Kokoro No Itami Nakunaru Made Zutto: Will of the Rurouni

By: Hitokiri Gentatsu

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews. And now I present Chapter Seven. Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter Seven: A Samurai's Honor

"There is no doubt that Battousai is one part of my true self, destined to live only within war."

Himura Kenshin

RK Episode 31

Subtitled

Kenshin felt his sword slip from nerveless fingers and his knees fold under him. He slipped to the floor, his mind not registering the fact that he had been standing. Over and over a part of his mind screamed incoherently. He had broken his vow. His heart felt shattered into a million pieces and his soul felt as if it were spiraling into the madness of the hitokiri again. His amber eyes darted around the room, as if seeking escape and the smell of blood called to him once more from the depths of his mind. He shook his head to clear it of the hitokiri's urges and slumped forward, his head pillowed in his arms, his body to numb to move. His body and mind were in complete shock and the sickeningly sweet smell of blood was overpowering his dulled senses. He closed his eyes tightly against the sight of the blood, fighting of the urge to vomit and, at the same time, fighting off the desire to kill someone that came each time he smelled it. He willed his body to move, so that he could escape the stench of death, but his numbed body refused to obey him. He remained bowed, his body twitching and trembling with shock, unable to do anything but moan.

Toshihiro found Himura still in this state when he entered the room a few moments later, his sword drawn and his heart pounding in his ears. He stopped when he saw the body of his father and the blood stained walls and mats on the floor. Then, he saw Himura's pale form, looking ghostlike in the semi-darkness of the room. His sleeping robe was stained crimson and there were streaks of blood on his cheeks. His unsheathed sword lay on the ground, reflecting silver in the faint moonlight that streamed from the slightly opened window. Himura's body was trembling and his hands were clenching and unclenching.

Toshihiro stood frozen in the doorway, unable to do anything, his mind in shock.

"Father's dead?" he thought, not quite believing the evidence of his eyes.

He looked from the body back to Himura's sword and then to Himura himself. One thing was absolutely clear to him at that moment: whatever had happened in the room, Himura was not the one who had killed his father. Himura's blade had no blood on it whatsoever and so it was not the blade that had murdered his father. Toshihiro was relieved and he stepped into the room moving carefully around the prone form of his friend, to see the scene of death. His body trembled and his face paled as he did so. He put his shock and sorrow aside for the moment in order to study the death scene as carefully as he could, knowing that Himura would be unable to help himself should the police arrest him for the murder.

His father lay face down in a pool of his own blood. The deathblow had been swift and sure, cleaning severing his father's body in two.

"Whoever did this was an expert swordsman of exceptional skill." Toshihiro took a close look at his father's sword. "There is blood on it. Father must have fought his attacker."

Toshihiro studied the clues left behind carefully. Then he looked at the message left behind by the killer and then back to Himura's still shaking form.

"Someone did this to break him and it looks as if they have succeeded in that." He walked over to his friend and knelt down on the floor next to him, trying to get him to speak or move to no avail.

Kenshin's mind was a maelstrom of fear and rage. He could not seem to gather two thought together in any fashion nor think any coherent thoughts at all. His mouth, hidden by his arms, moved without making a sound beyond a faint moan. He found that he now wanted to either run away as far and as fast as he could or to commit seppuku right then to restore what little honor he still possessed. His body refused to respond to either desire. A part of him registered Toshihiro's entrance and presence in the room but his body refused to take any action. Secretly, Kenshin hoped that Toshihiro would kill him right there and end his agony but nothing like that happened.

Finally, it was Toshihiro's urgent voice that brought him back to himself. He looked up from his position on the floor and saw the concerned face of his friend staring back at him. His shook his head to try to clear it and blinked several times, the smell of blood still strong in his nostrils.

"Himura-san, can you remember anything that happened here?" Toshihiro asked in an urgent voice.

Kenshin closed his eyes and tried to remember anything of use at all but could think of nothing. Then, in a flash, the hitokiri remembered something and it was he who spoke in answer to Toshihiro's question.

"I sensed two people in the room with me while I slept. One was your father. The other was one with a powerful and evil Ki. He was someone I knew but...I cannot remember who he is." Batousai's voice was flat and he looked at Toshihiro with eyes that were slightly amber. "That is what I remember. I cannot say whether they fought but one thing is certain, I was the target."

Toshihiro nodded and watched Himura rise to his feet and glance down sadly at the body.

"He died because of me." Kenshin thought sadly as he looked at the body and closed his eyes, shutting off the sight of it. "Another death because of me..."

He could feel despair and rage in his heart and he walked to the doorway silently, knowing what he must do.

"I will go and get cleaned up and then I will turn myself in," he said quietly, his head bowed so that his face couldn't be seen.

"You can't do that, Himura-san! They will execute you for all the murders because of who you are. I know you are innocent!"

"That is the only way I can prove that Himura Kenshin is innocent of these crimes to the rest of the people here. They will not believe a single man or any words of a hitokiri. They will only see a killer not the man I am. This is the only way can I prove my innocence."

"But what if the killings stop after you turn yourself in? What then, Himura-san?" His friends voice had a panicked quality to it.

"Then I will know that the one who is after my life is a coward," Kenshin stood framed in the doorway, and he turned his head so that Toshihiro could see his gleaming amber eyes. "Either way, I will know where I stand."

*

Several hours later, Kenshin walked out of the Asukara house and into the bright sunlight of early morning. He was dressed as he had been during the Bakumatsu: dark blue gi, gray hakama, and dark blue tabi. There were two swords thrust through his obi, neither of which were his own. He had left his sakabatou in Toshihiro's hands with instructions to keep it safe for him. He had swept his blood red hair up into a high ponytail and it floated behind and around him in the early morning breeze. The villagers moved out of the young swordsman's way, noticing the look of steely determination in his slightly amber eyes and his aura of calm detachment. That calm detachment and determination were all that he had left to hold him steady in a world that had suddenly gone insane. Once again, his two spirits were working together to save themselves from danger, although the hitokiri was waging a war for control. Kenshin could feel his coldness and rage building just under the mask of calmness he now wore and he fought that feeling with everything he had within him.

Slowly, he made his way to the building that was being used by the police, his heart and soul in turmoil, despite his calm exterior. He knew he was facing almost certain death but he hoped his willingness to surrender himself would be proof of his innocence. Criminals very rarely turned themselves in and never willingly.

"I just hope I'm doing the right thing," he thought as he made his way down the side street and toward the building, his heart thudding with every step.

He walked into the building that was being used by the police as their headquarters and surrendered his swords to the man stationed there, even though the voice of the hitokiri told him to keep them.

"I wish to speak to the one in charge here, please," he said in a commanding tone that he softened with politeness. The officer motioned for him to enter a side room.

"I will bring him here, right away, sir." The man was clearly unnerved by Kenshin's presence and he quickly bowed his way out of the room.

Kenshin ignored the man's nervousness and scanned the room carefully for possible threats. Finding none, he walked across the room and looked out the only window, watching the people walk by in the street. He stood there deep in thought, his red hair glinting in the sunlight that streamed from the window, and his eyes shaded by its fall. He heard someone behind him gasp in evident surprise.

"Himura-san?" a slightly shocked voice said. Kenshin turned at the familiar voice and found himself face to face with an old friend.

"It's been a while, Yoshikawa-san." Kenshin studied the man in an imperial army uniform before smiling a bit. Yoshikawa Hideki had been another bodyguard back in the days of the Bakumatsu and the two of them had worked together on a few occasions in those days, saving many lives with their swords. Kenshin could feel a bit of hope rising in his chest but he reminded himself of what he was there for and did not allow that hope to grow.

"What has brought you to this backwoods town, Himura-san?" Hideki said quietly.

Kenshin steeled himself, a glint of amber just visible in his eyes, and then he sank to the floor, bowing deeply to the other man. "I have come about the murders and I wish to turn myself in."

"You are the murderer we seek?" Hideki's voice sounded disbelieving and confused. "Why...?"

"You misunderstand. I am turning myself in to you in order to prove my innocence in this matter," he replied firmly and without fear.

Hideki looked at the man kneeling before him, confusion in his eyes. He had meet Himura Battousai a few times when their duties crossed paths during the Bakumatsu and each time he had found the man to be cold and ruthless to his enemies. Himura Battousai had been, in his own way, just as calculating in battle as a bodyguard as he had been as a hitokiri and there was something of that in him now. He had never let a foe escape alive, once they had crossed katana but he was also never one to attack first. He had always waited until being attacked before he committed to anything. The other men had always said there was something different about him when he returned from hiding. There was even a rumor that he had been secretly married and that his wife had died mysteriously but the men didn't believe it. However, now there seemed to be something different about the man before him.

"The man has changed somehow." Hideki thought while his mind worked out the best course of action. He could not allow Himura to be arrested for a crime he had not committed because the trial would become a travesty and Himura would be executed for certain. There were certain elements in the army, as well as the government, that wanted to hunt him down and slay him because they believed he was a danger to them still.

Kenshin remained bowed for several minutes, wondering what the other man was thinking and hoping his actions were not being misinterpreted.

"This is insane. He will imprison us and we will be executed. You know this as well as I. The legend of the Hitokiri Battousai holds too many people in fear." The Battousai's voice was colder than usual and under it ran a current of barely contained killing rage.

"This is the only way to know for sure that I am not responsible for these deaths," he though to himself.

"But the blood of Dr. Asukara is on our hands."

Kenshin shied away from the Battousai's statement, feeling anger at whoever had taken the doctor's life.

"You know it's true if we had not..."

Kenshin tried to ignore the voice but he knew that Battousai was correct, as he always was. If he had not been there...

Hideki looked out the window and then back to Himura, still deep in thought. Finally, he walked over to the young man and told him to get up. Kenshin looked up and then complied with the man's request, a questioning look in his eyes, although he remained silent.

"If I arrest you, things will not go well for you because of who you are," Kenshin hung his head and let his hair hide his face from view. "You are the infamous Hitokiri Battousai after all and there are still many, even within the government that would like nothing better than to see you executed for these deaths."

Kenshin flinched at the mention of his role during the Bakumatsu and at the thought that there were still some in his own camp that thought he was a threat to them but he stood up straight again, looking at Hideki with fire burning in his eyes.

"I cannot deny what I did back then nor can I deny that I still struggle with the guilt of my actions and with the killer that still lurks within me. This is something that will never change...but I swear to you that I have not taken a life since the day I left Tobu-Fushimi. I deeply regret my actions and live now only to atone for them by protecting the weak and innocent with my sword."

"You can protect the people of this village much more effectively if you remain free. Help me to catch this killer, Himura-san."

Kenshin's eyes widened and he blinked several times. "But..."

"Listen to me, Himura-san. I will make this compromise with you. You can spend your days here, under guard as my guest and in exchange you will help me find this killer during the night when he stalks the streets. Please help us, Himura-san."

Kenshin bowed his head, deep in thought. 'How did one go about catching a killer, anyway?' Finally, after some moments of deliberation, Kenshin looked up at Hideki and nodded. "You know that I have been targeted by this man?"

"I do now but that might be to our advantage. Maybe your presence will be able to draw out the killer so that he can be captured."

"Then I agree to your terms on one condition, that I be allowed to retrieve my sword from the Asukara house."

Hideki nodded. "You are free to return there now but you must return here by nightfall."

*

The sunset stained the sky a deep crimson shot through with orange but Kenshin paid no heed to it, his mind occupied with other thoughts. He had spent the day with Toshihiro, trying to help his friend and giving him instructions. Toshihiro was going to be his eyes for anything unusual during the day, while Kenshin rested from his nightly duties. He would leave this information with an officer at the station so that Kenshin would have it but Toshihiro would not see Kenshin. He wanted no more people to become involved in this because it would put them in danger and he would not have that.

"I must do this alone, Toshihiro. I cannot let you be killed like your father was. From now on this is my fight and no one else's. I promise you that your father will be avenged." Kenshin thought as he made his way back to the station. He placed a hand on the saya of his sakabatou, glad to feel its presence at his side once more. He entered the police station and found Hideki in the same room as before.

"Himura-san, good. Here's what I want you to do. You will search through the village for any sign of the killer. Since you are now his target, he will probably come out of hiding just to strike you down."

"In other words, I'll be the bait." Kenshin's voice took on a hard edge and there was an amber glint in his narrowed eyes. Hideki began to wonder if it was such a good idea to use the former hitokiri after all. Then Kenshin shook his head and motioned for him to continue.

"You may engage him in battle but only if he attacks you or someone else is in danger. But you must not kill him or try to take justice into your own hands. Let the law handle that part."

Kenshin nodded in agreement, although deep within his heart, he wanted to avenge the death of Dr. Asukara with his own hands. The killing rage of the hitokiri was burning inside him again, almost overpowering in its intensity and only the death of this evil man could quell it. His eyes burned amber causing the other man to flinch when they gazed at him.

"I will do as you say, Yoshikawa-san," he said in a cold, flat voice that was devoid of anything human.

"Good fortune to you and may you catch the killer soon."

"I shall do so." Kenshin left the station and headed out into the shadows of the night in search of the killer.