Chapter Eight: Dakishimete

Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap. The quick, precise tapping on the door was what brought him back to 'reality'. Groaning, Schatten shifted from the fetal position he had been curled up in and glared up at the ceiling as his previously-asleep limbs finally received some circulation, for a moment debating whether to answer the call or not. He knew who was on the other side of the door, of course.... It was the person who had called him back to this world, this "reality"- Yukito. The stubborn child would most likely not listen to a request for him to 'leave him the hell alone'.... He knew the telepath far too well to fall for a remark like that. -Far- too well. So, there was only one solution.... Sighing heavily, Schatten sat up and shifted his glare to the door, blinking tiredly and wishing that his headache would go away. "Come in," he muttered dryly, his voice just loud enough to be heard on the other side.
Slowly, the knob turned and the door opened, revealing the teen behind it. For a moment he was silent, cheeks flushed with slight embarrassment at having woken his teammate, hiding behind his messy chestnut locks. "I... I thought you might like to talk to someone, Schatten-kun," Yukito murmured softly, finally looking up after a moment to meet the German's cold, tired gaze. "You just seemed so out of it after tonight's mission. I... brought you some tea...."
You have no idea, Schatten thought to himself. Absolutely no idea. He couldn't speak.... Partly because of the pounding of his skull, but also for another reason. He simply couldn't bring himself to talk about it. Couldn't say what was bothering him. It was one of the few things that Yukito just wouldn't ever understand.... One of those things that he -couldn't- understand. "I'm fine, Yuki," he managed to whisper. "Perfectly fine. I'm just not feeling very well, all right? Mental strain. That's all."
"You know, you're a terrible liar." Rolling his eyes slightly, he strided into the room and sat himself down on the bed next to his teammate. The tray that had been floating behind him followed him as if possessed, eventually coming to rest on the bedside table. Gnawing his lip, Yukito stared at Schatten, trying to think of something he could say, anything, anything at all which would draw some form of the truth from the telepath.
"A terrible liar, am I?" Schatten murmured, forcing a smile as he brushed his hair out of his eyes. "How's that, now?"
Yukito smirked, though when he spoke there was no humour in his voice. "Well, for one thing, when you try to lie your voice takes on a weird, slimy tone, and it gets more... nasally. Yes, that's it. And secondly... your face turns red. Bright red, actually- But only when you lie to me or Julian-kun or Danny-kun. And thirdly..." He paused a moment, and shook his head. "I just -know-. There's not really any other way to say it, I just know. Come on, Schatten-kun... We've known each other for a long time. Why -wouldn't- I know when you're lying, hmm? I mean, you're -that- bad at it, almost anyone would figure it out after a while. You'd think, being a telepath, that things would be different, but...."
"...Maybe you're right," Schatten murmured as he looked away, the thought running through his mind, mixing with the thousands of others. He stared out the window, his eyes distant, unsure of what to say or how to say it. It was dark outside, incredibly dark, and the sky was a deep, menacing coal-black for it was at an hour that no sane person could possibly be awake, save for those who battle insomnia.... Sighing, he shook his head and darted his eyes back to gaze at his little friend. "Maybe I am a bad liar. I wonder why...."
There was a moment of quiet as the two stared at each other, both either unsure of what to say or too uncomfortable with what had to be said to say it. It was Yukito who finally broke the silence, his voice soft and even. "It's because you let your heart take control of you, Schatten-kun. You only lie to us when something is really bothering you- or something like that- and you let your emotions take over you. We can see right through you, but only because we know you so well...."
For a moment, Schatten felt as if he were going to be sick. "I can't help but let them take over me, Yuki," he whispered. "They're stronger than I am, and I can't hold them back, even when it's necessary that I push someone away. I can't...."
"Then, don't push us away," Yukito whispered. "I don't -want- you to push us away.... We care so much about you, Schatten-kun, but ever since Ai left-"
"Ran," Schatten interrupted, cringing slightly at the mention of his former love. "Not Ai. Ran."
"....All right, -Ran-," Yukito continued, "...Ever since he left, you've been withdrawn, distant. As if you were hiding something, or maybe you just didn't want to be with us any more. As if you'd lost the will to be yourself." He sighed, closing his eyes. "...We miss the old you, Schatten.... -I- miss the old you. Remember how when I was little, we used to stay up late and you'd tell me stories that you'd made up about demons and dragons and things, and then always swear that they were true? That's the Schatten I know.... The Schatten that I loved like a brother. Not this... This shell that you've become. I want you back, Schatten-kun.... I want the real you."
There was a tear in the child's voice, a sound of sadness which had no right to be there. Schatten cringed. It -is- true, he thought. I've been keeping away from them, haven't I? Locking myself up, not letting any of them near, in case something like the situation with Ran happens again. No, not Ran. Ai. No... Ran is gone. Ran is gone.... And I've been just trying to satisfy myself with a substitute. It's hurting him, and me.... And everyone.
"Yuki," he murmured, wrapping his arms around the child in a tight, warm embrace, "I... I didn't know. I didn't realize it.... What I was actually -doing- by running away. Or maybe I actually did, but at the time I didn't care...."
"Didn't care...? Why....?" Yukito whispered, looking up at the telepath with an odd look in his eyes. "I thought...."
"I was just being selfish, that's all," Schatten murmured, smiling slightly as he gently combed his fingers through the child's hair. "Very selfish. I guess... that's what happens when you let your love for one person take over you and push away the love you have for others, especially when that one person doesn't even have love for you any more. But... It won't happen any more, all right? Things'll go back to the way they used to be- to the way they were before Ran left, only.... Without Ran. I'll stop trying to run away. All right?"
A slight smile flickered across Yukito's lips and he buried his face in Schatten's fiery mane, murmuring, "You will...? I'll have my big brother back...?"
Schatten closed his eyes and nodded, tightening his hold on the boy. "Yes," he whispered. "You will." Inwardly, his heart sank as he realized the bitter reality of the situation. He'd been ignoring one of the people close to him, and all because he'd been chasing after a neon rainbow- a dream which would never come true. Ran... Ai... Whoever he was, he wouldn't ever change now- He'd become nothing more than a shell of the person he once was, and was going to stay that way. Nothing could change him... Nothing. And the other, the one whose dreams he stalked.... Nothing good could come from such a relationship. He was better off left to his reality, in the arms of his physical lover.... He cringed slightly though not noticeably at the thought, though he knew it was the only way. Yes.... Reality was the only way.
It took him a moment to realize that Yukito was speaking to him. "Hmm?" he murmured, opening his eyes to crescents, staring off into nothing. "What was that....?"
"....I was asking if I could stay here with you tonight," Yukito whispered quietly, sighing. "I'm so tired, I don't know if I could even get up to go to my room...." The fatigue in the teen's voice was evident, and Schatten was annoyed that he hadn't noticed it before.
"Yes, of course you can," he replied, chuckling softly. "I don't mind.... It'll be like the old days, won't it?"
"Hai," the child said quietly, grinning. "Just like the old days. Will you.... Will you tell me a story? The one about the little boy who met the god of sleep in a storm and was taken into his ice palace?"
"Of course I will. Whatever you'd like...."
As the night grew longer and dawn slowly crept toward it in hopes to jump it when it wasn't looking, the German telepath began to weave the sweet story to the young telekinetic- and swore, as always, that it was true. Though the child didn't believe him, he smiled as the soothing voice of his 'older brother' lulled him to sleep in the darkness of the early morning.