I don't own the characters. Damn.
Oh yeah, and I've used the abbreviations again...
God, that intro sounds SOOOOOOOO boring...
-----------------------
Hm/wk Induced Insanity pt 6- TIM-BEERRRRRR!!!
The train emerged into daylight
R- Hey, look! (points at Galbadian plains) It's so much nicer than that dark, skanky tunnel!
Sq- ...Hmmm...
R- What?
Sq- Huh?
Q- As an expert Squall observer, I'd say he's thinking right now (put on Squall's voice) "Why didn't we bring a metal detector? Why didn't I let Quistis kill Nida? How can Garden have ignition keys when the whole thing started moving with a switch in the first place?"
Sq- Actually no.
Q- Oh.
Sel- (Sings) Train, train, take us away...
Z- (Especially when Selphie's driving)
Sel- (still singing) Take us away, far away...
I- (to Zell) Only if we loose the map too
Sel- To the future we will go...
Z- AAHHH! ULTIMECIA!!!
(Selphie pokes her toungue out at Zell)
I- Hey! Look! Timber!
(Timber appears on the horizon)
Sel- ... oh Bummer
R- That didn't sound good
Sel- Opps
Q- What?
Sel- ... erm... this may be a bad time to ask, but... does anyone know how to stop a train?
Z- The brakes, dammit!
Sel- Okay... anyone know where the breaks are?
(The group stare blankly at Selphie. Suddenly they all move to look around the driver's cab)
R- Hey, is this it?
Q- (Comes over) Where?
R- This big red button that says "BREAK" on it
Q- Oh. (Shouts) Hey! We found it!
(She presses the button. A roof support in the ceiling breaks. A large iron bar falls and hits Squall on the head)
Sq- Ouch!
Q- ...or maybe not.
Z- Yo, Timber's getting closer! We're gonna miss!
I- We could jump...
Sq- I got an idea... let's Jump!
I- Hey! That was my idea!
Boco- WAARRKK!!
Sq- Yours... mine... whatever.
I- It was such a good idea...
Sq- Yeah, but mine was more assertive.
------------------
(Scene- top of train)
Q- LOOKOUT TIMBER- HERE WE COME! (Shouts + jumps)
Z- GERONIMO!(Jumps. Lands flat on his ass.)
I- I'm scared of HEEIIIGGHHTTSSS!!! (get pushed by Selphie)
Sel- He- He! (jumps)
R- Hiiii- yaaa! (jumps)
Angelo- Arr-roooooo!! (Howls + jumps)
Boco- Waarrk! (jumps)
Sq- ....... (Jumps. misses the platform and lands in the wheelbarrow of some guy collecting leaves off the line)
Q- That's what you get for not having a jumping phrase...
-------------------
The team get ready to search the town...
Sq- Right. We'll split into 3 groups
Sel- I'm with Irvy!
I- Cool!
Sq- Okay... search by the main gate and the hotel. Rinoa's with me so we'll take the TV station. If they were drunk, they'd like the shiny lights. Plus I wanna know when the Xena re-runs are.
I- Awww, man! Some people have all the fun!
Sq- Ah, but I'm in charge
I- Hmmm... can I be in charge
Sq- (Looks thoughtful).... No.
I- Damn.
Sq- So anyway... Zell and Quistis checkout this area and Timber Manics
Z- Aw, what!? (turns to Quisty) No offense...
Q- None taken
Sq- Meet back here in 1/2 hour
(all split, leaving Zell and Quisty)
Z- Man, I hate being a reject!
Q- Yeah. Just 'cause we're single...
(Look at each other. Their eyes meet)
Z- ..........
Q- ......
Z- Okay, that's too weird...
Q- Right. (mumbles) Choccie, put me with him and I swear I'll get you
(They leave)
----------------------------
1 hour later...
Sq- Nothing?
Z- Nope
Sq- Nothing whatsoever?
Sel- Nope
Sq- Nothing whatso whatever?
Q- Nope. But I found this Eternity disc. (Spins it) Look! It just spins for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever!
Sel- Ooooo! (comes over to look)
Z- ...Shiny!
R- It's so... Hypnotic...
I- Must... look... away...
Sq- .........
(The group stare at the spinning disc for 5 mins, when it stops.)
Z- Hey! I thought you said eternity!
Q- A short 5 minuite eternity
R- Oh.
Sq- Now what?
Sel- Spin it again! Spin it again!
R+Z- NO!
I- Oh, I don't believe it
Sq- What?
I- It's so damned obvious it could hit someone in the face.
(A big brick with "Irvine's idea" written on it flys outta nowhere and hits Squall in the face)
Sq- Ouch!!! (Holds his hand to his face to cover up his bloody nose)
Q- Oo-kay.... Irvine...
I- They were on a pubcrawl, right?
Q- Yeah.
I- So they needed alcohol, right?
Z- Yeah
I- So where would they go?
Sel- Oh, Oh, Me! Me! The out of town off license!
(Squall goes to raise his hand to his face, then realises it's already there)
Sq- Huh?
Z- Great! Squall gets hit, and Selphie gets brain damage!!!
Sel+I- Hey!!!
Q- He means the pub.
Sel- Oh.
----------------------------
(Everybody goes to the pub)
Bar guy- Hey! You're too young to be in here!
Z- I, erm... we... erm...
Q- Need alcohol to...
R- ... disinfect his nose (Points to Squall, who's still holding his face)
Bar guy- Fucking kids. Don't waste my time...
I- Hey, Quisty, can't you legally buy drinks?
Q- ... hey, yeah!
Sq- I didn't think we were here for alcohol.
R- Nah, but it was worth a try
"HEY! I know that voice!!!"
(Watts and Zone appear)
Watts + Zone- Hi, Rinoa!
R- Hey, guys
Z- Can you do us a favour?
Zone- Ooouuuccchhh... my stomach! (Doubles over)
Watts- Gathering information is my specialty, Sir!
Q- Good, cos that's what we need.
Zone- Ouu... huh?
Watts- Cool!
Q- Where were you at 7:00 last night?
Zone- Right here
I- (Holds up right hand + puts on detective voice) Have you seen these two people?
Watts- What people, sir?
I- The ones in the picture
Watts- Huh, sir? What picture, sir?
I- (points) THAT one
Watts- There is no picture, sir!
I- (Tut!) Spoil my fun... I've always wanted to say that!
Z- So anyway...
Zone- A description might help. How old were they?
All- ......
Zone- Okay... how tall?
All- ......
Zone- Hair colour?
Sq- I dunno. Xu and Nida didn't get any good FMV's
R- He-He-He, suckas!
Watts- Wait a minuite... her NAME was Xu?
Z- Yeah. They were here?
Zone- Oh, it all makes sense now. I just thought the guy in the sombero was pissed enough to think she was the owner of a zoo. Or a zookeeper. I couldn't tell which
Sq- Did they have anything with them?
Q- Like keys?
Zone- Yep.
Z- Did they leave them here?
Watts- No, sir!
R- Hmmm...
I- Then what happened?
Zone- They got kicked out at 9:00 when they fed the bar dog a mixture of Tequila and washing-up liquid
R- Any clues as to where they went?
Q- Did they say where they were going?
I- What else did they have with them?
Watts- Well, lets see... an inflatable Glacial eye, a tourist information guide to Dollet, a Cockatrice card, 15 bottle caps, 14 bags of Haribo, one of those seashells that goes "woooooo" when you hold it up to your ear, a digital watch...
Zone- With internal stopclock
Watts- ... Zone's copy of Girl-Next-Door-But-One and the sign from the station that says "Welcome to Timber"
R- Oh. I wondered where that went.
Sel- Ok, thanks guys! Next stop, Dollet!!!
Zone- Oh, the trains are down. Summit about leaves on the line and a crash of a train with no driver at the city exit...
I- Whoops...
(Squall thumps Irvine)
I- Ouch!
Q- Guess we'll have to walk
Sel- Major bummer!
Zone- Oh, and tell them I want it back or there'll be hell to pay in the form of 15 tonnes of tomatoes and a squash racket
Z- All for a frickin' sign?
Q- He means the porno mag
I- Oh. Mind if I borrow it?
(Selphie hits Irvy round the head as they all drag him out of the door and up to the city exit)
Oh yeah, and I've used the abbreviations again...
God, that intro sounds SOOOOOOOO boring...
-----------------------
Hm/wk Induced Insanity pt 6- TIM-BEERRRRRR!!!
The train emerged into daylight
R- Hey, look! (points at Galbadian plains) It's so much nicer than that dark, skanky tunnel!
Sq- ...Hmmm...
R- What?
Sq- Huh?
Q- As an expert Squall observer, I'd say he's thinking right now (put on Squall's voice) "Why didn't we bring a metal detector? Why didn't I let Quistis kill Nida? How can Garden have ignition keys when the whole thing started moving with a switch in the first place?"
Sq- Actually no.
Q- Oh.
Sel- (Sings) Train, train, take us away...
Z- (Especially when Selphie's driving)
Sel- (still singing) Take us away, far away...
I- (to Zell) Only if we loose the map too
Sel- To the future we will go...
Z- AAHHH! ULTIMECIA!!!
(Selphie pokes her toungue out at Zell)
I- Hey! Look! Timber!
(Timber appears on the horizon)
Sel- ... oh Bummer
R- That didn't sound good
Sel- Opps
Q- What?
Sel- ... erm... this may be a bad time to ask, but... does anyone know how to stop a train?
Z- The brakes, dammit!
Sel- Okay... anyone know where the breaks are?
(The group stare blankly at Selphie. Suddenly they all move to look around the driver's cab)
R- Hey, is this it?
Q- (Comes over) Where?
R- This big red button that says "BREAK" on it
Q- Oh. (Shouts) Hey! We found it!
(She presses the button. A roof support in the ceiling breaks. A large iron bar falls and hits Squall on the head)
Sq- Ouch!
Q- ...or maybe not.
Z- Yo, Timber's getting closer! We're gonna miss!
I- We could jump...
Sq- I got an idea... let's Jump!
I- Hey! That was my idea!
Boco- WAARRKK!!
Sq- Yours... mine... whatever.
I- It was such a good idea...
Sq- Yeah, but mine was more assertive.
------------------
(Scene- top of train)
Q- LOOKOUT TIMBER- HERE WE COME! (Shouts + jumps)
Z- GERONIMO!(Jumps. Lands flat on his ass.)
I- I'm scared of HEEIIIGGHHTTSSS!!! (get pushed by Selphie)
Sel- He- He! (jumps)
R- Hiiii- yaaa! (jumps)
Angelo- Arr-roooooo!! (Howls + jumps)
Boco- Waarrk! (jumps)
Sq- ....... (Jumps. misses the platform and lands in the wheelbarrow of some guy collecting leaves off the line)
Q- That's what you get for not having a jumping phrase...
-------------------
The team get ready to search the town...
Sq- Right. We'll split into 3 groups
Sel- I'm with Irvy!
I- Cool!
Sq- Okay... search by the main gate and the hotel. Rinoa's with me so we'll take the TV station. If they were drunk, they'd like the shiny lights. Plus I wanna know when the Xena re-runs are.
I- Awww, man! Some people have all the fun!
Sq- Ah, but I'm in charge
I- Hmmm... can I be in charge
Sq- (Looks thoughtful).... No.
I- Damn.
Sq- So anyway... Zell and Quistis checkout this area and Timber Manics
Z- Aw, what!? (turns to Quisty) No offense...
Q- None taken
Sq- Meet back here in 1/2 hour
(all split, leaving Zell and Quisty)
Z- Man, I hate being a reject!
Q- Yeah. Just 'cause we're single...
(Look at each other. Their eyes meet)
Z- ..........
Q- ......
Z- Okay, that's too weird...
Q- Right. (mumbles) Choccie, put me with him and I swear I'll get you
(They leave)
----------------------------
1 hour later...
Sq- Nothing?
Z- Nope
Sq- Nothing whatsoever?
Sel- Nope
Sq- Nothing whatso whatever?
Q- Nope. But I found this Eternity disc. (Spins it) Look! It just spins for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever!
Sel- Ooooo! (comes over to look)
Z- ...Shiny!
R- It's so... Hypnotic...
I- Must... look... away...
Sq- .........
(The group stare at the spinning disc for 5 mins, when it stops.)
Z- Hey! I thought you said eternity!
Q- A short 5 minuite eternity
R- Oh.
Sq- Now what?
Sel- Spin it again! Spin it again!
R+Z- NO!
I- Oh, I don't believe it
Sq- What?
I- It's so damned obvious it could hit someone in the face.
(A big brick with "Irvine's idea" written on it flys outta nowhere and hits Squall in the face)
Sq- Ouch!!! (Holds his hand to his face to cover up his bloody nose)
Q- Oo-kay.... Irvine...
I- They were on a pubcrawl, right?
Q- Yeah.
I- So they needed alcohol, right?
Z- Yeah
I- So where would they go?
Sel- Oh, Oh, Me! Me! The out of town off license!
(Squall goes to raise his hand to his face, then realises it's already there)
Sq- Huh?
Z- Great! Squall gets hit, and Selphie gets brain damage!!!
Sel+I- Hey!!!
Q- He means the pub.
Sel- Oh.
----------------------------
(Everybody goes to the pub)
Bar guy- Hey! You're too young to be in here!
Z- I, erm... we... erm...
Q- Need alcohol to...
R- ... disinfect his nose (Points to Squall, who's still holding his face)
Bar guy- Fucking kids. Don't waste my time...
I- Hey, Quisty, can't you legally buy drinks?
Q- ... hey, yeah!
Sq- I didn't think we were here for alcohol.
R- Nah, but it was worth a try
"HEY! I know that voice!!!"
(Watts and Zone appear)
Watts + Zone- Hi, Rinoa!
R- Hey, guys
Z- Can you do us a favour?
Zone- Ooouuuccchhh... my stomach! (Doubles over)
Watts- Gathering information is my specialty, Sir!
Q- Good, cos that's what we need.
Zone- Ouu... huh?
Watts- Cool!
Q- Where were you at 7:00 last night?
Zone- Right here
I- (Holds up right hand + puts on detective voice) Have you seen these two people?
Watts- What people, sir?
I- The ones in the picture
Watts- Huh, sir? What picture, sir?
I- (points) THAT one
Watts- There is no picture, sir!
I- (Tut!) Spoil my fun... I've always wanted to say that!
Z- So anyway...
Zone- A description might help. How old were they?
All- ......
Zone- Okay... how tall?
All- ......
Zone- Hair colour?
Sq- I dunno. Xu and Nida didn't get any good FMV's
R- He-He-He, suckas!
Watts- Wait a minuite... her NAME was Xu?
Z- Yeah. They were here?
Zone- Oh, it all makes sense now. I just thought the guy in the sombero was pissed enough to think she was the owner of a zoo. Or a zookeeper. I couldn't tell which
Sq- Did they have anything with them?
Q- Like keys?
Zone- Yep.
Z- Did they leave them here?
Watts- No, sir!
R- Hmmm...
I- Then what happened?
Zone- They got kicked out at 9:00 when they fed the bar dog a mixture of Tequila and washing-up liquid
R- Any clues as to where they went?
Q- Did they say where they were going?
I- What else did they have with them?
Watts- Well, lets see... an inflatable Glacial eye, a tourist information guide to Dollet, a Cockatrice card, 15 bottle caps, 14 bags of Haribo, one of those seashells that goes "woooooo" when you hold it up to your ear, a digital watch...
Zone- With internal stopclock
Watts- ... Zone's copy of Girl-Next-Door-But-One and the sign from the station that says "Welcome to Timber"
R- Oh. I wondered where that went.
Sel- Ok, thanks guys! Next stop, Dollet!!!
Zone- Oh, the trains are down. Summit about leaves on the line and a crash of a train with no driver at the city exit...
I- Whoops...
(Squall thumps Irvine)
I- Ouch!
Q- Guess we'll have to walk
Sel- Major bummer!
Zone- Oh, and tell them I want it back or there'll be hell to pay in the form of 15 tonnes of tomatoes and a squash racket
Z- All for a frickin' sign?
Q- He means the porno mag
I- Oh. Mind if I borrow it?
(Selphie hits Irvy round the head as they all drag him out of the door and up to the city exit)
