I don't own the characters. Damn.

Oh yeah, and I've used the abbreviations again...

God, that intro sounds SOOOOOOOO boring...
-----------------------

Hm/wk Induced Insanity pt 6- TIM-BEERRRRRR!!!

The train emerged into daylight

R- Hey, look! (points at Galbadian plains) It's so much nicer than that dark, skanky tunnel!
Sq- ...Hmmm...
R- What?
Sq- Huh?
Q- As an expert Squall observer, I'd say he's thinking right now (put on Squall's voice) "Why didn't we bring a metal detector? Why didn't I let Quistis kill Nida? How can Garden have ignition keys when the whole thing started moving with a switch in the first place?"
Sq- Actually no.
Q- Oh.
Sel- (Sings) Train, train, take us away...
Z- (Especially when Selphie's driving)
Sel- (still singing) Take us away, far away...
I- (to Zell) Only if we loose the map too
Sel- To the future we will go...
Z- AAHHH! ULTIMECIA!!!
(Selphie pokes her toungue out at Zell)
I- Hey! Look! Timber!
(Timber appears on the horizon)
Sel- ... oh Bummer
R- That didn't sound good
Sel- Opps
Q- What?
Sel- ... erm... this may be a bad time to ask, but... does anyone know how to stop a train?
Z- The brakes, dammit!
Sel- Okay... anyone know where the breaks are?
(The group stare blankly at Selphie. Suddenly they all move to look around the driver's cab)
R- Hey, is this it?
Q- (Comes over) Where?
R- This big red button that says "BREAK" on it
Q- Oh. (Shouts) Hey! We found it!
(She presses the button. A roof support in the ceiling breaks. A large iron bar falls and hits Squall on the head)
Sq- Ouch!
Q- ...or maybe not.
Z- Yo, Timber's getting closer! We're gonna miss!
I- We could jump...
Sq- I got an idea... let's Jump!
I- Hey! That was my idea!
Boco- WAARRKK!!
Sq- Yours... mine... whatever.
I- It was such a good idea...
Sq- Yeah, but mine was more assertive.
------------------

(Scene- top of train)
Q- LOOKOUT TIMBER- HERE WE COME! (Shouts + jumps)
Z- GERONIMO!(Jumps. Lands flat on his ass.)
I- I'm scared of HEEIIIGGHHTTSSS!!! (get pushed by Selphie)
Sel- He- He! (jumps)
R- Hiiii- yaaa! (jumps)
Angelo- Arr-roooooo!! (Howls + jumps)
Boco- Waarrk! (jumps)
Sq- ....... (Jumps. misses the platform and lands in the wheelbarrow of some guy collecting leaves off the line)
Q- That's what you get for not having a jumping phrase...
-------------------

The team get ready to search the town...

Sq- Right. We'll split into 3 groups
Sel- I'm with Irvy!
I- Cool!
Sq- Okay... search by the main gate and the hotel. Rinoa's with me so we'll take the TV station. If they were drunk, they'd like the shiny lights. Plus I wanna know when the Xena re-runs are.
I- Awww, man! Some people have all the fun!
Sq- Ah, but I'm in charge
I- Hmmm... can I be in charge
Sq- (Looks thoughtful).... No.
I- Damn.
Sq- So anyway... Zell and Quistis checkout this area and Timber Manics
Z- Aw, what!? (turns to Quisty) No offense...
Q- None taken
Sq- Meet back here in 1/2 hour
(all split, leaving Zell and Quisty)
Z- Man, I hate being a reject!
Q- Yeah. Just 'cause we're single...
(Look at each other. Their eyes meet)
Z- ..........
Q- ......
Z- Okay, that's too weird...
Q- Right. (mumbles) Choccie, put me with him and I swear I'll get you
(They leave)
----------------------------

1 hour later...
Sq- Nothing?
Z- Nope
Sq- Nothing whatsoever?
Sel- Nope
Sq- Nothing whatso whatever?
Q- Nope. But I found this Eternity disc. (Spins it) Look! It just spins for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever!
Sel- Ooooo! (comes over to look)
Z- ...Shiny!
R- It's so... Hypnotic...
I- Must... look... away...
Sq- .........
(The group stare at the spinning disc for 5 mins, when it stops.)
Z- Hey! I thought you said eternity!
Q- A short 5 minuite eternity
R- Oh.
Sq- Now what?
Sel- Spin it again! Spin it again!
R+Z- NO!
I- Oh, I don't believe it
Sq- What?
I- It's so damned obvious it could hit someone in the face.
(A big brick with "Irvine's idea" written on it flys outta nowhere and hits Squall in the face)
Sq- Ouch!!! (Holds his hand to his face to cover up his bloody nose)
Q- Oo-kay.... Irvine...
I- They were on a pubcrawl, right?
Q- Yeah.
I- So they needed alcohol, right?
Z- Yeah
I- So where would they go?
Sel- Oh, Oh, Me! Me! The out of town off license!
(Squall goes to raise his hand to his face, then realises it's already there)
Sq- Huh?
Z- Great! Squall gets hit, and Selphie gets brain damage!!!
Sel+I- Hey!!!
Q- He means the pub.
Sel- Oh.
----------------------------

(Everybody goes to the pub)
Bar guy- Hey! You're too young to be in here!
Z- I, erm... we... erm...
Q- Need alcohol to...
R- ... disinfect his nose (Points to Squall, who's still holding his face)
Bar guy- Fucking kids. Don't waste my time...
I- Hey, Quisty, can't you legally buy drinks?
Q- ... hey, yeah!
Sq- I didn't think we were here for alcohol.
R- Nah, but it was worth a try

"HEY! I know that voice!!!"
(Watts and Zone appear)
Watts + Zone- Hi, Rinoa!
R- Hey, guys
Z- Can you do us a favour?
Zone- Ooouuuccchhh... my stomach! (Doubles over)
Watts- Gathering information is my specialty, Sir!
Q- Good, cos that's what we need.
Zone- Ouu... huh?
Watts- Cool!
Q- Where were you at 7:00 last night?
Zone- Right here
I- (Holds up right hand + puts on detective voice) Have you seen these two people?
Watts- What people, sir?
I- The ones in the picture
Watts- Huh, sir? What picture, sir?
I- (points) THAT one
Watts- There is no picture, sir!
I- (Tut!) Spoil my fun... I've always wanted to say that!
Z- So anyway...
Zone- A description might help. How old were they?
All- ......
Zone- Okay... how tall?
All- ......
Zone- Hair colour?
Sq- I dunno. Xu and Nida didn't get any good FMV's
R- He-He-He, suckas!
Watts- Wait a minuite... her NAME was Xu?
Z- Yeah. They were here?
Zone- Oh, it all makes sense now. I just thought the guy in the sombero was pissed enough to think she was the owner of a zoo. Or a zookeeper. I couldn't tell which
Sq- Did they have anything with them?
Q- Like keys?
Zone- Yep.
Z- Did they leave them here?
Watts- No, sir!
R- Hmmm...
I- Then what happened?
Zone- They got kicked out at 9:00 when they fed the bar dog a mixture of Tequila and washing-up liquid
R- Any clues as to where they went?
Q- Did they say where they were going?
I- What else did they have with them?
Watts- Well, lets see... an inflatable Glacial eye, a tourist information guide to Dollet, a Cockatrice card, 15 bottle caps, 14 bags of Haribo, one of those seashells that goes "woooooo" when you hold it up to your ear, a digital watch...
Zone- With internal stopclock
Watts- ... Zone's copy of Girl-Next-Door-But-One and the sign from the station that says "Welcome to Timber"
R- Oh. I wondered where that went.
Sel- Ok, thanks guys! Next stop, Dollet!!!
Zone- Oh, the trains are down. Summit about leaves on the line and a crash of a train with no driver at the city exit...
I- Whoops...
(Squall thumps Irvine)
I- Ouch!
Q- Guess we'll have to walk
Sel- Major bummer!
Zone- Oh, and tell them I want it back or there'll be hell to pay in the form of 15 tonnes of tomatoes and a squash racket
Z- All for a frickin' sign?
Q- He means the porno mag
I- Oh. Mind if I borrow it?
(Selphie hits Irvy round the head as they all drag him out of the door and up to the city exit)