Disclaimer: We do not own Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, or Porsche. Unfortunately for Pete, we do not own any hobbits either.

I Want Frodo Baggins


If I had a hobbit
I'd take him everywhere
I'd rub his pointy hobbit ears
And comb his hobbit-hair

(If, however, he should ask
That I should groom his feet
I'd bid farewell to him, and throw
Him out on the street)

If I had a hobbit
He'd have a hobbit-bed
So he could sleep safe in my room
Dreaming in his hobbit-head

If I had a hobbit
He'd have the finest weed
But not the kind that Kyle smokes
That's not the kind he needs

If I had a hobbit
I'd make him Jedi robes
I'd be Ben and he'd be Yoda
It'd piss Janos off, Lord knows

If I had a hobbit
I'd get him a l'il horse
'Bout two feet high and three feet long
Or maybe a mini-Porsche

If I had a hobbit
I'd feed him thrice a day
And thrice a night and thrice a morn
To keep his hunger at bay

If I had a hobbit
He'd be my new best friend
Everyone would want a hobbit, too
It'd be a cool new trend

And at the end of the day
I'd tuck him away
And he'd promise to never leave
I'd say it'll all be okay
And we'd be happy that way
Just my hobbit and me.