Sighing, Schatten sank to his knees, staring down
at his lover's pale face. He had not been harmed... No. Not this time.
Simply put to sleep... But, still, there was the fact that Schatten himself
had done it, sent him to the furthest edge of sleep... All because he was
unable to control himself. "Damn it," he murmured, gritting his teeth.
"I've done it again. Again..."
The presence was there. He could feel
it pressing in on him, all around him, choking him... He closed his eyes,
clenching his teeth. It was what he hated most, this presence....
"Come out," he muttered, knowing that
the shadow of a soul that was about could hear him quite, quite clearly.
"You're there. I'm here. I know you're here. Come out." His voice was harsh,
cold... And he really, really did not care in the slightest.
It took only a second for the invader
to do away with the cloak that had prevented Ran from noticing him here,
in the depths of his mind. As the mental shields fell away, it seemed to
Schatten as if he were looking into a mirror... For there before him stood
an exact replica of himself....
It was like looking into the smooth,
shining surface of a mirror. There he stood, carnelian-coloured hair dancing
about in the slight breeze, emerald eyes narrowed to slits. -His- eyes.
At least... They looked like his eyes. So much like his eyes... Yet, he
knew they weren't. That they couldn't be. The soul behind them was different...
So very, very different.
Slowly, Schatten
rose, an odd feeling crossing his mind. He shook it off, eyes narrowing
as he did. Staring at his mirror-image, he somehow managed to find the
strength to speak. "What do -you- want?" he whispered, voice somewhat strained,
choked.
His clone's expression remained a cold
one, dark as a night without stars. "What have you done to him?" It was
his voice... so much like his own voice that Schatten nearly cringed. "Have
you hurt him? I swear, if you've hurt him I'll-"
"You will do nothing," Schatten snapped,
a low growl rising in his voice, cold and threatening. "You -can- do nothing.
You will leave. -Now-." He could feel his cheeks flushing a soft crimson,
and he cursed himself for allowing himself to do something as foolish as
a spell when he -knew- that his 'clone' was about watching and waiting
to strike. Especially such a spell as he had used on Ran....
The voice of his reflection was cool,
unphased by Schatten's remark. "No, Schatten," he whispered, voice holding
an odd sort of stubbornness. It held an anger within it- a deep sort of
anger, felt with the heart. "I won't. Not until you tell me what's going
on." Deep green eyes flickered to gaze with a concerned light at Ran, who
lay motionless where he had fallen. His eyes were shut and his lips were
parted, his silken blood-coloured hair falling upon his pale ivory face.
If it were not for the fact that it looked as if he had been thrown about
like a leaf in a whirlwind, one would have been able to think that he was
simply in a sweet, deep sleep. "What is this, now?" the clone murmured.
"A way of showing affection that I hadn't known of?" His lips twisted into
a cruel sneer as he fixed his eyes on his fellow telepath. "I can't believe
you.... All he ever did to you was love you, and now you hurt him like
this...?"
Schatten felt his cheeks flush red once
more and he averted his eyes, hiding behind his long locks of hair like
a startled kitten. "You wouldn't understand," he hissed as he gazed up
at the 'sky' which the mind had formed. It sparkled with thousands of stars
among the blackness, a kaleidoscope of colours.... Stars that one would
never see in the 'real' world, which only looked more beautiful when you
completely ignored them and stared into the blackness.... "You wouldn't
understand at all." He felt like a fool, arguing with himself like this....
"How can you be sure?" His clone's tone
of voice was cold and quiet, holding no sort of warmth in it, no slight
hint of gentleness. "How do you know? Try me. You might be surprised."
There was a moment of silence. As Schatten
gazed up at the imitation sky, he tried to ignore the fact that his clone,
his reflection was staring at him with cold, hard eyes. How he hated him....
//I know you hate
me,// said a voice in his head. -His- voice. //You reek of hate. I can
feel it, smell it, taste it.... And I honestly don't give a damn. But,
you hurt Ran. I was there, you know. I watched him sleep before, that one
night that you hurt him. I don't know what you did to him that time, and
I don't understand what you did now. But, I do know this: You hurt him.
Deeply. Then... and now. When he wakes up from this, he'll be hurt, and
he'll remember what you put him through- how you shredded his heart as
if he meant nothing to you and made him cry. I can't ever forgive you for
what you've done to him.//
Even as Schatten spoke, "I don't want
your forgiveness", he remembered. He remembered what had happened that
one night which seemed so long ago. He remembered the frustration, the
anger, how he had wanted so badly to just retreat into nothing. He had
come to Ran, wanting nothing more than to hold him... But, the assassin
from another world had realized there was something wrong. He had wanted
to do something about it. They had fought, and Ran had lost- and Schatten
had lost control.
He remembered the feeling of darkness,
of hate, of anger. He remembered how it felt when he had touched Ran and
let his frustration flow through himself to his lover- and with it, the
images and memories. Memories of pain. Memories of suffering. Memories
of battles with Schwarz, in which neither side had won nor lost. Of how
Ai had captured him, raped him, torn apart his very soul. And to end it...
He had shown Ran the minds of Schwarz, one by one, revealing to him the
reflections of his trusted comrades.
He had done what he had vowed never
to do. He had used his own mind to hurt someone he loved more than life
itself. He had done the unforgivable.
As he watched the wave of conflicting
emotions flash across Schatten's face, the mirror-image tried to kill any
thoughts of pity he had. This was the person who hated him, and whom he
hated. This was the person who had hurt someone he cared about...
The one person he had allowed himself to fall in love with.
"What happened, that night?" he heard
a voice whisper. He was slightly surprised to realize that it had been
him....
For a moment, Schatten's lips moved
silently. His mind was cloaked by a weak shield, so thin that a mere peek
into it would reveal much... -too- much. The reflection waited. Finally,
Schatten murmured, "I wasn't myself that day. There had been so many close
calls lately... Too many. Ai... things had been happening with Ai. I needed
Ran... I just wanted to hold him. Just hold him...." He paused, and for
a moment his mirror-image could have sworn that he saw tears beading on
his lashes. "But, no. He wanted to talk. He tried to drag it out of me,
and I just.... I lost control...." Schatten trailed off, his voice ragged,
choked as he struggled to keep his breathing even and his emotions under
control.
"You lost control, and you hurt him."
The reflection felt himself tensing, his hands clenching to fists and he
restrained himself. "You -hurt- him. You made him cry. He had so many nightmares
after that night... He would wake up, screaming because of the voices you
made him hear. I had to make him sleep, I had to guard him so that he wouldn't
be plagued by them. All because you hurt him. All because you 'lost control'.
What kind of person -are- you?!"
The harsh words made Schatten cringe
and he whirled around to face his clone. "What kind of person am I?" he
snarled, tearful eyes wide with anger. "Maybe you should ask yourself the
same question! I never meant to hurt him- I didn't even -know- I made him
cry! But you... -You-'re the one who calls himself Schuldich! You're the
one who calls himself 'Guilty'. It's a name you fully deserve- Do you have
any idea how many nights Ran has come to me, hurting because of -you-,
because of what -you- have done to him?!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?
I never-"
"-You- are the one who doesn't know
what they're talking about!" Schatten growled. His voice was torn with
tears and hate as he put his hands on Schuldich's shoulders, fingernails
digging into his flesh through the fabric. "You don't have any idea, do
you? You don't know how many times he's spoken to me, nearly in tears because
of how you make him feel when you go sleeping around with his teammates.
-No- idea, whatsoever!" He paused, teeth clenching as he shook his bewildered
double. //Do you know what he said to me tonight?// he hissed mentally,
the tone of his thoughts like the blade of a knife for a moment before
warping, changing as he sent Schuldich the memory of what had taken place.
His mental voice changed, transforming into something that the other could
have sworn was nothing but Ran's voice.... //He said.... "Sometimes...
It feels as if... As if I'm just not good enough for him... As if he wants
something that I just can't give him...."//
