Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters belong to John Wells, Edward Allen Bernero, NBC and a bunch of other people I don't know.
Shattered Dreams: by Jewel21
"Forget about him."
"I don't want to forget about him, Faith. Don't you get it? I don't want to forget."
I've been sitting here for hours and I can't get those words out of my head. I just keep on replaying that last scene over and over again. I can't get the picture of Glen's lifeless body sprawled face down on that concrete roof out of my mind. How the hell am I just supposed to forget about it? To just let it go? Glen Holbart was like a hero to me. He was my idol. This was a man who'd spent 30 years on the force. He was a legend. He epitomized everything that I have ever wanted to be. I thought he was my friend, someone whom I could trust. You know trust isn't something that comes easy for me. I have this barrier, this shell that prevents people from getting too close. Because, the fewer people I let in, the less chance they have of hurting me. It's my protection. But, Glen I trusted. I let him through. Maybe because he reminded me so much of myself. But, he turned around and hurt me just like everyone else has in my life.
You know, I've spent my whole life trying to get approval. Growing up all I wanted was for my father to accept me but that never happened. Glen was someone I wanted to learn from. To emulate. All I have ever wanted was for someone to tell me that I was worthy, that I was good at something. I really thought that Glen could be that person. He wasn't just my friend, he was like a father to me. I wanted him to take me under his wing, to guide and teach me everything he knew, like a father's supposed to do with his son. Like my father never did with me. I wanted to make him proud, to impress him. I just wanted someone who would praise me and make me feel like I'm somebody. Like I could actually be someone, something, instead of a loser, like my father always said I was growing up. I really, really thought that Glen could be that someone. Unfortunately, the person I thought I could look up to turned to be just as screwed up as my father. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep looking for approval in all the wrong places? I thought I knew him, I really did, but I guess I was mistaken. I had him on such a high pedestal that I couldn't see him. I couldn't see what he had become. Faith tried to tell me, even Sully, but I refused to believe it. It was right in front of me and I couldn't see it until it was too late. How screwed up am I that I can't even find the right father figure? I wanted a role model, but the one I chose turned out to be no better than my dad. What the fuck does that say about me?
Glen wasn't just someone whom I looked up to for guidance. He also symbolized all of my hopes and dreams. He was my chance to get into ESU, something that I had dreamed about since joining the force. Every morning, I woke up knowing that that's what I wanted to do, to strive for, and he was going to help me attain that dream. I was so close. I really thought that it was going to happen. I should have known it was too good to be true. Now it's gone and I have no idea what to do next. The dream that I've been carrying around for so long was ripped from me, taken, with the same ease that Glen's life was taken from him.
Now, I sit staring at the Remington 6-60 he gave me and think about how everything's so fucking messed up. I lock it up, and everything that it symbolizes, and place it in my closet, bury it, just like I've done with all of my other hopes and dreams that have shattered around me before this.
End
Shattered Dreams: by Jewel21
"Forget about him."
"I don't want to forget about him, Faith. Don't you get it? I don't want to forget."
I've been sitting here for hours and I can't get those words out of my head. I just keep on replaying that last scene over and over again. I can't get the picture of Glen's lifeless body sprawled face down on that concrete roof out of my mind. How the hell am I just supposed to forget about it? To just let it go? Glen Holbart was like a hero to me. He was my idol. This was a man who'd spent 30 years on the force. He was a legend. He epitomized everything that I have ever wanted to be. I thought he was my friend, someone whom I could trust. You know trust isn't something that comes easy for me. I have this barrier, this shell that prevents people from getting too close. Because, the fewer people I let in, the less chance they have of hurting me. It's my protection. But, Glen I trusted. I let him through. Maybe because he reminded me so much of myself. But, he turned around and hurt me just like everyone else has in my life.
You know, I've spent my whole life trying to get approval. Growing up all I wanted was for my father to accept me but that never happened. Glen was someone I wanted to learn from. To emulate. All I have ever wanted was for someone to tell me that I was worthy, that I was good at something. I really thought that Glen could be that person. He wasn't just my friend, he was like a father to me. I wanted him to take me under his wing, to guide and teach me everything he knew, like a father's supposed to do with his son. Like my father never did with me. I wanted to make him proud, to impress him. I just wanted someone who would praise me and make me feel like I'm somebody. Like I could actually be someone, something, instead of a loser, like my father always said I was growing up. I really, really thought that Glen could be that someone. Unfortunately, the person I thought I could look up to turned to be just as screwed up as my father. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep looking for approval in all the wrong places? I thought I knew him, I really did, but I guess I was mistaken. I had him on such a high pedestal that I couldn't see him. I couldn't see what he had become. Faith tried to tell me, even Sully, but I refused to believe it. It was right in front of me and I couldn't see it until it was too late. How screwed up am I that I can't even find the right father figure? I wanted a role model, but the one I chose turned out to be no better than my dad. What the fuck does that say about me?
Glen wasn't just someone whom I looked up to for guidance. He also symbolized all of my hopes and dreams. He was my chance to get into ESU, something that I had dreamed about since joining the force. Every morning, I woke up knowing that that's what I wanted to do, to strive for, and he was going to help me attain that dream. I was so close. I really thought that it was going to happen. I should have known it was too good to be true. Now it's gone and I have no idea what to do next. The dream that I've been carrying around for so long was ripped from me, taken, with the same ease that Glen's life was taken from him.
Now, I sit staring at the Remington 6-60 he gave me and think about how everything's so fucking messed up. I lock it up, and everything that it symbolizes, and place it in my closet, bury it, just like I've done with all of my other hopes and dreams that have shattered around me before this.
End
