When Good Villains Go Bad!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything other than my own villains.
Note: I'm sorry for not having Ultimecia use all those "k"s in the last chapter. She will this chapter.
Note: It may take a while before I invite another villain into the group.
**********************************
Chapter 2: The Interview of Madness!
**********************************
Now we join our group of villains in their secret hideaway. Ultimecia, Sephiroth, Ganondorf, and Seifer are playing cards. Kefka comes in.
Kefka: Hey! We villains finally got a big break!
Ultimecia: **playing cards** What?
Kefka: A news station has offered to interview our society on what we plan to do! This is the perfect oppurtunity to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies!
Sephiroth: What station is it?
Kefka: I don't know. It is called CNN, I believe!
Ganondorf: Do you mean that famous news show?
Kefka: Perhaps! This is our big chance to get our names out there!
Seifer: Great! Anyway, Ganondorf, do you have a three?
Ganondorf: Go fish.
Kefka: The film crew gets here in just one hour!
Ultimecia: **jumps up** Well, what are we waiting for?! Let's get all our stuff ready!
Seifer: I'll go get my Hyperion!
Sephiroth: Where did the Masamune go?
Ganondorf: Last time I checked, it was in the washing machine.
Sephiroth: Who would be stupid enough to put a sword in a washing machine?
Ultimecia: Well, it was very dirty and stained with blood. I thought it needed a good wash.
Sephiroth: The next time you go pray or something, remind me to kill you.
Ultimecia: Sure.
* * * * * * * *
One hour later . . . .
Ultimecia: The news krew is here!
Kefka: I'll go open the door. **opens the door**
Selphie: **comes in** Hi!!! Booyaka! I am here to interview you!
Behind her comes Yuffie and Navi, carrying camera equipment.
Ultimecia: Selphie!
Sephiroth: Yuffie!
Ganondorf: Navi!
Kefka: Why do all the names of the annoying people of the world end in the "e" sound? (author's note: think about it! why?)
Selphie: So, we are here to interview this group of people, who are planning to do many great things throughout their life.
Seifer: Wow, someone who actually appreciates us! This is rare!
All the villains sit down in a row, including Fujin, Raijin, the Elvish Piper, and the Censor Sorceror.
Selphie: Ok now, let's begin. First question: What things are you all planning to do?
Kefka: We plan to destroy the world!
Ultimecia: We wish to achieve time kompression!
Sephiroth: We wish to blast the earth with METEOR!
Ganondorf: We want to transform the world into a place of darkness!
Selphie: Gee, isn't that a little, like, going too far?
Kefka: What do you mean?
Selphie: Well, instead of destroying the world, why don't you just give everyone flowers?
Kefka: What?
Sephiroth: We're villains, for crying out loud!
Ganondorf: Yeah, we can't just soften up! What will our fans think?
Ultimecia: You guys have fans?
Seifer: Well, the point is, nothing is worth doing if no innocent lives are lost.
Kefka: Hey, that's my line! You stole it!
Seifer: Shut up!
Kefka: Make me!
Seifer: Sure! Silence!
Kefka: Haha! Nice try, but since I've achieved final boss statis, I am immune to statis affects!
Seifer: Dang!
Fujin: RAGE!
Raijin: Hey boss, try to calm down, ya know?
Seifer: Shut up!
Raijin: Okay, ya know?
Elvish Piper: Anyway, we only want to crush the world as a symbol of our revenge!!! If the good guys hadn't beaten us, then we wouldn't be here doing all this!!!
Selphie: But why were you all doing these things before the good guys even tried to stop you?
Elvish Piper: Uh, I don't know!!!
Censor Sorceror: Now me? I never tried to destroy the world. I am only here supporting the bad guys because the author told me to do so.
Selphie: Ok, next question. What is your favorite chocobo?
Ultimecia: What kind of question is that?
Kefka: Is there any point in asking a villain that?
Sephiroth: Well, I kinda like the gold ones . . . .
Ganondorf: What's a chocobo?
Selphie: What do you mean what's a chocobo?!! How could you not have seen a chocobo?!
Ganondorf: Well, they weren't ever in my world.
Selphie: That's it! I shall start a petition to bring chocobos to the land of Hyrule!
Ganondorf: I'm sorry but that won't happen. You see, Final Fantasy, which chocobos are from, is owned by Squaresoft. However, Legend of Zelda is owned by Nintendo. I see very little chance that Squaresoft is actually going to let Nintendo use chocobos.
Selphie: Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Ganondorf: It's not that big of a deal!
Selphie: Well, next question. How do you do all those amazing things that you have done?
Kefka: Well, it all started when I absorbed the power of the magicite from the espers. Using this power, I was given great strength. But the real boost of power was when I gained the power of the three magic statues, were I became a god!
Selphie: OK, I did not expect that. Well, how about you?
Ganondorf: I gained my magical powers at a secret place in the dark world of Hyrule. I cannot allow any other information to pass into your mind.
Selphie: What? Well, that was certainly not right. I expected that you learned it from your mother.
Ganondorf: Well, that too.
Kefka: You know, I did not know that.
Selphie: Now, how did you learn it?
Ultimecia: I was born with it.
Sephiroth: Same here.
Selphie: And what of you, stranger?
Seifer: Stranger? You know me!
Selphie: Let's see . . . I think it's coming back to me . . . .
Seifer: Yes?
Selphie: Your name began with a "S"
Seifer: Yes?
Selphie: I know! You're Sammy!
Seifer: Um, no. Actually, I'm Seifer.
Selphie: And these must be your friends, Frances and Randy!
Seifer: No, they're Fujin and Raijin.
Fujin: IDIOT!
Raijin: Don't you recognise us, ya know?
Selphie: Well, let's move on. And how about you?
Elvish Piper: I have a magical flute! It can be used to summon lots of stuff!
Selphie: Can you summon a chocobo?
Elvish Piper: Sorry, no.
Selphie: And now, finally, we reach you.
Censor Sorceror: My powers were given to me by the author himself. I hold the power to censor any and all attacks that I please. I am all powerful!
Selphie: Sure . . . .
Kefka: Hey, aren't you going to ask us about our villainous plots to destroy you and your friends?
Selphie: What do you mean?
Kefka: Well, we are villains!
Selphie: What? You're all villains?
Everyone: YES!!!
Selphie: But I thought this was the Chocobo's Breeding Institute!
Everyone: NO!!!
Kefka: Why would CNN want to do a report on chocobos?
Selphie: Because we are the Chocobo News Network!
Kefka: Huh?
Selphie: Now what are we suppose to do? Yuffie! Navi! Let's leave!
Ganondorf: Great, interviewed by the wrong network!
Sephiroth: We must stop her from telling everyone of our failure!
Everyone: **attacks Selphie**
Selphie:**down to 1 HP** You meanies!
Censor Sorceror: Uh oh . . . . I know what is gonna happen now! The author has already told me! **turns around and runs out of the room**
Selphie: Ultimate Limit Break! The End!
As Selphie casts The End, all the villains are knocked unconscious.
Censor Sorceror: **comes back** Gee, do I have to do everything by myself? **hits Selphie with briefcase**
Selphie: **knocked out**
Yuffie: That wasn't very nice!
Censor Sorceror: So? **beats Yuffie up with briefcase**
Yuffie: Owie . . . . **knocked unconscious**
Navi: Now I shall annoy you to death! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen!
Censor Sorceror: Noooo!!!!!!!! **hits Navi on the head with his briefcase**
Navi: Hey . . . Look . . . Listen . . . . **knocked out**
Censor Sorceror: Good riddance! **takes out a huge box and puts Selphie, Navi, and Yuffie into it**
Selphie: **wakes up** What's going on?
Censor Sorceror: I'm sending you to a far off place!
Selphie: Where's my chocobo?
Censor Sorceror: Here! **throws in real live chocobo**
Chocobo: Wark!
Selphie: Yay! Chocobo! **hugs it**
Chocobo: Wwwaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Censor Sorceror: **seals the box and mails it away**
* * * * * * * *
An hour later, the villains are now all awake.
Kefka: Let's never do that again.
Ganondorf: Hey, I've got a perfect idea! Let's go attack the author's other fic!
Elvish Piper: Hey, I'm still in that fic!!!
Ganondorf: We'll attack the stadium, and destroy all those good guys there!
Sephiroth: Yes, let's invade the Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament!
Ultimecia: Um, I don't think the author will be very happy about this . . . .
Censor Sorceror: Don't worry, I've already got him to sign a contract promising not to interfere with our little war.
Kefka: Good, then let's destroy the fic!
* * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, we see the author sitting in his house, reading a book.
Triad Card 844A: Why does Agatha Cristie have to make her mysteries so hard? How in the world does Hercule Poirot solve all these crimes?
Mailman: I have a huge package for you, sir.
TC: Hmmm, I wonder what it could be. Well, with my luck, it will probably be two insane girls, an annoying fairy, and a very scared chocobo . . . . .
***************
End of Chapter 2
***************
So, what do you think? To find the conclusion, read chapter 4 of the Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament or chapter 3 of this story!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything other than my own villains.
Note: I'm sorry for not having Ultimecia use all those "k"s in the last chapter. She will this chapter.
Note: It may take a while before I invite another villain into the group.
**********************************
Chapter 2: The Interview of Madness!
**********************************
Now we join our group of villains in their secret hideaway. Ultimecia, Sephiroth, Ganondorf, and Seifer are playing cards. Kefka comes in.
Kefka: Hey! We villains finally got a big break!
Ultimecia: **playing cards** What?
Kefka: A news station has offered to interview our society on what we plan to do! This is the perfect oppurtunity to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies!
Sephiroth: What station is it?
Kefka: I don't know. It is called CNN, I believe!
Ganondorf: Do you mean that famous news show?
Kefka: Perhaps! This is our big chance to get our names out there!
Seifer: Great! Anyway, Ganondorf, do you have a three?
Ganondorf: Go fish.
Kefka: The film crew gets here in just one hour!
Ultimecia: **jumps up** Well, what are we waiting for?! Let's get all our stuff ready!
Seifer: I'll go get my Hyperion!
Sephiroth: Where did the Masamune go?
Ganondorf: Last time I checked, it was in the washing machine.
Sephiroth: Who would be stupid enough to put a sword in a washing machine?
Ultimecia: Well, it was very dirty and stained with blood. I thought it needed a good wash.
Sephiroth: The next time you go pray or something, remind me to kill you.
Ultimecia: Sure.
* * * * * * * *
One hour later . . . .
Ultimecia: The news krew is here!
Kefka: I'll go open the door. **opens the door**
Selphie: **comes in** Hi!!! Booyaka! I am here to interview you!
Behind her comes Yuffie and Navi, carrying camera equipment.
Ultimecia: Selphie!
Sephiroth: Yuffie!
Ganondorf: Navi!
Kefka: Why do all the names of the annoying people of the world end in the "e" sound? (author's note: think about it! why?)
Selphie: So, we are here to interview this group of people, who are planning to do many great things throughout their life.
Seifer: Wow, someone who actually appreciates us! This is rare!
All the villains sit down in a row, including Fujin, Raijin, the Elvish Piper, and the Censor Sorceror.
Selphie: Ok now, let's begin. First question: What things are you all planning to do?
Kefka: We plan to destroy the world!
Ultimecia: We wish to achieve time kompression!
Sephiroth: We wish to blast the earth with METEOR!
Ganondorf: We want to transform the world into a place of darkness!
Selphie: Gee, isn't that a little, like, going too far?
Kefka: What do you mean?
Selphie: Well, instead of destroying the world, why don't you just give everyone flowers?
Kefka: What?
Sephiroth: We're villains, for crying out loud!
Ganondorf: Yeah, we can't just soften up! What will our fans think?
Ultimecia: You guys have fans?
Seifer: Well, the point is, nothing is worth doing if no innocent lives are lost.
Kefka: Hey, that's my line! You stole it!
Seifer: Shut up!
Kefka: Make me!
Seifer: Sure! Silence!
Kefka: Haha! Nice try, but since I've achieved final boss statis, I am immune to statis affects!
Seifer: Dang!
Fujin: RAGE!
Raijin: Hey boss, try to calm down, ya know?
Seifer: Shut up!
Raijin: Okay, ya know?
Elvish Piper: Anyway, we only want to crush the world as a symbol of our revenge!!! If the good guys hadn't beaten us, then we wouldn't be here doing all this!!!
Selphie: But why were you all doing these things before the good guys even tried to stop you?
Elvish Piper: Uh, I don't know!!!
Censor Sorceror: Now me? I never tried to destroy the world. I am only here supporting the bad guys because the author told me to do so.
Selphie: Ok, next question. What is your favorite chocobo?
Ultimecia: What kind of question is that?
Kefka: Is there any point in asking a villain that?
Sephiroth: Well, I kinda like the gold ones . . . .
Ganondorf: What's a chocobo?
Selphie: What do you mean what's a chocobo?!! How could you not have seen a chocobo?!
Ganondorf: Well, they weren't ever in my world.
Selphie: That's it! I shall start a petition to bring chocobos to the land of Hyrule!
Ganondorf: I'm sorry but that won't happen. You see, Final Fantasy, which chocobos are from, is owned by Squaresoft. However, Legend of Zelda is owned by Nintendo. I see very little chance that Squaresoft is actually going to let Nintendo use chocobos.
Selphie: Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Ganondorf: It's not that big of a deal!
Selphie: Well, next question. How do you do all those amazing things that you have done?
Kefka: Well, it all started when I absorbed the power of the magicite from the espers. Using this power, I was given great strength. But the real boost of power was when I gained the power of the three magic statues, were I became a god!
Selphie: OK, I did not expect that. Well, how about you?
Ganondorf: I gained my magical powers at a secret place in the dark world of Hyrule. I cannot allow any other information to pass into your mind.
Selphie: What? Well, that was certainly not right. I expected that you learned it from your mother.
Ganondorf: Well, that too.
Kefka: You know, I did not know that.
Selphie: Now, how did you learn it?
Ultimecia: I was born with it.
Sephiroth: Same here.
Selphie: And what of you, stranger?
Seifer: Stranger? You know me!
Selphie: Let's see . . . I think it's coming back to me . . . .
Seifer: Yes?
Selphie: Your name began with a "S"
Seifer: Yes?
Selphie: I know! You're Sammy!
Seifer: Um, no. Actually, I'm Seifer.
Selphie: And these must be your friends, Frances and Randy!
Seifer: No, they're Fujin and Raijin.
Fujin: IDIOT!
Raijin: Don't you recognise us, ya know?
Selphie: Well, let's move on. And how about you?
Elvish Piper: I have a magical flute! It can be used to summon lots of stuff!
Selphie: Can you summon a chocobo?
Elvish Piper: Sorry, no.
Selphie: And now, finally, we reach you.
Censor Sorceror: My powers were given to me by the author himself. I hold the power to censor any and all attacks that I please. I am all powerful!
Selphie: Sure . . . .
Kefka: Hey, aren't you going to ask us about our villainous plots to destroy you and your friends?
Selphie: What do you mean?
Kefka: Well, we are villains!
Selphie: What? You're all villains?
Everyone: YES!!!
Selphie: But I thought this was the Chocobo's Breeding Institute!
Everyone: NO!!!
Kefka: Why would CNN want to do a report on chocobos?
Selphie: Because we are the Chocobo News Network!
Kefka: Huh?
Selphie: Now what are we suppose to do? Yuffie! Navi! Let's leave!
Ganondorf: Great, interviewed by the wrong network!
Sephiroth: We must stop her from telling everyone of our failure!
Everyone: **attacks Selphie**
Selphie:**down to 1 HP** You meanies!
Censor Sorceror: Uh oh . . . . I know what is gonna happen now! The author has already told me! **turns around and runs out of the room**
Selphie: Ultimate Limit Break! The End!
As Selphie casts The End, all the villains are knocked unconscious.
Censor Sorceror: **comes back** Gee, do I have to do everything by myself? **hits Selphie with briefcase**
Selphie: **knocked out**
Yuffie: That wasn't very nice!
Censor Sorceror: So? **beats Yuffie up with briefcase**
Yuffie: Owie . . . . **knocked unconscious**
Navi: Now I shall annoy you to death! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen!
Censor Sorceror: Noooo!!!!!!!! **hits Navi on the head with his briefcase**
Navi: Hey . . . Look . . . Listen . . . . **knocked out**
Censor Sorceror: Good riddance! **takes out a huge box and puts Selphie, Navi, and Yuffie into it**
Selphie: **wakes up** What's going on?
Censor Sorceror: I'm sending you to a far off place!
Selphie: Where's my chocobo?
Censor Sorceror: Here! **throws in real live chocobo**
Chocobo: Wark!
Selphie: Yay! Chocobo! **hugs it**
Chocobo: Wwwaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Censor Sorceror: **seals the box and mails it away**
* * * * * * * *
An hour later, the villains are now all awake.
Kefka: Let's never do that again.
Ganondorf: Hey, I've got a perfect idea! Let's go attack the author's other fic!
Elvish Piper: Hey, I'm still in that fic!!!
Ganondorf: We'll attack the stadium, and destroy all those good guys there!
Sephiroth: Yes, let's invade the Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament!
Ultimecia: Um, I don't think the author will be very happy about this . . . .
Censor Sorceror: Don't worry, I've already got him to sign a contract promising not to interfere with our little war.
Kefka: Good, then let's destroy the fic!
* * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, we see the author sitting in his house, reading a book.
Triad Card 844A: Why does Agatha Cristie have to make her mysteries so hard? How in the world does Hercule Poirot solve all these crimes?
Mailman: I have a huge package for you, sir.
TC: Hmmm, I wonder what it could be. Well, with my luck, it will probably be two insane girls, an annoying fairy, and a very scared chocobo . . . . .
***************
End of Chapter 2
***************
So, what do you think? To find the conclusion, read chapter 4 of the Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament or chapter 3 of this story!
