Chapter three
Disclaimer: still don't won Gundam Wing, but I'll tell you if they give me the rights.
//Anderson Mesa
Don't leave with out intentions,
Of ever coming back.
Vacation.
You take them,
If you wanted you'd ask them.
Alone I'm outside.
Red sky, I wait there.
Snowfall above me.
Yet new so fading.
Graveyard.
Run around or jump the fence.
Don't leave,
With out intentions of ever coming back.//
Everyone knows that holidays are the hardest time for a person after a loved one dies. This has always been true for me, ever since I was seven and the massacre at the church. Since then Christmas has always been a bittersweet holiday, especially since it was there at the church that I learned about Christmas and its true meaning.
The trial had started a few weeks earlier, adding even more stress and sorrow to the already depressing holiday. Being the first Christmas in nearly eight years without Hilde definitely added to the depression as well.
Hilde always knew that Christmas was hard for me; she tried so hard to make it easier for me. I loved that so much about her, she cared so much about me that she would go out of her way to make sure I was happy. There was one other thing, besides Hilde's silly ideas to cheer me up, that brought me joy at Christmas: telling the story of Christmas to the kids after Christmas dinner.
I told the story the same way Sister Helen told it to us kids when I was young. I tried to mimic her expressions and hand movements, she got so into her little story each year. I laughed the first time I heard it, then the next year I became engrossed in the idea. I did because here was the poor boy, born in a stable of all places, who became the king of the world. That would bring any poor orphan out of their sorrow, even if only for one day.
I loved the looks on the kids' faces as I got to my favorite part: when the angels appeared to the shepherds, and scared them. I would do this little jump forward, one of the little ones would gasp, and everyone would laugh. That was what I loved about Christmas, passing on the story that enchanted me so much as a child to the next generation. Everyone agreed that I told the story of Christ's birth the best.
We were supposed to host Christmas dinner that year. Gretchen decided to have it at her place instead, a wise decision. I was invited, I guess out of pity, since I technically wasn't part of the family any more. I just couldn't stand to see anyone get hurt again, I didn't want to see Gwenny's cousins, who looked so much like her, have to endure the pain that I had inflicted on so many people before them. I made up some excuse- which for the life of me I can't remember now- and spent Christmas alone.
Actually I can't say I was alone. I was with my turkey TV Dinner, and the picture of Hilde and Gwenny, with the one of Hilde on the beach as a child placed in, so my image of Taylor was included in the picture. After my little dinner I got into my car and drove to the cemetery.
It started to snow when I got there. The cold cut like a knife though my thin jacket. I didn't mind though, I hardly even noticed. I stood there in front of their graves for hours talking to them. I told Gwenny about all the wonderful Christmas gifts I was going to buy her, and asked her if she was being a good girl in heaven. I spoke a lot to Hilde too, I asked her about Taylor. I knew he was a boy, maybe it was because of my dream, I don't know, but I just had a feeling that Taylor was to be a boy.
At midnight I was found sitting on the frozen ground in front of their graves, with a layer of snow on me, still talking to them. The guard was doing a round, you know, checking for grave robbers, or those punks who think they can talk to spirits in cemeteries, you know, the usual weird going-ons of the cemetery. The guy shook me, asking if I was all right. I broke out of my trance like state, and realized just how cold and tiered I truly was.
It's a good thing that guard came around, if he didn't everyone would read in the morning paper how a frozen man was found at the foot of the graves of his wife and daughter, who died only four months earlier.
I drove home, trying to stay out of that dream like trance I had slipped into at the cemetery. When I got home I was still frozen to the bone, so I took a warm bath. During the whole bath I was staring at the blow dryer: debating on weather I should turn it on, and drop it in. What Heero said kept popping up though //You'll be missed Duo, don't do anything rash.// I became sick with the internal tug-a-war. It was so terrible that I quickly drained the water and jumped out of the tub, before I really did do anything rash.
The next morning I got a call from Heero. I'm sure he has the same problem with holidays that I have. I know that he was just checking in, making sure I didn't do anything 'rash', which was our code word for suicide, last night. I was glad that he had taken such an interest in me since their deaths. I was still surprised, however, to see his face on the vid phone that morning.
"Heero?" I asked after answering the phone.
"Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas." He said, I could tell that he was looking around in the background, seeing if I had any plans.
I quickly noticed this, "Don't worry Heero, I'm not going to do anything rash."
"That's good to here. It was hard though, wasn't it?"
"Hell. I almost froze to death last night by their graves, some guard found me, thank God."
"I thought you might be there."
"Why, did you try calling last night?"
He avoided the question, "Relena is having a New Years Eve bash, since you didn't RSVP she asked me to call you."
"Yeah, that invite. I'm sorry I didn't call. I'm not going to be able to make it."
"Still avoiding everyone."
"Is there a problem with that?"
"No." He said flatly. The screen went blank.
Disclaimer: still don't won Gundam Wing, but I'll tell you if they give me the rights.
//Anderson Mesa
Don't leave with out intentions,
Of ever coming back.
Vacation.
You take them,
If you wanted you'd ask them.
Alone I'm outside.
Red sky, I wait there.
Snowfall above me.
Yet new so fading.
Graveyard.
Run around or jump the fence.
Don't leave,
With out intentions of ever coming back.//
Everyone knows that holidays are the hardest time for a person after a loved one dies. This has always been true for me, ever since I was seven and the massacre at the church. Since then Christmas has always been a bittersweet holiday, especially since it was there at the church that I learned about Christmas and its true meaning.
The trial had started a few weeks earlier, adding even more stress and sorrow to the already depressing holiday. Being the first Christmas in nearly eight years without Hilde definitely added to the depression as well.
Hilde always knew that Christmas was hard for me; she tried so hard to make it easier for me. I loved that so much about her, she cared so much about me that she would go out of her way to make sure I was happy. There was one other thing, besides Hilde's silly ideas to cheer me up, that brought me joy at Christmas: telling the story of Christmas to the kids after Christmas dinner.
I told the story the same way Sister Helen told it to us kids when I was young. I tried to mimic her expressions and hand movements, she got so into her little story each year. I laughed the first time I heard it, then the next year I became engrossed in the idea. I did because here was the poor boy, born in a stable of all places, who became the king of the world. That would bring any poor orphan out of their sorrow, even if only for one day.
I loved the looks on the kids' faces as I got to my favorite part: when the angels appeared to the shepherds, and scared them. I would do this little jump forward, one of the little ones would gasp, and everyone would laugh. That was what I loved about Christmas, passing on the story that enchanted me so much as a child to the next generation. Everyone agreed that I told the story of Christ's birth the best.
We were supposed to host Christmas dinner that year. Gretchen decided to have it at her place instead, a wise decision. I was invited, I guess out of pity, since I technically wasn't part of the family any more. I just couldn't stand to see anyone get hurt again, I didn't want to see Gwenny's cousins, who looked so much like her, have to endure the pain that I had inflicted on so many people before them. I made up some excuse- which for the life of me I can't remember now- and spent Christmas alone.
Actually I can't say I was alone. I was with my turkey TV Dinner, and the picture of Hilde and Gwenny, with the one of Hilde on the beach as a child placed in, so my image of Taylor was included in the picture. After my little dinner I got into my car and drove to the cemetery.
It started to snow when I got there. The cold cut like a knife though my thin jacket. I didn't mind though, I hardly even noticed. I stood there in front of their graves for hours talking to them. I told Gwenny about all the wonderful Christmas gifts I was going to buy her, and asked her if she was being a good girl in heaven. I spoke a lot to Hilde too, I asked her about Taylor. I knew he was a boy, maybe it was because of my dream, I don't know, but I just had a feeling that Taylor was to be a boy.
At midnight I was found sitting on the frozen ground in front of their graves, with a layer of snow on me, still talking to them. The guard was doing a round, you know, checking for grave robbers, or those punks who think they can talk to spirits in cemeteries, you know, the usual weird going-ons of the cemetery. The guy shook me, asking if I was all right. I broke out of my trance like state, and realized just how cold and tiered I truly was.
It's a good thing that guard came around, if he didn't everyone would read in the morning paper how a frozen man was found at the foot of the graves of his wife and daughter, who died only four months earlier.
I drove home, trying to stay out of that dream like trance I had slipped into at the cemetery. When I got home I was still frozen to the bone, so I took a warm bath. During the whole bath I was staring at the blow dryer: debating on weather I should turn it on, and drop it in. What Heero said kept popping up though //You'll be missed Duo, don't do anything rash.// I became sick with the internal tug-a-war. It was so terrible that I quickly drained the water and jumped out of the tub, before I really did do anything rash.
The next morning I got a call from Heero. I'm sure he has the same problem with holidays that I have. I know that he was just checking in, making sure I didn't do anything 'rash', which was our code word for suicide, last night. I was glad that he had taken such an interest in me since their deaths. I was still surprised, however, to see his face on the vid phone that morning.
"Heero?" I asked after answering the phone.
"Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas." He said, I could tell that he was looking around in the background, seeing if I had any plans.
I quickly noticed this, "Don't worry Heero, I'm not going to do anything rash."
"That's good to here. It was hard though, wasn't it?"
"Hell. I almost froze to death last night by their graves, some guard found me, thank God."
"I thought you might be there."
"Why, did you try calling last night?"
He avoided the question, "Relena is having a New Years Eve bash, since you didn't RSVP she asked me to call you."
"Yeah, that invite. I'm sorry I didn't call. I'm not going to be able to make it."
"Still avoiding everyone."
"Is there a problem with that?"
"No." He said flatly. The screen went blank.
