remembrance of that day hit him so strong he felt as though he would go reeling backwards. He'd held onto her tightly, as though she were his only lifeline, and pleaded to hear it. She'd implied her feelings, even relayed them through actions, but unlike himself, she'd never said it. And as much as he wanted to ignore it, he always felt that was a sign that one day he'd lose her. Maybe that he'd turn around and walk away, and she wouldn't be there when he came back.
"I remember."
"Did you hear me...when Ah said it...?"
"Yeah..." The lie was hard to draw from his lips, but he did it. The realization that she'd said it and that he just hadn't listened hard enough brought the tears to his eyes. "Yeah kid...I heard ya loud an' clear." The relieved look that passed over her face was enough to bring forth a single tear from his eye. He was just grateful that the light in the tent was dim enough to hide such emotion. He never cried. He was strong...rough...able to handle anything without swaying. Now, with just one look, he was hurled into an array of emotions he'd never once felt before. It was altogether a new experience, and one which he wasn't too sure he was glad to feel.
"Ah was afraid...with tha storm an' all...you might not have..." When her body began to shudder he realized she was coughing.
"Easy Marie...don't try to talk too much right now. You just rest an' get better. Leave the talkin' to me." Once she'd calmed down and began to breathe regularly, she did as she was told. Leaning her head up against the makeshift pillows the blankets created, she looked into his eyes, listening to his stories of the war, and of all the camps, and how afraid he was to lose her. It was all true, he realized with a bit of surprise. The one thing that had kept him going the last two months was not anger and revenge, as it usually was, but blind, almost tangible fear. And it was the fear that he would lose her that made him need her all the more. For all his life, he'd had a void somewhere inside him that kept him from being whole. Her entrance into his life had filled that gap, and now he couldn't remember ever truly living without her. The threat of some force taking her away was enough to shock him into the reality that, without her, he wasn't sure who he was. Or even if he was something at all.
All of these thoughts clouded Logan's head for the remainder of the evening. Marie fell asleep at last, much to his relief, leaving him alone to sort things out. Stooping his head down to blow out the tiny, flickering flame, he stretched out beside her and stared up at the top of the tent, thinking about everything and anything that came to his immediate attention. Most of it was about Marie. About his future with Marie. About the life he wanted to have. A life separate from the war, from the past hatred and vengeance that had, at one point, ruled his life, and had almost been an obsession for him. With all these thoughts to keep him company, Logan had little time to sleep. He realized quickly that he didn't want to. He wanted to stay awake, and be there for Marie in case she awoke again during the night. Much to his surprise, the weariness from earlier melted away, and the physical aches and pains that had plagued him disappeared, allowing him to do just that.
In the end, though, he'd rationalized and decided that, weary and preoccupied with other thoughts, he wouldn't be much help. Pulling out the heavy wool gloves he had, he was surprised to find they were still relatively dry. He pulled them over his frozen, shaking hands and rubbed them together. His toes had lost all feeling hours ago, and the rest of his body was threatening to follow suit. All he wanted to do was collapse in a tent and sleep for a few hours. He had to check on Marie first, though, and he knew that once he saw her, he wouldn't want to leave her side again.
Pushing back the flap of the tent covering the entrance, he stooped down and moved inside. He was pretty angry to find that no one had stayed there with her, as he'd told them to. The last place anyone in her situation needed was to be left alone. He'd talk to someone about this later.
Pulling out a flint, he managed to light the candle beside her that had either been put out by the light breeze, or went out on its own. The light from the flame reflected against the wall of the tent, and slightly illuminated her face. After setting the candle aside where it couldn't be knocked over, he stooped down beside her. The bruises seemed to look a little better. Whether it was his imagination, and the fact that he just didn't want to think that she was bad off, or the truth, he wouldn't know. Keeping the heavy gloves on, now for protection against her almost uncontrollable mutant power, he slowly moved his hand against her cheek, stroking it gently with her thumb. "How could I let this happen...?" Something in him told him it wasn't his fault, that he had been too far away and too in the dark to do anything about this. Still, he'd wanted to do all he could to protect her. He'd warned her about the situations in other camps, and told her not to transfer to any of them. So why did she...?
He remembered that he hadn't had the chance to respond to her letters. Maybe that was the reason. Many not hearing from him had upset her to a point where she didn't care what would happen to her...maybe...
"Logan...?" Only when the form beside him began to move did he tear away from his guilt trodden thoughts.
"Hey..." He watched as she coaxed her eyes open, mentally adding some encouragement of his own. When her eyelids managed to get no more than a slight apart, he forced a tight smile as his heart fell slightly.
"Thought...Ah was dreamin' before..." She shifted some, in an attempt to get more comfortable, and he quickly aided her in it. He took a blanket off a pile beside her and covered her with it, noticing how her tiny, thin frame was shivering. The extra blankets he placed behind her head, enabling her to sit up comfortably.
"Been lookin' for you for two months darlin'..."
"Why...didn't you write me...?" He sighed some to himself, pulling the blankets up to just below her chin.
"I tried. Just...I couldn't think of anything worthwhile to say. But don't think about that now. Just rest. Within the next few hours, they'll have a medical transport here. They'll get you away from this...place and take you home where you'll get better." He saw her begin to protest, so he quickly continued on. "I can't go home with you. I need to stay and make sure the rest of the camps are liberated. After that, Marie, I'm packing up and heading home. By the close of the year, I'll be with you to stay. I promise."
"Forever...?"
"And a day." They sat in silence a few moments, Marie straining to breathe, Logan wishing he could take her pain upon his own shoulders.
"Did you...hear me...?"
"Hear you...? When, y'mean just now?"
"No...back...in Calais..." He looked away from her, staring at the wall of the tent, willing his mind to remember that time. Since he'd heard of Marie's capture, he thought of nothing but that time. Now, when he tried, it wouldn't come to him. The idea was there, but the details were hazy.
"What about Calais?"
"When...you asked me...to say it..." The remembrance of that day hit him so strong he felt as though he would go reeling backwards. He'd held onto her tightly, as though she were his only lifeline, and pleaded to hear it. She'd implied her feelings, even relayed them through actions, but unlike himself, she'd never said it. And as much as he wanted to ignore it, he always felt that was a sign that one day he'd lose her. Maybe that he'd turn around and walk away, and she wouldn't be there when he came back.
"I remember."
"Did you hear me...when Ah said it...?"
"Yeah..." The lie was hard to draw from his lips, but he did it. The realization that she'd said it and that he just hadn't listened hard enough brought the tears to his eyes. "Yeah kid...I heard ya loud an' clear." The relieved look that passed over her face was enough to bring forth a single tear from his eye. He was just grateful that the light in the tent was dim enough to hide such emotion. He never cried. He was strong...rough...able to handle anything without swaying. Now, with just one look, he was hurled into an array of emotions he'd never once felt before. It was altogether a new experience, and one which he wasn't too sure he was glad to feel.
"Ah was afraid...with tha storm an' all...you might not have..." When her body began to shudder he realized she was coughing.
"Easy Marie...don't try to talk too much right now. You just rest an' get better. Leave the talkin' to me." Once she'd calmed down and began to breathe regularly, she did as she was told. Leaning her head up against the makeshift pillows the blankets created, she looked into his eyes, listening to his stories of the war, and of all the camps, and how afraid he was to lose her. It was all true, he realized with a bit of surprise. The one thing that had kept him going the last two months was not anger and revenge, as it usually was, but blind, almost tangible fear. And it was the fear that he would lose her that made him need her all the more. For all his life, he'd had a void somewhere inside him that kept him from being whole. Her entrance into his life had filled that gap, and now he couldn't remember ever truly living without her. The threat of some force taking her away was enough to shock him into the reality that, without her, he wasn't sure who he was. Or even if he was something at all.
All of these thoughts clouded Logan's head for the remainder of the evening. Marie fell asleep at last, much to his relief, leaving him alone to sort things out. Stooping his head down to blow out the tiny, flickering flame, he stretched out beside her and stared up at the top of the tent, thinking about everything and anything that came to his immediate attention. Most of it was about Marie. About his future with Marie. About the life he wanted to have. A life separate from the war, from the past hatred and vengeance that had, at one point, ruled his life, and had almost been an obsession for him. With all these thoughts to keep him company, Logan had little time to sleep. He realized quickly that he didn't want to. He wanted to stay awake, and be there for Marie in case she awoke again during the night. Much to his surprise, the weariness from earlier melted away, and the physical aches and pains that had plagued him disappeared, allowing him to do just that.
