Damaged Soul

A Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

Disclaimer: I don't own Soujiro or anything from Rurouni Kenshin. Rurouni Kenshin belongs to its rightful owner. I am just a fan, that's all.

Notes: Warnings for an unpleasant first chapter. Violence and mentions of rape.


part 1


A trickle of liquid ran down my cheek.

I felt it and smiled. I licked my lips. I tasted the saltiness.

I felt like laughing. I felt so much "pleasure" killing that worthless man.

Ever since Himura-san defeated me and told me to find my own answer, I've just been wandering around with no point to live on. What's the point of life with nothing to live for? I wandered around aimlessly, like a dead soul. It was Himura-san who made my life this pointless! Before he defeated me, at least I had Shishio-san's reason to live. The strong survive and the weak die. How very true that is! But, Himura-san insisted that the strong should protect the weak. That is very, very wrong.

For a moment, after he defeated me, I thought his way must have been correct. But after all this nonsensical wandering, I know his way is wrong. I've wandered around for five pointless years already, and I've found no answer. At first I tried not to kill anyone with my sword - I even tried to help people! But I couldn't stand not killing anyone.

Today I saw a man try to rape a peasant girl. I bet if Himura-san saw this, he would have used his sword and "protected" that girl. But of course, I am not him. I did nothing to help her. I watched her suffer, and I smiled. After he tore all of her clothes off, she managed to escape his grasp and pull out a knife. She advanced to kill herself. I did not stop her. The man was surprised by her action. He never thought she would go this far. He was in trouble now. If someone reported this to the police, he would get punished severely for the crimes he committed. But, of course, that is if someone reported this. I guess he would have been better off if someone reported it. Then he would not have had to die.

I smiled widely and pulled out my sword. I approached him without a sound, hidden in the shadows. When I finally reached him, I slashed at his back. He managed to turn around and gasp, but he had no time to scream. He dropped dead immediately, spraying my face with blood. I smiled. That was the salty trickle I had tasted. Blood. Blood of another man. Some might think me perverted, to stand by without helping that girl and then kill this man. I just smiled. I am not a good person. I am a villain. I live to see people suffer. I kill people and let their blood stain me.

I stared at my sword and smiled again. The sight of red on my sword is appealing. I knelt down towards the dead man and stabbed him again. Too bad he's dead already. If he wasn't dead, I would have prolonged his pain. I didn't feel like wiping my sword, but I did it anyway. I felt a little empty washing off the blood. I wanted it to stay on my sword. The sight of it soothed me, but I knew it would dry off sooner or later, so I wiped it off with the dead man's shirt. I left both man and woman lying there, abandoned in the streets. I finally found my answer today. My answer...my answer is that I will have my revenge. I turned around and headed towards Tokyo. I will get my revenge!

No one takes me seriously at all. Everyone just looks at my ever-smiling face and shrug me off. They think I'm just a harmless samurai boy, but of course they are wrong. I keep pulling out my sword at the littlest things. That was how I lived before Himura-san came into my life, and that is how I will continue. It is good practice.

Practice for what? Why, practice so I can take my revenge. I smiled widely at that thought. I finally have a new reason to live on.

I slashed merciless at this woman who had slapped her children. Her bruised children watched me with fright. She fell down into a pool of blood. They screamed. The boys ran out of the house. Barely. They were shaking so hard. Why? Because I killed their mother so easily, as if she were an insect. They ran out though, because I let them. Let them spread the rumor. Let other people know of my existence. Then I can have more fun.

They'll think a new Hitokiri has been born, but of course that's not true. I'm no hitokiri. I'm the Tenken. I'll kill everyone in my view, if they are worthy of death. I'll kill them all if I can find pleasure from killing them. Who cares about answers anymore? I just want to feel.

Just you wait, Himura-san. I am much stronger than before. I am part of the strong. I'll survive when everyone else dies. I haven't been doing nothing all these years. I mastered my techniques and brought them to a new level. No one can beat me anymore, not even the legendary Hitokiri Battousai. No one can beat me, not even Shishio-san.

With my sword, I will get revenge for Shishio-san and Yumi-neesan. I shall purify myself of my own doubt. I am stronger. I shall kill that wrong man once and for all. Then, my objective will be accomplished. After that, I might have no more will to live on. But then, so what? My revenge will be fulfilled. I smiled again.

I am nearing Tokyo. I know that is where Himura-san is residing. I pulled out my sword. It is stained with blood. Not human blood though. Animal blood. I have been hunting.

I wiped the blood of both animal and human off my face before I entered the town. It's not that I care about others' perception of me. I just don't want to be discovered by Himura-san so soon. I don't want laziness to destroy my whole plan.

I strolled casually down the street. No one recognizes me here and apparently no rumors have been spread this far yet. Even if they knew a new Hitokiri was about, they would never have guessed it was me. Me, with my ever smiling facade. I kept smiling as I walked down the streets. The smell of food drew my attention. Even though I wasn't hungry or tired at all, I went in. On instinct. I am going to start the hunt.

The restaurant was bustling with activity. I took a look around. Not much to interest me. As I was just about to let this place out of harm, something caught my eye. Himura-san's sakabatou.

A young man held the sakabatou. He had spiky hair and reddish brown eyes. He was talking merrily with a waitress about his own age. Why does he have Himura-san's sakabatou? I smiled dangerously. Can it be that Himura-san has been defeated? I hope not. If so, I will have no fun. But then, I can still challenge this young man.

The waitress spotted me and turned to the young man.

"Yahiko-kun, I'll be back. There are customers to be served." She turned away from the young man and headed my way. The man named Yahiko did not seem happy.

She approached me with a very professional smile. "What would you like to order?" She asked me with such innocence.

I shook my head. I did not even speak a word. She just smiled and left. I guess she knew I wasn't here to eat. She walked back to where the young man was and they continued their chat. This time I was in it. But that did not catch my interest.

"Tsubame, just forget about that dirty-looking wanderer. You know those kind of people won't give good pay." Yahiko puffed. He looked at me but I wasn't looking at him. I was just listening.

"But, even if they can't pay well, they're still our customers. And besides, didn't Kenshin-san used to be a wanderer? He always gives good pay." Tsubame smiled sweetly.

Now that caught my attention. So these people knew Himura-san after all. I'll get interesting information out of them. The man decided to end the conversation. He's leaving. I should follow him.

I stalked him in the shadows. He did not sense me at all. How come? Why, because I have no emotions, I have no fighting ki or sword ki to radiate. He cannot sense my existence. And of course I will not give off even one sound.

He walked towards a dojo. The Kamiya Dojo. Apparently he lives here. I sneaked beneath the roofs next to the door and peeked in. Yahiko walked in and approached a woman. She was carrying a little boy with red hair. That boy...that boy looked surprisingly like Himura-san!

"Morning, Kaoru! Morning, Ken-chan!" The man walked up to the boy and ruffled his hair.

Now this news is pretty surprising. It seems that Himura-san has married, and that is his child. I smiled again to myself. It's just even more fun to ruin his happiness if he has a lot of it. The more happiness to destroy, the more fun.

The door slid open. A red haired man slowly walked out. Himura Kenshin. It can be no other. He walked so slowly. He's gotten old. I don't think he even stands a chance against me anymore. I smiled. I will win this time.

I SHALL GET MY REVENGE!


to be continued


(March 29th, 2007: Since ffnet removed all scene dividers, I'm going back through all my fics to add them in. Remember that this is my first fic ever. It's pretty bad, so proceed with caution! One day I'll have to write a new Soujiro fic to do him justice.)