You know as well as I that these characters are, never were, and never will be mine.
Oh, and, I don't think that non-muggles knew who "God" was, but I'm using it anyway...maybe Ron just picked up the expression from Harry or something...I don't know, use your imagination.
Syd
For the following weeks, Ron avoided Harry. When break was
over, He worked with Dean or Seamus, or even Neville. Harry worked
with Hermione, every time. She had the sense not to ask what was
wrong between the two, for she could see the hurt in Harry's eyes as Ron
sent him a disgusted glare from across he classroom. Harry had never
seemed this upset before, not sad anyway. Before he was always angry,
or annoyed with Ron, never this hurt and down-cast.
However, Hermione did think to ask Harry one night in the common
room when Ron went up to bed what was going on. "Harry?" She
said gently, puting her hand on his shoulder as his stared with unblinking
eyes into the fire, "Harry, what did Ron do to you?" Harry said nothing,
but fiercly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. When he couldn't
stop the tears, he turned away from Hermione and wrapped his arms around
his knees in the armchair. Instead of accepting this, she put a hand
on either side of his face and forced him to look her in the eye. It hurt her so much to see her best friend, whom she had never seen cry
before, with tears pouring out of his eyes like so many thunderclouds.
Harry drew great, shaky breaths but still said nothing. She stared right into his green eyes, until he finally muttered, "I can't
tell you."
"Harry, you can tell me anything."
"No, you wouldn't understand. You'd hate me. Just
like Ron."
"Harry -"
"But I don't see why he hates me so much. If he grew up
with an aunt like Petunia he'd never trust them again. The way she
yelled at me. The way she treated me. The insults! He
just won't understand. I thought he'd never push me away. He
told me so...then he did push me away and broke his promise."
"Harry, I don't understand -" But he didn't stop: his voice was
getting higher, more frantic, shaking as the tears poured down his cheeks
and soaked Hermione's hands,
"I knew I shouldn't say anything. I knew it, but he forced
me too. Our lives were great. Then I messed them up. He is disgusted with me, but I still -" Harry stopped, looked around quickly
and grabbed Hermione's wrist. One meaningful look into her eyes and
he pulled her to him and embraced her like she was the only thing keeping
him alive. He countinued, fiercely whispering in her curls, "I still
love him. I do! I do...I do...I love him..." Hermione
was surprised at what she heard snaking through her hair to her ear. But she kept a hold on Harry, and held him even tighter.
"Harry, you love Ron?"
"Yes I do...I could never love anyone else. He was the
first person I met who didn't look at me like I was something gross under
their shoe. I learned what it was to have friends, Hermione, for
the first time in my life, I had a friend! And now I don't have him
anymore. Why did I tell him? The look on his face...utter
disgust. He didn't even want to look at me." Harry kept crying,
sobbing harder and harder until the tears just wouldn't come anymore. Hermione let go of him and he slid back into his chair, heaving dry sobs
now and then.
Harry being gay didn't matter to her, really. She was surprised,
but she didn't mind at all. While he sat there, staring at the fire
again with his eyebrows anxious and his red, puffy eyes looking defeated. Even the green seemed faded from behind his glasses.
They both sat in silence for hours, but then Hermione gently
took Harry's hands and pulled him to his feet. She led him up to
the Boy's Dormitory and gave him a friendly hug before going to her dormintory. Words weren't needed, Harry understood her face, how she felt just by her
arms. He heading inside the Dorm room and collapsed on the bed in
his clothes. He noticed with a pang that Ron's curtains were firmly
closed. Harry drifted into an unrestful sleep, having nightmare after
nightmare.
Harry woke with a start to find someone was shaking his shoulders. He grabbed his glasses from the bedstand and jammed them on his nose. He gasped to find Ron standing over him. However, Ron didn't ave
any feeling in his clear blue eyes. "Harry, you were screaming all
over the place. I had to wake you up before you woke the whole Dorm."
"Oh. Uh, Ron, can I talk to you?"
"Harry, I don't think -"
"Please, Ron." There might have been a glimmer of friendship
left, becuase Ron noticed the pleading behind the glasses and sat down
slowly on the edge of Harry's bed. He made sure not to touch any
part of Harry, however. Harry placed his forearms on his bent knees
and buried his fingers in his hair. "Ron, please, I can't lose you. I'm sorry I'm not normal. But please, don't hate me."
"Harry, I don't hate you. I've known you too long to hate
you. But can you imagine what it would look like for us to, you know,
be together. I'm already the nobody. Sure, I wouldn't be the
nobody anymore, but I would be talked about like, I don't know, but both
of us would be gossiped about. I'm sorry."
"You're never the nobody...never the nobody. Do you think
your family would care? But, if you can't see yourself, ya know,
loving...er...me, than you don't have to. But anyone who's your friend
couldn't gossip about you."
"Malfoy -"
"You care about Malfoy?" Harry looked up then, and saw
Ron's eyes were sparkling more brightly than usual.
"No, but -"
"Ron, I uncerstand why you can't do this, but just let me explain." Harry sucked in a deep breath and continued, "I grew up with Aunt Petunia. You can't imagine, the insults...the degrading. I tried to imagine
that I was playing a game, and had to block her out to survive. It
worked, for the most part. I tried not to think of my parents. I had to remember that everything would work out, if I didn't keep telling
myself that, I don't think I would have made it this far. Of course,
Dudley and Uncle Vernon were just as bad, but they weren't blood family. No one likes in-laws. But She hated my mother...her own sister. I
would have been the happiest boy in the world if she took me in her arms
and hugged me and put ice on my black eyes from Dudley, but she would only
tell me to shut up and go to my cupboard. I think I realized that
I could never trust them with my heart again. So, Ron, please don't
hate me...but if we never talk again, I want you to remember that I'll
always lo -"
"Harry, please stop. I know. But, I just don't think
I could love you that way," a blush was creeping down from Ron's
hair, like the color was leaking. "I mean, we're guys. God
why now Harry? Why did you have to tell me? I don't think things
can ever be the same!"
"Ron, please. I told you because I couldn't not tell you. You had to know. And you asked." At this point, Harry looked
up into Ron's face. He thought he was all cried out for the night,
but the tears were prickling under his eyelids anyway. He had already
lost his dignity with Ron, so he made no attempt to wipe away to salty
drops dripping down his face. He just kept his eyes trained on Ron's
face and no expression on his face. When the tears didn't stop for
what seemed an eternity, Ron ventured into a question, "Harry?"
"Yes, Ron?"
"Can I still hug you without you acting, ya know -"
"Gay."
"Um...yeah. Harry, you're my best friend, and I just can't
watch you cry anymore. I can't stand it...it hurts."
"Yeah."
Very tentatively, Ron pulled Harry into a tight, brotherly hug,
and the shorter boy grabbed the back of Ron's shirt and held on as hard
as he could. At first, Ron seemed nervous that Harry was going to
do something unexpected, but when it seemed all he could do was sob into
Ron's shirt, he relaxed and patted Harry's back. Ron had never seen
Harry cry this hard before. He ad never seen Harry cry period. The thin boy never cried when he got smashed in the head with a Bludger,
or when Malfoy told him that his parents were idiots and deserved to die,
nor when Cho Chang said she loved Cedric. Harry was like a small
child in his arms. But Ron didn't care anymore. He just swayed
back in forth with Harry's silent tears soaking his nightshirt.
Soon, Harry had stopped shuddering and taking quaky breaths,
but was still holding onto Ron as tight as before. "Harry?" Ron whispered. No answer. "Harry?" The tall boy let go
of Harry to find he had fallen asleep, standing up and in Ron's arms, but
he never let go of his best friend. Ron scooped the small body in
his arms, and marveled at how light and thin Harry was. Ron laid
him down in his bed, and tucked the sheets in over the sleeping form. The glasses were placed on the bedside table, and Ron slippped into his
own bed and was happy when Harry rolled over with a small smile on his
face.
From across the room, Ron heard Harry mutter in his sleep, "It's
okay, Mum, Dad. Ron doesn't hate me..."
