Acantine Mushrooms and September Snow

By: Jordan Domynikah, Ravenclaw Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: You still don't get it, do you? I don't own Harry. I don't own Hermione. I don't own Ron. I don't own Professor Sprout. I don't even own Draco Malfoy, although I would like to….

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"The one thing you absolutely need to know about Acantine mushrooms," Professor Sprout said, watching every child in her class, "is that they require constant attention. No mushroom can be left alone for any period of time- it needs constant watering, feeding, and sunlight and…" She broke off as she saw Hermione Granger, who had performed a tricky spell to enchant her watering can and bag of food to hover above the Acantine mushrooms, and was now reading 4,999 Ways to Impress Your Teachers, Wow Your Friends, and One-Up Your Enemies by Overa Chiever. "And," she continued, "will, once in a while, need a feeding of nitsy seeds, which I happen to have a sack of…"

Ron stared at Hermione, who was still reading as though the class meant nothing to her, then at Neville Longbottom, the only person in the class who was expertly taking care of the mushrooms. It was amazing, he thought, that any class could come so easily to any student, especially a student such as Neville. Even more amazing, he mused further, is that Neville got it, but he, Ron, did not.

Professor Sprout walked to the back of Greenhouse Four, where she kept her supply cabinet stocked with various things (she never let students back there, so no one knew what was in the cabinets. She could have kept a dead person in there without their knowing). The class, which consisted of both Gryffindors and Slytherins, heard a loud "tutting" noise from her before she emerged to the front of the class again.

"Well, wouldn't you know it?" she said, mostly to herself. "I happen to be completely out of nitsy seeds… I must go back up to the castle and see if I can get some from Professor Snape… While I am gone, none of you-" She looked directly at the Slytherins as she said this. "-are to touch anything in this room except for your own plants. If I catch you messing around, all of you will be in the Headmaster's office before you can say 'Transfiguration'." With nothing else said, Professor Sprout left the room.

As soon as she did, total chaos ensued.

"Par-tay!!" A Slytherin girl yelled, and a conga line soon formed, dancing across the room, with Draco Malfoy bringing up the rear. All but Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville joined in the celebration. They couldn't afford to get in trouble so soon into the year.

Hermione, still looking up how to show off in Care of Magical Creatures, suddenly looked up and out of the window. Ron, sensing something was wrong, was concerned at the look on Hermione's face. "What is it, Herm?"

"Is it just me, or do the clouds look darker?" she asked, preoccupied. "You know, like it's about to rain or something?" Sure enough, it did, Ron thought. But nothing more than a drizzle…

Yeah, right.

Suddenly, a huge rumbling filled the air, shaking all of the plants in the greenhouse. The conga line stopped in mid-step. After a couple of seconds, a huge blizzard came about, though it was only September. The blizzard only lasted a couple of minutes, three at the most, but was enough to cover the ground… and pile up against the windows. A good eight or nine feet fell, trapping them all in the greenhouse.

Many murmurs, mostly along the lines of "what the heck…?" erupted in the room.

"Oh, well," Lavender Brown said finally, her voice carrying above the rest. "The teachers'll get to us soon. In the meantime, let's celebrate!!" The party recommenced, none of them paying any attention to what just happened.

Honestly, Hermione thought, do none of them pay attention?? "Um, hello!!" She yelled at the class, and effectively making Ron go deaf in his right ear. "Did none of you just see what happened? We're snowed in!!"

A moment of silence, then, "So?" Seamus Finnigan asked.

Hermione sighed. "IT DOES NOT SNOW IN SEPTEMBER, PEOPLE!!!"

It looked as though one giant light bulb when on over the class' heads. "Oh…"

"It'll take forever for the teachers to get through that snow, even with magic," Ron said. "We'll be stuck with each other in here for a good couple of hours…"

Both Harry and Draco heard this remark. "WHAT???" They both yelled. "I'm stuck with him???" Both pointed at the other.

Hermione rolled her eyes as she went back to her book. "Honestly, you two didn't even think about each other until Ron mentioned it…"

And so, their long afternoon in Greenhouse Four began.

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An hour later, there was still no sign of life outside of the greenhouse. The conga line, as well as the entire celebration, had died down, for the children were exhausted, and were quite bored with it. Many students were just lying on the ground or on tables, staring up at the snow- covered roof, making small talk occasionally.

Hermione had given up on 4,999 Ways to Impress Your Teachers, Wow Your Friends, and One-Up Your Enemies, and was now just staring blankly at her Acantine mushrooms, and the watering can still hovering above it. Ron had the strangest idea that she really could not even see the plant, and was looking through it.

Harry and Draco were glaring at each other constantly, although neither was saying anything. Whenever one was spoken to (which, might I add, was not very often, as the entire greenhouse was silent save the growling of the Venomous Tentacula), he looked away only long enough to respond, then continued glaring daggers.

Ron was almost asleep on top of one of the tables when Lavender Brown's voice rang out, jerking him awake. "Hey, Hermione?" she asked, in a shriller voice than usual. She didn't wait for Hermione to respond. "Why are you such a bossy, fussy, brainy, know-it-all?"

Hermione, for the first time in what seemed like forever, looked away from the Acantine mushrooms. "You know what?" she said. "I didn't know I was such a know-it-all," she started sarcastically. "I also didn't know I was bossy, fussy and brainy. But I thank you ever so much for the information, as I will definitely need it in the future. I am ever so grateful for your telling me. But I also know that that information is already known all around the school, and so I would be even more grateful if you would turn around, go back to your plants, and LEAVE ME THE BLOODY HELL ALONE!!!" If Ron had been deaf in his right ear before, now he was even more so.

Lavender's face took on a pink tinge. "Well, you didn't have to say it that way…" she said.

At the same time, Hermione said, "Thank you ever so much… for making me even more glad that I'm not a blonde."

"Say that again…" Lavender said, the pink tinge turning into red.

"Thank you ever so much for making me even more glad that I'm not a blonde." Hermione smirked at the end of her sentence.

"Blondes aren't-" Lavender started to take on the impossible task of both defending blondes and their status in society or admitting that she was not a natural blonde, but Hermione interrupted.

"I see," she said, "that your Acantine mushrooms are already dead, and have been for the past hour. And, may I remind you, the only mushrooms that are still alive are mine, Harry's, Ron's, and Neville's."

As Lavender had had enough and turned away from them, Ron looked surprised. "Mine are still alive?" he asked, looking at his mushrooms. Sure enough, they were. "God… I forgot about them as soon as the snow fell… They should've been dead by now…" He suspected Hermione had been taking care of his and Harry's plants for the past hour. She might as well have, because she had nothing else to do but look up ways to impress teachers.

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Harry and Draco were still glaring daggers at each other. Heck, they had nothing else to do—why not bask in their loathing for the other?

Many students were sleep, five hours after the blizzard had stopped. Seamus Finnigan was now sharing pessimistic opinions with the rest of them. "What if they can't get us out?" he was saying repeatedly. "What if magic isn't enough? What if we run out of food or water before they can get us out? Or run out of air?… Is the air feeling a little thin in here, or is it just me?"

"IT'S JUST YOU, SEAMUS!!!" the few students that were awake yelled at him.

Seamus paid no attention to them. "What if we all die in here? No one will be here to record our last words! And we won't get a proper burial, since we'll all still be in here! And no one will remember us, and-"

"Can I Stupefy him just to shut him up?" Dean Thomas said, pulling out his wand.

"Be my guest," Harry answered. His and Ron's Acantine mushrooms were now dead, as Hermione had gotten sick of taking care of three plants instead of just one. Ron and Harry were now playing Gobstones, a set of which had been left on Professor Sprout's desk. Harry was alternatingly making moves and scowling at Malfoy, who was now paying him no attention. Instead, Malfoy got up and walked over to Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"D'you think…. I could play?"

Ron and Harry looked at him incredulously. "YOU actually want to play something with US? The lowly Gryffindors?"

"Well, of course," Malfoy said, Crabbe and Goyle nodding their heads, synchronized with each other. "But," Malfoy added, trying to cover it up, " the only reason I am talking to you at all is because everyone in Slytherin is sleep and all the Gryffindors are either sleep or some of the biggest wusses I have ever seen in my life."

"Yeah, of course, Malfoy," Hermione said. "Whatever you say…"

Contrary to Hermione's complaints about previously being called a Mudblood by this insubordinate little boy, Harry let Malfoy play, no matter how many times Harry and Draco glared daggers at each other.

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It had seemed to become one of the worst rivalries Hogwarts had ever seen- Worse than Severus Snape and James Potter, even worse than James' son Harry and Draco Malfoy's.

It was Neville Longbottom and Hermione Granger.

What had once started out as a friendly class had now become a fight to the finish for both of the students. Neither one of them wanted to give up on their Acantine mushrooms so quickly, and allow the other person to have the only alive-and-thriving plant. Hermione could not afford to lose her reputation as the smartest kid in all her classes, including Herbology. Neville, along with not wanting to fail the only class he was somewhat decent in, had his pride and dignity to save.

And Ron thought they were both stark raving mad.

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Seven hours. That is how long they had been trapped. Some of the worst hours of their lives. All of them needed out.

Seamus Finnigan had finally calmed down enough not to hyperventilate at any mention of snow, teachers, or mushrooms. He and Dean Thomas were now talking spiritedly about the next Quidditch World Cup, although it was months off. Dean made sure not to mention that it would be played in the snowy country of Greenland.

Harry was basking in the glory of winning the Gobstones match against Ron and Draco. His score had been twenty, and he has won to Ron's five and Draco's negative 17.

Neville and Hermione? Still battling it out. It was now more like a war instead of a competition. Their full attention was given only to their plants. Though Ron wasn't a Herbology master, he could tell that Hermione was fighting a losing battle. Her mushrooms were already looking somewhat droopy, and it was only a matter of time, as far as he could tell.

As Harry, Ron and Draco all started a new game of Gobstones and Harry made the first point, Hermione let out a shrill scream. "No!!" they heard her say. Everyone in the class turned in her direction. Her worst fears had been confirmed. Her Acantine Mushrooms were dead. "No!! Come back!" she said, not paying attention to anyone else. "You… you can't die!! I fed you, watered you, and did everything Professor Sprout said!! Why? Why'd you have to die???!!!"

Neville let out a menacing laugh. "I've won! Finally… finally!!! I AM THE BEST!!!! You always were the perfect one, Hermione!" he said suddenly, and Hermione's now-tear-streaked face looked at him. "I've waited forever for this day to come. The day when I've finally beaten Hermione Granger!!"

Hermione's expression changed from utter sadness to madness and anger. She took out her wand, pointed it at not Neville, but his plants, said an incantation, and with a blast of ice blue light, Neville's Acantine mushrooms were also dead. "Now no one will believe that you beat me!" Hermione laughed triumphantly.

Neville let out a loud battle cry and charged at Hermione, and soon they were wrestling each other on the ground.

"Are we the only sane ones in this class?" Ron asked Harry as they both watched Hermione choking Neville and Neville pulling out tuffs of her hair.

"Yeah, most likely."

The fight lasted almost as long as the blizzard had. The roles had now reversed, and Neville now had Hermione in a choke hold. Hermione was just about to take her wand and curse him when a voice called from the doorway, "Miss Granger!! Mr. Longbottom!! What in the world is going on??"

Professor Sprout stood in the doorway, a small bag in her hands. Behind her, the snow had been cleared, a trail leading straight from the school to the door. She stared at the scene in disbelief. Students not working for once, and two of the best-behaved students Hogwarts had ever seen, on the ground fighting. It was enough to make any teacher sick.

Hermione and Neville froze exactly as they were. Immediately, Hermione sprang into an explanation. "Please, Professor," she said, sounding as innocent as humanly possible. "Neville attacked me! He killed my mushrooms, and when I asked why he would be mean enough to do that, he just went berserk and pounced on me. He would have killed me if you hadn't come," she added.

Ron and Harry stared at her in incredulity.

"Well, in that case," Professor Sprout said. "Longbottom, how absolutely evil of you! And for your own personal gain, for that matter! Go up to the Headmaster's office. I'll personally see to it that you are expelled from Hogwarts."

As Neville walked forlornly out of the greenhouse, Professor Sprout said to the rest of the class, "And all of you, except for poor Hermione, will receive a failing grade for this assignment, as all of your plants are dead."

The familiar 'man-why'd-she-have-to-go-and-do-that' groans started up throughout the class. Hermione sat happily next to Harry and whispered, "That was something I learned in 4,999 Ways to Impress Your Teachers, Wow Your Friends, and One-Up Your Enemies."

As the entire class left the room, Ron said to Harry, "Well. We've made friends with Malfoy, Neville's being expelled, Hermione's even more egotistical than before, we're all failing Herbology, and I never want to see the rest of the Gryffindors or Slytherins again. Has anything good come out of this?"

Professor Sprout overheard them. "Well," she said brightly. "I got the nitsy seeds."

Both Harry and Ron slapped themselves on the forehead in complete synchroneity.