Disclaimer: Do I really have to write one of these every chapter, because
by now it should be clear that I don't own anything
A/N: Well I'm back again. I recently re-read the first book and noticed something, and guess what I've decided to use truth serum to show how things could be different, but by now you probably have the idea
Ron: Why am I here?
Fred: Well you see Ron we have something upsetting to tell you
George: We really wish that we weren't the ones to have to tell you
Fred: Actually we don't. We had to work really hard to make sure that we were the ones to tell you
George: Oh yeah, but I was trying to be sympathetic to Ron
Fred: Anyway, we have been reviewing our previous shows and have discovered something terrible
Ron: Guys just tell me what's wrong
George: Ok, if you're sure
Fred: But if mum asks it was Percy who told you not us
Ron: Deal, now tell me
George: Well not only did your hero Dumbledore not put Snape under a truth potion to test his loyalty, he also didn't think to test his other staff, and he never suggested putting Sirius under a truth potion to see if he was guilty or not
Ron: I already knew that
Fred: You didn't let George finish, because there is further evidence to show that Dumbledore really should have been able to prevent other evil people from gaining power
George: So it gives us great pleasure, I mean although it upsets us here is another instance where truth serum would have been so very useful
Ron: No I can't believe this is true, you're making it up
Fred: Shut up Ron, we're having fun. Anyway first let's look at what really happened
End of Chamber of Secrets, Harry has rescued Ginny from the chamber. Harry, Dumbledore and Lucius Malfoy are all in the office arguing
'Don't you want to know how Ginny got hold of that diary, Mr Malfoy?' said Harry
Lucius Malfoy rounded on him
'How should I know how the stupid little girl got hold of it?' he said
'Because you gave it to her,' said Harry. 'In Flourish and Blotts. You picked up her old transfiguration book, and slipped the diary inside it, didn't you?'
He saw Mr Malfoy's white hands clench and unclench.
'Prove it,' he hissed.
'Oh, no one will be able to do that,' said Dumbledore
George: Alright end flashback
Fred: So Ron do you find anything wrong in that scene?
Ron: Not really, well I suppose it could be better if I was staring in it, but after all Harry has to have some lines
George: Stop acting like a big star, can you work out what the supremely wonderful Dumbledore should have done
Ron: If you two are so clever then why don't you show me
Fred: Ok, here's what Dumbledore and Harry should have done
***
Malfoy: Prove it
Dumbledore: Oh, no one will be able to do that
Harry: Erm, why don't we just use truth serum?
Dumbledore: Be quiet Harry, what a stupid idea, what would be the point of that
Harry: So we can prove Mr Malfoy is working for Voldemort
Dumbledore: What a wonderful idea, I was going to suggest that myself but I was letting you get some experience in dealing with evil
Harry: Oh right, how nice of you
Dumbledore: I know. Harry I need you to go and tell Professor McGonagol to contact the Minister of Magic urgently and then tell Professor Snape to bring up a batch of his strongest truth serum
Harry: I'll be back soon (exit)
Dumbledore: Well as we're going to have to wait for a while because Harry will no doubt find some other adventure to occupy his time, why don't we have a cup of tea and some sherbet lemons?
Malfoy: I'm not eating anything from you
Dumbledore: Would you like me to get the house elves to bring you some food?
Malfoy: No. I have my own house elf anyway
Dumbledore: Yes I can see him, he's stood right next to you
Malfoy: Dobby go hit your head on a wall outside
Dobby: Yes master, right away (exit)
Dumbledore: How very cruel
Malfoy: He's my house elf and I will do whatever I want to him
Dumbledore: Ha, just wait till you're in Azkaban, you won't have a house elf there
Malfoy: Dream on Albus, you can't prove anything
Dumbledore: Really? Well we're about to find out (door opens)
McGonagol: Hello headmaster, Harry insisted on returning with me
Harry: Well it was my idea
McGonagol: Whatever. Anyway slimy Severus will be here with Mr Fudge and the truth serum soon
Dumbledore: Stop calling him slimy Severus
McGonagol: No, he started it
Malfoy: If you two are busy at the moment I'll go and come back some other time
Dumbledore: Lucius how stupid do you think I am
Malfoy: As I'm not under any truth serum, I'll decline from answering that (door opens)
Fudge: Hello all, Severus and me have just acquired the truth serum
Snape: WHAT. I just brewed that myself, you had nothing to do with it
Fudge: I supervised, but I wasn't saying hello to you anyway
Snape: Like I care
McGonagol: We all know Slimy Severus doesn't have the brain cells to care about anything
Snape: Oh it's Moaning Minnie, how wonderful
McGonagol: Stop calling me Minnie, you overgrown bat
Dumbledore: Both stop it, you're setting a bad example in front of Harry
Harry: I don't mind, I hate Slimy Severus too
McGonagol: See, it's fine
Snape: Just wait till the next potions lesson Potter, I'm going to make so sure you fail that not even know-it-all Granger would be able to help you
Harry: Oooh Mr Fudge sir. I'm scared, that nasty man just threatened my friends and me
Fudge: Poor boy, Severus I'm shocked how could you be so horrible to little Harry, he's had a very rough ordeal
Snape: But he's pretending, he's just like his father, a complete liar
Fudge: Honestly Severus lying is just going to get you into more trouble
McGonagol: Exactly Slimy Severus, leave poor Harry alone. He's a good boy, unlike those Slytherin children of yours, such hooligans
Dumbledore: Harry I think you should leave. Professor McGonagol and Professor Snape may say something they regret otherwise
Harry: But I want to stay and watch, it'll be funny
Dumbledore: Sorry Harry (exit)
Fudge: So why am I here anyway?
Dumbledore: It's very important Mr Toffee, we would like to interrogate Lucius Malfoy, but for some stupid reason we need your permission
Fudge: That's because I'm Minister of Magic, and my name's Fudge
Dumbledore: Oops sorry Mr Biscuit
Fudge: I'm just going to ignore that, why would you want to question Lucius he's very loyal to me
Malfoy: Exactly, I'm hurt by all these wild accusations
Fudge: See you've hurt his feelings now
McGonagol: But he's working for the Dark Lord
Fudge: No he works for me, don't you Lucius?
Malfoy: Absolutely and you're the best boss ever
Fudge: Stop it you're making me blush
Snape: And you're making me sick
McGonagol: Looking in a mirror makes you sick
Dumbledore: Don't even bother replying Severus. This is a serious matter, if Lucius is innocent he won't mind taking some truth serum
Fudge: That's actually a good point
Malfoy: But it's an invasion of my civil rights, and if I did take it then you'd be letting maniac headmasters around the world gain more and more power, until they eventually had more power than you
Fudge: My gosh. In that case, I know your game Dumbledore, Lucius here has seen through your evil plan for world domination
Dumbledore: I have no such plan
Snape: Yes you do, remember last year we all had that fancy dress party and you had to dress like the biggest fool you knew, and everyone came dressed as Fudge
McGonagol: Oh yeah, and then Albus said we should really overthrow him because we'd be doing everyone a favour
Dumbledore: Haha that was just a little joke
Snape: Are you sure? It sounded real at the time
Dumbledore: Severus shut up before I throw you back to the Whomping willow
Fudge: If you've finished arguing, Lucius and me will be leaving now
Dumbledore: But you can't go, he hasn't confessed to working for Voldemort yet
Malfoy: That's because I don't
Dumbledore: Well if you don't then you have nothing to fear
Fudge: Very well, Lucius drink the damn potion so we can shut Albus up and leave
Malfoy: But I can't
Fudge: Why not?
Malfoy: I'm allergic to eggs
Snape: That's ok, this is an egg free potion
Malfoy: Well in that case I'm allergic to anything without egg
Snape: I'll add some egg for you
Fudge: Just drink the thing
Malfoy: Fine (drinks)
Dumbledore: Excellent this won't take long, Malfoy are you working for Lord Voldemort
Malfoy: Yes
McGonagol: That's one
Dumbledore: And do you possess a hidden chamber full of illegal poisons
Malfoy: Yes, there's also a fairly good collection of Witch's Weekly down there as well
Dumbledore: Really I must take a look at them sometime
McGonagol: That's two
Snape: What are you going on about, although it's wonderful that you have finally learned to count, the rest of us don't really care
McGonagol: Just be quiet you big greaseball
Dumbledore: And did you give Ginny Weasley, Tom Riddle's diary so the Chamber of secrets could be opened again
Malfoy: Absolutely, that was my best idea yet
McGonagol: That's three, go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect 100 galleons
Dumbledore: Fudge you didn't by any chance steal some of your laws of a muggle board game did you?
Fudge: Well actually I did, I was really short of ideas
Dumbledore: I still have no idea how you became minister of magic
Malfoy: He slept his way to the top
Snape: Really? Now this conversation is getting interesting
McGonagol: You must be joking who would want to sleep with him
Dumbledore: Interesting though Mr Shortbread's private life is, we still need to deal with Malfoy
Fudge: It's simple, we send him to Azkaban, then we can have a big party and all get drunk
Dumbledore: Sounds like a good plan, except for the getting drunk part
Snape: Yeah, Dumbledore is hilariously funny to watch when he's drunk
McGonagol: Look who's talking, I remember you getting drunk, and then very loudly…
Snape: Shut up, we should be contacting Azkaban now
Malfoy: No wait, if I have to spend the rest of my life in prison at least give me a good laugh before I go
Fudge: Yeah I want to know as well. In fact as Minister of Magic, I demand you tell me
McGonagol: Well Slimy Sev got drunk, put on a pink ballerinas dress, twirled up and down the street doing the waltz with Professor Flitwick
Fudge: Flitwick, the midgety one? Why that's priceless, I can tell this story for years
Snape: She's lying, it was her that made a fool of herself not me
McGonagol: Whatever he says is a lie
Snape: No it's the truth, Minnie came over and confessed her undying love for me at that party last year
McGonagol: No way, that never happened
Snape: Did so
McGonagol: Why the hell would I be in love with you
Snape: My charm, good looks and suave personality
McGonagol: Don't make me laugh
Snape: I wasn't trying to
Dumbledore: Tell you what we're going to leave the room now, just please don't kill each other
Fudge: But I want to stay and laugh at them, hey Albus stop, you can't drag me through the door like a sack of potatoes, I'm the minister of magic, show me the respect I deserve, put me down
Snape: I'm leaving now, I do not wish to partake in such childish behaviour
McGonagol: That's right scuttle back to your hole, like the rat you are, have fun with your lame potions and cauldrons, you could try and make yourself some friends while your at it
Snape: You're just jealous, don't deny it. Don't walk away from me while I'm talking to you. Hey Minnie stop, I haven't finished insulting you yet. Come back
***
Fred: Well we'll leave them there to argue
George: Good idea, hopefully they'll just kill each other and then we won't have to bother with potions or transfiguration
Fred: Wow, that would be great
George: Anyway for the next show we have a real treat lined up
Harry: What? I actually get a part?
Fred: Nope, we haven't got that desperate yet
George: But you did have a walk on part in this show, you should be very proud
Fred: And we would do a show about you, but you and Ronniekins arguing is nowhere near as funny as Snape and McGonagol arguing
Harry: Fair enough
George: Glad you see sense, because next show we will be trying to matchmake Snape and McGonagol
Harry: Huh, what does that have to do with the show
Fred: Absolutely nothing, we just wanted to prove that hate always turns to love
Harry: But it doesn't I hate Malfoy, it doesn't mean we're going to fall in love
George: Wow, what a great idea for a new show, we could call it Malfoy and Potter in love, thanks Harry
Harry: That's alright. Hang on what I mean is you have to show why wizard should have used their heads, that's the whole point of your show
Fred: Oh fine, we'll do Voldemort and truth serum
George: Are you happy now, does that satisfy your demands most wonderful Harry?
Harry: Well suppose it will do. For now
A/N: I don't think that chapter was as funny as previous ones, but please read and review because next time Voldemort comes back and yes you've guessed it everybody uses truth serum. PLEASE REVIEW
A/N: Well I'm back again. I recently re-read the first book and noticed something, and guess what I've decided to use truth serum to show how things could be different, but by now you probably have the idea
Ron: Why am I here?
Fred: Well you see Ron we have something upsetting to tell you
George: We really wish that we weren't the ones to have to tell you
Fred: Actually we don't. We had to work really hard to make sure that we were the ones to tell you
George: Oh yeah, but I was trying to be sympathetic to Ron
Fred: Anyway, we have been reviewing our previous shows and have discovered something terrible
Ron: Guys just tell me what's wrong
George: Ok, if you're sure
Fred: But if mum asks it was Percy who told you not us
Ron: Deal, now tell me
George: Well not only did your hero Dumbledore not put Snape under a truth potion to test his loyalty, he also didn't think to test his other staff, and he never suggested putting Sirius under a truth potion to see if he was guilty or not
Ron: I already knew that
Fred: You didn't let George finish, because there is further evidence to show that Dumbledore really should have been able to prevent other evil people from gaining power
George: So it gives us great pleasure, I mean although it upsets us here is another instance where truth serum would have been so very useful
Ron: No I can't believe this is true, you're making it up
Fred: Shut up Ron, we're having fun. Anyway first let's look at what really happened
End of Chamber of Secrets, Harry has rescued Ginny from the chamber. Harry, Dumbledore and Lucius Malfoy are all in the office arguing
'Don't you want to know how Ginny got hold of that diary, Mr Malfoy?' said Harry
Lucius Malfoy rounded on him
'How should I know how the stupid little girl got hold of it?' he said
'Because you gave it to her,' said Harry. 'In Flourish and Blotts. You picked up her old transfiguration book, and slipped the diary inside it, didn't you?'
He saw Mr Malfoy's white hands clench and unclench.
'Prove it,' he hissed.
'Oh, no one will be able to do that,' said Dumbledore
George: Alright end flashback
Fred: So Ron do you find anything wrong in that scene?
Ron: Not really, well I suppose it could be better if I was staring in it, but after all Harry has to have some lines
George: Stop acting like a big star, can you work out what the supremely wonderful Dumbledore should have done
Ron: If you two are so clever then why don't you show me
Fred: Ok, here's what Dumbledore and Harry should have done
***
Malfoy: Prove it
Dumbledore: Oh, no one will be able to do that
Harry: Erm, why don't we just use truth serum?
Dumbledore: Be quiet Harry, what a stupid idea, what would be the point of that
Harry: So we can prove Mr Malfoy is working for Voldemort
Dumbledore: What a wonderful idea, I was going to suggest that myself but I was letting you get some experience in dealing with evil
Harry: Oh right, how nice of you
Dumbledore: I know. Harry I need you to go and tell Professor McGonagol to contact the Minister of Magic urgently and then tell Professor Snape to bring up a batch of his strongest truth serum
Harry: I'll be back soon (exit)
Dumbledore: Well as we're going to have to wait for a while because Harry will no doubt find some other adventure to occupy his time, why don't we have a cup of tea and some sherbet lemons?
Malfoy: I'm not eating anything from you
Dumbledore: Would you like me to get the house elves to bring you some food?
Malfoy: No. I have my own house elf anyway
Dumbledore: Yes I can see him, he's stood right next to you
Malfoy: Dobby go hit your head on a wall outside
Dobby: Yes master, right away (exit)
Dumbledore: How very cruel
Malfoy: He's my house elf and I will do whatever I want to him
Dumbledore: Ha, just wait till you're in Azkaban, you won't have a house elf there
Malfoy: Dream on Albus, you can't prove anything
Dumbledore: Really? Well we're about to find out (door opens)
McGonagol: Hello headmaster, Harry insisted on returning with me
Harry: Well it was my idea
McGonagol: Whatever. Anyway slimy Severus will be here with Mr Fudge and the truth serum soon
Dumbledore: Stop calling him slimy Severus
McGonagol: No, he started it
Malfoy: If you two are busy at the moment I'll go and come back some other time
Dumbledore: Lucius how stupid do you think I am
Malfoy: As I'm not under any truth serum, I'll decline from answering that (door opens)
Fudge: Hello all, Severus and me have just acquired the truth serum
Snape: WHAT. I just brewed that myself, you had nothing to do with it
Fudge: I supervised, but I wasn't saying hello to you anyway
Snape: Like I care
McGonagol: We all know Slimy Severus doesn't have the brain cells to care about anything
Snape: Oh it's Moaning Minnie, how wonderful
McGonagol: Stop calling me Minnie, you overgrown bat
Dumbledore: Both stop it, you're setting a bad example in front of Harry
Harry: I don't mind, I hate Slimy Severus too
McGonagol: See, it's fine
Snape: Just wait till the next potions lesson Potter, I'm going to make so sure you fail that not even know-it-all Granger would be able to help you
Harry: Oooh Mr Fudge sir. I'm scared, that nasty man just threatened my friends and me
Fudge: Poor boy, Severus I'm shocked how could you be so horrible to little Harry, he's had a very rough ordeal
Snape: But he's pretending, he's just like his father, a complete liar
Fudge: Honestly Severus lying is just going to get you into more trouble
McGonagol: Exactly Slimy Severus, leave poor Harry alone. He's a good boy, unlike those Slytherin children of yours, such hooligans
Dumbledore: Harry I think you should leave. Professor McGonagol and Professor Snape may say something they regret otherwise
Harry: But I want to stay and watch, it'll be funny
Dumbledore: Sorry Harry (exit)
Fudge: So why am I here anyway?
Dumbledore: It's very important Mr Toffee, we would like to interrogate Lucius Malfoy, but for some stupid reason we need your permission
Fudge: That's because I'm Minister of Magic, and my name's Fudge
Dumbledore: Oops sorry Mr Biscuit
Fudge: I'm just going to ignore that, why would you want to question Lucius he's very loyal to me
Malfoy: Exactly, I'm hurt by all these wild accusations
Fudge: See you've hurt his feelings now
McGonagol: But he's working for the Dark Lord
Fudge: No he works for me, don't you Lucius?
Malfoy: Absolutely and you're the best boss ever
Fudge: Stop it you're making me blush
Snape: And you're making me sick
McGonagol: Looking in a mirror makes you sick
Dumbledore: Don't even bother replying Severus. This is a serious matter, if Lucius is innocent he won't mind taking some truth serum
Fudge: That's actually a good point
Malfoy: But it's an invasion of my civil rights, and if I did take it then you'd be letting maniac headmasters around the world gain more and more power, until they eventually had more power than you
Fudge: My gosh. In that case, I know your game Dumbledore, Lucius here has seen through your evil plan for world domination
Dumbledore: I have no such plan
Snape: Yes you do, remember last year we all had that fancy dress party and you had to dress like the biggest fool you knew, and everyone came dressed as Fudge
McGonagol: Oh yeah, and then Albus said we should really overthrow him because we'd be doing everyone a favour
Dumbledore: Haha that was just a little joke
Snape: Are you sure? It sounded real at the time
Dumbledore: Severus shut up before I throw you back to the Whomping willow
Fudge: If you've finished arguing, Lucius and me will be leaving now
Dumbledore: But you can't go, he hasn't confessed to working for Voldemort yet
Malfoy: That's because I don't
Dumbledore: Well if you don't then you have nothing to fear
Fudge: Very well, Lucius drink the damn potion so we can shut Albus up and leave
Malfoy: But I can't
Fudge: Why not?
Malfoy: I'm allergic to eggs
Snape: That's ok, this is an egg free potion
Malfoy: Well in that case I'm allergic to anything without egg
Snape: I'll add some egg for you
Fudge: Just drink the thing
Malfoy: Fine (drinks)
Dumbledore: Excellent this won't take long, Malfoy are you working for Lord Voldemort
Malfoy: Yes
McGonagol: That's one
Dumbledore: And do you possess a hidden chamber full of illegal poisons
Malfoy: Yes, there's also a fairly good collection of Witch's Weekly down there as well
Dumbledore: Really I must take a look at them sometime
McGonagol: That's two
Snape: What are you going on about, although it's wonderful that you have finally learned to count, the rest of us don't really care
McGonagol: Just be quiet you big greaseball
Dumbledore: And did you give Ginny Weasley, Tom Riddle's diary so the Chamber of secrets could be opened again
Malfoy: Absolutely, that was my best idea yet
McGonagol: That's three, go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect 100 galleons
Dumbledore: Fudge you didn't by any chance steal some of your laws of a muggle board game did you?
Fudge: Well actually I did, I was really short of ideas
Dumbledore: I still have no idea how you became minister of magic
Malfoy: He slept his way to the top
Snape: Really? Now this conversation is getting interesting
McGonagol: You must be joking who would want to sleep with him
Dumbledore: Interesting though Mr Shortbread's private life is, we still need to deal with Malfoy
Fudge: It's simple, we send him to Azkaban, then we can have a big party and all get drunk
Dumbledore: Sounds like a good plan, except for the getting drunk part
Snape: Yeah, Dumbledore is hilariously funny to watch when he's drunk
McGonagol: Look who's talking, I remember you getting drunk, and then very loudly…
Snape: Shut up, we should be contacting Azkaban now
Malfoy: No wait, if I have to spend the rest of my life in prison at least give me a good laugh before I go
Fudge: Yeah I want to know as well. In fact as Minister of Magic, I demand you tell me
McGonagol: Well Slimy Sev got drunk, put on a pink ballerinas dress, twirled up and down the street doing the waltz with Professor Flitwick
Fudge: Flitwick, the midgety one? Why that's priceless, I can tell this story for years
Snape: She's lying, it was her that made a fool of herself not me
McGonagol: Whatever he says is a lie
Snape: No it's the truth, Minnie came over and confessed her undying love for me at that party last year
McGonagol: No way, that never happened
Snape: Did so
McGonagol: Why the hell would I be in love with you
Snape: My charm, good looks and suave personality
McGonagol: Don't make me laugh
Snape: I wasn't trying to
Dumbledore: Tell you what we're going to leave the room now, just please don't kill each other
Fudge: But I want to stay and laugh at them, hey Albus stop, you can't drag me through the door like a sack of potatoes, I'm the minister of magic, show me the respect I deserve, put me down
Snape: I'm leaving now, I do not wish to partake in such childish behaviour
McGonagol: That's right scuttle back to your hole, like the rat you are, have fun with your lame potions and cauldrons, you could try and make yourself some friends while your at it
Snape: You're just jealous, don't deny it. Don't walk away from me while I'm talking to you. Hey Minnie stop, I haven't finished insulting you yet. Come back
***
Fred: Well we'll leave them there to argue
George: Good idea, hopefully they'll just kill each other and then we won't have to bother with potions or transfiguration
Fred: Wow, that would be great
George: Anyway for the next show we have a real treat lined up
Harry: What? I actually get a part?
Fred: Nope, we haven't got that desperate yet
George: But you did have a walk on part in this show, you should be very proud
Fred: And we would do a show about you, but you and Ronniekins arguing is nowhere near as funny as Snape and McGonagol arguing
Harry: Fair enough
George: Glad you see sense, because next show we will be trying to matchmake Snape and McGonagol
Harry: Huh, what does that have to do with the show
Fred: Absolutely nothing, we just wanted to prove that hate always turns to love
Harry: But it doesn't I hate Malfoy, it doesn't mean we're going to fall in love
George: Wow, what a great idea for a new show, we could call it Malfoy and Potter in love, thanks Harry
Harry: That's alright. Hang on what I mean is you have to show why wizard should have used their heads, that's the whole point of your show
Fred: Oh fine, we'll do Voldemort and truth serum
George: Are you happy now, does that satisfy your demands most wonderful Harry?
Harry: Well suppose it will do. For now
A/N: I don't think that chapter was as funny as previous ones, but please read and review because next time Voldemort comes back and yes you've guessed it everybody uses truth serum. PLEASE REVIEW
