without spirit or cause
Part 2
Cordy: "You can't see everything. You're just a vampire like everyone else... That didn't come out right."
June 26 – 12:05 p.m.
Gunn's face slammed into a pile of concrete bricks, wincing from the pain of the Kaligar demon's claws that dug into his lower back. He tried turning, but to no avail, the demon cackling with glee while digging into him. Fumbling for his home made axe, he finally managed to turn on his back, only to witness Angel choking the demon, face contorted in a mask of fury.
Growling savagely, Angel threw the demon into a cluster nearby, then went down when two more demons jumped on top of him. Meanwhile, Gunn climbed to his feet, taking a brief glance of his surroundings. Angel was busy tearing the crap out of the demons, Wesley already locked in battle, sword raised high, hacking left and right. Cordy and Fred were both trying to hurt the same demon, Fred smacking it with her stake, while Cordy tried using her crossbow.
"Ohhh! Forget it!" Giving up with putting the bolt in, Cordy used her crossbow like a baseball bat, whacking the demon.
Gunn couldn't help but feel a touch of pride, witnessing his new 'family' managing to hold their own. But even as another demon lunged for his throat, he knew they were outnumbered.
They were only five. The demons were well over twenty, contrary to the few Angel heard earlier.
Everything was a blur, hacking and clawing, the Kaligar demons surrounded the Fang Gang, snapping and reaching for them. Gunn figured they looked like those raptors from that Jurassic Park movie, only much more gray colored and...Their skin was much more sagging. Disgusting, the whole lot. Axe blade biting into creature flesh, Gunn unleashed a war whoop, a sense of triumph which was soon replaced by defeat, swarm after swarm of the demons coming after others fell.
"Get...off!" Angel roared, struggling when four robed demons restrained him. Angel bared his fangs in frustration, brought to the edge of the roof, with Gunn, Wesley, Cordy and Fred not far behind, all held back.
"Bring her over here. Now," rasped one demon, its robe black instead of the usual gray. "This one, this one is valued by the creature."
Angel blinked confused. His view was partially obstructed by the demons surrounding him on all sides. Struggling against their hold on him, he could see a brief flash of a short, white top, then heard Cordelia: "Let go of me!"
"Cordelia!" Wesley yelled. "Leave her alone!"
"Cordy! Cordy!" Angel shouted. Finally, those darn demons moved out of the way, letting Angel able to see Gunn, Wesley, and Fred all restrained a few feet away, claws digging into their arms. Then...she was there. Cordelia. Her pretty neck clamped by the lead Kaligar's grubby hand, nails digging into her smooth skin. She was gasping, trying to push it away...
She couldn't breathe.
"Help me," Cordelia sobbed.
"Cordelia, don't worry...I'll - I'll get you!"
"Creature of the night! Interesting how you care for this weak minded mortal, her value more than your life. A pity really, for your soul. Bringing her and those simple humans to stop our sacrifice will just bring more misery for you. Especially the pain you will feel, remembering what it was like to watch her die," the lead demon acknowledged. With that, he scraped a nail against her cheek, making her cry out in pain. "With disturbance, we can find other ways to suit our needs, to fulfill our sacrifice."
Her pretty neck made a chilling crack when the demon twisted.
And then, Angel's world fell apart. He stared in disbelief, at the limp body the demon held in it's vice like grip. Her eyes were open, those beautiful, sparkling eyesunseeing, blank, dead.
"NOOO!" Angel roared, feral yellow eyes wide and uncomprehending. Merely shrugging, the lead demon threw Cordelia's lifeless body over the side of the roof, not even bothering to watch it plummet to the ground.
A savage cry of anger and fury tore from Angel's throat, the vampire gaining strength from the pain of his undead heart splintering. Her threw the demons off him, roaring with frustration when some tried to restrain him once more.
"Oooh. Ouch. That's gotta hurt." Fred commented, wincing when she saw Angel literally tear the head off one. If only she knew he made such a preposition to Cordelia concerning one of her commercial directors.
"Don't look," Wesley instructed, turning away even though tears were stinging at his eyes. Fred turned away, staring to cry meekly. Gunn was shouting and crying at the same time, punching the demon that held him in the face.
Bring it here! Quickly! The lead demon roared, moving towards a trio of demons. Packed closely together, the trio made their way to the staircase, the lead demon following behind. A cry of pain could be heard from the trio, a distinct cry, as if the demons were pulling someone along between them. If they were, none of the Fang Gang could see, since they were already busy. Especially the now pissed off Angel.
Another time, Angelus! The lead demon called, motioning to two other demons to attack the vampire.
Angel growled furiously, tearing one Kaligar's arm out of its socket, making the creature howl pitifully. Angel then used the arm to wrench into another's stomach, twisting it with the manic glee of Angelus. Baring his fangs, he continued fighting the mob, oblivious to the pain they were inflicting. The only pain he felt was his soul being ripped apart.
It wasn't like his curse was being lifted. There wasn't any need to worry about him becoming Angelus once more. But the pain the pain from losing her, was almost as unbearable as the guilt he suffered when regaining his soul for the first time.
So it wasn't a surprise when fifteen minutes later, more than half of the demons had been slaughtered brutally. The other half ran. Angel was just finishing up one demon, kneeling on him, slamming his fist repeatedly into the demon's broken maw. Fred came up behind him, putting a shaky hand on his shoulder.
Angel. It's over, she said softly.
Angel pulled away, dropping the dead demon. He turned to look at her, and she could see that his face was covered in blood, his own, and the Kaligar demons. Also with tears. His lip curled upwards in a snarl at her, ready to tear into her Then Angel stopped, looking like a lost child, most importantly remembering.
I lost her, he whispered, then fell to his knees. Fred leaned down, hugging him, trying not to cry. But she did, and so did he, game face showing the true pain and anger and heartbreak. She rocked him in her arms, and Angel shivered and began sobbing.
Gunn and Wesley came by, both with blank expressions, their eyes red and moist. They stood a couple of feet away from Angel and Fred, staring blankly.
Let's go, Wesley instructed, but no one moved.
They didn't feel they could move on yet.
During the trip back to the Hotel, Wesley drove Angel's convertible. Gunn sat in passenger seat, staring straight ahead. Angel sat next to Fred in the back seat, something he.. Well, never did. She kept rubbing him on the shoulder, but like a statue, he stared straight ahead, quiet. The four of them didn't say a word until they got back to the Hotel.
Upon entering, Wesley headed straight for the office. He picked up the phone, and began to dial a number.
Who're you calling? Gunn asked, hands going into his pockets. He stood in the doorway of the office, looking curiously at Wesley. Fred went inside the office area, sitting down on a wooden chair, hugging her knees. She rocked back and forth quietly.
I'm calling Giles. I have to tell him And them. He'll tell her family as well, I suppose, Wesley replied. Them being the Scooby Gang, the Sunnydale half of the White Hats. Or evil demon fighters. Whatever, as Cordelia would say. Wesley felt a twinge of sadness, then cleared his throat, hanging up the phone. I let it ring well over ten times. Giles doesn't appear to be home at the moment. Maybe Angel could pay a visit himself
Wesley trailed off. He turned his head, seeing an Angel-less lobby. Looking to Gunn, the young black man nodded to the staircase.
I think he went up to his room, Gunn said.
Nodding in response, Wesley sighed, leaning against his desk. I think the best thing we can do is leave Angel alone right now. I would like to talk to him, but we'll have to wait until he's ready.
Meanwhile, Angel walked quietly into his room, closing the door behind him.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're the best!
He took his jacket off, letting it drop to the floor.
So, you did this, instead?
I love you.
The vampire sat down on the edge of his bed.
If anything happens to Cordelia because of me–
Nothing's gonna happen to Cordelia. I won't allow it.
Angel stared at his hands, slumped forward from his seat on the edge of the bed. Capable of causing so much misery and horror and torture to others, yet he failed. His deal was saving people, giving them a hand, showing them their way. Yet he couldn't save Doyle when he died, and now He couldn't save her. Cordelia.
The girl who withstood all of his troubles and issues'. She had proudly gone on after Angel had fired her, the girl who did not have to com-shuk any demon in Pylea. She understood him, accepted him for what and who he was. Out of all of his current friends, he'd known her the longest. And cared about her the most.
Sure, it was a brotherly love at first, making sure she didn't get hurt or in trouble. But when she came back to him Then disappeared to Pylea, Angel felt something of his being, his soul was missing. It was her. Angel loved her. He'd never admit it to her face, for fear of negative comments in return but Angel figured he could've taken that over not having to speak to her again.
To listen to her sigh, to smile at her laughing, to hear her complaints.
She's gone. Cordelia needed me. I couldn't protect her.
That was basically it.
So what am I good for, anyway?
Nothing. All for nothing, Angel mumbled. Without bothering to touch his face, he knew he was in vamp mode. Angel stood up, taking a few steps forward, pain etched in cruel yellow eyes. He leaned against the wall, bracing himself with his hands. I couldn't even save her. I was there And I didn't do anything!
With a roar of anger, Angel slammed the wall with his palms, leaving cracked holes. He kicked the chair nearby, splintering the wooden antique. Growling savagely, he overturned his bed with a mighty heave, eyes wild and dangerous. Breaking glass, wood, concrete Angel kept breaking the furniture around him, forgetting that his hands were bleeding from shards of glass, his dark shirt ripped
Even as the blood ran down his chest, he continued fighting the invisible demon in his room, in his mind. To an observer, the vampire would appear to be insane, but in his mind's eye, Angel could see the demon clearly.
He was fighting himself.
What good are you for? All you've done is create agony and pain. You couldn't even beat Wolfram & Hart. It's no surprise you left her to die.
Angel slammed a fist into the demon's face', breaking a chair. I tried to save her!
Yes. You could've saved her. You were too absorbed in your own little world to give a crap about her.
I cared about her. I love I loved her, Angel sighed, staggering into a dresser.
I tried God, I tried Angel breathed.. Finally, when the demon was gone, his room torn to ribbons, he sank to his knees, and fell on his side. In the middle of the trashed bedroom, the shell that was Angel laid there on his side, a hand covered his face, yelling in pain. Not just emotional, but physical Because without her, his spirit and cause, why was there a reason for him to exist?
"If this *filth* should win - he will ravage - and he will defile her. - He will use her for his pleasure again - and again. - And when she has no more screaming in her - he will *kill* her."
With a start, Angel woke up. He stared at the ceiling, confused and relived. It was a dream. Only a dream, he repeated to himself, a smile tugging at his lips. A slight breeze went through his room, his naked chest feeling nothing much of it. Angel turned on his side, sighing with content.
There. Here, with me.
He ran a finger along Cordelia's cheek, watched a smile appear on her lovely face, her beautiful eyes closed, dreaming. The bedsheet covering her chest, she snuggled closer to Angel, licking her lips a little. Angel smiled appreciatively at her, the girl looking slightly dishiveled, but with rosy cheeks, a sheen of perspiration on her form, results of a night of blissful sex.
Cordy. Cordelia, you awake? Angel asked softly, knowing the question was redundant.
I am, now. She yawned, eyes half open. Moving a strand of her hair out of her eyes, Angel then put an arm around her shoulder, hugging her close.
I just had a nightmare. And normally It's not a big deal since it's very common. But He sighed. Should I tell her, or not?
Come on, Broody. What's the what? Cordelia traced invisible patterns on his chest.
We went on a mission. All of us. But only four came back. I – I thought I lost you, he explained, not wanting to relate the grisly facts of her death.
Ooh. I think you've been watching too many late night horror movies. Except for you that would be like lunch movies. In different senses. Cause people get eaten Sorry. It's early, and I'm cranky.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up, Angel said. He shook his head, kissing her forehead. Get some more rest.
Mmmph. So What happened to me? Cordelia asked, now one eye open. There was a slight tone of apprehension in her voice, making Angel feelbad.
I don't think I should tell you.
Why? Was there a major ick' factor? Was it like – Jenny, or something? Cordelia perked up, a devilish grin.
What? Cordelia, what do you mean, Jenny? I didn't tell her how Angelus killed her.
Come on. You used to be a bad boy. Bet you had some pretty devious ways of killing people. You know Cutting their heads off Or doing something else Or you could just, well – eat them.
Oh, come on, Angel! I'm just kidding! Anyway, you're helping people now, so that kind of evens out a little bit of the stuff you've done.
Did I ever tell you how much I love you?
Especially when you're quiet. Angel sat up, looking at her. She sat up as well, covering her naked chest with the bedsheet.
So come on And let's make dear old Angel happy, shall we? Angel reached behind him, picking up one of the pillows. He placed the pillow over Cordelia's face and pushed her down onto the bed, smothering her. Even thought Cordelia was struggling, Angel ignored her completely. Cordelia batted at Angel's arms, uselessly. Slowly, the struggling weakened. Then stopped. Cordelia's arms stopped flailing and her body went limp beneath the pillow.
Angel could smell the lingering scent of fear and pain that rose from her, dissolving. There we go! Now, I'm happy! He grinned, licking the fangs that now filled his mouth.
Angel cried, sitting up suddenly. The handsome face was gone, only the helpless vampire face remained. It felt like ice to him, cold and dead, just like the rest of his body and heart. He was panting from the violent and vivid images fresh in his mind. Frantic, he fell backwards, ignoring the shard of broken window glass that buried itself into his lower back. The pain surfaced, coming over him, blood pouring out, coating the shard strewn floor, but he was oblivious.
Angel was lost. I killed her. I killed her. He repeated those simple three words in his mind. Rolling onto his side, he stared at the pile of rubble and splinters that was once his room. he choked out, then fell into a fitful sleep once more, punctuated by violent acts of pain and tortureand the screams of the girl he had eventually started to love.
The Present
Angel stared straight ahead, expression deadpan. He shaked himself from his thoughts, trying not to think about such musings. Pangs of heartbreak stabbed at his undead heart. Of course, he could see Cordy everywhere. She was sitting on his bed, listening to him. Standing above him, scolding him. Pacing back and forth, hand pressed to her head, wincing from a vision.
You'll never know until you've been tested.
Doyle had said to him, merely minutes before he leaped to disarm the demon killing device, sacrificing himself.
Thinking it over, Angel managed to get to his feet rather clumsily. The walls The walls were pressing in against him. He could feel the air leak out of the room, could feel the burning ach of his lungs that needed air. Yet since Angel was undead.. This couldn't possibly be real. But the signs, however fake they may be, told him to get out of this room, this haven of memories.
Angel needed some air. Bending down, he picked up his jacket from the floor, then exited the destroyed room, knowing he had to say good bye.
