I was at the house again... the one that didn't belong in Amphipolis. I
entered into the dark house and walked slowly down the hallway. I don't
want to be here! I have to leave! Gabrielle... my mother... they're
expecting me. I want to go now.
I am drawn to the door at the end of the hallway, but as I reached out to open it, it was torn apart and I could see familiar faces on the other side... mother... Gabrielle... Joxer... Autolycus? Callisto... other friends, family and enemies.
"We're very disappointed in you, Xena!" my mother moaned.
"Now you're just like me!" Callisto grinned wildly.
"Why did you let us down?" Gabrielle cried.
"Xena, the fighter. Used to be mightier. Now she's just..." Joxer was singing.
"Stop! Please stop!" I begged and Joxer stopped singing mid-verse. "What did you expect me to do?" I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. Why couldn't they just let me be? I'm not a god for crying out loud! How can I fight a demon?
"We thought you were a responsible person!" Autolycus said.
"We thought you would never give up!" Gabrielle added.
"You let that monster beat you! You didn't even try!" Hercules accused.
"You let Kurtan take over Amphipolis! You didn't try to stop him!" My mother said.
"No! I tried! You don't understand!" I pleaded with them to understand. Why are they blaming me? They weren't even there! They don't know how long I tried to fight him!
"You must go back!" My mother said firmly.
"You must defeat him!" Hercules agreed.
"Save Amphipolis… or it will be just like my home!" Callisto said.
"It is your duty! You must go back!" Gabrielle said.
"You must go back!" It was like a chant that echoed throughout my brain. I couldn't take it anymore!
"Stop! I'll go back! I'm going back!" I screamed out in defiance.
* * * * *
"Xena? Are you okay?" I could hear a woman's voice, soft and soothing.
"...going back..." I mumbled.
"Xena? It's okay. You're at your mother's house. You're safe," Gabrielle sounded like an angel.
I struggled to sit up and groaned as my head felt like Hephaestus' anvil. I rubbed my temples and took deep breaths, hoping the headache would go away, knowing it was useless.
"I have to go back," my voice sounded shaky so I said it again and I sounded a little stronger.
"Xena, what are you talking about? You can't go back there! If you do, they'll kill you!" Gabrielle protested.
"She's right, Xena. You don't stand a chance if you go back... alone. I'll go with you." Autolycus said, reluctantly.
"You can't be serious! The two of you will be killed if you go back." Gabrielle protested and then she saw the look on our faces and sighed, "But if you are going to do it, I'll go with you. But I want you to get one more night of rest before we do, deal?" I knew there was no use in arguing with her and nodded. She smiled grimly and held some broth to my lips. I swallowed the warm liquid and suddenly realized how hungry I was. I finished all the broth and wanted more, but Gabrielle shook her head and helped me lie down again.
"You can have a little more later. I want to make sure you can keep this down. Now I want you to get some rest." She said firmly and gently washed my face with a cool damp cloth. I didn't realize how much my face hurt until she tenderly placed the cloth on my forehead. I winced a little but let her continue. In a few minutes she left and motioned for Autolycus to join her. As they left the room, Gabrielle closed the door, but I could still hear their voices standing just on the other side.
"What are we going to do? We can't let her go back there! She'll be killed, you know that!" Gabrielle whispered fiercely.
"She would have gone with or without our help! You know that! At least this way, she has our help!" Autolycus answered.
I could hear Gabrielle sigh softly.
"I know. I'm sorry, Autolycus. I'm just so worried about her! She's in no shape to fight! You saw how skinny she is and she's still reacting to those drugs Kurtan gave her. And that brings up another matter, Kurtan. What is he? How can we fight a monster like that?" I could tell that Gabrielle was terrified. I don't blame her… I was, too.
"Have you forgotten who you're talking about? She's been through worse than this before and has always come through. Why don't we go have some herb tea? A little chamomile will help you calm down and might help you sleep."
I could hear them leaving. Gods, I hope Autolycus was right! For most of my life, I've cheated death. I've fought the worst psychos and gods the world had to offer and I've beaten them all. I had begun to think of myself as invincible. But that changed the day Kurtan kidnapped me. After weeks of being chained, beaten, tortured, starved and drugged, he broke me. Others had tried to break me before and had failed. I wonder if it can all be put back together. Perhaps the healing power of fire can make things right again... the purifying fire of battle. I thought again of the demon bathing in a pool of human blood and felt the stirrings within me start again.
"Prepare, Kurtan! Xena is coming for you!" I growled softly in the growing dusk.
I closed my eyes and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
I awoke a few hours later when a hand gently shook my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw the worried face of my mother above me.
"Xena? Gabrielle said to wake you and make sure that you get some more broth. Are you feeling better?" she asked worriedly.
"Yeah. Kinda hungry though, any chance to get some real food?" I sat up and was happy to discover that my headache was almost completely gone.
"I've got some stew here." My mother smiled and handed me a bowl of hot stew with some bread. As I began to eat, she laughed a little and continued, "You must be feeling better. You always had a healthy appetite."
"Where are Gabrielle and Autolycus?" I asked between bites.
"Xena, don't talk with your mouth full!" she chided. "Gabrielle and Autolycus are sleeping. It's been a long day for them... and for you. You should lie down and get some more rest. You'll need it for tomorrow," she finished softly.
I looked at her face and was troubled to see the pain and fear in her eyes. I wish I could comfort her, but I knew the only comfort she wanted would be for me to stay home. But I couldn't do that and she knew it. She helped me lie down and washed the various cuts on my body.
"It's late. You should get some more sleep. I don't suppose I could talk you out of going…?" she paused and looked at my face, then sighed. "I didn't think so. Gabrielle will wake you in the morning and help you get ready. Good night." She kissed my cheek and got up to leave. She paused at the door and looked back. "Good luck."
"Thanks. 'Night mom." I answered her and tried to smile encouragement at her. She smiled back and then closed the door softly behind her. I sighed and closed my eyes.
It felt like only minutes had passed when I felt another hand gently shaking my shoulder.
"Wake up Xena. It's time to go." It was Gabrielle. She shook my shoulder again and I slowly opened my eyes. She was dressed in her normal outfit and I noticed her staff leaning by the door. She helped me to stand up and get dressed in my leather armour. My body ached from the recent fight, before but I managed to follow her into my mother's dining room where the table was laid for breakfast. Autolycus was sitting and eating some fruit. He looked up as we entered the room and smiled.
"Ready to boogey?" He grinned but his eyes were deadly serious. He knew what we were getting into. I returned his grin and nodded. I winced as a jolt of sheer pain burst in my skull and sat down on a chair.
"Xena, we don't have to do this. We can tell the guards about the tunnels and..." Gabrielle started, but I cut her off with a look.
"No. No one else can do this. I have to kill Kurtan." I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was scared and worried about me. "You don't have to go."
"I'm going with you." She gave me such a look of defiance that I had to smile.
"I'm going too. After all, someone has to watch your backsides... and what lovely backsides they are!" Autolycus grinned, trying to lighten the mood.
When we finished eating, Gabrielle handed me my chakrum, which I attached to my hip and then my sword. It was a lot heavier than I remembered... how did I ever manage to swing this heavy thing around? I returned the sword into the scabbard on my back.
"I found them shortly after you disappeared and brought them back. Your armour was lying nearby," she explained.
Gabrielle grabbed her staff and Autolycus picked up several small throwing knives and hid them in various places on his body, then he picked up a short sword and sheathed it in a scabbard hung on his side. We were ready.
It was still dark when we left my mother's house and made our way to the broken-down castle outside of town. Gabrielle had told me earlier that she told the guards. They would be here at daybreak to destroy the ruins and take prisoner any who resisted. They wouldn't get Kurtan though... he was mine!
The air was chilly when we arrived and the sky was a little lighter than it had been when we left. Some of the brighter stars were still visible and the moon was low on the horizon. I could see my breath fog in front of me.
There was no sign of movement near the dark ruins and we drew closer. Still nothing. We cautiously entered the ruins and still saw no one. We followed the well-worn trail into the well-lit tunnels. It was almost as though they were expecting us. I didn't like this, something was wrong. As we walked, we began to notice that the side tunnels were caved in. We were being herded towards something... an ambush most likely.
"I think you two better turn back. I don't like the looks of this. I don't want you two to get hurt because of me." I tried to persuade them but they both shook their heads with determined looks on their faces. I sighed and nodded, knowing it was useless to argue with them.
We continued on cautiously and turned a corner. I stopped in my tracks and felt Gabrielle and then Autolycus bump into me.
"What's wro...? Oh... my... god!" Gabrielle whispered in shock as she saw the carnage before her.
"Sweet Olympus!" Autolycus gasped as he, too, saw the horrifying scene that lay before us.
The tunnel was lined with half-eaten, half-decayed corpses hanging by whatever appendage was still attached. The stench of death was thick in the air and it was all I could do to keep from keeling over and losing my breakfast. I could hear Gabrielle behind me losing hers and it sounded like Autolycus was close to losing his as well. There was no way around the bodies. I ducked and weaved my way through the carnage, struggling to keep my footing on the blood-slicked floor. I turned to check on the progress of my friends and saw Gabrielle lose her balance. She swung her arms frantically and instinctively grabbed onto the first thing she could, finally getting her feet under her again. As she looked to see what she grabbed on to, she let out an ear-piercing shriek and scrambled backwards into Autolycus who barely managed to keep his own balance and catch her as well. She stared in horror at the half-eaten, rotting corpse of a man. The head was barely attached and as the thing slowly turned I could see one eye hanging out of its socket and the mouth open in a soundless scream.
I made my way back to her and grabbed her hand, helping her through the worst of it. Autolycus made his way through to join us and breathed a sigh of relief.
"I guess that was our welcoming committee," Autolycus said, grimly.
"Come on. We're getting closer." I just wanted to get moving again.
I could sense something in the air... it was almost tangible... the smell of anticipation... the tense anticipation that is found in the Roman arenas of death, where men are sent out to face lions or other animals or even other men, like themselves. They were called the pits of death. I was certain that before very long we would be in our own pit of death and I wasn't sure who would come out alive.
I could see the tunnel open up into a large cavern ahead and slowed our pace. I glanced back to the others and saw the tense fear and nervousness plainly written on the faces of my friends. I knew my own face mirrored theirs.
"Xena, are you okay?" Gabrielle asked me softly.
Okay? I had been fooling myself all these years... I had always thought I became the Warrior Princess to fight crime.
"It was a lie. I really did it to overcome the fear." I didn't realize I spoke aloud until I heard my own voice.
"Xena?" Gabrielle asked softly and Autolycus put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
I smiled at them bravely and nodded.
"Xena and Gabrielle are back together!" I said determinedly.
"And they're gonna kick ass!" Autolycus grinned.
"You bet we are!" Gabrielle added.
I am drawn to the door at the end of the hallway, but as I reached out to open it, it was torn apart and I could see familiar faces on the other side... mother... Gabrielle... Joxer... Autolycus? Callisto... other friends, family and enemies.
"We're very disappointed in you, Xena!" my mother moaned.
"Now you're just like me!" Callisto grinned wildly.
"Why did you let us down?" Gabrielle cried.
"Xena, the fighter. Used to be mightier. Now she's just..." Joxer was singing.
"Stop! Please stop!" I begged and Joxer stopped singing mid-verse. "What did you expect me to do?" I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. Why couldn't they just let me be? I'm not a god for crying out loud! How can I fight a demon?
"We thought you were a responsible person!" Autolycus said.
"We thought you would never give up!" Gabrielle added.
"You let that monster beat you! You didn't even try!" Hercules accused.
"You let Kurtan take over Amphipolis! You didn't try to stop him!" My mother said.
"No! I tried! You don't understand!" I pleaded with them to understand. Why are they blaming me? They weren't even there! They don't know how long I tried to fight him!
"You must go back!" My mother said firmly.
"You must defeat him!" Hercules agreed.
"Save Amphipolis… or it will be just like my home!" Callisto said.
"It is your duty! You must go back!" Gabrielle said.
"You must go back!" It was like a chant that echoed throughout my brain. I couldn't take it anymore!
"Stop! I'll go back! I'm going back!" I screamed out in defiance.
* * * * *
"Xena? Are you okay?" I could hear a woman's voice, soft and soothing.
"...going back..." I mumbled.
"Xena? It's okay. You're at your mother's house. You're safe," Gabrielle sounded like an angel.
I struggled to sit up and groaned as my head felt like Hephaestus' anvil. I rubbed my temples and took deep breaths, hoping the headache would go away, knowing it was useless.
"I have to go back," my voice sounded shaky so I said it again and I sounded a little stronger.
"Xena, what are you talking about? You can't go back there! If you do, they'll kill you!" Gabrielle protested.
"She's right, Xena. You don't stand a chance if you go back... alone. I'll go with you." Autolycus said, reluctantly.
"You can't be serious! The two of you will be killed if you go back." Gabrielle protested and then she saw the look on our faces and sighed, "But if you are going to do it, I'll go with you. But I want you to get one more night of rest before we do, deal?" I knew there was no use in arguing with her and nodded. She smiled grimly and held some broth to my lips. I swallowed the warm liquid and suddenly realized how hungry I was. I finished all the broth and wanted more, but Gabrielle shook her head and helped me lie down again.
"You can have a little more later. I want to make sure you can keep this down. Now I want you to get some rest." She said firmly and gently washed my face with a cool damp cloth. I didn't realize how much my face hurt until she tenderly placed the cloth on my forehead. I winced a little but let her continue. In a few minutes she left and motioned for Autolycus to join her. As they left the room, Gabrielle closed the door, but I could still hear their voices standing just on the other side.
"What are we going to do? We can't let her go back there! She'll be killed, you know that!" Gabrielle whispered fiercely.
"She would have gone with or without our help! You know that! At least this way, she has our help!" Autolycus answered.
I could hear Gabrielle sigh softly.
"I know. I'm sorry, Autolycus. I'm just so worried about her! She's in no shape to fight! You saw how skinny she is and she's still reacting to those drugs Kurtan gave her. And that brings up another matter, Kurtan. What is he? How can we fight a monster like that?" I could tell that Gabrielle was terrified. I don't blame her… I was, too.
"Have you forgotten who you're talking about? She's been through worse than this before and has always come through. Why don't we go have some herb tea? A little chamomile will help you calm down and might help you sleep."
I could hear them leaving. Gods, I hope Autolycus was right! For most of my life, I've cheated death. I've fought the worst psychos and gods the world had to offer and I've beaten them all. I had begun to think of myself as invincible. But that changed the day Kurtan kidnapped me. After weeks of being chained, beaten, tortured, starved and drugged, he broke me. Others had tried to break me before and had failed. I wonder if it can all be put back together. Perhaps the healing power of fire can make things right again... the purifying fire of battle. I thought again of the demon bathing in a pool of human blood and felt the stirrings within me start again.
"Prepare, Kurtan! Xena is coming for you!" I growled softly in the growing dusk.
I closed my eyes and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
I awoke a few hours later when a hand gently shook my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw the worried face of my mother above me.
"Xena? Gabrielle said to wake you and make sure that you get some more broth. Are you feeling better?" she asked worriedly.
"Yeah. Kinda hungry though, any chance to get some real food?" I sat up and was happy to discover that my headache was almost completely gone.
"I've got some stew here." My mother smiled and handed me a bowl of hot stew with some bread. As I began to eat, she laughed a little and continued, "You must be feeling better. You always had a healthy appetite."
"Where are Gabrielle and Autolycus?" I asked between bites.
"Xena, don't talk with your mouth full!" she chided. "Gabrielle and Autolycus are sleeping. It's been a long day for them... and for you. You should lie down and get some more rest. You'll need it for tomorrow," she finished softly.
I looked at her face and was troubled to see the pain and fear in her eyes. I wish I could comfort her, but I knew the only comfort she wanted would be for me to stay home. But I couldn't do that and she knew it. She helped me lie down and washed the various cuts on my body.
"It's late. You should get some more sleep. I don't suppose I could talk you out of going…?" she paused and looked at my face, then sighed. "I didn't think so. Gabrielle will wake you in the morning and help you get ready. Good night." She kissed my cheek and got up to leave. She paused at the door and looked back. "Good luck."
"Thanks. 'Night mom." I answered her and tried to smile encouragement at her. She smiled back and then closed the door softly behind her. I sighed and closed my eyes.
It felt like only minutes had passed when I felt another hand gently shaking my shoulder.
"Wake up Xena. It's time to go." It was Gabrielle. She shook my shoulder again and I slowly opened my eyes. She was dressed in her normal outfit and I noticed her staff leaning by the door. She helped me to stand up and get dressed in my leather armour. My body ached from the recent fight, before but I managed to follow her into my mother's dining room where the table was laid for breakfast. Autolycus was sitting and eating some fruit. He looked up as we entered the room and smiled.
"Ready to boogey?" He grinned but his eyes were deadly serious. He knew what we were getting into. I returned his grin and nodded. I winced as a jolt of sheer pain burst in my skull and sat down on a chair.
"Xena, we don't have to do this. We can tell the guards about the tunnels and..." Gabrielle started, but I cut her off with a look.
"No. No one else can do this. I have to kill Kurtan." I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was scared and worried about me. "You don't have to go."
"I'm going with you." She gave me such a look of defiance that I had to smile.
"I'm going too. After all, someone has to watch your backsides... and what lovely backsides they are!" Autolycus grinned, trying to lighten the mood.
When we finished eating, Gabrielle handed me my chakrum, which I attached to my hip and then my sword. It was a lot heavier than I remembered... how did I ever manage to swing this heavy thing around? I returned the sword into the scabbard on my back.
"I found them shortly after you disappeared and brought them back. Your armour was lying nearby," she explained.
Gabrielle grabbed her staff and Autolycus picked up several small throwing knives and hid them in various places on his body, then he picked up a short sword and sheathed it in a scabbard hung on his side. We were ready.
It was still dark when we left my mother's house and made our way to the broken-down castle outside of town. Gabrielle had told me earlier that she told the guards. They would be here at daybreak to destroy the ruins and take prisoner any who resisted. They wouldn't get Kurtan though... he was mine!
The air was chilly when we arrived and the sky was a little lighter than it had been when we left. Some of the brighter stars were still visible and the moon was low on the horizon. I could see my breath fog in front of me.
There was no sign of movement near the dark ruins and we drew closer. Still nothing. We cautiously entered the ruins and still saw no one. We followed the well-worn trail into the well-lit tunnels. It was almost as though they were expecting us. I didn't like this, something was wrong. As we walked, we began to notice that the side tunnels were caved in. We were being herded towards something... an ambush most likely.
"I think you two better turn back. I don't like the looks of this. I don't want you two to get hurt because of me." I tried to persuade them but they both shook their heads with determined looks on their faces. I sighed and nodded, knowing it was useless to argue with them.
We continued on cautiously and turned a corner. I stopped in my tracks and felt Gabrielle and then Autolycus bump into me.
"What's wro...? Oh... my... god!" Gabrielle whispered in shock as she saw the carnage before her.
"Sweet Olympus!" Autolycus gasped as he, too, saw the horrifying scene that lay before us.
The tunnel was lined with half-eaten, half-decayed corpses hanging by whatever appendage was still attached. The stench of death was thick in the air and it was all I could do to keep from keeling over and losing my breakfast. I could hear Gabrielle behind me losing hers and it sounded like Autolycus was close to losing his as well. There was no way around the bodies. I ducked and weaved my way through the carnage, struggling to keep my footing on the blood-slicked floor. I turned to check on the progress of my friends and saw Gabrielle lose her balance. She swung her arms frantically and instinctively grabbed onto the first thing she could, finally getting her feet under her again. As she looked to see what she grabbed on to, she let out an ear-piercing shriek and scrambled backwards into Autolycus who barely managed to keep his own balance and catch her as well. She stared in horror at the half-eaten, rotting corpse of a man. The head was barely attached and as the thing slowly turned I could see one eye hanging out of its socket and the mouth open in a soundless scream.
I made my way back to her and grabbed her hand, helping her through the worst of it. Autolycus made his way through to join us and breathed a sigh of relief.
"I guess that was our welcoming committee," Autolycus said, grimly.
"Come on. We're getting closer." I just wanted to get moving again.
I could sense something in the air... it was almost tangible... the smell of anticipation... the tense anticipation that is found in the Roman arenas of death, where men are sent out to face lions or other animals or even other men, like themselves. They were called the pits of death. I was certain that before very long we would be in our own pit of death and I wasn't sure who would come out alive.
I could see the tunnel open up into a large cavern ahead and slowed our pace. I glanced back to the others and saw the tense fear and nervousness plainly written on the faces of my friends. I knew my own face mirrored theirs.
"Xena, are you okay?" Gabrielle asked me softly.
Okay? I had been fooling myself all these years... I had always thought I became the Warrior Princess to fight crime.
"It was a lie. I really did it to overcome the fear." I didn't realize I spoke aloud until I heard my own voice.
"Xena?" Gabrielle asked softly and Autolycus put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
I smiled at them bravely and nodded.
"Xena and Gabrielle are back together!" I said determinedly.
"And they're gonna kick ass!" Autolycus grinned.
"You bet we are!" Gabrielle added.
