Scene 4: Enter the Umpire

An umpire walks on.

Umpire: Stop!

Julie: Who on earth are you?

Barry is looking through a script that says Please Don't Scream.

Stu: I don't remember you being in the script.

Umpire: Well I decided to take action. You sissies were just going to keep on talking.

Barry: Actually we talk, then we slap and then we kiss and make up.

The umpire grabs the script from Barry and throws it away.

Umpire: Well I'm here to change that. I'm going to start a game.

Betty: A game what kind of game?

Umpire: A one on one killing spree game.

Ghostface: Oh goody!

Umpire: But there are certain basic rules to follow.

He hands each of them a sheet of the rules.

Umpire: The main one is you must have a mask and weapon.

Ghostface: I'm ready.

Julie, Barry, Betty and Stu: We're not.

Umpire: I'll find you masks and weapons. Close your eyes and wait here.

Ghostface: What do I do?

Umpire: Just do the same as the others.

Umpire finds a smiley face mask (In Julie's room), dead body mask (On Pizza Guy he then puts Pizza Guy in the drying cupboard), monkey mask (On Stu's cupboard floor) and hockey mask in gumboot cupboard.

He grabs a knife from the kitchen, hedge clippers from the laundry, water pistol from the bathroom and a cricket bat from Stu's bedroom.

He comes downstairs with 4 bags he hands one to each of them.

Umpire: In each bag is a mask, a weapon and a change of clothes. There was also meant to be a chocolate but ahh I forgot them. (He burps)

Everyone starts to head off.

Umpire: But before you go do any of you have any super powers or abilities?

Barry: I once tore a phone book in half. (Quieter: One page at a time)

Ghostface: I can recite the whole script of Scream. Hello, who is this?, who are you trying to reach, what number is this?, what number are you trying to reach…

Umpire: Does anyone have any real powers here? (Ghostface can still be heard in the background)

Stu: Betty's invincible.

Umpire: Really?

Betty: That's not true.

Barry: Oh yeah (He grabs Ghostface's knife and stabs her in the stomach)

Betty: Ow, oh the pain. Aw what's the use?

Umpire: But how?

Betty: It's this necklace. Anyone who wears it has the power of invincibility.

Umpire: Where'd you get it?

Betty: I found it in… a Kinder Surprise.

Umpire: Really? I thought they only gave away fun little plastic toys.

Ghostface: It all started with a scream over 911 and ended in a blood bath at here at this house.

Umpire: Have you finished?

Ghostface: Do you want me to recite Scream 2?

Umpire: No! No!

Umpire: Hand over the necklace Betty?

Betty: Oh.

She hands it to him and he pockets it.

Umpire: Now go upstairs a get changed. Your room is written on the bag.

They go upstairs.

Umpire: Ghostface go stand outside the front door.

Ghostface: Alright then.

He leaves.

Umpire stands next to the TV and talks to the camera: For all of you at home there are certain rules to follow in order to play a horror movie. Rule number 1: You can never ever leave the house. He turns on the TV.

On TV

He locks all doors and closes the windows.

Man: There.

A guy bursts through the door.

Guy: Hi.

Man closes it again angrily.

Off TV

Umpire: Rule number 2: You can work in partners but not in threes or fours.

On TV

Man #1: Hey do you want to be partners?

Man #2: Okay.

Woman #1: Can I join your group?

Man #1: No.

He shoves her away.

Man #3: What about me?

Man#2: No never.

He grabs him in a headlock and starts punching him.

Off TV

Umpire: Rule number 3 the winner is the one who stays alive the longest.

1 On TV

4 people are standing together.

One of them taps them all. (They all fall over dead) (Extremely faked)

Man: I won.

Off TV

Umpire: And finally the most important rule of them all: rule number 4: who must have a mask, weapon and a different costume. So no one knows who you are.

Four figures put on masks and move their weapons.

Umpire: And those are the rules of how to play a horror movie.

Four masked characters come down.

Monkey is wearing a sticker that says Betty.

Umpire: No. What are you doing?

He takes the sticker off.

Ghostface opens the door: Can I come in now?

Umpire: Ghostface, hockey mask and smiley start upstairs. Dead guy and monkey you start down here.