Title: Mocha Latte 2/ ? (New and, possibly improved version)

Author: Mai Komagata (komagata_mai@hotmail.com)

Series: X (post eye replacement incident)

Pairings: Subaru x 'Kamui'

1 Warnings: Shounen-ai. Sex later, not now. One thing at a time.

Disclaimer: People would like me a whole lots more if I owned this pair of bishies, don't ya think?

_______

He never does let go of my fingers as we start to walk down the street. It is I who reluctantly releases his hand and disentangles his fingers from mine. I am dying for a cigarette; I couldn't light it with one hand.

"You smoke, just like he did."

I look at 'Kamui' blankly; I was not aware that he did not know. The reminder pains me, however. As I exhale, I blow he smoke towards his face. He glares at me through the cloud of smoke. I don't believe he enjoys it. I am reminded, all of a sudden, that he is only seventeen. A smile spreads across my lips. "Do you want one?"

"I am not here to replace your memories of Seishirou, Subaru." No indeed. I do not think we resemble the picture overmuch in any case. I twine my fingers with his again. His hands are very soft for someone who kills so much. He might use moisturizer, I suppose.

I am glad that I picked a café near my apartment. The subway no longer runs and all other forms of public transportation are packed or expensive in the afternoon. It will not take us more than ten minutes to arrive at my door. The walk is pleasant, nevertheless. To the degree that it could be when one is dying with desire.

He is sort of startled when I stopped in front of my apartment. I give him a questioning look, as I stamp out the spent cigarette.

"I though we would go to Ueno." He frowns slightly at me. I rustle in my coat pockets for my keys. I wonder why he would ask me to go to the Sakura.

"I'm not going to have sex with you in a park, 'Kamui'." I tell him. He smirks at me, putting his hands on his pockets. "I'm bound to the tree now, it is true; that doesn't mean I like the tree or want to spend my intimate moments with it. Plus, Ueno is far."

He startles me as I turn the lock on the gate to the apartment, "He took me to Ueno, you know." Mockery is evident in his voice, twined by the sultry edge his tone always holds.

"What?" I draw him in to the building, and slam the door behind him. There is nobody at the apartment lobby.

"He never took you there then? That amuses me actually." He laughs lowly at me. I know I can do nothing more than stare at him. I want to slap him because of what he did with Seishirou. I want to fall on my knees and cry for what Seishirou never did with me.

I do neither of these, naturally.

I simply pull his lips close to mine, and sigh against his mouth for that timeless moment before we kiss. Rage is only a step away from lust. My hands are clenched tightly around his hair. Tears stream down my eyes. So I was lying. I am crying.

"Ah, Subaru. You are so jealous, aren't you?"

"Shut up. I don't want to hear it." I close my eyes tightly, trying to squeeze out the remaining tears. I let him go, and turn away from him. It is too painful. I need another cigarette. My hands are trembling too much to light one properly. It is on, nevertheless. He holds out a lighter.

"No, I think you do." I glare at him. The desire to slap him has not left me. So I do. 'Kamui' does not even flinch. He holds one hand against his now red cheek. "He was very protective of you, Subaru."

"Get out." He is smiling at me, as if I was simply being petulant and refusing to listen. I am indeed. Forgive me for being jealous about my love fucking another yet refusing to touch me. It just isn't fair.

"The day I took out your eye, pretending to be him… he 'raped' me, Subaru." A slightly sadistic laugh rises from his sensuous lips, as if everything that happened to him happened to someone else. "Ah, Seishirou, always wanting to be in control. He is a very good lay, did you know that?" I know I am shocked to say the least. Seishirou would never rape me, despite all the torture he made me suffer. "I can describe it all to you if you wish." Seishirou, it was I that wanted to suffer.

"Why?"

"You doubt my charms, Subaru? Oh, well, he did not like his toys to be touched by others, I suppose." Neither do I. I don't say that out loud. I take his hand in mine and drag him towards the elevator. "He said I was delicious. That I tasted like honey." He runs the tip of his tongue over his teeth, over his lips. Even in my rage I cannot but look at him. "Let me clarify, my blood tasted like honey. He said my cum tasted like…"

"'Kamui!'" Lust can make one forget so many things, yet leave a painful reminder of what is yet unsatisfied.

"Yes?" He tries looking at me over his sunglasses, batting his eyelashes. He cannot pull off the look.

"This is not… suitable hallway conversation. Let us go upstairs." The elevator dings loudly.

He moans as I pin him on the back wall, my hands at either side of him, my hips tight against his. I cannot help but look at him. His black jeans look very delicious on him; they feel very delicious on him. So does his tight shirt. I wonder: had I not been so helplessly innocent at sixteen… Did Seishirou ever feel this passion for me? Can there be love without it?

The twenty-first floor. "Shall we then, Subaru?"

_________

Tsuzuku….

Is this mildly better? Erg…

Mai's Scribbles – http://www.geocities.com/mai_komagata