Kokoro no Itami Nakunaru Made Zutto: Will of the Rurouni
By Hitokiri Gentatsu
Author's Note/Disclaimer: All the usual disclaimers apply here as elsewhere. Sorry to take so long with the typing of this.
Chapter Five: Hitokiri's Warning
"Deep within me, there is a vicious manslayer who will never change."
Himura Kenshin
RK Episode 31
Subtitled
When Kenshin came to himself, he found that he was back on his futon with the blankets twisted around his body and there was neither blood nor its smell anywhere in the room. He blinked as if expecting the scene before him to change but it remained its peaceful self. On impulse he checked his nails for any trace of blood because it had always managed to find its way there when he had been a hitokiri. There was nothing there, no trace of blood and when he checked his sword a few moments later there was nothing to indicate that had even been moved let alone used. The wrappings around the hilt were not even damp.
"What's going on? Was it all just a horrible dream?" He rubbed a hand across his tired eyes and tried to clear his mind of the vivid nightmare.
For the next several days Kenshin slept very little, due to persistently vivid and violent nightmares, although none of them had caused him to believe himself covered in blood as the previous one had. After a time the nightmares became so violent he vowed not to sleep at all.
"What is causing this?" he wondered for the hundredth time. Something had set off these dreams of the past but the events depicted in those dreams were more violent and bloody then he remembered them being and he did not like it nor did he like the fact that his dream self seemed to enjoy the slaughter he was creating.
He held out for several more days through meditation rather than sleep but on his way to the village on the morning of the fourth day after he had sworn not to never sleep, he fell unconscious in the snow just outside the village's gate, his body having at last given out from the strain. When he didn't arrive on time as he usually did. Toshihiro went out to search for him. When he had found him Himura's body was frozen and shook with fever. Toshihiro did the only thing he could think of at the time and had taken his friend to his family's house. There he lay Himura on a futon and covered him, wondering what had happened to get his friend in such a state.
For the next several weeks, Toshihiro and his father, Dr. Asukara, did what they could to save Himura's life. Toshihiro spent every waking moment at Himura's side as his body fought the fever and he now knew more about the young man then he had known before. Toshihiro was now certain that Himura was the Hitokiri Battousai. Himura had called out that name several times in his fevered dreams, saying there was too much blood on his hands and that he had only been doing what he thought was right at the time for the protection of the weak. In a hoarse voice full of pain he had begged them to forgive him and for the Battousai to free him. And he had called out a woman's name over and over in a soft whisper laced with such profound sorrow that it made Toshihiro eyes water to hear it. Himura, it seemed, had known more pain and suffering in his young life than Toshihiro had ever experienced in his.
"How can he continue living with a heart in such pain?" he wondered as he rinsed a cloth in cool water and placed it on his friend's forehead.
Now that he knew for sure that Himura was the legendary hitokiri whose name had held all of Kyoto in fear, he found that the information did not frighten him nor did it really change his opinion of the young man. Both he and his father had discussed this and decided that the true identity of their ill 'guest' would remain a secret, just between them and the members of their household. They would tell no one and Toshihiro felt it was the least he could do for the man who had become his friend.
*
Kenshin awoke and knew immediately he was not in his room at the Hirayoshi farm. He lay on the futon with his eyes still closed, trying to remember what had happened. Gathering his scattered thoughts, he remembered that he had been having nightmares, which left him unable to sleep. He had remained awake for days then he had gone to the village to see if Toshihiro had anything that could help him sleep. He searched his mind but could remember nothing after leaving the farm over the protests of the Hirayoshi family who told him he was too ill to go anywhere. He raised a hand to his forehead and found a damp cloth there. His hand moved under the blanket until it came to rest on the hilt of a sword.
His eyes snapped open and his hand recoiled from the weapon. His eyes darted around the room in much the same manner as the thoughts darted around inside his head. What had happened? Where was he? Had he truly broken his vow? Had he killed again? These were questions for which he had no answers. His eyes roamed the room again taking in the papered windows with sunlight coming through them, the clean white walls and an enormous folding screen covered in delicately painted flowers and birds.
Suddenly there was movement to his left and he turned to find its source, his eyes panic stricken and his hand going reflexively to the sword at his left hip only to find it was no longer there. His wide purple eyes locked instantly with the dark ones of the man next to him and those eyes had an instant calming effect on the young man. He looked up into the eyes of a kindly older gentleman who seemed to be an older version of his friend Toshihiro.
"You have slept long Himura-san." He placed a hand on Kenshin's shoulder and gently laid him back down. "But you still need to rest. The fever has taken a toll on your small body and you will need a month to recover completely but you will be just fine. I'm Dr. Asukara."
Kenshin's eyes were fixed in the ceiling of the room as he took in what the doctor said to him, and then he closed his eyes, trying to still the fear that was coiling itself around his heart.
"I'm sorry for troubling you," he replied weakly, suddenly realizing how weak he felt and hearing the hitokiri muttering in the back of his mind.
"It's no trouble, Himura-san. You're lucky my son found you when he did, or you would have frozen to death."
"How long have I been asleep?" he asked in a voice that was no more than a whisper.
"Nearly a month but that is to be expected with a fever of this nature." Asukara said calmly.
Kenshin panicked again. "The Hirayoshi's? Are they all right? They did not catch this fever?" His heart pounded in his chest at the thought.
"They are all fine, Himura-san. Toshihiro had been to see them to let them know how you were and to make sure they were all right."
Kenshin's muscles, which had tensed up, relaxed again and he lay there for several moments trying to calm himself. He heard Asukara rise and opened his eyes again to look at the doctor.
"Arigato Asukara-dono. You have saved my life."
"Rest now Himura-san. You are safe here," he said as he looked down at the red-haired youth before he turned and left the room.
Kenshin nodded and closed his eyes, allowing the heaviness that still lingered in his mind to overcome him. That was when another nightmare struck with sudden ferocity.
//The smell of blood was heavy in the air around him. It pooled at his feet and stained the wall behind his latest victim. He cast a dispassionate stare at the other men in the alley, his amber-eyed glare taking in each man to make sure they were all safe. He calmly cleaned the blood from his sword and walked passed the men to where Katsura stood, surrounded by his other bodyguards.
"I suggest we find new alley, Katsura-san," he said in a deadly calm voice to his leader, bowing slightly. "With your permission?"
Katsura nodded and Kenshin walked down the alley searching for an alternate route to the meeting between Choshu and Satasuma. Katsura watched the young man with worried eyes. He had turned a young boy into a killer and now, having seen the amber glow in his creation's eyes, he realized his error and only hoped it would not be too late to save what was left of the boy's soul.
Kenshin searched until he found a suitable path and began to lead the others to it, letting some of Katsura's other bodyguards take the lead. He let them all pass him and took up his position in the rear and tuned his senses for any sign of trouble or threat. He could hear the man whispering about him and a part of him reveled in the fear and awe in the men's voices. They were mostly new to the bodyguard detail and most had never actually seen him fight and, like his foes, they were surprised and awed by his skill. But another part of him felt as if it were dying with every person that he slew. He felt as if each death he caused made a part of his gentle peaceful nature die. He wasn't sure how much longer he could do this and still be able to walk away from it or how much longer he could fight the hitokiri's cold rage and his madness, which only grew as time passed.
"I have to get away from this and soon before I become lost forever to the madness and before killing becomes the only thing left."
Suddenly a cry from the front of the entourage broke his contemplations.
"Ambush! Protect Katsura-san," one of the other guards shouted to Kenshin and he moved toward Katsura in one swift, fluid motion. He pushed his way through the mass of fighting men to find Katsura engaged in a battle with another samurai, then the man stopped his attack on Katsura and stared at Kenshin with feral grin and barely veiled rage in his eyes. Kenshin's Ki flared and the cold detachment of the hitokiri settled over him.
"So you have come seeking me?" he said in a cold voice that caused all fighting in the alleyway to cease. All of the men in the alley felt a wave of cold rage coming from Battousai and they backed away from his deadly amber gaze. The samurai merely nodded in answer to Battousai's question and waited, his sword still unsheathed in his hand.
Battousai crouched in battoujutsu stance with his left hand gripping his saya while his right hand hovered over the hilt of his katana. Everyone near him moved out of the range of his attack and Battousai glared at the other man, a cold rage burning in his narrowed eyes. The two combatants stared at each other across the intervening space, seeming to wait for a signal of some kind.
Battousai took this time to study the opponent before him. The samurai was taller then he was with dark hair pulled into the traditional samurai topknot. Judging from the symbol that stood out pale against the dark clothing he wore he was a samurai in service to Aizu. He looked to be in his thirties but Battousai could not be certain of that.
"Come," Battousai growled, irritated by the delay.
The samurai complied and charged toward the hitokiri with a cry. Battousai waited calmly still in his crouched position as his enemy came closer. In a blur of motion he had drawn his sword and hit empty air. He heard laughter behind him and felt his opponent's blade slice open his shoulder. He winced at the pain but spun around with his sword outstretched and was rewarded with the clash of steel on steel. Then he spun on his heel and got in behind the man, his sword slashing at the man's unprotected back. There was another ring of steel on steel and the man ducked under Battousai's swing and opened another wound in his chest. Battousai's agility had saved him from being cut in two by the other man but only by the narrowest of margins.
He glared at the man and was about to charge the samurai again when he felt suddenly strange. The sword in his hand fell to the ground with a loud clatter and he felt himself following its path. He could hear panicked voices around him. He felt another blade pierce his flesh and heard a voice say.
"I will let you live today, hitokiri, only because there are too many here for my liking but we shall meet again Battousai. I will never take my eyes from you now. You have slain my brother and I demand Heaven's Justice for that. Remember you are living on borrowed time."//
*
Kenshin woke, terror gripping his heart and sweat pouring from his body. His eyes darted around the now dark room as the words from his dream echoed in his head. 'I demand Heaven's Justice'. For the rest of the night Kenshin's mind dwelled on the meaning of those words and on his past.
