A Dolphin's tears 2

Yes, I finally got beta readers! And they did a wonderful job. So a whole lot of thanks to Mel and Beth . Any remaining mistakes are my own and I could claim ownership of them but actually I don't want them; do you?

*~*~*

Lucas dropped to his bed like a stone. During the last hour it had taken all of his self-control not to explode and snap at everyone. Or to break into tears about the way they treated him.

Dr Westphalen had come back with Captain Bridger and Lucas had repeated his demand of being let back to work. The Captain had given him a look, as if he, Lucas, had gone nuts. After staring at him for almost five minutes without saying a word, the Captain had said he would go and check with Chief Crocker to see if it was okay. Security regulations, Lucas had to understand, he said. So the Captain left. Dr Westphalen had stayed behind and gave him a lecture about taking it easy the next few days. Then she had asked Lucas if he was up to a few tests, she wanted to run on him within the next days. She had been quite happy that he had simply nodded – however, she hadn't seen him clenching his hands so hard that it left the marks of his fingernails in his palms. Ten minutes later Captain Bridger had returned with Chief Crocker and another Security Officer. The Officer didn't take his hand off the weapon on his side while the Chief was taking the bonds off Lucas's hands – a fact that did not go unnoticed by him. Next they had given him some encouraging words and the Captain repeated Dr Westphalen's order to take it easy and do not worry, etc. Lucas had stared at his feet during the whole procedure not paying attention at all. When he was finally allowed to leave he had dashed off, not looking left or right until he had reached his room.

And now he was back. Lucas looked around in his room. Nothing had been moved or changed since he left it what felt like a century ago. In reality it had been only a day and a half. It was late, eleven o'clock in the evening, but the teenager didn't feel like sleeping. So he stood up and began rummaging through the box that held his music discs. After some searching he found what he was looking for on the very bottom: Half a dozen discs with well-worn covers. Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Wagner. Actually he had always preferred Classical Music. But Justine had told him if he wanted to be taken as a regular boy, a regular teenager, he had to despise those and listen to Heavy Metal, Rock, Grunge etc, and as loud as possible. 'It's better to keep up the right facade for the adults' she had said. So Lucas slipped a Heavy Metal disc into the player and made sure it was loud enough to be heard through the locked door. Then he took his Disc Man, put on his head-phones and let the soft symphonies of Mozart calm his mind. The coming times would be hard enough for him. Eventually he drifted off to sleep.

But Lucas didn't find much rest during that night. His dreams were haunted and he tossed and turned all the time. He dreamt of his family, his true family the dolphins, about swimming in the ocean, feeling his mother's snout on his skin. And he heard their screams when the Commander's ultra sound had hit their sensitive ears. Several times Lucas woke up, bathed in cold sweat during that night.

At half past five he got up, deciding that he wouldn't find any more sleep and might as well do something useful. So he started working on the new Security System for Chief Crocker he had made up a few days earlier.

By nine o'clock his stomach had started grumbling so loud that Lucas couldn't ignore it any longer. So he decided to head for the cafeteria and grab some breakfast before returning to work. He had made good progress this morning and was consequently quite content.

When he rounded the last corner and stood outside the cafeteria he could hear parts of the low conversations inside.

"Lucas..."

"...just imagine..."

"... living with dolphins..."

"...tried to leave..."

"...Milan..."

"...institute for wolf's children..."

Lucas's breath fled from him as if someone had punched him into the stomach. He had known it! Here we go again! Realizing that he couldn't hide in his quarters for the rest of the tour (though he truly wished he could!) he decided that he could as well take the whole dose at once. His face became a mask of stone, he wouldn't let any of his emotions slip out now. The second he entered, the room went totally silent. The conversations – all of them most likely about him – stopped abruptly, the men and women turned their heads, all eyes were focused on him, like on an animal in the zoo. Suddenly Lucas found it very hard to breathe properly. However, he kept his eyes fixed forward and didn't look left or right. He clenched his fist at his side and bit his lower lip so hard that it hurt. Mechanically he walked to the table that held the fruits and grabbed an apple. He didn't even take the time to get some coffee, his favorite breakfast, only wanting to get out again. When Lucas turned around his gaze brushed across Hitchcock, O'Neil and Otiz sitting at a table in the corner. They too were silent. The moment Lucas looked at them Hitchcock started to speak. "Lucas..." her voice was barely above a whisper. But Lucas turned away and practically fled from the room.

When he had disappeared the discussions rose again, however, in a quieter way this time. Hitchcock stared angrily at the people in the room and jumped up, slamming her fist onto the table.

"What the hell do you think were you doing?" she addressed everybody in the room. "Truly, the UEO's finest! The boy has enough at his hands right now! Treating him like a freak won't help him! The next time you see him I expect you to react with a little more sensitivity!" With that she stormed out of the room, leaving half of her breakfast untouched. She was too angry to eat now! Maybe half an hour at the punching bag would cool her down...

*~*

An hour later Lucas came down to the Moon Pool area, having finally gained some control of his emotions again – at least to the point were he wouldn't burst into tears at the next pitiful look he received.

So he began working on the vocoder project. He used taped sounds of different dolphins to test the new improvement. But he couldn't seem to concentrate like he used to. Hours of work passed on a task of which he knew should have taken him about half of the time than it did now that things weren't normal. Now his thoughts were less focused and fleeing when he tried to grasp them. The fact that he felt the science staff's gaze on his back didn't help much either. Whenever he turned to the computers he felt them tense as if he was going to blow the ship up at any second. Several times Lucas was on the verge of snapping at one of them. Yet the fifteen-year-old controlled his own anger, telling himself that it wouldn't help him if they locked him up as a psychopath.

It was mid-afternoon when Dr Westphalen came in and called Lucas over to her. Lucas had skipped lunch, not wanting to face the crew's glares yet again. The doctor made him look at the samples she had shown him a few days earlier again. While Lucas was looking through the microscope he felt her eye him critically, like a patient with a terrible illness. Having had enough of it for the whole day Lucas straightened up slowly and asked her annoyed, looking straight ahead: "WHAT?"

Dr Westphalen was startled. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"Why are you staring at me like I'm an alien? You and the rest of the crew have been treating me like a bomb that is going to explode any second! I'm not going to destroy the ship when I touch a computer and I know how to use a pen properly!" His voice had risen during his angry words.

"Lucas..." Dr Westphalen searched for the right words. "We're not treating you any different. You're just a little tense..."

"I'm not TENSE!" he shouted.

"Hey, no need to get rude!" Captain Bridger ordered coming in as he had overheard the conversation. "What's the problem, kiddo?"

Lucas heaved a breath. "The problem is that you all are treating me like some sort of invalid or idiot, ever since... this happened!"

"Now, kiddo. Nobody's treating you like an invalid. It's just..."

The boy snorted. "We both know that that's a total lie! And you're the best example!"

"What do you mean?"

"When I got released from Med Bay you just told me to take it easy. Would you have done that too if I had run off to see a couple of friends of mine just like that, 'endangering' my life? No, you would have grounded me for the rest of the tour! And now?!? 'Just take it easy for a while, kiddo'," Lucas imitated the Captain's tone, his voice stung with sarcasm.

Bridger had to admit to himself that the boy had a point there. Still he stood his ground.

"Lucas, even if our treatment has changed a little that doesn't give you the right to snap at people that surround you and care for you!"

"What's the matter if I do? You already think I'm nuts... And what would you do? Lock me in my room? I think I'd be grateful for that right now!"

Bridger really had to hold back his temper by now. Lucas knew which strings he had to pull to get him mad. And the Captain suspected he was trying right that at this moment. Luckily Dr Westphalen took over for him, using her best don't-contradict-me-I'm-the-doctor-voice.

"No, young man, nobody will lock you anywhere – that's for now – but you will cool down and come with me to the cafeteria now and have a decent meal. Don't you try to lie at me, I know you haven't eaten anything since breakfast!" And despite Lucas's struggle and excuses she dragged him with her to the cafeteria.

To Lucas's luck it was nearly empty at this time, only three or four people were sitting at the tables. Ben Krieg was one of them. Dr Westphalen more pushed than led him to the table were the Supply and Moral Officer was seated and made Lucas sit down. Then she went to fetch some food for him – only healthy, tasteless stuff, Lucas was willing to bet. He stared at his hands.

"Hey, Luke. How are you?" Ben asked, feeling quite uncomfortable in the situation. He wished heartily that Katie was here now. His ex-wife would surely know what to say.

Lucas gave a snort. "What do you think?" he asked wryly. "The doc just ordered me to eat what she's picking for me and I'm in for another proper-eating-habits-speech..."

"Ouch!"

"You're telling me..." They fell silent again as Dr Westphalen came back and placed a full plate in front of Lucas. He eyed his meal critically: A glass of orange juice, a whole lot of vegetables and... fish. The doctor seemed to have a certain sense of irony. Lucas slowly picked up his fork and began stabbing his food, painfully aware of the hawk-like glare that the doctor gave him.

"It's there for eating, not playing with it, you know!" she told him firmly.

Lucas sighed inwardly and lifted the fork with a small piece of fish to his mouth. Dead fish.

They gave me dead fish to eat. They say I'm making progress. Making progress is when I wear clothes, and sleep in a bed and eat dead fish.

Dead fish. Lucas was about to eat the piece when Dr Westphalen's PAL chirped. He put the fork down when she answered her PAL.

"What is it?" – "An emergency in Med Bay. Shepherd broke his leg. It looks pretty bad." – "I'm coming."

She shut the PAL off and stared at Lucas, then at Ben. Finally making a decision she addressed Ben:

"Lieutenant, would you please see that he is truly eating his meal? I have to go..."

"No problem, Doctor." Ben agreed. With a last look at Lucas that said eat , she left the room quickly.

Lucas sighed relieved and pushed the untouched plate away.

"You should eat this, you know." Ben said.

"Ben, look, I'm really not hungry. Please don't become like the doc... I don't want to eat this stuff..."

The man nodded looking at the plate. "To be honest I wouldn't be too keen on that kind of food, too." He admitted. "Let's make a deal: You drink that juice of yours while I'm drinking the rest of this stuff they call coffee and then we'll let the contents of your plate disappear discreetly."

"Thanks, man!"

They sat in an awkward silence for a while, sipping on their drinks from time to time and avoiding each other's eyes. Finally Lucas couldn't stand it any longer and blurted out:

"Okay, Ben, enough of this. Just come out with it!"

"Huh?!?" The Lieutenant didn't understand his friend immediately.

"The questions that have been burning in your brain ever since... Just ask what you so desperately want to know. It's not like I'm going to break down or like you would find a question that I haven't heard before... Just ask whatever you want to know. I'll try to answer you honestly, I promise."

Ben looked at his hands. Was he so easy to read? Yes, he had been aching to get answers to at least some of his questions. But he didn't want by any means to hurt his young friend. But then like Lucas had said, he wouldn't break. Summing up all his guts Ben looked directly into Lucas eyes and asked: "What... what does it feel like to... you know... to live out in the ocean?" God, this sounded so stupid now that he had actually voiced it. Ben wanted to apologize for it, but Lucas already answered, looking to the side.

"How am I to answer this?" he asked in a quiet voice. "What would you tell me, if I asked you, what it was like to be normal human?" Lucas finally looked up. "You could talk all day long, tell me a thousand little details, but still, it wouldn't be anywhere near complete. Do you understand what I mean?" Ben nodded hesitantly. "There are days when there is rain, there are days when there is wind. On some days there is nothing to drink. On some days there is nothing to eat. But the dolphins are always together."

Ben nodded again. "I think, I understand now; or at least to a certain point."

They fell silent again. The few people that had been in the room had trailed out. They were totally alone and sat in silence. A strained silence, but less painful than before. Then Lucas stood up, having emptied his glass.

"I would like to go now. See how the new program I installed works..." With that he walked slowly towards the door, leaving Ben alone at the table. When he had reached the door Lucas half turned around, looking back to his friend. "Oh, and Ben..." his voice was barely audible. "... thanks..." With that he left the older man alone in both the room and his thoughts.

*~*

"...and that's it so far. Now what am I to do, Bill?" Nathan Bridger finished his report to his superior and friend. Of course they were talking about Lucas. Bridger had told Admiral Noyce everything that had happened during the last few days searching for advice.

"I don't know it, Nathan. Never in my whole career have I encountered something like this before. But then, who has? My advice would be to treat the boy as normal as possible as long as there is no direct problem. But it could become a problem, as to whether he may stay on the seaQuest... I'll be seeing the UEO leaders as soon as possible about this."

"Yes, Bill, but why wasn't there anything about it in his files? It's not like it is normal to hold back such information!" the Captain exclaimed.

"He most likely altered his personal files before he came aboard the seaQuest; I mean he tried to do the same thing just a few days ago. So I'd say he didn't want anybody to know... Well, I'll try to find out about that, too. For now you'll have to be patient, Nathan. I'll be staying in touch. And Nathan... take care of the boy and watch out for him..."

"That I'll surely do, Bill..." Bridger said shutting off the line. "That I'll do..."

*~*

Lucas stared at the screen in front of him. Numbers and letters were flashing in front of his eyes. And he knew they meant something, something important, he was sure of it. But he couldn't put his finger on what it was and that frustrated him to no end. His mind seemed empty. There had been a time when things like this were nothing but a game to him. But now things were different. His knowledge seemed to fade away with every passing moment and he felt so restless. Sighing the teenager gave up and flicked the computer off. Maybe he needed to relax a little bit, he decided. So he got up and headed for the Moon Pool to see Darwin. It was only with the dolphin near him that he could find the release he needed.

*~*

Darwin surfaced the second Lucas stepped to the side of the pool, as if he had sensed the boy's arrival; well Lucas was quite sure he had sensed him – they shared a special bond in a way. *We are of the same kind...* Lucas thought. But then he mentally corrected himself – they weren't the same. Darwin was a dolphin and he was a boy. They had told him so often enough. Boy. How he hated the word.

The area was empty, it was dinnertime and so most people were in the cafeteria. Lucas bent down and stroked the dolphin's bump gently. His sleeves were becoming soaked, but he didn't mind, he never minded the water. He hadn't turned on the vocoder, he didn't need it. It was enough to feel Darwin's presence to calm him. Lucas produced some strange sounds in the back of his throat and in his nose. Darwin whistled an answer in delight.

Suddenly he gave a sharp sound. Lucas turned to see Bridger enter the room and he unconsciously took a step back, closer to Darwin.

"You two understand each other without words, don't you?" Bridger asked, stepping next to Lucas and stroked the dolphin's bump. Lucas wasn't totally sure if the man had addressed him or the animal. Lucas's tension slowly eased when he saw how gentle the older man treated the dolphin, he knew there was no need to be afraid of the Captain. But he also didn't see any need to try and answer this rhetorical question. He knew the Captain was here for a certain purpose and sooner or later would come out with it. So Lucas sat down on the stairs next to the pool and watched the man intently.

Captain Bridger inwardly sighed. Lucas was reading him like an open book, and the boy knew he hadn't come here by chance. He knew the older man too well. There had been a time when Bridger had been able to understand the teenager just like that, to predict his reactions and feelings. But now he didn't understand him anymore. At least he couldn't be sure of it any longer.

Captain Bridger straightened up and turned to face Lucas. He studied the boy's features intently: He was pale, even paler than usually, his face was like a mask of stone, not showing any emotions. But his eyes gave him away – those deep blue pools, with a slight shade of gray in them that Bridger hadn't noticed before, that spoke of so much and yet were so hard to understand; sadness, hope, despair, trust, betrayal, fear, hardness, kindness, all together were reflecting there. The Captain had to shake it off before he'd drown in those eyes. Eyes that stared at him, yet didn't seem to see him, but to look right through him.

Then the old man cleared his throat breaking the silence between them. "How are you doing, kiddo?" Hell, this was so hard! How did Bill imagine treating Lucas normally? "Did you already have dinner?" Really a great start for a conversation, Nathan! He cursed inwardly. He knew he had to try and get through to Lucas, to restore their relationship.

Lucas shook his head slowly. "I'm not hungry..." he said in a very quiet voice.

Bridger nodded. "I guess I can understand that, after the forced meal Kristin ordered you this afternoon." Then there was silence again. Bridger was biting his tongue; this was so difficult! He didn't know how to act around Lucas anymore. He had always considered himself as an expert in moody-teenager-problems, having raised Robert without problems. Well obviously you never know what you're truly worth until you are really tested.

After a few minutes in awkward silence Bridger made another attempt with a direct approach. "Do you want to talk about anything?"

"No." Lucas was staring at the surface of the pool. Darwin surfaced and gave some whistles and clicks before he dove again and swam out. "I would like to go now..." He said, his voice staying quiet and monotone all the time.

"Of course, kiddo. Go and rest." The Captain stepped a little aside to let Lucas pass by. "But you know, Lucas, if you want to talk to someone, you can always count on me. Be it day or night, okay?" The boy didn't turn to look back at him. He only gave the slightest nod when he left the area, with his shoulders slumped in and his head hanging down.

As soon as he was out of the room, Bridger sighed deeply. "Yeah, treat him normally... but how Bill?" he murmured to himself.

*~*

Lucas sat in his room, his back against a wall, staring at the aqua tubes. He had switched the lights off and music was playing softly in the background. "Soft" at least concerning the volume; the sound was a mix of Rock and Heavy Metal. It was true, he liked the soft tunes of Beethoven better, but he had found truth in the harsh plays and screams of musicians like Marilyn Manson. Because the world wasn't as happy and beautiful as all those love songs claimed it to be, not at all. It was dark and cruel.

Lucas didn't know how long he had exactly been sitting here, but he guessed it had to be about ten o'clock now. Then there was a metallic knock and the door swung open even before Lucas had completely finished his questioning "Yeah?"

Ben stood in the doorframe, staring into the dark room which was only lit dimly by the bluish light reflecting from the aqua tubes and now also by the light coming from the corridor. The Lieutenant switched the light on and came down the pair of stairs leading down into the room. Lucas had to blink, his eyes adjusting to the new amount of light. Ben tried to look as casual as possible and cracked one of his usual jokes.

"It's nice that you are willing to help and economize electricity by switching off the light; but it isn't necessary, you know..." Lucas didn't bother to give an answer to this, but Ben hadn't expected it anyway. However, the boy didn't even growl or roll his eyes, like he used to do in response to Ben's jokes, which was a bad sign, Ben could tell. Lucas looked at him intently for a moment before returning his attention to the aqua tubes. But the older man wouldn't give in so easily; not he, Benjamin Krieg, Supply and Moral Officer of the seaQuest! He took another step towards the kid.

"Enough brooding for today, Luke!" he declared. "I've got something that is going to make you smile again!"

"Ben, look, I'm not interested in any new ideas of yours to become rich or to tick off the Commander or both." He responded weakly, his voice showing no affection at all. "Just... leave me alone, will you please?"

"Nah, it's none of those. While teasing the Commander again would be fun... it's not what I'm here for now. I've got this for you..." Ben said and handed him a small package. He had intended to give it to the boy at his sixteenth birthday in a month and a half, but he had found that the present situation required some extraordinary actions. Lucas eyed the small object in his hands; it had about the size of his palm and was quite light. When he took the wrapping off carefully he discovered a small computer chip.

Ben began immediately to explain it. "It's a chip to modify your computer. The man who sold it to me said installed correctly it could double the efficiency of a computer! Now, is this great or is this great, what do you say?"

Lucas stared at the object at his hands. There had been a time, when he would have done anything to get this, when he would have jumped in pure joy after receiving a present like this. But now it didn't matter anymore to him. He wasn't even sure if he knew how to use it properly. And there were surely no instructions to it. Then Lucas realized that Ben was expecting a reaction to his gift, an answer.

"Thanks, man. I... I really appreciate this. It must have cost you a little fortune. Thank you..." he put on a forced smile, which didn't reach his eyes. Ben was relieved to see the boy smile at all again.

"You're welcome, Lucas. So, you want to test it immediately? See if that guy was right?"

Lucas smile faded. "No. Er... I'm sorry to disappoint you Ben, but... I'm really tired... you understand?" he asked quietly.

Ben had to suppress a sigh. He had thought he had really reached the boy, brought back his old self! "Sure, buddy. It's okay. So, see you tomorrow?" Lucas nodded. So the man turned to leave the room.

He had just reached the door when Lucas voice stopped him. "Ben?" He turned around. Lucas was staring at the chip again.

"Do you pity me?" he asked silently. Then he looked up, meeting Ben's gaze. "Because I don't want any pity... I'm no caritas case!"

"No," the Lieutenant agreed. "you're not a caritas case. And I don't pity you. But you are my friend, Lucas, and I care for you. As do all your friends among the crew. And that bunch of idiots that unfortunately exists who pity you aren't of any importance. What is important, are your friends, Lucas. And as such, I care for you – never believe anything else!"

Lucas didn't respond. But on his face Ben could now see the smallest smile. Satisfied he walked out of the room. And when he closed the door, he heard a silent "Thank you, Ben." emerging from the room, just before the lock snapped closed.

"You're welcome, Lucas." Ben muttered to himself. "You're welcome!"

*~*~*