ONNA=ONI

Tori: Welcome to my humble abode…

Kegawa: Mi casa su casa!

Readers: *take a good look at the apartment, spotless except for Tori's computer area*

Tori & Ke: *sweatdrop as readers walk away mumbling about upkeep and authoresses*

Ke: Anyway…

Wu Fei: Silence, animal!

Ke: …who invited the misogynist?

Tori: *studies ceiling*

Ke: Ah, today's "Infatuated with Fei Day" right?

Tori: There's one for every day of the week!

Ke: Except for Saturdays where you glomp the first pilot you-

Tori: *steps on Ke's furry little head*

Wu Fei: Achem. I believe this onna writer promised me a fic without the other pilots?

Tori: Hai.

Wu Fei: *blushes* …can you make an exception? *cough*

Tori: *smirk* …anything for Fei-fei… Today's his special day… What is it?

Wu Fei: Can you get Duet?

Tori: *facefault*

Wu Fei: *pulls stick out of floofy-pants hammerspace and pokes Tori*

Duet: *appears asleep on the couch*

Wu Fei: *decides the authoress isn't that important and pokes Duet until she wakes up*

Duet: Nnn… Milliardo…

Wu Fei, Tori, and Ke: O.o

Duet: …these are real handcuffs… what are you doing…?

Wu Fei, Tori, and Ke: O.O*

Duet: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

Wu Fei: *shakes Duet awake*

Duet: *clings to him, panting and wide-eyed*

Ke: *looks up at Tori* …isn't going the way you planned it, ne?

Tori: *shakes head* …it never does…

Duet: *relating dream to Wu Fei* Oh, it was horrible! I was so afraid…

Tori: *snaps fingers and everyone looks up*

Wu Fei: Oh. Yeah… Okay, I'm ready. *pulls on lab coat, glasses, and wheels out a chalk board*

Tori, Duet, and Ke: *sit in desks, which just, um, magically appeared in my office*

Wu Fei: Now, for my fic, I would like to discuss a certain topic: Onna.

Tori and Duet: *sweatdrop*

Wu Fei: In my studies, I have come across another word with many similarities.

Ke: Uh-oh…

Wu Fei: …and that word is oni. [demon or monster; sometimes a three-eyed ogre]

Tori and Duet: *fall out of seats*

Wu Fei: *scribbles on board* Not only do the words sound vaguely alike, but they can also be synonyms! Both are volatile, cruel, pathetic, unjust, disgusting-

Tori and Duet: *tackle Wu Fei*

**five minutes later**

Wu Fei: *tied to chair and gagged*

Duet: *in lab coat* Now, the word otoko not only sounds like otaku, but also ousutoraria!

Tori: *with glasses and chalk* Australia? That's a stretch…

Duet: *nods*

Tori: But while Fei means the action 'fly' in Chinese, hae is the dirty, ugly little insect!

Wu Fei: Mmmph!

Tori: That eats garbage and dog poo!

Wu Fei: Hmmph!

Duet: *whips out haetataki* Taste my Fly Swatter of Doom! *hits Wu Fei with it*

Wu Fei: Mmmph!

Duet: *hits him again, and again, and again*

Ke: Okay, she's having too much fun…