Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun, I don't even own a gun.
Terranigma Creations presents...
Chapter 3: Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel
Day...whatever: The train I'm riding on is really fast. I use its speed to my advantage. Did you know you can shoot a pedestrian in the foot and be gone in 3 seconds? He never knew what hit him haha...I mean, that would be very interesting to try out. I have to get me one of these trains. It seems Meryl and Milly are working at food stands to earn their fare. Meryl always gets mad at me when I come by. She gets mad over the smallest things, like putting my feet on the table or throwing knives at the customers. Knives... I kinda wish your name was still Peanuts, I don't know why. Nitro glycerin, heh heh, those were good times. Its not as boring on the train as I'd thought it be. I got a chance to practice my flower potting skills again. It is especially fun when you have lots of nooks and crannies to hide in. The captain has been questioning people about the so called When he asked me I was completely honest, I said that I was doing some flower arranging during the attacks. Yes, I do think flowers would look good embedded in the captain's forehead, and I could blame it on the anthrax...what is anthrax? Never mind.
Day 2: I was so bored that I nearly jumped off the train. That was until the hijackers came. They took the crew hostage, took control of the train and decided to run it off of a cliff to open the safe. Amateurs. I made my way to the front of the train where I peered through the window. I saw a big guy pointing a gun at a boy's head. Now I wasn't just about to let a head shot go through! Someone without a head is very noticeable. So I shot only to break the glass of the window. A thousand glass cuts is always better than a missing ear. After jumping off the train, the boy helped me get back to the bridge. He told me that he didn't understand why I didn't kill people. So I told him about my philosophy. He called me a sick bastard; I'm not sure if that was a complement or not, so I just ignored it and made my way to the bridge. Just to sum up real fast what happened: I dueled the gang leader and saved the train. My reward, a tape recording of various screams from the gang members I encountered. I do need more than words to describe this memorable day.
Day 3: Well the bus I am riding on isn't as fast the train, but it keeps me happy. Happy because we are in the desert. Now in Rem Game math: heat + metal object = pain. All the people here are miserable and no gunshot wounds. I think Rem called this something like subtle torture. Along the route the bus picked up a most interesting character, a chain smoking priest named Nicholas D Wolfwood. I asked him if I could call him Paddywhack, but he preferred Wolfwood better. After some talking he realized I was Vash the Stampede, the sixty-billion double dollar man. We became good friends even though he kept poking me with his gun barrel (gun barrel as in the gun nozzle you naughty yaoi fan) and coaxing me to come with him to the closest police station (police station as police station you naughty yaoi fan). I told him police stations were the coolest places to be since the cops don't mind if you shoot at them; in fact they are glad and play along by firing back. He was very quiet after that little comment and then he pulled out a tiny sized church and asked me if I wanted to have a confession. I didn't take his offer, but I informed him about my opinion on churches. I said that churches are great places too because they have lots of funerals there, and the dead bodies at the funeral look so alive that you couldn't tell that they were dead in the first place. Those funeral guys sure can cover up wounds; they would make great Rem Game players. He punched me in the face and called me a sick bastard. I'm still not sure if that was a complement or not, so I just ignored it. The bus broke down just before I was about to explain to him what Rem's Game was. Everyone decided to go out for a stretch just then. About when the passengers were coming back in the bus, a hysterical woman asked for some people to help her find her child. I volunteered of course, being the caring individual that I am. I could finally practice my sharpshooting and hunting techniques again, but then she said to please make sure her child come to no harm, so I put my pistol away. Wolfwood came along with me into the desert to help find the missing child. A peaceful walk in the desert and what comes by? A troupe of killer robots, and what do I find among those robots? The missing child. So I decided I would have a little fun with these newcomers, but Wolfwood beat me to the punch. Before I could decide how I would arrange the parts to make a pentagram, Wolfwood was already flashing my knife (flashing my knife as in flashing my knife you naughty yaoi fan), that I had given him, at them. He was really good with his knife, almost made me envious; being skilled with sharp objects and having the ability to make a dead body look alive, man I was green. After dealing with the robots we discovered that the robots were coming from an underground lair. We went down into the lair and fought off somemore of the mechanical fiends. During our time down there we traded off our own philosophies about killing. Wolfwood's was that killing is sometimes necessary. I told him that killing was unacceptable, because you can save the victim for later and that dead bodies lose the ability to scream. He punched me in the face again and called me a sick bastard. Twice in one day, must be a complement. The robots were protecting a plant. Wow, it brought back a lot of memories. Too bad this plant wasn't a part of a crew on a super special ship with the ability to restore human civilization or have a twin brother named Peanuts who was now known as Knives. I told the plant that I would put it in a flower pot and bludgeon people with it if it didn't stop making visible wounds on people. It agreed and I told it that the foot and armpits are the best places to shoot at. Wolfwood had no idea what I said to it, so I claimed that I had just pulled the plug. We came back to the bus with the child and resumed our trip. On the bus I had to sit next to Meryl because Wolfwood got comfortable with Milly (comfortable as in comfortable you naughty non-yaoi fan). Meryl kept bugging me about going around and saying who I was. She still didn't figure out that I used my name to attract more At the first city we stopped at Wolfwood got off. We said our goodbyes and he walked off into the sunset. Nicholas D Wolfwood, a potential Rem's Game legend. I wonder what is that big cross is for? Maybe it's his equivalent to a flowerpot.
Day 5: Some of the local children in the town I am currently staying at have become quite fond of me. I am training them to become Rem's Game player by teaching them how to wrestle. There is almost nothing better than a broken or twisted limb that looks like any other ordinary limb.
Day 10: So far my plan for the kids to acquire early osteoporosis is coming according to plan. Anyway today I woke up and did my usual breakfast training routine. Gunpowder and eggs is the breakfast of champions. I tried to get some girls do be my pseudo sacrificial victims, but the ketchup thing never works, not like blood at all, not salty enough. I followed the quiet kid back to his family's restaurant where his mother was managing everything. I liked his mother mostly because her skin color would go very well with my altar. I walked in and who do I find? Wolfwood. I asked him if he was helping her because of the altar thing and asked what was I doing with an altar. I told him and he said that I needed professional help. I was confused until I realized I WAS professional help. The mother was in financial distress (another form of torture) and Wolfwood decided to do something about it. He entered me in a gunslinging contest. I was too happy because everyone knew if you shot someone or not because that's what they came to watch people do there. He calmed me down by saying that no one would mind if I shot them. I was one happy one armed gunslinger.
Day 11: Well I arrived at the contest to see that the competition looked tasty-er-I mean strong. Since I wanted to have as much fun as I could, I entered Wolfwood in the competition too. I will assess his Rem Game potential to see if he can become as great as me. He wasn't too thrilled to find out that I entered him, he said he would enjoy shooting me. It got me really excited to hear that. It is always pleasant to see other people with my same interests. I shot my way through the other competitors (literally), and made it to the finals against Wolfwood. He said that he was going to withdraw out of the competition. That really made me sad. I really wanted to show him my skill. At the last moment he decided to stay in. I'm not sure if it was because the people who we were trying to help were being held hostage, or that he was trying to see things my way, but I was delighted none the less. He told me to hand him a ketchup bottle so he could put it in his shirt. He told me to do the same so we could make it look like we shot each other. I gave him one. We fought until we did the shot scene. I had the regular glass bottle, so I wasn't hurt. I gave Wolfwood a plastic one so I could see how much pain tolerance he had. He wasn't so happy about it. After we got up we started to fire at the thugs that wanted my head for the bounty. Wolfwood pulled out his cross and revealed his arsenal of weaponry. He pulled out a lot of guns and let a rain of bullets descend upon the enemies. Seeing him this passionate about shooting other people was like Christmas Day for me. I knew he had potential. Well we parted our ways once again, but I knew I would see him again just because all Rem Game players always gather at one point in time, or there can only be one, or suspense is subtle torture, or pain = good. Well It was something like that which Rem told me once.
Day15: Well Milly went about her business and split up from Meryl and me to go grocery shopping. She said she would meet us in the next town. While I was doing my usual looking for prey-er-I mean looking for baddies to shoot- I mean looking for a better way to work for the ideals of love and peace! I got an offer from a caravan leader to do a killing job. I told him that I don't kill for the exact reasons I have said in my earlier entrees. He said I was just like they said, cruel and demented. I'm not cruel and psychotic, just a really good player. He said that I was too shoot not to kill. I was delighted to do the job. I said that long term pain was my specialty. He told me I was to use rubber bullets which really bummed me out. Well, I could pretend to shoot real bullets and act all badass ***REM GAME RULE#16: ALWAYS TRY TO LOOK BADASS IF YOU CAN*** I was quiet during the whole entire drive until Meryl asked me what type of Job I was doing. In tradition of badass I said it was a killing job. She then put a gun to my head. Man what a babe! I thought she was going to shoot my ear or something, but she backed down. I guess she determined that a headshot was too obvious. Smart and sexy -er I mean a smart move. I tracked down the targets I was supposed to and saw Milly and Wolfwood there helping them. I think I made the shots believable. My first headshots, and how good it felt to cause pain but not to kill. My employers were angry at me because they needed the boy alive. I told them to go away or I would do something unpleasant. I recall it involved the word castration and a rusty pair of hedge clippers, but I forget. What was funny though was how fast they ran. They probably overexerted themselves which would lead to early heart problem, man I am good. Milly was quite upset. I figured this out because the way she punched me and dislocated my jaw. I couldn't even tell that it was dislocated just looking at it. Then Wolfwood came and broke my sunglasses (good thing I have 2 pairs). Emotional pain, Rem's favorite pain to inflict, I prefer physical torture though. He discovered that the bullets were fake and explained to the others that they targets were safe. We let them go and I gave them the $1000 of the $2000 that I collected. Hey pentagrams, alter polish, dead mice, and goat's blood don't come cheap. Rem's Game is a very expensive living style.
Day19: We stopped in a town just to relax. It was quite a nice day. I just sat on a bench thinking of Rem. I was thinking of how to show her how it is unable not to laugh while playing her game. Heh heh heh, liquid nitrogen. Then some kids hit me in the face with a ball and claimed it was an accident. Oh sure the old It was an accident trick. It stopped working for me after I got that sixty-billion double dollar bounty on my head. Guns can go off and hit people in the ribs by accident, I swear! I decided to scare them using my super suction ball head attack. I was implementing my early heart problem plan again. I bought ice cream for the kids to inflict early tooth decay as well. I saw a kid who was all alone. He shouldn't be alone, he must endure tooth decay just like all the other children. He refused my offer, I guess he knew my plan, smart kid. Then I got some telepathic vibes from this weird guy with long bangs who called himself Legato. He said he was a messenger to tell me that I would die today. I told him my reason why death is an awful thing. He laughed and called my a sick bastard (Three people already, must be a trend). He said he could kill all the people here if he wanted to. He then sent a image to my mind that he was crushing a kid's skull. I looked, worried that a broken skull be seen to easily. He had his hands up in the air, mocking me. Emotional torture, he had potential. He left me a present, a decapitated head. It wasn't a very good present. It wasn't bloody, that was a plus, but it was a head! ANYONE would notice a guy without his head or a head without its body. They blamed it on me just because I'm the most wanted man in the world, what prejudice. I sat in my cell and figured out who sent Legato. It was Knives, only a pansy like him would send someone else to find someone else to do the dirty work, and I mean dirty! Very messy, everyone could see the mess. He never was good at being a player, although he was a pretty good victim. I put on my scary blue eyed face, but Milly walked in to see it. I covered up with my pretty boy I'm innocent look (I don't want to make myself look guilty for this messy act!). Then this purple guy came in and said he trained his whole entire life to kill me. I dodged the bullets and ran. Not because I was afraid, because fighting a big purple guy with two huge caliber guns with bullets the size of my head would draw too much attention, leading to wounds being discovered. I ran fast and warned people to get out of the way, but it wasn't enough. The purple guy was too impatient and decided to shoot through the town to get to me. The whole western part of town was destroyed along with the people! HE WASTED VICTIMS!!! UNFORGIVABLE! I did my blue eyed thing and shot him in the face a few times to scare him. It worked, he ran off like a penis wrinkle. Meryl tried to talk to me, but lets just say I wasn't in the best of moods at the time. I set up a trap for him using the bank's safe and some explosives. I only had two bullets too. He fell for it and I used my two bullets to disarm his gun. He tried to use his rocket launcher to kill me, but I used my left arm gun to disable him. He said it was unforgivable not to have used it against him in the jail. It would have been unforgivable to waste a victim like that. I kicked him in the ribs and shoved my gun in his eye and was actually thinking about giving him a new and innovative head piercing. Then Rem's words came to me. If I shot him there he would die for real. That was as far as I could go to wasting a victim. Then and there I decided that I should go after Knives.
AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry sorry for the HUGE ASS delay. I was very busy with stuff. Well at least I got Chapter 3 out. I hope you enjoyed it! read and Review. and don't flame, because this little author FLAMES BACK!
