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Author's note: I would like to thank all the reviewers who have left their
wonderful feedback on my storys!! Especially, you, mistogirl!! I saw your page,
and it ROCKED!! LOTS OF LOVE!! THIS CHAPTER IS FOR YOU!! HOPE YOU SEE IT SO YOU
CAN READ IT!!

And now, back to our story!!

Chapter 10 of Junior X
Making Amends

Oct 20, 2007

Dear Diary,
Well, its quite obvious another summer has come and gone. The leaves have
turned from green to the beautiful hues of autumn. This is such a wonderful
season. So much to celebrate, especially this year, with everything miraculous
in my life.

Halloween is in a couple of days. Guess who's been volunteered to carve
jack-o-laterns? You guessed it! Yours truly and Betsy. I wouldn't mind it so
much, except that I always seem to put more nicks and cuts in my own hands than
the pumpkins, and Betsy always winds up making fun of me. Good-naturedly, of course.
With all the bandages I go through each October, Johnson and Johnson should send
me Christmas cards!

Kurt and I went to visit Jacob's and Ororo's graves yesterday evening. It was
emotionally straining for us both. Visiting the graves only serves as a very real
reminder of the wonderful foster mother and beautiful child we lost. Poor Kurt.
I wept my heart out, and Kurt practically dissolved in grief. As hard as it is on
me, it makes me physically ill to still see Kurt in so much pain. There is a
permanent wound in his soul that refuses to heal. I know he still blames himself
for Jacob's death. Why? There is no way to make Kurt understand that no one was
at fault except the dirty bastards of the F.O.H. Oh, God forgive me, how I wish
for their deaths.

My precious husband. What I would not give to see him have the peace of mind he so
deserves. He was still having crying spells last night. This truly worried me and
Hank. It was causing him so much strain on his system, raising his blood pressure.
Definitley not good for my elf in his condition. Not good at all for our three
unborn children. Hank and I encouraged Kurt to go to bed early and get plenty of
rest, which he reluctantly agreed to. If it had not been for his pregnancy, Hank
would have definitley gave him a sedative.

Hank and I decided that it would be best not to go near Jacob's grave until the babies
are born. He made it absolutely clear to me that Kurt needs no strain at all on himself.

Which brings me to another source of misery for Kurt: Logan. Even after all this time, Logan
still gives Kurt the silent treatment. Kurt tries not to let this get to him, but I see the
hurt in his beautiful glowing eyes every time Logan refuses to speak to him. I plan to talk
to Logan tommorrow morning, to drill some sense intohis adamantium-plated head. I know that,
deep in his heart, Logan still loves me and Kurt. Why he is acting this way has me at a loss.
I plan to get to the bottom of it.

Kurt is now nearing the end of his third month. His is still doing very well, even though he has
lost some weight. He was right at 195 lbs. when the procedure was done. As of his checkup this
month, he weighs 185 lbs. Hank said he was going to keep a watch on this, but that there was no
need to be overly concerned about it right now. Hank merely advised Kurt to reduce his activity,
get more rest, and increase his caloric intake.

As I write this entry, it is nearly 10:00p.m. I look at my husband, asleep in our bed. His long,
dark, purple-black hair spilled over hsi pillow, laying flat on his back in a gray t-shirt and
matching sweatpants, breathing deeply in a well-deserved sleep.

I look down at his stomach, which is already beginning to bulge slightly. Hank said that Kurt would
probably start showing earlier than expected, since this was a multiple pregnancy. Did I ever write
in here how much I love Kurt and those tiny little lives inside him? Yeah, I know, two-gazillion times
already. But, I can never say it enough.

Well, I better go. It's getting late, and I need to get some sleep. Besides, I'm afraid the light from my
bedside lamp is going to wake Kurt up, and I certainly don't want that!

Your Friend,
Kitty Wagner.
****************

Kitty locked the tiny book and placed it on her nightstand. She clicked off her lamp.
Gingerly positioning herself in bed as not to awaken her pregnant husband, she smiled as she nestled her head
gently into his chest and placed one hand affectionatly on his stomach, closing her eyes.

"Katzchen?" came Kurt's voice through the darkness.

Kitty looked up at Kurt, and reached over to turn on the lamp on Kurt's bedside table. She looked at him
tenderly and with an apologetic expression. "Oh, baby! Did I wake you up? I'm sorry! I was writing in my
diary. I usually do it first thing in the morning but....."

Kurt smiled and placed one blue finger gingerly to her lips to lovingly silence her. "It is quite alright, my
love. Besides..." he looked up at the ceiling. " I wasn't sleeping well, anyway."

Kitty's eyes widened with worry. " Are you still having nightmares,sweetheart?" Kitty asked, smoothing his
hair out of his face. Her heart ached to look at him. "He looks so tired, so uneasy." Kitty thought to herself.

"No, nothing like that. I haven't had any of those in quite some time now. I was just...." Kurt stopped in
thought, then continued. "thinking."

"Can you tell me what about?" Kitty said as she sat up to listen.

"Jacob." Kurt said, rolling over on his side, facing Kitty. "When we visited his grave yesterday evening.
Gott, Kitty." He was trying his best to choke back the sobs that were trying to rise to his throat. "It has
been over a year now, and it still doesn't seem real. We had a beautiful, healthy son. And now? Now he's gone."
Kurt rolled back on his back, hands behind his head. His eyes were scanning the ceiling once again, tears streaming
silently from them.

Kitty could feel her own eyes begin to sting, but held back. She had to calm Kurt down, and couldn't if she herself were
crying.

"Kurt, oh my darling." She snuggled up to him, throwing her arms around him. "Please, please don't get upset! My baby..."
she took a deep breath and finally spoke. "This isn't good for you."

Kurt stayed silent for a long moment. He finally wrapped his arms around Kitty.
"I can still see him, Kitty. His little face with its chubby little cheeks. The way he would run into our arms after we
had been away on a mission. He had so much love in his little soul." Kurt took a deep breath. "And we had so much for him."

It was becoming damned near impossible to hold back her tears. But she did. Kitty learned to, for her husband's sake. "Kurt,
this torment you are putting yourself through, it's got to end."

She propped herself up on one elbow and looked into Kurt's eyes. Suprisingly, he had stopped crying.

"Yes, I will always love and miss my little Jacob. He was and still is our first child. He is in heaven, looking down on us and
watching over us, smiling his beautiful little smile. I feel him with me every day, in my heart. Someday, we will be with him again."
Kurt said, a look of peace on his face. A look Kitty had not seen in quite a while.

Kitty was relieved to see Kurt regain his composure. "Is that what you've been thinking about, Fuzzy?" Kitty said, her own eyes glassed
over with tears, but none spilling. God, she hadn't called Kurt by Fuzzy since before they were married.

"Ja. I have been thinking about this for the past three months." Kurt span his head around to look at Kitty. "I love Jacob. Always will.
But, I feel the grief must finally end. The memories must take the place of that." Kurt was silent for a moment, then a smile of realization
came on his face. "God has smiled on us, liebchen. We have been given a blessing. Not only did He answer our prayers, He performed a miracle
threefold. I have to learn to move on, for our sake." Kurt sat up, running his hands through his long hair, a common habit for him when he was
nervous or exhausted, and he was definitly both. Kurt looked down at his slightly bulging belly and began to rub it affectionatly. "For their
sakes." He smiled.

Kitty was relieved. "So, you are going to be O.K.?" Kitty ran a finger along his jaw.

"So long as I have you, and these children. So long as I have my friends, my family. I will survive.
Hopefully, to become stronger." Kurt said ,determination in his eyes.

Kitty turned the lamp out, and nestled her head back down into Kurt's chest.

"Kitty?" Kurt asked.

"Yes, my love." she said.

"You do know how much I love you, don't you?" Kurt asked, snuggling to her.

"You never let me forget, my darling husband." she hugged Kurt tighter.

"Kitty?" he asked again.

"Yes?" she said.

"Whatever we do, I don't want to ever forget Jacob. That is one of my worst fears.
That we will toss him away in some far corner of our minds. Promise me?" Kurt asked.

This request nearly tore Kitty's heart in two. She began to blink back tears. "My
wonderful husband. Dear, dear Kurt. How I love you." she thought to herself.

"We will never forget Jacob. Never." she reassured him. She patted Kurt's stomach.
"A part of him will live on, Kurt. In these three."

Kurt simply replyed. "Danke."

Kitty finally fell sound asleep. Sleep also began to play with Kurt's eyes.
He could feel himself start to slip off. He felt somewhat better. It was if he
had vomited up a vile poison that had made him sick for a long time.

As sleep started to take control of his mind, Kurt looked back down at his stomach, and rubbed it
protectively, murmuring in his native german. "I love you so much, my little
miracles. Daddy will not let you down. You can count on that." A tear of happiness slipped from his eye as he
drifted off to sleep.