CHAPTER 4
Zell was on his way back to Garden when he suddenly came upon the cemetery. He didn't know where Allies grave was, but he had a lot of time, so he decided to find it. He was still angry, although now he was mostly sad.
He walked aimlessly between the rows of gravestones, trying to find Allies. He was amazed that so many people had died, that you didn't even know existed, until they were dead, ending up here.
All of sudden he heard the voice of someone talking very low. He saw a woman sitting on her knees in front of a grave. Zell didn't want to disturb, so he walked past that row, taking the next instead.
He reached the woman, a distant away, and he tried to walk by as quiet as he could.
" Zell?"
He stopped dead, slowly turning towards the woman, meeting the sad eyes of Allies mother.
" Mrs Claine. I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you."
She rose to her feet and put a hand on the gravestone she had been sitting by.
" I talk to her a lot, it's comforting. It doesn't make the loss as tangible."
Zell remained quiet.
" Why are you here?" Mrs Claine asked.
" I tried to find Allie⦠Her grave."
Mrs Claine nodded, patting the stone beside her.
" She's right here." She met Zells nervous eyes. " Zell, I've been meaning to talk to you. I asked Tionna after the ceremony to tell I wanted to see you. I guess she forgot."
Zell stood frozen, eyes beginning to water up. " Tionna was at the ceremony?"
Mrs Claine nodded. " Yes, she and Allie used to hang out together, when you were busy with other things. She spoke very fondly about her. About you to off course." Zell swallowed. Tionna had been at the ceremony? She hadn't told him, probably to spare him the details, not wanting him to make that final good bye. She and Allie close? He had always thought that they only spent time together when he was around. Maybe he had been blind.
" Zell, I want to thank you for everything you did for Allie. You made her happy, and for that I'm eternally grateful. I also want to thank you for staying by her side when she died. Although she was unconscious, I think she knew you were there, loving her to the bitter end. That's priceless."
Zell nodded, unable to speak, tears flowing over and down his cheeks. He had just gotten his sins forgiven and it was like that weight that had been in his chest lifted and he saw everything clear. He knew what he had to do.
" Thank you", he whispered.
Mrs Claine smiled at him and looked down at grave one last time before leaving.
" I'm going to give you two some privacy. It was nice to finally talk to you, Zell. I'll see you another day."
When she was out of sight, Zell walked to stand in front of Allies grave, sinking to his knees.
" Hi Allie", he said quietly, feeling awkward about speaking aloud at the cemetery. " I miss you, baby."
He sighed, unsure how to continue, until he decided to confess everything.
" Allie, I'm so sorry, for everything. Especially for what I did to you. I hope so that you can forgive me. I wish I could make it all different, maybe even switch place with you. I wish so you lived right now, 'coz I'm in desperate need of help. Not only have I sheltered myself from everyone the past year, I've also hurt the one person who has done more that she had to for me, the only one I've really wanted to see. I never realized until recently, and probably to late, that I feel so much for her, not only friendship. The things I told her was probably meant to myself, I accidentally took them out on her. I have no idea how to fix this, and if I can. I can't loose her too, Allie, I can't. There's so many things I want undone and unsaid."
He licked his lips and cleared his throat.
" I'm sorry it took me so long to come to see you, and when I finally do, it's to say good-bye. Yes Allie, this is good-bye. What I realized talking to your mother, and what Tionna have been telling me pretty much everyday the past year, is that I need to move on. I can't be happy while I mourn over you. But I will never forget you."
Zell wiped his tears away with the sleeve on his jacket and felt the necklace he had been wearing since the accident. He unhooked it and held it up in front of him. In the thin silver chain hung the engagement ring he was going to give to Allie.
" I bought this for you, to ask you to marry me. I never got the chance to. I still want you to have it, Allie. Just to prove to you that my love was real, and that I still think of you, all the time. I hope you understand why I'm doing this, and I hope you want me to be happy."
He dug a small hole in the ground and dropped the entire necklace in it before covering it up.
" I will always love you, one way or another, my darling."
