DISCLAIMER- I don't own FFVIII or the Blair witch. Though it'd be sooooo cool if I did. But I don't.
Thanks to Ace for the hot-dog idea!
Hm/wk Induced Insanity 11- The Deling Witch Project
(It's pitch black. A small red circle appears in the bottom right hand corner of the screen with the letters "r-e-c" written beside it. Suddenly, a torch shaped mysteriously like a "I did Tear's point" keyring comes on, showing someone's face)
Z- Hi mom. Ok, so I've been out here for hours, it's dark, and I dunno what time it is...
I- (From background) Look on the fucking camera!!!
Z- Huh?... oh, right, erm... it's 12:15 and we're in this tent on the Galbadian Plains. I'm scared... really scared... there's things moving outside, earlier Squall found this... like... THING in the woods... it was kinda like a doughnut, but made of twigs and sticks and stuff and... like... then it disappeared, and we then found it again, and... oh god, it's so scary! If you're watching this, then we probably didn't make it so... um... Mom, I love you and... um... well... bye.
(The camera goes off for a second, then comes back on)
Z- Oh and Mom... do NOT let that rascal from next door get his hands on my Jeri Ryan posters, okay?
(Sniggering is heard in the background)
Z- What? She's got Class!
Q- So THATS what you call it...!
I- What's so wrong with Class?!... Ow!
(Sound of someone being beaten rhythmically round the head with a pair of Nunchucks)
(The camera goes off)
---------
10 minutes later...
Sel- Um... animal?
I- Nope.
Sel- Mineral?
I- Nope.
Sel- ...vegetable?
I- Um... yep.
Q- (Points @ Irvine) RINOA!!!
I- Woah, yeah! Man, you're good at this!
R- HEY! That's mean! That's so mean! You... ugh, Squall, beat them up!... (looks around) Squall?...
Sq- (Sits rocking in the corner)...oh my god... we're all gonna die... oh my god...
R- SQUALL! HELP ME OUT HERE!!!
Sq- ... we're all gonna die... they'll come and they'll slit our throats and cut us into pieces and...
Q- FOR CHRISTS SAKE SQUALL, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE BLAIR WITCH!
Sq- ...there isn't?
Q- No, and even if there was, there's 6 of us and 1 of them
Z- Plus we're not just a buncha Punk teenagers on a camping trip
Q- ... we're not?
Z- Nah... we're a buncha Punk teenagers on a MISSION! YEAH, BABY! (Begins to punch ground with every shouted word) And I am DAMNED if I am gonna get TAKEN OUT by some PUNK WITCH with a severe case of ANAEMIA cos she's too SHIT SCARED to come out in DAYLIGHT!!!
R- (Rubs arm) Ow!
Z- Oops sorry!
Sel- Y'know what... Zell's right!
I- (whispers) For once...
Z- Hey!
Sel- Who cares if there's a Blair Witch? We're all SeeD's...
I- 'cept me!
R- And me!
Sel- Okay... we're NEARLY all SeeD's, and if we can take out Ulti, then we can take out anyone!
Sq- ... hey, Yeah!
I- YEAH! WE RULE!
(The side of the tent dents in suddenly)
Q- (Screams) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I- Holy shit...
Z- The hell was that?
Sel- Something hit the tent!
Sq- Oh god...
R- No... someONE hit the tent!
Sq- Oh god, oh god, oh, god...
(The tent dents in again, hitting Squall on the head)
Sound outside- Whhhooooooooooo!!!
Sq- Eeeek! It touched me!
Boco- (jumps) Waaa!
Q- Oh my god, you're marked!!!
Sq- Huh?
Q- If you're marked by the Blair Witch, then you're the next one to die!
Sq- (Disbelief) Wh... what?!...
R- I thought you said there WAS no Blair Witch?
Q- I lied! I don't know! I don't know anything! I don't...
(The tent collapses)
All- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
----------------
5 mins later...
(The gang are running through a wood)
Q- Okay, just don't look back, okay? We're gonna keep going okay, we're gonna keep going and get outta here okay, and...
Z- WOULD YOU JUST QUIT SAYING "OKAY"?! EVERYTHING'S NOT OKAY! IT'S 12:30 IN THE FUCKING MORNING, I'M RUNNING THROUGH A GODDAMN FUCKING WOOD WITH A BUNCHA FUCKING MANIACS AND THERE'S ALL THIS SCARY SHIT HAPPENING, I HAVEN'T HAD A FUCKING HOT-DOG FOR AT LEAST A WEEK,SO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME IT'S FUCKING OKAY, OKAY?!!!
Q- Oh, okay then.
(They keep running)
R- Oh god, we'd better get outta this wood soon...
(Summit brushes past Selphie's head)
Sel- EEEeeeeeeeEEEEeeeee!!!!
Q- (stops in fear) What? WHAT???
Sel- Summit brushed past me!
R- EEp!!!
Z- Maybe it was the Blair witch flying!!!!
All- AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Q- Maybe it was a zombie on float!!!
All- AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I- No, actually I think it was my hat.
Z- AAAAAAAAAA...Whaa?
I- What? we were running REALLY fast...(Goes to retrieve his hat)
Sel- Hmp.
R- Um, guys?
(All)- Yes...
R- ... Where's Squall?
----------------
Sq- Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...
(He's running thru the wood)
Sq- Oh my god, oh god, oh god...
(Stumbles over a fallen tree)
Sq- Oh my god, oh god, oh god...
(Running onwards, he trips over on a half-deflated inflatable Glacial eye)
Sq- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
(goes rolling/slides down embankment)
Sq- F'ing 7 years bad luck!
(Comes to a stop)
Sq- uuuuurrrrrr....
(He goes to get up as summit grabs his shoulder and throws him onto his back- NOT IN A SICK WAY ACE CUS I KNOW Y'RE READING THIS!)
Sq- (Looks up to see a figure standing over him) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (raises his arm to hide his face) [oh please Hyne, i don't wanna die, there's all this crap I never got to do, like... like... well, I can't think of anything, but please, give me some time to figure it out and... wait a minute... is that...LAUGHING?]
Squall raised his arm from his eyes, blinking in the blinding light of a flashlight. In the darkness beyond, he can make out the shadow of 3 people...
"Hah! You scream like a f'ing Thrustaevis on _____!"
"Ya shoulda seen the look on ur face, y'know! Scared shitless, y'know!"
"FEAR. AMUSING"
Sq- SEIFER! YOU F'ING RETARD!
Seifer- Hah!
Raijin- Ha-ha, y'know!
Fujin- HAH. HAH.
Sq- Shut it! This isn't funny! It's scary! There's a Blair witch out here, and if she catches us, she'll... (realisation dawns on him)
(The DC piss themselves laughing)
Sq- Oh hah-ha. Ha-fucking-ha.
(The DC laugh even more)
"GET AWAY FROM HIM YOU ***%%£""$£&^%()(&%££"**&)_))%$"%$$^&*%££"%$%^"$
*^*^*&%*%*%!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Rinoa leaps out of the darkness wielding the half-inflated Glacial eye and beats Seifer round the head with it)
(The DC laugh even harder)
Rai- Oh man, this is so funny, ya know?!
Fuj- HUMOUROUS. AFFIRMATIVE.
Sei- (Too hysterical to reply)
(The others show up behind Rinoa)
Q- Seifer! Stop this nonsense this minute!
Rai- But ta stop stuff that made no sense 'd mean that we'd have to stop this fic, ya know?
Q- Point.
Sei- And whatcha gonna do? Send me to the disciplinary room?!
Fuj- HA!
I- Um... he's kinda got a point...
Q- Grrrrr....
Sei- (raises hands in defence) Now look, I'm a reasonable guy, and if ya want me to stop this I will. So do ya?
Q- Yes.
Sei- Really?
Q- Yes!
Sei- Really really?
Q- YES!!!
Sei- ...well, I changed my mind. So hah.
Q- gggggggggggRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! (goes for Seifer's throat)
Sei- EEEEEE!!!
Sel- Hah, you scream like a girl!
Fuj- ...AFFIRMATIVE!
Sei- Hey! C'mon, Fuj!
Fuj- SORRY. TRUE.
Rai- Yeah. She's right, ya know, and...
(A shriek is heard)
Z- Ah... what was that?...
Q- Seifer! Quit it!
Sei- It wasn't me!
(Another shriek)
Sel- Come on you guys, this isn't funny...
Sei- Yeah, Raij, cut it out!
Rai- Hey, it ain't me, ya know!
Fuj- NOT. SWEAR.
(Another shriek, sounding closer)
Sq- Oh god...
(The bushes move)
Mr X- BBRRRRRAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS.........
All- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
-----------
P.S- Mr X is from Resident Evil 2 if u didn't get that. Though I haven't played the game, so I dunno if he's a zombie or whatever. And I don't own Resi either. Ta-da! %)
Thanks to Ace for the hot-dog idea!
Hm/wk Induced Insanity 11- The Deling Witch Project
(It's pitch black. A small red circle appears in the bottom right hand corner of the screen with the letters "r-e-c" written beside it. Suddenly, a torch shaped mysteriously like a "I did Tear's point" keyring comes on, showing someone's face)
Z- Hi mom. Ok, so I've been out here for hours, it's dark, and I dunno what time it is...
I- (From background) Look on the fucking camera!!!
Z- Huh?... oh, right, erm... it's 12:15 and we're in this tent on the Galbadian Plains. I'm scared... really scared... there's things moving outside, earlier Squall found this... like... THING in the woods... it was kinda like a doughnut, but made of twigs and sticks and stuff and... like... then it disappeared, and we then found it again, and... oh god, it's so scary! If you're watching this, then we probably didn't make it so... um... Mom, I love you and... um... well... bye.
(The camera goes off for a second, then comes back on)
Z- Oh and Mom... do NOT let that rascal from next door get his hands on my Jeri Ryan posters, okay?
(Sniggering is heard in the background)
Z- What? She's got Class!
Q- So THATS what you call it...!
I- What's so wrong with Class?!... Ow!
(Sound of someone being beaten rhythmically round the head with a pair of Nunchucks)
(The camera goes off)
---------
10 minutes later...
Sel- Um... animal?
I- Nope.
Sel- Mineral?
I- Nope.
Sel- ...vegetable?
I- Um... yep.
Q- (Points @ Irvine) RINOA!!!
I- Woah, yeah! Man, you're good at this!
R- HEY! That's mean! That's so mean! You... ugh, Squall, beat them up!... (looks around) Squall?...
Sq- (Sits rocking in the corner)...oh my god... we're all gonna die... oh my god...
R- SQUALL! HELP ME OUT HERE!!!
Sq- ... we're all gonna die... they'll come and they'll slit our throats and cut us into pieces and...
Q- FOR CHRISTS SAKE SQUALL, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE BLAIR WITCH!
Sq- ...there isn't?
Q- No, and even if there was, there's 6 of us and 1 of them
Z- Plus we're not just a buncha Punk teenagers on a camping trip
Q- ... we're not?
Z- Nah... we're a buncha Punk teenagers on a MISSION! YEAH, BABY! (Begins to punch ground with every shouted word) And I am DAMNED if I am gonna get TAKEN OUT by some PUNK WITCH with a severe case of ANAEMIA cos she's too SHIT SCARED to come out in DAYLIGHT!!!
R- (Rubs arm) Ow!
Z- Oops sorry!
Sel- Y'know what... Zell's right!
I- (whispers) For once...
Z- Hey!
Sel- Who cares if there's a Blair Witch? We're all SeeD's...
I- 'cept me!
R- And me!
Sel- Okay... we're NEARLY all SeeD's, and if we can take out Ulti, then we can take out anyone!
Sq- ... hey, Yeah!
I- YEAH! WE RULE!
(The side of the tent dents in suddenly)
Q- (Screams) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I- Holy shit...
Z- The hell was that?
Sel- Something hit the tent!
Sq- Oh god...
R- No... someONE hit the tent!
Sq- Oh god, oh god, oh, god...
(The tent dents in again, hitting Squall on the head)
Sound outside- Whhhooooooooooo!!!
Sq- Eeeek! It touched me!
Boco- (jumps) Waaa!
Q- Oh my god, you're marked!!!
Sq- Huh?
Q- If you're marked by the Blair Witch, then you're the next one to die!
Sq- (Disbelief) Wh... what?!...
R- I thought you said there WAS no Blair Witch?
Q- I lied! I don't know! I don't know anything! I don't...
(The tent collapses)
All- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
----------------
5 mins later...
(The gang are running through a wood)
Q- Okay, just don't look back, okay? We're gonna keep going okay, we're gonna keep going and get outta here okay, and...
Z- WOULD YOU JUST QUIT SAYING "OKAY"?! EVERYTHING'S NOT OKAY! IT'S 12:30 IN THE FUCKING MORNING, I'M RUNNING THROUGH A GODDAMN FUCKING WOOD WITH A BUNCHA FUCKING MANIACS AND THERE'S ALL THIS SCARY SHIT HAPPENING, I HAVEN'T HAD A FUCKING HOT-DOG FOR AT LEAST A WEEK,SO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME IT'S FUCKING OKAY, OKAY?!!!
Q- Oh, okay then.
(They keep running)
R- Oh god, we'd better get outta this wood soon...
(Summit brushes past Selphie's head)
Sel- EEEeeeeeeeEEEEeeeee!!!!
Q- (stops in fear) What? WHAT???
Sel- Summit brushed past me!
R- EEp!!!
Z- Maybe it was the Blair witch flying!!!!
All- AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Q- Maybe it was a zombie on float!!!
All- AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I- No, actually I think it was my hat.
Z- AAAAAAAAAA...Whaa?
I- What? we were running REALLY fast...(Goes to retrieve his hat)
Sel- Hmp.
R- Um, guys?
(All)- Yes...
R- ... Where's Squall?
----------------
Sq- Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...
(He's running thru the wood)
Sq- Oh my god, oh god, oh god...
(Stumbles over a fallen tree)
Sq- Oh my god, oh god, oh god...
(Running onwards, he trips over on a half-deflated inflatable Glacial eye)
Sq- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
(goes rolling/slides down embankment)
Sq- F'ing 7 years bad luck!
(Comes to a stop)
Sq- uuuuurrrrrr....
(He goes to get up as summit grabs his shoulder and throws him onto his back- NOT IN A SICK WAY ACE CUS I KNOW Y'RE READING THIS!)
Sq- (Looks up to see a figure standing over him) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (raises his arm to hide his face) [oh please Hyne, i don't wanna die, there's all this crap I never got to do, like... like... well, I can't think of anything, but please, give me some time to figure it out and... wait a minute... is that...LAUGHING?]
Squall raised his arm from his eyes, blinking in the blinding light of a flashlight. In the darkness beyond, he can make out the shadow of 3 people...
"Hah! You scream like a f'ing Thrustaevis on _____!"
"Ya shoulda seen the look on ur face, y'know! Scared shitless, y'know!"
"FEAR. AMUSING"
Sq- SEIFER! YOU F'ING RETARD!
Seifer- Hah!
Raijin- Ha-ha, y'know!
Fujin- HAH. HAH.
Sq- Shut it! This isn't funny! It's scary! There's a Blair witch out here, and if she catches us, she'll... (realisation dawns on him)
(The DC piss themselves laughing)
Sq- Oh hah-ha. Ha-fucking-ha.
(The DC laugh even more)
"GET AWAY FROM HIM YOU ***%%£""$£&^%()(&%££"**&)_))%$"%$$^&*%££"%$%^"$
*^*^*&%*%*%!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Rinoa leaps out of the darkness wielding the half-inflated Glacial eye and beats Seifer round the head with it)
(The DC laugh even harder)
Rai- Oh man, this is so funny, ya know?!
Fuj- HUMOUROUS. AFFIRMATIVE.
Sei- (Too hysterical to reply)
(The others show up behind Rinoa)
Q- Seifer! Stop this nonsense this minute!
Rai- But ta stop stuff that made no sense 'd mean that we'd have to stop this fic, ya know?
Q- Point.
Sei- And whatcha gonna do? Send me to the disciplinary room?!
Fuj- HA!
I- Um... he's kinda got a point...
Q- Grrrrr....
Sei- (raises hands in defence) Now look, I'm a reasonable guy, and if ya want me to stop this I will. So do ya?
Q- Yes.
Sei- Really?
Q- Yes!
Sei- Really really?
Q- YES!!!
Sei- ...well, I changed my mind. So hah.
Q- gggggggggggRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! (goes for Seifer's throat)
Sei- EEEEEE!!!
Sel- Hah, you scream like a girl!
Fuj- ...AFFIRMATIVE!
Sei- Hey! C'mon, Fuj!
Fuj- SORRY. TRUE.
Rai- Yeah. She's right, ya know, and...
(A shriek is heard)
Z- Ah... what was that?...
Q- Seifer! Quit it!
Sei- It wasn't me!
(Another shriek)
Sel- Come on you guys, this isn't funny...
Sei- Yeah, Raij, cut it out!
Rai- Hey, it ain't me, ya know!
Fuj- NOT. SWEAR.
(Another shriek, sounding closer)
Sq- Oh god...
(The bushes move)
Mr X- BBRRRRRAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS.........
All- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
-----------
P.S- Mr X is from Resident Evil 2 if u didn't get that. Though I haven't played the game, so I dunno if he's a zombie or whatever. And I don't own Resi either. Ta-da! %)
