*Beka*
Stupid Nietszchean! Where the hell does he get off psychoanalysing me? I didn't ask him to take her, neither did I ask him to help me out at all. I mumbled a little more to myself as I got onto the Maru. I checked on Cassie then headed to the bridge. I paced around for a while, still wishing plague and pestilence on Tyr's unborn children before I collapsed into the pilots chair. I played with the controllers for a while and began to think about Dylan's offer. Either I adopt her or I give her up. We're a week, maybe 2 from a planet and we'll have about 3 days of leave. That's not a lot of time to make a descision
that will not only affect my life, but some one else's. I enjoy power as much as the next guy, but not this kind of life altering power.
I began to wander around, leaving the bridge amd taking to the hallways, finally ending up at my quarters. I stood in the doorway of my bedroom and watched her. I had stuck a flash light on low power in the corner of the room. I could tell that she was sleeping soundly, sobs still wracking her tiny body. I sighed and got ready for bed. I cursed dad for giving me the nanobots and Tyr for making me
so mad that I had let my hair start to turn red again. I shook my head and the red left, being replaced by the blonde that I had become accustomed to. I checked the mirror one last time then went to bed. As I got in, she immediately snuggled up to me and I fell asleep with the sound of her breathing and that little girl smell taking over my senses.
I have no idea how long I was asleep for be fore being woken up by Cassidie screaming at the top of her lungs. "What?!?! What's wrong?!?!" I cried as I sat up. She stopped screaming and looked at me. "What's wrong?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around her and rocked her. She simply clung to me and wimpered. "Did you have a bad dream? What? You gotta help me out here kiddo," I said as I looked
down at her. "He was gonna get me." she said quietly.
"Who? Tyr?"
"No. HIM," she said as she looked up. "He was chasin' me and he caught me and I saw you and Dylan and you wouldn't come and help me and I screamed and screamed and you didn't come." she cried, I could see the large tears.
"It's okay. We're far away from him now. He has to get through two starships and seven people before he gets to you." We sat for a few minutes before I got up and put on one of the few pairs of baggy pants I own and a real tee-shirt and picked her up as I wrapped a blanket around her. "Come on, we'll go for a walk."
We, well I, wandered to the observation deck and we sat for a while. I just sat and thought about her and what Dylan and Tyr had said. She simply sat in my lap and played with my hands and fingers while talking to herself. She didn't look up as the doors opened and Dylan came in. He hesitated as he saw Cassie and I. I nodded my head for him to come over and he came. He looked at Cassie who was still oblivious to the fact that he was here and spoke.
"Hello Beka, Cassidie." She jumped. startled to have been distracted from her game. I laughed as she shot him a look and he was still completely clueless as to why she had done that. "Fine, I'll visit with Beka and not you then." He came and sat next to me and Cassie imediately became undecided about keeping an eye on him or keeping her back to him. She ultimately decided on keeping her back to him and went back to her game.
"Well. You were snubbed."
"Wish I knew why."
"Ah, we're both in trouble because we didn't try to save her."
"What are you talking about?"
"She had a dream that HE came back to get her and you and me just watched as he grabbed her and did nothing," I said with a smile. Dylan was still putting all the pieces together.
"Ah. I see," he said as he grew quiet for a moment. "I hope this isn't causing you insomnia."
"No, she woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep. If I'm gonna have to stay up with her, I'd rather do it here." I smoothed back Cassie's hair as I began to play with the ends. "I enjoy the stars. I don't know why, I always have. When I was little, dad would be on Flash, Rafe would be god knows where on the ship and I would just curl up in the pilots chair and watch the stars until I fell asleep. I guess they're my version of a security blanket." I said with a smile.
He just smiled softly and moved so that his back was against the wall as he sat down. "Why don't you go and do a little exploring in here," I said as I put her on the floor and pointed her to the far side of the room. She wandered off, looking at everything. I slid over to him and he pulled my back against his
chest. I don't really know why I let him, but I did. I'm not usually a touchy feely person. "Do you think I'm doing the wrong thing?"
"I think that you're a little scared right now and looking for a way out, so, no, I don't think you're doing the wrong thing at the moment. In the long run? Yes, I think you are," he replied. I thought for a moment and watched her, mostly all you could see were her feet under things becuase she was so short. I sighed.
"Dylan, I don't know what to do with a 5 year old! Never mind the fact that we might get blown out of the sky at any moment. That risk doesn't bother me, I chose it, but I can't choose it for another, never mind a child who has their entire life ahead of them. She doesn't deserve a ramblers life, she needs to be on a planet, with two parents who can take care of her the way she deserves and believed me, the half-assed Valentine parenting style is not what I'm talking about." I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped the blanket around me.
"You don't have to worry about so much. We'll all help. She seems okay with Tyr." I laughed a little at that. "What?"
"I'll tell you later. Keep going."
"She doesn't seem to mind Harper or Trance or me either. The only two she doesn't seem sure about are Rev and Rommie."
"She saw the three Andromedas talking. She's a little spooked about that and well, Rev, if you don't know him, he is scary."
"She'll get used to living here too. You are simply over exaggerating things," he finished thoughtfully. I took a moment to calm myself before responding to Hunt.
Every thread of my being was screaming to jump up and slap him and yell at him and let all my frustrations out on him because he was here, but I controlled myself.
"I'm not though and you know it. Everything I have said is perfectly valid. I know what it's like to grow up in space with some one who doesn't know what they're doing and I don't want to put her through that."
"You'll learn. Not only from experiences with her, but from what happened to you. You know what you wish had happened differently and you can change it with Cassidie," he said. I wanted to bury my head in his chest and cry simply becuase I was exhausted and was tired of having to decide so many important things in such a short time. I wrapped my arms around his, simply enjoying the contact of another person. It was nice to have a large pair of arms surround me. There was just something about a man's arms, especially a friend's, that made me feel safe, like nothing could hurt me any more. It was a feeling I didn't often get.
"It doesn't matter Dylan. She deserves more than any of us can give her. She needs a chance to become her own person and not another . . . . whatever we've become since ending up on the Andromeda, simply because we need more crew members. I mean, what if she's destined to be an artist and never does that becuase she's stuck on a space ship."
"You are thinking like a parent Rebeka Valentine, whether you realize it or not," he whispered in my ear. I didn't move, but my eyes sprung open. Frak. He was right.
"Fine. I won't say anything about it for a while. Happy?"
"Yes," was all he said. Just then, Cassie came back over, talk about a sense of timing! She just came over, glared at Dylan again, he acted like he was sad and she climbed into my lap.
"So, what did ya find?"
"Stuff," she said as she yawned and snuggled in. She didn't move away when Dylan wrapped his arms around her as well. I made no effort to move as I felt him shift to get more comfortable nor did I do anything when Cass squirmed until she was streched out on her stomach, an arm slung around my neck. I sighed. It was all so clear about 6 hours ago. I was going to make sure that she ended up some where that would give her everything she could ask for. She was going to end up with a mother and a father and maybe siblings. A father and siblings, something that I had no intention of getting for myself or her any time soon. I leaned my head back against Dylan and just listened to him breath and the sound
of his heart beat. It seemed a little slow to me. I was about to ask him if he was okay when it hit me that he had fallen asleep. Sleeping? I tilted my head up and sure enough Dylan had concked out and was snoring softly. Great. I'm trapped by a sleeping child and Dylan Hunt. Now, I realize that this is probably a fantasie of mine, some where in the deep, deep resceses of my mind, but at the moment, trying to maintain a friendship with him is hard enough. I don't need, nor am I looking for a romantic entaglement just now. Especially not from a guy who is trying to resurect a long dead orginization that no one really seems to want to join unless they're the little guy. As I drifted off too, there was one
thought left in my mind, why am I starting to disect his reason for being?
*This is your captain speaking. . .*
I woke up at some point during the night and I don't really know why. I was a little surprised to see that Beka was still here, but it quickly faded into mild joy. There had always been something about her, ever since I met her for the first time when she was trying to steal the Andromeda. I can't deny the fact
that I consider her extremely attractive, then again, what red blodded man wouldn't? I've seen Tyr look her over once or twice, Harper too. I guess it's nice to know that I'm not the only one on this ship that wants her. Woah! Wait a minute, where did that come from? She's my first officer, my friend and I still
love Sara . . . who's been dead for about 300 years. To take a phrase from Harper, this really sucks!! I mean, Beka is not normally the kind of person I'd want to have a relationship with. I mean, she's got a large past, not that that is bad, but, I'm a little scared of what I might find out, like maybe she's worth 10 000 000 thrones to some one, some where. I stopped my train of thought there, before it took off a little too far. I gazed out at the stars and thought about what Beka had told me about them. I began to see what she was talking about. There was something calming, a security they provided. If there was one constant after 300 years, it was the stars. Unmoving and always shining, like a beacon in the darkness. I was startled out of my revery by a little moan from Cassie that was growing a little more frantic by the second. I layed my hands on her back and rubbed. She quieted down, but didn't grow silent. I leaned as forward as I could.
"It's alright Cassie, we're here," I whispered, "Come on little one, it's okay, He won't get you." she stilled and soon after dropped back off. I sighed and relaxed again, only to have Beka wake up this time. "Don't move too fast." I said quietly.
"Help me up," she said quietly as she grasped Cassie firmly. I helped her up and she waited for me to stretch and then passed Cassie to me. She repeated my actions almost perfectly before turning to me again. "I should take her back to the Maru and put her to bed," she said softly.
"Why don't you go and shower or whatever and I'll watch her for a while." She looked at me a little funny. "This way you won't have to rush and you'll owe me."
"Owe you what tough guy?" she asked cautiously. We both smiled at the nick name that had stuck since we had been shot down by the Nietzcheans.
'Ah ah, the first thing we're going to do is fix your head.'
'I'll be fine.'
'Yeah, okay tough guy.'
I smiled. "Dinner. Just you and me." Eep. Where did that come from? Oh well, I can't go back on it now. Beka just looked at me.
"Oohkay. . . " she said slowly as a smile started to spread across her face. "You're on. If you can find some one to look after her, I'm yours for the night," she said as she left. "I'll bring clothes for her when I'm done," she said as she left.
"Uh okay," I said as I followed her out and turned the other way.
*This is still your Captain speaking . .*
Okay, I'm still a little more than shocked about inviting Beka to dinner and still a little embarrassed about her 'You can have me for the night' comment. Didn't see that one comin'. Anyways, I have no idea why I did it. I don't regret it, I'd just like to know where it came from. When I got back to my
quarters, I put Cassie in my bed and wandered out into the main room, sat down and picked up a flexie. I surfed through the channels before settling on the news. I watched it for a few moments before I felt myself starting to drift off again. I don't usually fall asleep so easily, but maybe staying up with a scared
and confused Beka, something I have never seen before and a 5 year old will do that. It felt strange to admit it, but I rather enjoyed having the two of them so close. The general plan with Sara had always been to get maried and have a couple of kids. How we'd have managed them on 2 different ships was beyond me, but we would have. That was something I hadn't thought about in a while. Sara. I guess it makes sense. I was getting over her. The only problem was was that I was finding my thoughts drifting to another more often, specifically Beka Valentine. It disturbed me a little to find that I had started to think of her as an attractive woman instead of just my first officer and friend. I guess that it isn't a bad thing, but it could complicate things. Oh well . . . I guess I'll worry about it later . . I thought as I fell asleep.
Stupid Nietszchean! Where the hell does he get off psychoanalysing me? I didn't ask him to take her, neither did I ask him to help me out at all. I mumbled a little more to myself as I got onto the Maru. I checked on Cassie then headed to the bridge. I paced around for a while, still wishing plague and pestilence on Tyr's unborn children before I collapsed into the pilots chair. I played with the controllers for a while and began to think about Dylan's offer. Either I adopt her or I give her up. We're a week, maybe 2 from a planet and we'll have about 3 days of leave. That's not a lot of time to make a descision
that will not only affect my life, but some one else's. I enjoy power as much as the next guy, but not this kind of life altering power.
I began to wander around, leaving the bridge amd taking to the hallways, finally ending up at my quarters. I stood in the doorway of my bedroom and watched her. I had stuck a flash light on low power in the corner of the room. I could tell that she was sleeping soundly, sobs still wracking her tiny body. I sighed and got ready for bed. I cursed dad for giving me the nanobots and Tyr for making me
so mad that I had let my hair start to turn red again. I shook my head and the red left, being replaced by the blonde that I had become accustomed to. I checked the mirror one last time then went to bed. As I got in, she immediately snuggled up to me and I fell asleep with the sound of her breathing and that little girl smell taking over my senses.
I have no idea how long I was asleep for be fore being woken up by Cassidie screaming at the top of her lungs. "What?!?! What's wrong?!?!" I cried as I sat up. She stopped screaming and looked at me. "What's wrong?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around her and rocked her. She simply clung to me and wimpered. "Did you have a bad dream? What? You gotta help me out here kiddo," I said as I looked
down at her. "He was gonna get me." she said quietly.
"Who? Tyr?"
"No. HIM," she said as she looked up. "He was chasin' me and he caught me and I saw you and Dylan and you wouldn't come and help me and I screamed and screamed and you didn't come." she cried, I could see the large tears.
"It's okay. We're far away from him now. He has to get through two starships and seven people before he gets to you." We sat for a few minutes before I got up and put on one of the few pairs of baggy pants I own and a real tee-shirt and picked her up as I wrapped a blanket around her. "Come on, we'll go for a walk."
We, well I, wandered to the observation deck and we sat for a while. I just sat and thought about her and what Dylan and Tyr had said. She simply sat in my lap and played with my hands and fingers while talking to herself. She didn't look up as the doors opened and Dylan came in. He hesitated as he saw Cassie and I. I nodded my head for him to come over and he came. He looked at Cassie who was still oblivious to the fact that he was here and spoke.
"Hello Beka, Cassidie." She jumped. startled to have been distracted from her game. I laughed as she shot him a look and he was still completely clueless as to why she had done that. "Fine, I'll visit with Beka and not you then." He came and sat next to me and Cassie imediately became undecided about keeping an eye on him or keeping her back to him. She ultimately decided on keeping her back to him and went back to her game.
"Well. You were snubbed."
"Wish I knew why."
"Ah, we're both in trouble because we didn't try to save her."
"What are you talking about?"
"She had a dream that HE came back to get her and you and me just watched as he grabbed her and did nothing," I said with a smile. Dylan was still putting all the pieces together.
"Ah. I see," he said as he grew quiet for a moment. "I hope this isn't causing you insomnia."
"No, she woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep. If I'm gonna have to stay up with her, I'd rather do it here." I smoothed back Cassie's hair as I began to play with the ends. "I enjoy the stars. I don't know why, I always have. When I was little, dad would be on Flash, Rafe would be god knows where on the ship and I would just curl up in the pilots chair and watch the stars until I fell asleep. I guess they're my version of a security blanket." I said with a smile.
He just smiled softly and moved so that his back was against the wall as he sat down. "Why don't you go and do a little exploring in here," I said as I put her on the floor and pointed her to the far side of the room. She wandered off, looking at everything. I slid over to him and he pulled my back against his
chest. I don't really know why I let him, but I did. I'm not usually a touchy feely person. "Do you think I'm doing the wrong thing?"
"I think that you're a little scared right now and looking for a way out, so, no, I don't think you're doing the wrong thing at the moment. In the long run? Yes, I think you are," he replied. I thought for a moment and watched her, mostly all you could see were her feet under things becuase she was so short. I sighed.
"Dylan, I don't know what to do with a 5 year old! Never mind the fact that we might get blown out of the sky at any moment. That risk doesn't bother me, I chose it, but I can't choose it for another, never mind a child who has their entire life ahead of them. She doesn't deserve a ramblers life, she needs to be on a planet, with two parents who can take care of her the way she deserves and believed me, the half-assed Valentine parenting style is not what I'm talking about." I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped the blanket around me.
"You don't have to worry about so much. We'll all help. She seems okay with Tyr." I laughed a little at that. "What?"
"I'll tell you later. Keep going."
"She doesn't seem to mind Harper or Trance or me either. The only two she doesn't seem sure about are Rev and Rommie."
"She saw the three Andromedas talking. She's a little spooked about that and well, Rev, if you don't know him, he is scary."
"She'll get used to living here too. You are simply over exaggerating things," he finished thoughtfully. I took a moment to calm myself before responding to Hunt.
Every thread of my being was screaming to jump up and slap him and yell at him and let all my frustrations out on him because he was here, but I controlled myself.
"I'm not though and you know it. Everything I have said is perfectly valid. I know what it's like to grow up in space with some one who doesn't know what they're doing and I don't want to put her through that."
"You'll learn. Not only from experiences with her, but from what happened to you. You know what you wish had happened differently and you can change it with Cassidie," he said. I wanted to bury my head in his chest and cry simply becuase I was exhausted and was tired of having to decide so many important things in such a short time. I wrapped my arms around his, simply enjoying the contact of another person. It was nice to have a large pair of arms surround me. There was just something about a man's arms, especially a friend's, that made me feel safe, like nothing could hurt me any more. It was a feeling I didn't often get.
"It doesn't matter Dylan. She deserves more than any of us can give her. She needs a chance to become her own person and not another . . . . whatever we've become since ending up on the Andromeda, simply because we need more crew members. I mean, what if she's destined to be an artist and never does that becuase she's stuck on a space ship."
"You are thinking like a parent Rebeka Valentine, whether you realize it or not," he whispered in my ear. I didn't move, but my eyes sprung open. Frak. He was right.
"Fine. I won't say anything about it for a while. Happy?"
"Yes," was all he said. Just then, Cassie came back over, talk about a sense of timing! She just came over, glared at Dylan again, he acted like he was sad and she climbed into my lap.
"So, what did ya find?"
"Stuff," she said as she yawned and snuggled in. She didn't move away when Dylan wrapped his arms around her as well. I made no effort to move as I felt him shift to get more comfortable nor did I do anything when Cass squirmed until she was streched out on her stomach, an arm slung around my neck. I sighed. It was all so clear about 6 hours ago. I was going to make sure that she ended up some where that would give her everything she could ask for. She was going to end up with a mother and a father and maybe siblings. A father and siblings, something that I had no intention of getting for myself or her any time soon. I leaned my head back against Dylan and just listened to him breath and the sound
of his heart beat. It seemed a little slow to me. I was about to ask him if he was okay when it hit me that he had fallen asleep. Sleeping? I tilted my head up and sure enough Dylan had concked out and was snoring softly. Great. I'm trapped by a sleeping child and Dylan Hunt. Now, I realize that this is probably a fantasie of mine, some where in the deep, deep resceses of my mind, but at the moment, trying to maintain a friendship with him is hard enough. I don't need, nor am I looking for a romantic entaglement just now. Especially not from a guy who is trying to resurect a long dead orginization that no one really seems to want to join unless they're the little guy. As I drifted off too, there was one
thought left in my mind, why am I starting to disect his reason for being?
*This is your captain speaking. . .*
I woke up at some point during the night and I don't really know why. I was a little surprised to see that Beka was still here, but it quickly faded into mild joy. There had always been something about her, ever since I met her for the first time when she was trying to steal the Andromeda. I can't deny the fact
that I consider her extremely attractive, then again, what red blodded man wouldn't? I've seen Tyr look her over once or twice, Harper too. I guess it's nice to know that I'm not the only one on this ship that wants her. Woah! Wait a minute, where did that come from? She's my first officer, my friend and I still
love Sara . . . who's been dead for about 300 years. To take a phrase from Harper, this really sucks!! I mean, Beka is not normally the kind of person I'd want to have a relationship with. I mean, she's got a large past, not that that is bad, but, I'm a little scared of what I might find out, like maybe she's worth 10 000 000 thrones to some one, some where. I stopped my train of thought there, before it took off a little too far. I gazed out at the stars and thought about what Beka had told me about them. I began to see what she was talking about. There was something calming, a security they provided. If there was one constant after 300 years, it was the stars. Unmoving and always shining, like a beacon in the darkness. I was startled out of my revery by a little moan from Cassie that was growing a little more frantic by the second. I layed my hands on her back and rubbed. She quieted down, but didn't grow silent. I leaned as forward as I could.
"It's alright Cassie, we're here," I whispered, "Come on little one, it's okay, He won't get you." she stilled and soon after dropped back off. I sighed and relaxed again, only to have Beka wake up this time. "Don't move too fast." I said quietly.
"Help me up," she said quietly as she grasped Cassie firmly. I helped her up and she waited for me to stretch and then passed Cassie to me. She repeated my actions almost perfectly before turning to me again. "I should take her back to the Maru and put her to bed," she said softly.
"Why don't you go and shower or whatever and I'll watch her for a while." She looked at me a little funny. "This way you won't have to rush and you'll owe me."
"Owe you what tough guy?" she asked cautiously. We both smiled at the nick name that had stuck since we had been shot down by the Nietzcheans.
'Ah ah, the first thing we're going to do is fix your head.'
'I'll be fine.'
'Yeah, okay tough guy.'
I smiled. "Dinner. Just you and me." Eep. Where did that come from? Oh well, I can't go back on it now. Beka just looked at me.
"Oohkay. . . " she said slowly as a smile started to spread across her face. "You're on. If you can find some one to look after her, I'm yours for the night," she said as she left. "I'll bring clothes for her when I'm done," she said as she left.
"Uh okay," I said as I followed her out and turned the other way.
*This is still your Captain speaking . .*
Okay, I'm still a little more than shocked about inviting Beka to dinner and still a little embarrassed about her 'You can have me for the night' comment. Didn't see that one comin'. Anyways, I have no idea why I did it. I don't regret it, I'd just like to know where it came from. When I got back to my
quarters, I put Cassie in my bed and wandered out into the main room, sat down and picked up a flexie. I surfed through the channels before settling on the news. I watched it for a few moments before I felt myself starting to drift off again. I don't usually fall asleep so easily, but maybe staying up with a scared
and confused Beka, something I have never seen before and a 5 year old will do that. It felt strange to admit it, but I rather enjoyed having the two of them so close. The general plan with Sara had always been to get maried and have a couple of kids. How we'd have managed them on 2 different ships was beyond me, but we would have. That was something I hadn't thought about in a while. Sara. I guess it makes sense. I was getting over her. The only problem was was that I was finding my thoughts drifting to another more often, specifically Beka Valentine. It disturbed me a little to find that I had started to think of her as an attractive woman instead of just my first officer and friend. I guess that it isn't a bad thing, but it could complicate things. Oh well . . . I guess I'll worry about it later . . I thought as I fell asleep.
