Picking Up The Pieces

By: Angela Timchuk and Karen McVicker

(A.K.A. Makino & deDanaan)

Chapter Seven

Love me now, forever



"In your kiss it wasn't goodbye.

You are still the reason why.

I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room.

My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon.

I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly.

'Love me now, forever,' were the last words you said to me."

 

Tsukushi and Tsubaki strolled along the coast in silence, listening to the roar of the waves as they crashed onto the jagged rocks in their unrelenting struggle against the land. It was strange to be here on a cold autumn day. Whenever Yuusuke had been with her, the beach had been warm and inviting, even on a day like today--now, without him standing by her side, it was cold and hostile. Tsukushi wrapped her arms around herself as she felt the chill of the late afternoon sea breeze. She was only wearing a light sweater, as she hadn't thought to grab her coat when she left the house.

"Tsukushi, you're freezing. Why don't we head back?" Tsubaki had stopped and asked, but Tsukushi didn't turn to answer her. She kept walking on ahead crossing the footpath onto the beach in a steady, determined gait. Tsubaki stumbled as she tried to catch up to her. She was wearing high- heeled shoes and they were sinking in the sand with every step she took. Tsubaki bent down and pulled them off--carrying them pinched together, fingers thrust into the toes, as she sped ahead of Tsukushi to block her path.

"Tsukushi! Please, let's go back." She pleaded.

Tsukushi looked at Tsubaki. Her face was sullen again. "That's where he told me he loved me for the first time." Tsukushi pointed to a group of rocks, nestled on the shore. Tsubaki looked past Tsukushi's fingers and took in the romantic scene. "There was a beautiful sunset then, and the ocean was shimmering." Tsukushi choked off as a lump developed in her throat.

***

They were walking along the beach side-by-side, stepping in time with each other. The sun was just setting and it glittered off the water bright and orange like fire dancing along the horizon. "Tsukushi?" he asked.

"Yes, Yuusuke?" Tsukushi turned to look at her companion. He seemed hesitant for some reason.

"I was wondering…did you feel awkward meeting my parents today?" She couldn't help but smile as they scrambled up the rough pathway through the rocks.

"Not at all. They welcomed me and made me feel at home like I was family. They're very nice."

"I'm glad." He fell silent for a second. "Tsukushi, how long have we known each other?" he finally asked. She lifted a finger to her lips as she thought back to the day they had first shared a study table in the main library at Kyoto University. She'd been a freshman at the time, while he was already in Med. School.

"It's been three years now, Yuusuke." She replied, a little puzzled by his line of questioning. "Why?"

"We're good friends, right?" They had finally reached their destination atop the outcropping of rocks at the bottom of the cliff face.

"Of course we are!" Tsukushi replied a little indignantly. "You, Yuuki, Kazuya and Sakurako are all my friends. My best friends!"

"Would you hate me if I told you I want to be so much more than a friend to you?" He drew to a halt next to her. She stopped--surprised at his admission, yet not surprised in the core of her heart at the same time--and looked out at the ocean, watching the sunlight play on the waves.

"No, Yuusuke, I wouldn't hate you." Her reply was soft. He stepped in front of her and lifted her chin so she met his gaze. She stared into his eyes, snared by the intensity of the feelings she saw reflected there. He was handsome--she'd admitted that since the day he'd first befriended her--but she'd always been afraid to get involved with him as more than a just a friend. At first that had been because of her feelings for Doumyouji but eventually she had become afraid of losing the amazing rapport they had built up as friends since they'd first met. She felt butterflies take to wing inside her.

"Tsukushi, aishiteru yo." He told her, his voice low and serious. It sent a shiver up her spine as he leaned in close to her and kissed her gently. He was hesitant at first, kissing her softly as if he was afraid she wouldn't return his affection, but when she melted into his embrace and kissed him back he became bolder, more ardent.

***

The memory was too much for Tsukushi to handle and she sobbed, raising her hands to knuckle away the tears that were starting to spill from her eyes.

Tsubaki placed an arm around Tsukushi. Her own eyes were also filled with tears. "Tsukushi, I'm so envious of you." Tsukushi glanced back at her when she heard her and noticed she too was crying.

"Tsubaki, why?" Tsukushi asked, confused at her last remark.

"Although you've lost Yuusuke, you can at least take comfort in knowing you've experienced love at its deepest level." Tsubaki dabbed the tears from her eyes with a perfectly laundered, lace-bordered, linen handkerchief. Tsukushi knew something had happened to Tsubaki, but she didn't have the energy to delve into it right now, so she just laid a sympathetic hand on Tsubaki's forearm. The two women stood quietly looking out at the ocean in silent camaraderie for a while before going back to Atsuko's home.

**********

A black BMW sped up the driveway of the Doumyouji mansion. It came to a stop outside the front door and two men wearing business suits stepped out from the same side. The driver approached the passenger door of the car to help his wife to her feet. The couple stood there for a moment in awe, gaping at the house standing before them. It had been years since either of them had been there but the impact was the same. The other man strolled up behind them. He was absolutely flabbergasted as he took in the grandeur of the Doumyouji estate. He had passed by it before, but had never realized how spectacular it really was.

"I never thought in a million years, I'd ever come back here." Kazuya commented as he thought about the last time he had been there. That had been back at Eitoku, when Tsukushi had fled to her parents and experienced what it was like to live in a fishing village. Tsukasa had picked him up by the collar and thrown him to the ground. He had threatened to kill him that day, but it hadn't just been him--Doumyouji had threatened to kill everyone if they didn't get out of his sight.

"It seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?" Came her soft reply. She took her husband's hand in her own , squeezing it hard for a second before they proceeded to the door. Kazuya paused briefly before pressing the doorbell and standing back to wait for an answer.

**********

As they sped along the coastal road from Odawara to Tokyo in the limo, Tsubaki sat across from Tsukushi and Takahiro-san and listened to the two women discussing funeral arrangements. They had decided to cremate Yuusuke right after the wake, three days from now. They had also decided on a seven day period of mourning--neither traditional nor modern, just in-between-- with the ashes being brought back to Tsukushi's apartment during that time. Takahiro-san would be staying with Tsukushi until after her son's ashes were interred, not returning home to Odawara until after that time. Tsubaki didn't like the fact that she seemed to be eavesdropping on such a private conversation and tried to tune them out as she stared through the window at the passing landscape. When that didn't work, she decided to phone home and let her brother know they were running late but should be there soon.

**********

After Tsukasa left Tama's quarters, he went to look for the others. He found Yuuki, Soujirou and Akira talking quietly in the sitting room. It had turned out Yuuki had been quite upset at the reaction she had received from the clinic where Yuusuke worked. The accident had occurred right after his shift the previous afternoon and no-one there had been aware of it until her call. She sat in a beautifully stitched brocade chair, her eyes rimmed red from all the crying, and told them what had happened.

Tsukasa informed them that he had heard from Tsubaki via cell phone and that she, Makino and Takahiro-san were on their way back. Yuuki was just about to fill Tsukasa in on her earlier conversation with Kazuya when a maid entered the room to tell them Rui and Shigeru had taken Eumi home and announce there were more guests. Tsukasa followed the maid to the lobby to see who it was. He found a young couple standing there. The woman, whose dark auburn hair was caught up in an elegant French Twist, was well dressed and stood tall, displaying her advanced pregnant state proudly.

"Can I help you?" Tsukasa asked, unsure who these people standing before him were.

"Long time no see, Doumyouji-san!" The young woman spoke jauntily. He focused in on her face. Tsukasa was startled at her voice. He recognized it from somewhere but couldn't quite place from where. He eyed her for a moment before it finally hit him.

"Sanjou Sakurako?"

Sakurako smiled to acknowledge him before continuing. "That used to be my name, Doumyouji. Now I'm known as Aoike Sakurako--I'm sure you remember my husband, Kazuya, from Eitoku."

Tsukasa's jaw dropped at her words. Aoike Kazuya? Kazuya? That little squirt? It couldn't be. Tsukasa studied him. The man who stood before him was very different from the Kazuya he once knew. This man was taller, just a little shorter than himself, well built and quite handsome--a far cry from the wimpy, new-money–boy who entered Eitoku and clung to Makino's side all the time.

"K…K…Kazuya?"

"Konnichi-wa, Doumyouji-san." Kazuya greeted with a slight bow, his voice was deeper, more mature. Tsukasa was astounded. Had Kazuya been working out on a regular basis, or had he just been a late bloomer? As he stood in his own private stupefaction, Tsukasa noticed a third person standing behind the couple, Kazuya began to speak.

"Doumyouji, this is Makino Susumu, Tsukushi's younger brother." Again he was astonished. Susumu had also grown up nicely. He was no longer the annoying kid, the little brother Doumyouji had tolerated just to get closer to Tsukushi.

"Kazuya! Sakurako! Susumu!" Yuuki rushed across the hallway and embraced them when she realized they were there. She was very glad to have them with her as she felt a little strange being alone with Soujirou and the others, even though she had made the initial contact. She still didn't know why she'd done it. She had no idea why she'd thought to phone Doumyouji of all people and bring him and his world back into their lives.

Soujirou and Akira joined Tsukasa in his shocked state. Although they knew Kazuya and his wife were coming over, it was still a shock nonetheless. Yuuki hadn't disclosed the name of Kazuya's wife. Sakurako as an adult was strikingly beautiful as always--it had always went without saying. But the image Kazuya presented was what was throwing them for a loop.

"Is she back yet?" Kazuya questioned.

"No, but they should be here shortly." Yuuki responded.

As she led Kazuya and Sakurako into the living room, Tsukasa, Akira and, Soujirou lingered behind. Tsukasa waited until they were out of earshot before speaking to his friends. "Can you believe that's Kazuya?" He was still a little shell-shocked with Kazuya's new appearance. Akira and Soujirou shook their heads.

No, I can't believe it." Soujirou replied.

"I can't believe he and Sakurako hooked up." Akira retorted. "Who would have thought a player like her would settle down and be happily married." Akira and Soujirou shared a look of disbelief. They both remembered how-- back in the days when they were all still at Eitoku--she had manipulated the two of them into bed under false pretences, one right after another.

"You're just mad because she played your own game with you and won." Tsukasa observed. Soujirou and Akira glared at their friend as the trio joined their new guests in the living room. After a few minutes of catching up with Yuuki, Kazuya felt as though he was being watched. When he turned around , his suspicion was confirmed. Tsukasa was staring at him.

"Is there something wrong, Doumyouji?" He asked. Tsukasa seemed embarrassed at being caught. He shook his head and replied.

"If I were to run into you on the street, I would never recognize you…any of you. I mean that, you know, you've all changed so much." Akira and Soujirou agreed with his statement.

"He's not kidding!" they said in unison. The newly arrived trio grinned. The ice had been broken with his comment and everyone in the room shared a moment of laughter. It felt good to laugh, it was a much needed distraction. Everyone settled down to talk and do some catching up.

Tsubaki came into the sitting room, directed there by a servant, and everyone quieted with her presence. They gazed at the doorway expecting Tsukushi to enter anytime. But she never did. All eyes focused on Tsubaki again, and then to Tsukasa as he fired question after question at his sister. "What Happened? Where's Makino? Is she alright?"

Tsubaki held her hand up in the air signaling for him to cease. "If you give me a second to answer, I will." Tsukasa relaxed a little and gave the floor to Tsubaki. All eyes in the room were intent as she began to tell them of the days events. Tsubaki took a deep breath.

"Tsukushi won't be coming tonight. She asked me to drop her and Takahiro- san off at her apartment. They'll be finalizing the arrangements this evening and she wanted to get Yuusuke's mother settled in." Tsubaki took another breath before going on. "If you ask me, she's holding up rather well considering the circumstances."

**********

Tsukushi and Atsuko stood outside the apartment door. Tsukushi's stomach began to churn as she unlocked the door and pushed it open. The apartment was so quiet it was jarring. Yuusuke usually got home from work before Tsukushi and when she came home she'd hear the sounds of him preparing dinner while soft music played in the background. But now there was nothing- -just an eerily empty apartment.

Atsuko placed her bag in the hallway and stepped down into the sitting room, she immediately went over to the table set at the end of the leather sofa. She picked up the picture of her son and future daughter-in-law that had been taken at their friend's wedding last year. She traced a finger over the image of her son's face. Tsukushi watched as Atsuko brought it to her chest and held it longingly, tears streaking down her face. She knew exactly what Atsuko was going through, but her heart still broke for the older woman. Atsuko had been through this all before when her husband passed away two years ago. Back then she'd at least had her son and his friends to help her through the grief--now she had lost her whole family.

Tsukushi couldn't bear to watch her anymore so she walked around the apartment aimlessly. She stood in front of the patio doors and stared blankly into the night sky for a while, before heading into the kitchen. Something caught her eye in the kitchen. There, on the shelf next to the phone, the answering machine light was flashing. There were two messages. Tsukushi pressed play and the tape rewound to the beginning. Both she and Atsuko froze when they heard the upbeat voice.

"Hi Honey! I'm running late here and I've got a few errands to run. I'll see you about 6:30. Don't worry about dinner, I'll bring something home for us.  Ja ne!  Oh, and in case you forget, you brat, I love you…...and you love me, now……forever!!!!"

*BEEP*

Tsukushi felt lightheaded when she heard Yuusuke's voice. She stifled a sob and gripped the kitchen counter-top to prevent herself from falling backwards. Atsuko, who had heard everything from the living room, quickly returned her son's picture to its place on the end table and rushed over to Tsukushi. They both wore traumatized expressions on their faces. It was too cruel. Why did that message have to be there? Why did they have to hear his voice? The two women stood in the kitchen embracing each other as the second message played.

"Makino-san, this is Detective Ishida from the First Shinjuku Precinct. I'm in charge of the investigation regarding Takahiro Yuusuke's traffic accident. I have the report ready. Please come to the station at your earliest convenience."

*BEEP*

Tsukushi somewhat pulled herself together, enough, at least, to take care of Yuusuke's mother. She brought Atsuko down the hall and helped her to settle into the guest room that also doubled as an office. After turning out the futon and new bedding, she closed the door behind her to give the woman privacy, and went to her own room.

Once there, Tsukushi leaned on the door frame and turned on the light. She gazed at the European-style bed. The blanket was turned down neatly. She flicked her gaze to the night stand. It held a picture of the two of them at Yuusuke's graduation from Med. School. 'He looks so handsome in a suit' she thought to herself, unaware she was referring to him in the present tense. She got undressed and slipped into bed, grieving at how cold it was without Yuusuke there to warm it for her, and hugged his pillow to herself, crying softly into it

 

For anyone who's interested, the song that constitutes our opening is called, "The Last Words You Said." From Sarah Brightman's album, Eden.