Chapter Four
Disclaimer: just incase you didn't get it for the first three chapters—I don't own Gundam Wing. I DO, however, own Elisia and Francis.
//Blister
Take advantage of these times, you said.
You let me down.
It hasn't been the first time.
As I'm falling in the pit of fire my mind's made up.
I'm never coming back here.
I think I'm the only one still alive.
Is it just a coincidence to see you by yourself with no direction?
Now it's time to move on.
Don't you know that things aren't getting better?
Don't try and stop me,
Because I'm falling fast into this pit of fire which surrounds us all.
In a blanket of fear that I've been wrapped in for years.
You can't stop me.
When the world caves in what are you going to do?//
It took me three years to finally swallow my grief and go out into public. I still put myself at blame for Hilde and Gwenny's death, but I decided, with much debate between myself, that I should go on living. I was only thirty after all, and I knew that I most likely had a long life a head of me.
When I went out that Friday night though, I didn't have any plans to meet anyone. I went to the club that Hilde and I frequented before Gwenny was born. I stood by the bar, waiting until I was drunk enough to dance and not care who saw me doing so. While nursing my first beer I saw her.
She was stunning, not as beautiful as Hilde, I decided, but still stunning. Even though I promised myself that I was going for myself, and that I wouldn't talk to girls, I found myself buying her a drink. As we talked, we realized just how compatible we were, and left the club, with it's blaring techno mixes, to go some place privet.
I Hadn't had sex since Hilde died. Suddenly, I found myself sleeping with some girl I had just met. What can I say? I was in love. I finally forgot all of the blame I had put on myself and learned to relax again. For the first night in two years, I didn't have one of those dreams about Hilde and Gwenny.
Her name was Elisia. She was two years younger then me at twenty-eight and full of life. Lets just say that that one night wasn't the last. She moved in only a few months later, and we became inseparable. I didn't tell her about Hilde and Gwenny. I told her that all the pictures of the two around the house were my friend and her daughter. I know that she saw though that lie, maybe she was going to approach me soon about it. I was afraid that she would leave if she learned of my curse. I also though, that maybe, just maybe, if I didn't bring it up, that it would go away, that Elisia would be safe.
I was wrong, oh God how I was wrong. She only lasted a year and a half. I came home from work early that day. Elisia and I were to go out to dinner; it was the night I was going to propose. When I came home the house was dark, which was odd since Elisia loved to have all the light on, our little on going battle was over the electricity bill.
"Elisia are you ready?" I called out. I was answered only by my echo. As my echo faded I could hear the soft mumbling of the radio on upstairs. /Maybe she just can't hear me./ I told myself, trying to mask my fear.
I bounded up the stairs and into our room. That was where I found her. She was lying dead on the floor by the vanity table that use to be Hilde's, which I told Elisia's use to be my mother's, and since I didn't have a sister, it was given to me. Her makeup was half done, she was lying there, still and cold, in only her bra and underwear: the dress she had bought for that wonderful night was still in it's plastic cover, hanging in the closet.
Hesitivly I knelt down beside her. A sob formed in my throat as I shakily brought two fingers to her neck. Her neck was cold, it was still, it was deprived of all life. I fell down onto the floor with shock and fear.
I couldn't call the police just yet. I was far too weak to try and use the phone. I sat there on the floor, holding her lifeless body, crying over her. What brought it on you ask? A brain aneurysm, one of those things you don't know about, until it's too late.
So again, we put her under the ground. My roll was different this time; I tried to comfort her weeping mother at the post-funeral party, instead of being the one who was being comforted.
Needless to say, after Elisia's death, I dropped totally out of sight.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What else could I do though? I mean; I still found myself to blame for their deaths. I had lost four of the most loved people in my life in five short years. You know that old fable of the king who what ever he touched turned to gold? Well I was that king; only what ever I touched died.
I was afraid of who might be next. Anyone was a candidate in my mind: the delivery kids, the old lady next door, and most of all, the guys at the yard. I did what I thought was right, and due to my circumstances and mindset, still believe was. I sat down with Francis one morning and handed over the company that Hilde and I had built with our own hands, we went though all the hardships, all the phases of growth and development together. With a few signatures, and a refused handshake on my part, I gave it all away.
Wondering what I did for money since I refused to be around people? I had that figured out. I discovered a few years earlier that I could make a thousand dollars a month off of rent. When I signed over the company all I asked for was that thousand dollars a month. It wasn't much, but then again, I didn't need much. The only thing was that I couldn't afford the payments on the house.
It was so hard for me to give away that little three-room home. The same house that Hilde and I stared longingly at seven years before. The same home that we brought Gwenny home to. The same home where Elisia had died.
With the money I earned off of the sale I rented a little one-room apartment and paid off the car. The money I had left went into savings. After rent, bills, and insurance, I had a little over three hundred dollars a month to live off of; and that was more than enough.
So my withdrawal stage began all over again, this time it was so much worst. I refused to go out. I no longer answered the phone or door; both rang seldom to begin with anyways. I had lived up to my name: I was the true Shinigami.
The withdrawal stage lasted so much longer this time. I saw Elicia's death as further proof of my curse. I slept rarely, ate seldom, and stared at the TV with a numbed glaze over my eyes for the remainder of my time. That was my life for four years.
I was now thirty-five, and a ghost of my former self. I had lost my vigor, my sense of humor. I had lost my soul. I would of stayed lost if the advents that followed hadn't of happened.
It's going to get happy soon… I promise. Wooo only one (or two, depending on how I decide to break it up) chapter(s) left!!!
TBC
Disclaimer: just incase you didn't get it for the first three chapters—I don't own Gundam Wing. I DO, however, own Elisia and Francis.
//Blister
Take advantage of these times, you said.
You let me down.
It hasn't been the first time.
As I'm falling in the pit of fire my mind's made up.
I'm never coming back here.
I think I'm the only one still alive.
Is it just a coincidence to see you by yourself with no direction?
Now it's time to move on.
Don't you know that things aren't getting better?
Don't try and stop me,
Because I'm falling fast into this pit of fire which surrounds us all.
In a blanket of fear that I've been wrapped in for years.
You can't stop me.
When the world caves in what are you going to do?//
It took me three years to finally swallow my grief and go out into public. I still put myself at blame for Hilde and Gwenny's death, but I decided, with much debate between myself, that I should go on living. I was only thirty after all, and I knew that I most likely had a long life a head of me.
When I went out that Friday night though, I didn't have any plans to meet anyone. I went to the club that Hilde and I frequented before Gwenny was born. I stood by the bar, waiting until I was drunk enough to dance and not care who saw me doing so. While nursing my first beer I saw her.
She was stunning, not as beautiful as Hilde, I decided, but still stunning. Even though I promised myself that I was going for myself, and that I wouldn't talk to girls, I found myself buying her a drink. As we talked, we realized just how compatible we were, and left the club, with it's blaring techno mixes, to go some place privet.
I Hadn't had sex since Hilde died. Suddenly, I found myself sleeping with some girl I had just met. What can I say? I was in love. I finally forgot all of the blame I had put on myself and learned to relax again. For the first night in two years, I didn't have one of those dreams about Hilde and Gwenny.
Her name was Elisia. She was two years younger then me at twenty-eight and full of life. Lets just say that that one night wasn't the last. She moved in only a few months later, and we became inseparable. I didn't tell her about Hilde and Gwenny. I told her that all the pictures of the two around the house were my friend and her daughter. I know that she saw though that lie, maybe she was going to approach me soon about it. I was afraid that she would leave if she learned of my curse. I also though, that maybe, just maybe, if I didn't bring it up, that it would go away, that Elisia would be safe.
I was wrong, oh God how I was wrong. She only lasted a year and a half. I came home from work early that day. Elisia and I were to go out to dinner; it was the night I was going to propose. When I came home the house was dark, which was odd since Elisia loved to have all the light on, our little on going battle was over the electricity bill.
"Elisia are you ready?" I called out. I was answered only by my echo. As my echo faded I could hear the soft mumbling of the radio on upstairs. /Maybe she just can't hear me./ I told myself, trying to mask my fear.
I bounded up the stairs and into our room. That was where I found her. She was lying dead on the floor by the vanity table that use to be Hilde's, which I told Elisia's use to be my mother's, and since I didn't have a sister, it was given to me. Her makeup was half done, she was lying there, still and cold, in only her bra and underwear: the dress she had bought for that wonderful night was still in it's plastic cover, hanging in the closet.
Hesitivly I knelt down beside her. A sob formed in my throat as I shakily brought two fingers to her neck. Her neck was cold, it was still, it was deprived of all life. I fell down onto the floor with shock and fear.
I couldn't call the police just yet. I was far too weak to try and use the phone. I sat there on the floor, holding her lifeless body, crying over her. What brought it on you ask? A brain aneurysm, one of those things you don't know about, until it's too late.
So again, we put her under the ground. My roll was different this time; I tried to comfort her weeping mother at the post-funeral party, instead of being the one who was being comforted.
Needless to say, after Elisia's death, I dropped totally out of sight.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What else could I do though? I mean; I still found myself to blame for their deaths. I had lost four of the most loved people in my life in five short years. You know that old fable of the king who what ever he touched turned to gold? Well I was that king; only what ever I touched died.
I was afraid of who might be next. Anyone was a candidate in my mind: the delivery kids, the old lady next door, and most of all, the guys at the yard. I did what I thought was right, and due to my circumstances and mindset, still believe was. I sat down with Francis one morning and handed over the company that Hilde and I had built with our own hands, we went though all the hardships, all the phases of growth and development together. With a few signatures, and a refused handshake on my part, I gave it all away.
Wondering what I did for money since I refused to be around people? I had that figured out. I discovered a few years earlier that I could make a thousand dollars a month off of rent. When I signed over the company all I asked for was that thousand dollars a month. It wasn't much, but then again, I didn't need much. The only thing was that I couldn't afford the payments on the house.
It was so hard for me to give away that little three-room home. The same house that Hilde and I stared longingly at seven years before. The same home that we brought Gwenny home to. The same home where Elisia had died.
With the money I earned off of the sale I rented a little one-room apartment and paid off the car. The money I had left went into savings. After rent, bills, and insurance, I had a little over three hundred dollars a month to live off of; and that was more than enough.
So my withdrawal stage began all over again, this time it was so much worst. I refused to go out. I no longer answered the phone or door; both rang seldom to begin with anyways. I had lived up to my name: I was the true Shinigami.
The withdrawal stage lasted so much longer this time. I saw Elicia's death as further proof of my curse. I slept rarely, ate seldom, and stared at the TV with a numbed glaze over my eyes for the remainder of my time. That was my life for four years.
I was now thirty-five, and a ghost of my former self. I had lost my vigor, my sense of humor. I had lost my soul. I would of stayed lost if the advents that followed hadn't of happened.
It's going to get happy soon… I promise. Wooo only one (or two, depending on how I decide to break it up) chapter(s) left!!!
TBC
