Chapter 4
This time I awoke to Trowa setting a dinner tray by the bed, I stirred and looked up him.
"Duo fixed you a good meal, he caught the fish just for you he said, and the tea as also his idea, it's peppermint." Trowa explained.
I only nodded and picked up the tray, the meal looked great and I smiled.
Trowa sat on the bed careful not to spill the tea, "Heero told me what happened to you, he didn't do it to hurt you at all, he did it because he knew I could relate to you."
I looked up at him.
"I was also raped, but when I was younger, I never told anyone but him that, it's a real shame that you have to feel the pain that I felt, I as alone also, nobody even around to talk to, but unlike you I had no real feelings to express, I just walked around as if nothing happened, but I was really in pain the whole time and I still am, 'how could they do this to me?' I always asked myself, that's why I am the way I am today, it's unfair, but Quatre, you're loosing yourself, I see reason in blaming us, it's good that you aren't blaming yourself all the time. Go ahead Quatre blame us, we left you all alone, hate us if you like, but some how grow strong, you can, I know it. We're here to talk with you and help you, your servant's and maids are concerned about your condition, that's why they called us, they know that you are destroying yourself, they see you bleeding they see your self inflicted wounds they see your temper tantrums, they se it all and they know that they can't help you, but they found faith in use where they found none in themselves, you know just as well as we do that as Gandam pilots we have to answer the pleas of the people, and at all costs we can't fail them. Quatre, you were my first friend, and Duo's and Heero's too, you had faith in us when no one else did. You may see it as a weakness but I think it 's a strength. When you got hurt you forgot to be your own friend, you needed yourself, but instead you pushed yourself away too, you have to save yourself too, because no matter what we do and how close we come, we can't save you without the help of yourself."
I was impressed by the long speech that usually silent pilot gave," I-I-Trowa, I don't know what to say..."
"Don't say a thing Quatre, you just move at your own pace, we're here until you are better."
My heart ached, how could they? They left me alone. They left me to get hurt and now they wanted to help me, but everything Trowa said was right, and I respected that.
He left the room without another word.
The meal Duo had made me was excellent, I had no idea the silly pilot was so talented, and when I finished I got out of bed and shakingly made my way out of the room.
I was immediately met by the warm air and darkening sky, Duo sat fishing at the edge of the ship, I silently made my way to his side, and sat down, his mouth was ajar as he looked at me, and I smiled, then pointed at his line as it began to pull.
Duo stood up and began to reel in the line and what emerged from the water was a monster of a fish, "Oh man! This is the biggest fish I've ever seen," Duo screamed as the fish fell onto the deck, he unhooked it and gazed don at it, a huge smile spread across his face, and he began to laugh then he looked at me and smiled," Thanks Quatre, I didn't think I was gonna catch anything tonight," He looked like he was about to embrace me but then his eyes fell to the floor and his expression turned to grief.
I looked at him and smiled then with all the strength and will of my body I ran into his arms embracing him tightly, "You forgot our victory hug, Duo," I whispered and he wrapped his arms around me, I fought the urge to pull away, and I remained still, "That was the best dinner I ever had Duo, thanks."
"I missed you Quatre..." Duo said tightening the embrace.
I pulled away suddenly and sat down, my head began to spin.
"I-I'm sorry Quatre, I didn't...he bent down beside me afraid to touch me.
"Duo, it's alright, we're best friends, I'm sorry I've been so mean to you, I had-"
"You had every right Quatre," Duo said standing up and wrapping the fish in a newspaper," We abandoned you without a second thought, we only made up excuses, but in truth nobody deserves to be all alone-"
I began to cry," I feel so alone Duo, why can't I feel normal?"
"You are alone Quatre... we maybe here but you abandoned yourself too, you gotta come back also," Trowa said as he came up from behind me.
"I don't know how to find myself Trowa."
Then We'll help you every way we can," Heero replied as he waved down from the crows nest.
I stood up and walked back to my room," I'm tired I'll see you all tomorrow,' I said before disappearing behind my door.
~*~
My dreams were filled with nothing but nightmares and flashbacks of the events that happened so long ago.
I am walking... darkness... footsteps behind me... I run... I trip... I fall...
I hated it, I felt my soul leave my body and as if my body became a cage my soul couldn't come back to me.
i lay breathless... a puddle of blood forming beneath me... the footsteps leave me...
Am I dead? I'm not breathing.
I caugh... I vomit...my body throbs... I crawl to a shade and hide...
How did I live? I am alone.
I awake an hour later... it is still dark... II manage to get up... I have no clothes...
Nobody to even see what happened, nobody to see my humiliation as I walked back to the mansion bare.
3:00am... the mansion is dark... I sneak in... I crawl to my room...
Nobody to great me in concern, nobody to help me, nobody to save me.
I shower... I lay in my bed... I fall asleep...
