- W.H. Auden
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Part Two: Kyou"Kyou-kun? Hold my hand tighter." Kagura instructed. "It is said that the measure of one's love for another is directly proportionate to how tightly that person holds his or her loved one's hand."
After Yuki disappeared and Tooru went after him, it didn't take much for Kagura to persuade Kyou to go Christmas shopping with her. At first, Kyou tried to beg off, explaining that he was tired and wanted to rest, but Kagura was able to convince him to go after she twisted his arm – literally.
Kyou sighed in resignation and tightened his grip. "Where'd you hear such nonsense?" He muttered as they walked.
"I read it in a magazine. And it is not nonsense." Kagura's voice started to change. "I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU CALL THINGS IMPORTANT TO ME 'NONSENSE'."
Kyou lost all feeling in his hand from lack of blood circulation. "Woman, if you don't stop squeezing the life out of my hand, I will never agree to hold hands with you again."
Hearing that, Kagura calmed down and pouted. "You—you don't mean that," she said in a small voice before once again transforming into her other self. "YOU ARE SO MEAN TO ME!" She grabbed his head in a headlock and squeezed it.
Around them, they could hear passers-by whisper, "Poor kid." and "Is he still breathing? Kagura ignored them. "HOW CAN YOU SPEAK TO THE FUTURE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN LIKE THAT?!!"
Kyou gasped for air. "That will never happen if you don't stop suffocating me!"
Kagura instantly let go of Kyou's head and dropped to her knees beside him. "Oh my darling Kyou, who did this to you?"
Kyou wheezed, gulping in much needed oxygen. He glared at her, part of him was really irritated with Kagura's sudden outbursts, but the other part of him didn't mind it – she was, after all, one of the few people who knew about his secret and didn't seem to mind being near him. "Kagura, I'll take you Christmas shopping tomorrow. Let's just go home now."
Kagura helped him get up, "I'm really sorry, Kyou-kun. I guess I don't know my own strength."
Kyou sighed, took hold of her hand and dragged her home.
* * *
They bumped into Tooru and Yuki at the gate of Shigure's house.
"Oi, where are you two going?"
"I'm going over to Hatori-san's house and Souma-kun is coming with me."
Kyou looked at Tooru and then at Yuki. Somehow, seeing the two of them together annoyed him. "Don't stay too long. It's getting dark already." He directed his instructions to Yuki.
"We won't!" Tooru laid her hand on Yuki's arm. "Shall we?"
Kyou didn't understand why he felt the way he did as he watched Tooru leave with Yuki. He was jealous – jealous of Yuki; jealous because Tooru was so concerned about his cousin earlier that day; he was jealous because Tooru and Yuki spent so much time with each other, and that sudden insight bothered him.
It's as if that damned woman meant something to me.
But she did – and he knew it.
"Kyou-kun?" Kagura noticed Kyou clench and unclench his hands. "Are you okay?" It wasn't the question she wanted to ask him -- the question she had in mind would have brought her face-to-face with a truth she had tried to deny all this time.
Kyou-kun's in love with her.
Kagura had figured this out a long time ago. As much as she liked Tooru, she wasn't quite ready to give up Kyou. She clung to his hand more tightly. "Are you okay?" She was about to repeat her question a third time. "Kyou-kun—"
"Of course I am," he snapped. "Why the hell shouldn't I be?" He forcefully pulled away from her and walked into the house. "What a dumb question to ask."
His remark hurt her feelings, but she tried to shrug it off as best she could. She knew he had a fiery temper and was capable of shredding a person's feelings with his sharp tongue.
Ever since they were children, she had made allowances for his anger and even made excuses for his many blunders.
She had stood by him all these years.
Because I love him.
Without hesitation, she pursued him – breaking down Shigure's paper-paneled door in the process.
* * *
"Here." Tooru laid down more sheets of Japanese paper beside Kagura. "Are you sure you don't need my help?"
Tooru and Yuki arrived late that evening to find the sliding door destroyed – again. Kagura was busy trying to patch up the door and Kyou was nowhere to be found.
Kagura shook her head. "I can handle this, thank you."
Tooru shivered as a gust of cold wind blasted through the opening. She looked down at Kagura, clad in her short dress, trying to stifle a sneeze. "Let me at least lend you a sweater."
Once again, Kagura shook her head. "No, thank you. I'll be fine."
"Okay." Tooru turned around to leave.
"Tooru-kun? Is he still mad at me?"
"Shigure-san will be okay after the door has been repaired." The darkness concealed the smile on Tooru's face. "Honestly, I'd have thought this time he'd agree to buy a new door instead of having us patch this one up again."
Kagura giggled. "This door has taken quite a beating, hasn't it?" She glanced up at Tooru. "I'm really sorry. I don't know why that happens to me and I can't control what I do."
"It isn't your fault, Kagura-san."
Kagura gave a crooked smile. "Is Kyou-kun still mad at me?"
Tooru sighed, joined Kagura on the floor and started to cut the paper into the proper size. "Kyou-kun is just being Kyou-kun. He needs time to calm down."
Kagura leaned back, resting her weight on her hands. "You know him so well."
It was Tooru's turn to shake her head. "Not half as well as you do."
"I do know him quite well, don't I?" Somehow, Tooru's admission sparked a feeling of pride within Kagura. "We've been together since we were children and I'm probably the only one who took the effort to get to know him."
Tooru handed Kagura a paper cut-out in the shape of a cat. "You really like Kyou-kun, don't you, Kagura-san?"
Kagura took the paper cut-out and smiled, her expression softened. "Like? No. Love? Yes. Deeply and eternally. I've loved him for as long as I can remember," she declared eagerly. "Kyou-kun has always been treated as an outsider in our family. At first, I thought it was just pity that I felt for him, but I realized that, underneath that bad-tempered exterior is a lovable person." Kagura smiled and nudged Tooru. "You also like Kyou-kun, don't you Tooru-kun?"
"What the hell are the two of you thinking? Fixing the door in this infernal cold at this god-forsaken hour?"
Kagura's face instantly brightened when she realized who it was. "Kyou-kun!"
Tooru could not recover as quickly as Kagura. Her mind was still reeling from Kagura's question. "We were just—I mean…"
Kyou grumbled in exasperation. He grabbed the roll of tape from Kagura's and the pair of scissors from Tooru. "The two of you go to bed. I can finish this faster without the two of you hovering about and chatting like a bunch of bees."
When they left, Kyou set about to finish repairing the door. He grumbled when he saw the animal paper cut-outs on the floor. Women. He snipped a strip of tape and pasted the paper cut-out of the cat on the door. He snipped another piece of tape and pasted the paper cut-out of the mouse next. Before long, the sliding door was spotted with paper representations of all the members of the Jyuunishi.
The sun was already peeking out from the darkness when Kyou finished fixing the door and installing it. He rubbed his arms together to warm himself. He yawned, stepped back to admire his own handiwork. He caught sight of the onigiri cut-out and touched it.
He remembered the question Kagura asked Tooru. You also like Kyou-kun, don't you Tooru-kun? He had been on the roof and had not meant to hear their conversation. But he did. He had always known how Kagura felt about him, had taken it for granted many times before. He hated to admit it but, hearing her declare her love for him warmed his heart and made him feel good. Many times he did wish he could reciprocate the feeling, but he couldn't.
He felt those feelings for someone else and he wondered if she returned the emotions. You also like Kyou-kun, don't you Tooru-kun? He remembered how hard his heart was pounding in his chest when Kagura asked Tooru that question. He wanted to stay quiet and wait for her answer, but he couldn't bear it.
He didn't know what he would do if he found out how she felt for him.
He was afraid to know.
He looked at the black and white bracelet on his wrist. Who'd love me with this curse?
"I do."
Only then did Kyou realize that he had unwittingly asked the question out loud.
"I do, Kyou-kun."
He didn't bother to turn around, was embarrassed to do so because of the blush that colored his cheeks. "What are you doing up so early?"
He heard her walk toward him, her skirt rustling with each step. "I wanted to see if you needed any help. The screen door was my fault, you know."
She heard his sharp intake of breath when she took his hand, raised it to her face and rubbed her cheek on his knuckles. "I know you don't believe me, Kyou-kun but, you are someone worthy of love. Please don't think that you aren't."
"You're different, Kagura. Of course you'll say you love me – that's because we're cousins."
She shook her head. "Even if we weren't, I still think I'd feel the same way about you."
She knelt and pulled him down to sit beside her. "Come here, Kyou-kun." She patted her lap. "I know you've been up all night, come here and rest a bit."
He did as he was told. He rested his head on her lap. "Kagura-neesan." Somehow, calling her that brought back memories of them when they were children: he remembered how she took hold of the hand he offered and how much fun he had playing with her from that day on. He felt her hand gently stroke his hair. "I'm sorry for being such a pain all the time."
"I'm sorry for being such a pest all the time." She smiled and said, "You don't have to be so afraid that people won't accept you once they find out your secret. I found out and I'm still here, aren't I?"
He snorted in reply.
"And so is Yun-chan and Shi-chan and… even Tooru-kun."
She felt him tense when she mentioned Tooru's name. "She did see your true form and, instead of running away, she ran towards you. She went after you, even though it was dark and raining… even though she was scared. She went after you and brought you home." She leaned over him and whispered in his ear, "You can stop being afraid, you can stop running away now –you're home and there are people here who love you and care about you."
He heard her voice – sweet, soothing. His eyes felt heavy and he couldn't make out what she was saying anymore, but he knew the meaning of her words. I'm home. He yawned once and then closed his eyes.
"Look, the sun is rising." Kagura pointed to the horizon, amazed at the awesome display of colors. Her eyes widened as she watched the sky turn from a deep black to a light purple and then to a light orange. "Have you seen anything more beautiful than that, Kyou-kun?"
When she didn't get an answer, she knew he had fallen asleep on her lap.
~Next Chapter: Hatori and Momiji
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Author's Notes:
The excerpt at the beginning of this chapter is from W.H. Auden's poem "Lullaby".
Kagura instantly let go of Kyou's head and dropped to her knees beside him. "Oh my darling Kyou, who did this to you?" – this is also something that recurs in the TV series. Kagura, as her "dark" self, beats Kyou up, but when she reverts back to her "norma" self, she does not seem to remember that she's the one who hurt him in the first place. (See episode 4 of the TV series or Volume 1, Chapter 5 of the manga.)
