Disclaimer - Elf own nadda x-cept Reese.

A/N - This was my attempt at a humourous Andromeda fic for a break from my serious stories that I'm working on right now. It's just a cute bit of weirdness.

Harper for a Day

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"Nuh-uh."

"Harper!" Trance stamped her foot. "My job is just as hard as yours is!"

"Seriously, Trance. Watering plants is nowhere near as tough as keeping Rommie in tippy-top condition," Harper replied with a smirk.

"That's not all I do!" the purple girl protested. "I have to make sure all the medical supplies are in order, and when someone gets sick, I have to program the nanobots with the correct antibodies and vitamins and inject them and I have to study many different treatments for diseases I've never even heard of. Plus, factor in when I'm needed on Deck in a battle or something...and, well, I do a lot more than just water plants!"

"Oh yeah?" Harper rolled out from under the machine he was currently checking, his face covered in oily grime. "Prove it."

Trance was taken aback. "How do I do that?" she frowned.

"Switch jobs with me, just for one day, and we'll see who has the harder job to do," he replied.

"Oh, um, I don't know, Harper..."

"Aha, I knew it. You know my job is harder."

Trance narrowed her eyes. "Is not."

"Then what are you afraid of? Look, I've already checked the engines and monitored Rommie's main circuitry, and everything is working fantabulously. Everything should be just peachy for you. So, come on, Trance - whadda ya say?"

She thought for a moment. "You're on. What do I get when you can't do my job?"

"My unwavering respect." She glared at him. "Oh, jeez, get a sense of humour. You'll need one - if you're me for the rest of today, that means in character, too. How about the loser buys the winner dinner next field trip?"

"Agreed."

They shook on it.

*

"Okay, okay, act like Harper," Trance constantly reminded herself. She was wearing a pair of his greasy overalls and was trying to practice walking like him. She deemed it as somewhat of a cocky strut.

"Trance, are you feeling alright?" Rev Bem asked curiously.

"I'm fine, thank yo-er, I mean, the name's Seamus Zelazny Harper, and yeah, hey, I'm great, Rev," she caught herself. "Couldn't be better, if I do say so myself, and I do, so it must be true."

Rev was staring at her as if she had just morphed into a hideous slimy monster right before his eyes. "I-I-I am not entirely sure I understand what is going on," he admitted.

Trance smiled. "Harper and I switched places for today," she explained. "I'm trying to talk and walk like him so I can win the bet to see who has the harder job."

Rev sighed in relief. "That does explain quite a bit," he nodded. "If you will excuse me." As he quickly walked to the Bridge to warn everyone else, a thought occurred to him. "I wonder if Reese will be quite so understanding," he mumbled to himself and couldn't help the smile that creeped across his face.

Trance shrugged as she watched him go, then continued practicing. "The name is Seamus Zelazny Harper, suuuuuper genius, and I need a bottle of Neubayern Weisbrau."

*

Beka was laughing too hard to speak, Tyr looked like he would be sick, Rommie looked horrified, and Dylan looked thoroughly confused. Such were the reactions Rev had been expecting when he told the four the news of Harper and Trance's game.

"And, tell me again why they're doing this?" Dylan raised his eyebrow even higher.

"From what I gathered from Trance, it is a bet to see who's job is harder," Rev explained.

"We're doomed," Rommie declared.

Tears were running down Beka's cheeks. "And she was wearing his overalls?" she managed to squeak out. Rev nodded, and she began laughing again at the mental picture she was forming.

"I have not had nearly enough sleep for this," Tyr announced. "I think I need a sedative."

"Um, do you think that's such a good idea, with Harper as the Medical Officer?" Dylan reminded the Nietzschean.

"I think I will stay here," Tyr decided.

"Probably for the best," Dylan nodded. "And speaking of 'for the best', shouldn't one of us find Reese and warn her?"

"Oh, no you don't," Beka abruptly stopped laughing, trying to sound serious. "I am not missing out on her reaction when she runs into either of them. Dylan, you cannot deprive me of that!"

"Alright," Dylan held up his hands in submission. "But you're responsible for the destruction."

"I was unaware that AI's could feel this much fear," Rommie commented aloud.

*

Harper was speaking in a childish voice to a row of Trance's plants in the Hydroponics Garden when Rommie's hologram appeared. She eyed the green vine he had tied around his waist with a touch of amusement, then spoke.

"Trance doesn't have a tail anymore, you realize."

"Hey, I'm old-school Trance," he grinned. "Besides, it's the closest thing to a costume that I'm willing to wear. Even I'm not that crazy."

"Really?" Rommie smirked. "I'm not so sure. In any case, Trance can be found in other areas of the ship, but you seem to be spending the majority of your time here. Any particular reason?"

"If you're referring to the Med-deck, there's no reason to be there," Harper replied simply. "Besides, I'm having a fascinating conversation with Gwendolyn and Perticus about the many advantages of being purple," he motioned to a leafy green shrub and a small cactus.

"Uh-huh," Rommie raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that Reese is rarely found in the Hydroponics Garden."

"What was that, Rommie?" Harper asked over-sweetly.

"Don't forget to water them," Rommie winked, and her image disappeared.

"Right," Harper shrugged, then turned back to his conversation. "So, anyway, in conclusion, why is it so wonderful to be purple? Well, it's a hell of a lot easier than being green, that's why. Not that I can vouch for that like you guys, but, well, you wouldn't understand? It's an Earth thing. Uh, not that I can vouch for that either, because I'm from...um...some other planet. But Harper's from Earth and he told me so and he's always right because he is the smartest person alive."

To Be Continued

So? Whaddaya think? If you like, I'll continue, so review please!