Disclaimer: Do I really have to write one of these every chapter, because by now it should be clear that I don't own anything

A/N: Well I'm back again. I recently re-read the first book and noticed something, and guess what I've decided to use truth serum to show how things could be different, but by now you probably have the idea



Ron: Why am I here?

Fred: Well you see Ron we have something upsetting to tell you

George: We really wish that we weren't the ones to have to tell you

Fred: Actually we don't. We had to work really hard to make sure that we were the ones to tell you

George: Oh yeah, but I was trying to be sympathetic to Ron

Fred: Anyway, we have been reviewing our previous shows and have discovered something terrible

Ron: Guys just tell me what's wrong

George: Ok, if you're sure

Fred: But if mum asks it was Percy who told you not us

Ron: Deal, now tell me

George: Well not only did your hero Dumbledore not put Snape under a truth potion to test his loyalty, he also didn't think to test his other staff, and he never suggested putting Sirius under a truth potion to see if he was guilty or not

Ron: I already knew that

Fred: You didn't let George finish, because there is further evidence to show that Dumbledore really should have been able to prevent other evil people from gaining power

George: So it gives us great pleasure, I mean although it upsets us here is another instance where truth serum would have been so very useful

Ron: No I can't believe this is true, you're making it up

Fred: Shut up Ron, we're having fun. Anyway first let's look at what really happened



End of Chamber of Secrets, Harry has rescued Ginny from the chamber. Harry, Dumbledore and Lucius Malfoy are all in the office arguing

'Don't you want to know how Ginny got hold of that diary, Mr Malfoy?' said Harry

Lucius Malfoy rounded on him

'How should I know how the stupid little girl got hold of it?' he said

'Because you gave it to her,' said Harry. 'In Flourish and Blotts. You picked up her old transfiguration book, and slipped the diary inside it, didn't you?'

He saw Mr Malfoy's white hands clench and unclench.

'Prove it,' he hissed.

'Oh, no one will be able to do that,' said Dumbledore



George: Alright end flashback

Fred: So Ron do you find anything wrong in that scene?

Ron: Not really, well I suppose it could be better if I was staring in it, but after all Harry has to have some lines

George: Stop acting like a big star, can you work out what the supremely wonderful Dumbledore should have done

Ron: If you two are so clever then why don't you show me

Fred: Ok, here's what Dumbledore and Harry should have done

***

Malfoy: Prove it

Dumbledore: Oh, no one will be able to do that

Harry: Erm, why don't we just use truth serum?

Dumbledore: Be quiet Harry, what a stupid idea, what would be the point of that

Harry: So we can prove Mr Malfoy is working for Voldemort

Dumbledore: What a wonderful idea, I was going to suggest that myself but I was letting you get some experience in dealing with evil

Harry: Oh right, how nice of you

Dumbledore: I know. Harry I need you to go and tell Professor McGonagol to contact the Minister of Magic urgently and then tell Professor Snape to bring up a batch of his strongest truth serum

Harry: I'll be back soon (exit)

Dumbledore: Well as we're going to have to wait for a while because Harry will no doubt find some other adventure to occupy his time, why don't we have a cup of tea and some sherbet lemons?

Malfoy: I'm not eating anything from you

Dumbledore: Would you like me to get the house elves to bring you some food?

Malfoy: No. I have my own house elf anyway

Dumbledore: Yes I can see him, he's stood right next to you

Malfoy: Dobby go hit your head on a wall outside

Dobby: Yes master, right away (exit)

Dumbledore: How very cruel

Malfoy: He's my house elf and I will do whatever I want to him

Dumbledore: Ha, just wait till you're in Azkaban, you won't have a house elf there

Malfoy: Dream on Albus, you can't prove anything

Dumbledore: Really? Well we're about to find out (door opens)

McGonagol: Hello headmaster, Harry insisted on returning with me

Harry: Well it was my idea

McGonagol: Whatever. Anyway slimy Severus will be here with Mr Fudge and the truth serum soon

Dumbledore: Stop calling him slimy Severus

McGonagol: No, he started it

Malfoy: If you two are busy at the moment I'll go and come back some other time

Dumbledore: Lucius how stupid do you think I am

Malfoy: As I'm not under any truth serum, I'll decline from answering that (door opens)

Fudge: Hello all, Severus and me have just acquired the truth serum

Snape: WHAT. I just brewed that myself, you had nothing to do with it

Fudge: I supervised, but I wasn't saying hello to you anyway

Snape: Like I care

McGonagol: We all know Slimy Severus doesn't have the brain cells to care about anything

Snape: Oh it's Moaning Minnie, how wonderful

McGonagol: Stop calling me Minnie, you overgrown bat

Dumbledore: Both stop it, you're setting a bad example in front of Harry

Harry: I don't mind, I hate Slimy Severus too

McGonagol: See, it's fine

Snape: Just wait till the next potions lesson Potter, I'm going to make so sure you fail that not even know-it-all Granger would be able to help you

Harry: Oooh Mr Fudge sir. I'm scared, that nasty man just threatened my friends and me

Fudge: Poor boy, Severus I'm shocked how could you be so horrible to little Harry, he's had a very rough ordeal

Snape: But he's pretending, he's just like his father, a complete liar

Fudge: Honestly Severus lying is just going to get you into more trouble

McGonagol: Exactly Slimy Severus, leave poor Harry alone. He's a good boy, unlike those Slytherin children of yours, such hooligans

Dumbledore: Harry I think you should leave. Professor McGonagol and Professor Snape may say something they regret otherwise

Harry: But I want to stay and watch, it'll be funny

Dumbledore: Sorry Harry (exit)



Fudge: So why am I here anyway?

Dumbledore: It's very important Mr Toffee, we would like to interrogate Lucius Malfoy, but for some stupid reason we need your permission

Fudge: That's because I'm Minister of Magic, and my name's Fudge

Dumbledore: Oops sorry Mr Biscuit

Fudge: I'm just going to ignore that, why would you want to question Lucius he's very loyal to me

Malfoy: Exactly, I'm hurt by all these wild accusations

Fudge: See you've hurt his feelings now

McGonagol: But he's working for the Dark Lord

Fudge: No he works for me, don't you Lucius?

Malfoy: Absolutely and you're the best boss ever

Fudge: Stop it you're making me blush

Snape: And you're making me sick

McGonagol: Looking in a mirror makes you sick

Dumbledore: Don't even bother replying Severus. This is a serious matter, if Lucius is innocent he won't mind taking some truth serum

Fudge: That's actually a good point

Malfoy: But it's an invasion of my civil rights, and if I did take it then you'd be letting maniac headmasters around the world gain more and more power, until they eventually had more power than you

Fudge: My gosh. In that case, I know your game Dumbledore, Lucius here has seen through your evil plan for world domination

Dumbledore: I have no such plan

Snape: Yes you do, remember last year we all had that fancy dress party and you had to dress like the biggest fool you knew, and everyone came dressed as Fudge

McGonagol: Oh yeah, and then Albus said we should really overthrow him because we'd be doing everyone a favour

Dumbledore: Haha that was just a little joke

Snape: Are you sure? It sounded real at the time

Dumbledore: Severus shut up before I throw you back to the Whomping willow

Fudge: If you've finished arguing, Lucius and me will be leaving now

Dumbledore: But you can't go, he hasn't confessed to working for Voldemort yet

Malfoy: That's because I don't

Dumbledore: Well if you don't then you have nothing to fear

Fudge: Very well, Lucius drink the damn potion so we can shut Albus up and leave

Malfoy: But I can't

Fudge: Why not?

Malfoy: I'm allergic to eggs

Snape: That's ok, this is an egg free potion

Malfoy: Well in that case I'm allergic to anything without egg

Snape: I'll add some egg for you

Fudge: Just drink the thing

Malfoy: Fine (drinks)



Dumbledore: Excellent this won't take long, Malfoy are you working for Lord Voldemort

Malfoy: Yes

McGonagol: That's one

Dumbledore: And do you possess a hidden chamber full of illegal poisons

Malfoy: Yes, there's also a fairly good collection of Witch's Weekly down there as well

Dumbledore: Really I must take a look at them sometime

McGonagol: That's two

Snape: What are you going on about, although it's wonderful that you have finally learned to count, the rest of us don't really care

McGonagol: Just be quiet you big greaseball

Dumbledore: And did you give Ginny Weasley, Tom Riddle's diary so the Chamber of secrets could be opened again

Malfoy: Absolutely, that was my best idea yet

McGonagol: That's three, go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect 100 galleons

Dumbledore: Fudge you didn't by any chance steal some of your laws of a muggle board game did you?

Fudge: Well actually I did, I was really short of ideas

Dumbledore: I still have no idea how you became minister of magic

Malfoy: He slept his way to the top

Snape: Really? Now this conversation is getting interesting

McGonagol: You must be joking who would want to sleep with him

Dumbledore: Interesting though Mr Shortbread's private life is, we still need to deal with Malfoy

Fudge: It's simple, we send him to Azkaban, then we can have a big party and all get drunk

Dumbledore: Sounds like a good plan, except for the getting drunk part

Snape: Yeah, Dumbledore is hilariously funny to watch when he's drunk

McGonagol: Look who's talking, I remember you getting drunk, and then very loudly…

Snape: Shut up, we should be contacting Azkaban now

Malfoy: No wait, if I have to spend the rest of my life in prison at least give me a good laugh before I go

Fudge: Yeah I want to know as well. In fact as Minister of Magic, I demand you tell me

McGonagol: Well Slimy Sev got drunk, put on a pink ballerinas dress, twirled up and down the street doing the waltz with Professor Flitwick

Fudge: Flitwick, the midgety one? Why that's priceless, I can tell this story for years

Snape: She's lying, it was her that made a fool of herself not me

McGonagol: Whatever he says is a lie

Snape: No it's the truth, Minnie came over and confessed her undying love for me at that party last year

McGonagol: No way, that never happened

Snape: Did so

McGonagol: Why the hell would I be in love with you

Snape: My charm, good looks and suave personality

McGonagol: Don't make me laugh

Snape: I wasn't trying to

Dumbledore: Tell you what we're going to leave the room now, just please don't kill each other

Fudge: But I want to stay and laugh at them, hey Albus stop, you can't drag me through the door like a sack of potatoes, I'm the minister of magic, show me the respect I deserve, put me down



Snape: I'm leaving now, I do not wish to partake in such childish behaviour

McGonagol: That's right scuttle back to your hole, like the rat you are, have fun with your lame potions and cauldrons, you could try and make yourself some friends while your at it

Snape: You're just jealous, don't deny it. Don't walk away from me while I'm talking to you. Hey Minnie stop, I haven't finished insulting you yet. Come back



***

Fred: Well we'll leave them there to argue

George: Good idea, hopefully they'll just kill each other and then we won't have to bother with potions or transfiguration

Fred: Wow, that would be great

George: Anyway for the next show we have a real treat lined up

Harry: What? I actually get a part?

Fred: Nope, we haven't got that desperate yet

George: But you did have a walk on part in this show, you should be very proud

Fred: And we would do a show about you, but you and Ronniekins arguing is nowhere near as funny as Snape and McGonagol arguing

Harry: Fair enough

George: Glad you see sense, because next show we will be trying to matchmake Snape and McGonagol

Harry: Huh, what does that have to do with the show

Fred: Absolutely nothing, we just wanted to prove that hate always turns to love

Harry: But it doesn't I hate Malfoy, it doesn't mean we're going to fall in love

George: Wow, what a great idea for a new show, we could call it Malfoy and Potter in love, thanks Harry

Harry: That's alright. Hang on what I mean is you have to show why wizard should have used their heads, that's the whole point of your show

Fred: Oh fine, we'll do Voldemort and truth serum

George: Are you happy now, does that satisfy your demands most wonderful Harry?

Harry: Well suppose it will do. For now





A/N: I don't think that chapter was as funny as previous ones, but please read and review because next time Voldemort comes back and yes you've guessed it everybody uses truth serum. PLEASE REVIEW