Warnings: shonen-ai, OOC, attempted humor, pointless Micro$oft bashing
Disclaimer: Most things belong to Clamp, Hello Kitty belongs to Sanrio

Apologies to: Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman


X: CHIBIFICATION
by Beth renfri@astercity.net




Tokyo Tower. Major landmark, Eiffel Tower look-alike and the set of countless Clamp series.

It's traditional for lovers to visit the special viewing platform. But perhaps not right now.

Not when it's chock-full of squabbling chibis.

"All RIGHT!!" Sorata yelled. "Can we please *get on with it*?" The chibis paused, allowing the young monk from Koya to survey the scene.

Seishirou was leaning all over Subaru under the pretense of reading the ritual's description over the younger man's shoulder. Kamui was fuming at this sight and jumping around to evade /Kamui/, who seemed intent on reciting erotic poetry to his twin star for some unfathomable reason. The violet-eyed boy also had to avoid colliding with Satsuki, pursued by Inuki -- it looked like the dog spirit did not consider chibi Yuzu-chan worthy of giving orders to him. This of course made Yuzuriha break into tears, despite Kusanagi's attempts to cheer her up. Yuuto ignored all this and concentrated on flirting shamelessly with Karen, which made the flame-mistress blush and Seiichiro fume. Sorata was sure the windmaster should not be purple like that...

"I agree," Arashi said calmly. She was sitting on a railing, next to Nataku, staying out of the quarrels. "Sumeragi-san, what do we have to do during the ritual?"

"Just concentrate your power and cleanse your minds," Subaru hastened to explain. "I and Seishirou-san will direct your energy into the summoning - Seishirou-san?"

"Nani?" The Sakurazukamori seemed rather preoccupied with trailing his fingers through the young onmyouji's hair. "Oh - the summoning. Of course."

Sorata realized that the strange quiet sound he was hearing was Kamui grating his teeth.

Arashi took one look at the diagram the Sumeragi had drawn up on the floor, then quickly and efficiently shooed everyone into the right positions at the points of the octogram. The young monk looked at her with admiration - not even super-deformation could relieve his beloved of her authority...

Not to mention her figure was *much* fuller in this form.

"Alright." Seishirou got his mind off Subaru and to the work before them. "Have we got the components?"

"Here," Yuuto said. "One fresh egg and two identical pieces of wood." He opened the plastic bag to reveal-

-two wooden swords. Shinkens.

The assembled Dragons fell over, except for Fuuma, who reached for the weapons with enthusiasm.

Subaru snatched them quickly and gave Yuuto an exasperated look. "Where'd you get those?"

Yuuto sweatdropped. "It said 'Clamp Merchandise' on the stall..."

"Clamp?" Kusanagi asked. "I *don't* want to know."

"Clamps can be fun," Fuuma suggested.

"So can clams, and *you're* going to be one soon if you don't do as you're told," Seishirou snapped. "If everyone's ready..."

The assembled chibi Seals and Angels nodded quickly.

The two onmyouji began to chant. Appropriately impressive magical energy swirled around them, though for some reason it was a greenish-purple color.

The air tasted like tin.

Seishirou raised the egg and broke it, releasing a cloud of greenish-purple smoke. He muttered something about the indignity of doing magic with ovarian products, to which Subaru whispered that the other version of the spell required fresh mouse blood, and if Seishirou wanted to go hunt one, he'd be just as happy.

Finally the octogram filled with a brilliant flash of light. When the assembled chibis regained their sight, they saw a figure standing inside the mystic markings.

The effect was rather spoilt by the fact the figure was wearing a fluffy black skirt, a black blouse with short puffy sleeves and holding a black wand shaped like a raven. The girl also had a silver ankh around her neck.

"Alright," she snapped impatiently. "What do you- kawaii!!" The last remark was addressed at Kamui.

The super-deformed leader of the Seals stared her down as best as he could, which didn't prevent her from picking him up and hugging him. Then she noticed Fuuma's look.

"Oh, sorry!" she laughed, putting down the struggling chibi, then turned to Subaru. "Now, what was it you wanted?"

The onmyouji bowed. "Lady Death, we seek the source of the curse that has befalled us."

The girl mused for a minute. "Do I have to tell you?"

"Such are the rules of the summoning, my lady."

"But-"

Kamui snapped his fingers and gathered some ominous-looking energy in one hand. "Tell us or fry," he suggested.

Seishirou promptly whacked him on the head. "She's *Death*."

The violet-eyed chibi eyed him with irritation. "So?"

Death laughed. "You two look adorable!" she crooned.

The Sakurazukamori scowled. "That's the problem. Can you reveal to us how to relieve this state - my lady?"

The black-haired Power sobered up. "It's clouded, as is everything that concerns your two groups. All I see is the usual -- the end of the world, Tokyo in ruins, only two buildings left standing-"

"The Tokyo Tower and the City Hall..." all Dragons chorused.

"Yes." Death grinned. "You've heard that before?"

"Try a hundred times before," Fuuma sighed.

"There is not much above that," she continued. "But there's also-" She broke off abruptly when ribbons of pink energy started to swirl around her. "What's this?"

Seishirou sweatdropped. "No idea. This wasn't in the spell description..."

The energy was now half-obscuring the girl. "Do something about it!" she demanded.

Subaru took out an ofuda, but before he could start chanting, the pink cocoon had closed. Then it flashed a brilliant white light.

When the flash faded, Death was once again standing in the octogram, unchanged but for one thing.

She was chibi.

"Waaah!" she wailed. "What's going ON??"

"There, there..." Seiichiro patted her shoulder. "It's not that bad."

"It's catching," Kusanagi noted. "We need to stop it, fast."

"Did you sense *anything* at all?" Arashi asked the SD Death.

"Only some letters and numbers... JP3343200006, I think."

"Sounds like a Tokyo Stock Exchange listing number," Seiichiro noted.

"I can check it out with Beast," Satsuki offered.

"I can check it out with my cellphone," Subaru pointed out.

"How?" Nataku asked.

"It's got a WAP browser."

"Beast can also break into the company's computers, download their files, break their codes and shut down their accounts," Satsuki noted.

"Can it order ice-cream with delivery?" Yuzuriha asked.

"Sure."

"I'm for it!"

"Me too," Death added. "I need something sweet to cheer up."

The rest of the Dragons realized they had no chance against three perky chibi girls, and reluctantly tagged along. Except for Kamui, who had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, and finally carried bodily by Sorata. Death noted that for some reason the boy didn't like going into 'that den of evil', but she couldn't hear much because she had to keep up with Satsuki and Yuzuriha, who decided that jumping over rooftops would be quickest.


--- * ---



Arashi looked with absolute disgust at the residue of soda cans and Pocky wrappers on the floor.

"Don't you ever clean up here?" she asked.

"Not often..." Satsuki shrugged, then sat in her customary chair. Beast's wires snuck out and wrapped around her limbs as she reached for her helmet.

It fell over her ears and hid her chibi head up to the shoulders.

"Oh shit..." she muttered. "I forgot I'm SD."

After a bit of consideration and consternation on the part of the Dragons, Nataku finally used its scarf to pad up the helmet so that it would fit and Satsuki was able to get online.

"You can look that number up using My-E-Stock," Yuzuriha supplied, jumping up and down excitedly.

"No I can't. That site crashes my Netscape," Satsuki scowled.

"Why not use Internet Explorer, then?" Karen suggested.

A small black cloud appeared over Satsuki's head. "Firegirl, I might be a Dragon of Earth, but I DO have standards!! I will *not* pollute BEAST with a- a- a Microsoft product!!!" The cloud sprouted lightning that crashed ominously into the walls.

"Maa, maa," Yuuto laughed nervously, spreading his chubby hands. "Calm down. You'll want www.tse.or.jp, that works with Netscape."

"I thought the Japanese government used IE?" Seiichiro asked.

"I let Satsuki revamp my laptop."

"The number's JP3343200006," Subaru recited.

"Wow, you memorized it?" Kamui's eyes shone with unsupressed hero-worship. Fuuma seethed (with obligatory chibi-rage lightning effects).

Seishirou snatched the palmtop computer out of the other onmyouji's unsuspecting hands. "I see my Christmas gift came in handy," he smiled.

Death edged closer to Nataku, the only person who seemed to keep its calm. "Are they always this crazy?" she whispered.

Nataku regarded her with puzzlement. "What does 'crazy' mean?"

The Bane of Life, the Last of the Endless, the Guardian of the Sunless Lands and the Only Person who Can Tell Morpheus Off and Live fell over.

Meanwhile, Satsuki had reached the site in question and put in the number, referencing it to the company name. She gasped.

"What is it???" everyone shouted. The combined volume of shrill voices made the walls tremble.

The youngest Dragon of Earth shook her head. "It... can't be. It's not possible!!!"

"What is it?" Kusanagi demanded.

"Is it the Sakurazuka company?" Kamui asked eagerly.

"No it isn't!" Seishirou scowled.

"Is it the Sumeragi company?" Fuuma crowed.

"No," Subaru said curtly.

"Is it Kadokawa?" Yuuto asked.



"No..." Satsuki whispered. "It's Sanrio."

The word echoed in the basement of the City Hall.

"Sanrio?" Sorata managed finally. "As in Hello Kitty??"

"No other."