*~*~*
It was past midday when Lucas made his way to the labs. He had awoken around nine and now felt somewhat groggy, having fallen asleep at about half past four in the morning. He had been 'brooding', like Ben would so gracefully call it, since he woke and consequently skipped breakfast. However, he wasn't intending to go to the mess now and have lunch; on the contrary, the mere thought of food made him sick.
Feeling too bored to brood any longer, the fifteen-year-old had decided to go to his work and clinch to the small hope of escaping Dr Westphalen's wrath should she find out that he had skipped two more meals.
The fact that he was more than four hours late for his shift in the lab didn't bother Lucas very much. He was fairly sure that nobody would be angry with him; he even doubted that someone would make a comment about him being late at all. The only thing that was waiting for him were some more surreptitious glances of pity and he guessed he could deal with those rather than with another five hours of brooding.
Lucas was well aware that he hadn't been to the Bridge ever since... the incident (even in his mind he wasn't able to call it anything else). But then, he was most likely not too welcome there anymore, he mused. Security regulations, he had to understand. Weren't there always security regulations, wherever he went?
The second he entered the labor area Lucas's thoughts were abruptly interrupted as he bumped right into... Dr Westphalen. He groaned inwardly; must be one of those days.
"Ah... err, hello Doctor." He managed to stutter.
"Lucas!" the woman's face lit up. "I'm glad you're here. I was going to call you on your PAL in a few minutes. You remember the tests I wanted to run on you? I would like to start today, if you don't mind."
"Sure, whatever..." Lucas mumbled. His mood had just gone into the cellar.
"Good." The doctor was already making plans about what order to make the tests in. She eyed Lucas critically. "I assume you didn't have lunch so far?" Lucas's guilty look was enough of a response for her; she hadn't expected anything else. "Well, for one time that is a good thing because I want to take some blood samples. And for that you need to have an empty stomach, otherwise it would influence the results. But when we're done I want you to go to the mess and have a decent meal, Lucas!"
Lucas only nodded quietly, looking anywhere but at the doctor herself. He followed her to Med Bay and let the whole procedure wash over him without resistance. He sat wherever Dr Westphalen wanted him to sit, had his blood taken, his lymph knots palpated, his eyes and ears checked through and many other things, everything without making a face or showing any affection at all.
Dr Westphalen was talking all the time, first about the tests, then about the current research they were doing, trying to make a conversation. But Lucas didn't react to it, he only responded when he was asked directly and even then his answers mostly consisted of 'yes', 'no' and 'I don't know'.
It was only when they were finally done that Lucas asked something. He was glancing into the direction of the Moon Pool.
"I... I would like... to go swimming with Darwin for a while. Can... can I?" he asked almost shyly.
The woman eyed him critically; she knew she shouldn't allow him to do so, not before he had had something to eat. But then the boy looked directly into her eyes, for the first time in the day, and her heart practically melted. He looked so much like a young, lost child who had lost his mother and asked people if they had seen her. His grayish-blue eyes nearly begged her to let him go. She gulped and nodded hesitantly.
"Okay, Lucas." She said. "But you cannot go alone. It's too dangerous. You might become dizzy after blood taking, and I don't want anything to happen to you. I'll accompany you."
The look that the teenager gave her was less than friendly, however, he didn't contradict her. He was happy enough to be allowed to go swimming at all.
They went to change into wet suits. Lucas was at the side of the Moon Pool and greeted Darwin even before Dr Westphalen was half finished with changing and pinning her hair up. Darwin whistled and clicked happily, content to have some company to play with. The doctor watched from a distance how the boy climbed quickly into the pool, where he took one deep breath and immediately began diving. He and the dolphin were diving in circles around one another, gliding up and down in the water. Dr Westphalen had to admire Lucas's smooth movements. She had never noticed, how graceful and skilful he was able to move underwater; the almost acrobatic tricks and turns he did with ease and a smile on his lips held an undeniable elegance. Then Dr Westphalen finally climbed into the pool and found that even dressed in wet suits the water was almost freezing; a fact that Lucas didn't seem to mind a bit. She gasped at the coldness that was shocking her warm body and made goose bumps run up her arms and legs. Right that second Lucas surfaced again and took a deep breath, followed closely by Darwin. It was only then that the doctor noticed how long the boy had been holding his breath underwater. She was about to say something about it, but Lucas had gently taken hold of his playmate's dorsal fin and they dove again. The dolphin pulled him with a breathtaking speed to the deeper part of the pool. The doctor was about to follow the pair when she realized that the vocoder wasn't turned on – maybe Lucas had forgotten it in his haste. So she swam back to the side and switched it on. When she returned her attention to Lucas and Darwin she spotted them nearly at the other side of pool: Lucas was clinching to Darwin and had rested his head on the dolphin's flank. He was breathing heavily and had closed his eyes. Dr Westphalen quickly made her way over to them. When she was only a few meters away she could hear Darwin's whistles, which sounded concerned, a surprise for her for she hadn't thought that you could hear emotions like concern in the whistle of a dolphin. But what really amazed her, were the sounds that Lucas gave back, coming from the back of his throat and his nose. Slowly she closed the short distance that was left between them. Lucas straightened in the water when he became aware of her presence.
"Lucas, are you alright?" the woman asked in concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just felt dizzy for a brief moment..." he answered stroking the dolphin's back gently.
She eyed him intently: He was very pale and his eyes were glassy. His hands were constantly touching the dolphin, clinching to him or stroking him. The doctor knew, she should order him to leave the pool now, but curiosity won the better of her and so she asked instead:
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?" Lucas asked surprised.
Dr Westphalen snorted impatiently. "You know what I mean!" she said and tried to swim closer to the boy. But wherever she turned to, Darwin always moved so that he blocked her way and was between her and Lucas. Almost as if he was protecting the boy from her, she mused. But she pushed the thought away immediately – why should Darwin try and protect Lucas from her? It wasn't like she was going to harm him anyhow.
"How do you make these sounds? I can't even imitate them anywhere near real! And does Darwin understand them? Can you really talk to him? How do you do that?"
Lucas face became a mask of stone. Why did people always have to ask these things? Maybe he could explain it to the doctor like he did with Ben? Maybe she would understand...
"Tell me, how do you talk? How do you form the words you speak?"
"Huh? Well,... oh what the heck! Lucas! It has got nothing to do with this! And now tell me how do you do it?" Dr Westphalen didn't understand what the teenager was trying to show her: That he couldn't explain how he communicated with Darwin.
"I... I cannot tell you..." Lucas answered in a very quiet voice. "Why do you need to know anyway?"
"But can't you see?" The doctor's eyes were glowing in excitement. "This could change everything! We would finally be able to really talk to animals! Interspecies communication!" Her mind was racing, thinking about the possibilities.
"But... but you have the vocoder! Isn't it enough for you?"
"Not anymore!" She exclaimed. Lucas suddenly felt sick; he only hoped that the terror and disappointment he felt didn't show on his face. But Dr Westphalen wouldn't have noticed anyway.
"I know that the vocoder is a great invention, Lucas." She said. "But this makes everything different. Just imagine, maybe we could really learn how to communicate with other species."
Lucas wanted to scream. He felt like he had a déjà-vu, like he was back at the institute with Dr Beck.
Dr Westphalen noticed nothing of this. She was just about to ask him more questions when a member of the science staff called her from the side of the pool.
"Dr Westphalen! There is a call for you! The man said it was very important!"
"What? Oh, okay, one moment please!" She answered and returned her attention to Lucas. "Please wait a moment. I'll be right back!" With that she made her way out of the water to answer the vid-call, slightly annoyed about the interruption.
As it showed, the call hadn't been that important at all, just a befriended professor of her who had wanted to give her the latest results of his research. However, when Dr Westphalen returned to the Moon Pool Lucas was gone.
Surprised she turned to Darwin who was surfacing near her.
"Darwin, where is Lucas?" She demanded, using the vocoder.
"Lucas gone." came the obvious reply.
"I can see that. But why did he go? I told him to wait for me!"
The dolphin gave a blow of annoyance and shot a blast of spray all over the doctor.
"Hey! What was that for?" she demanded stunned by the animals outburst.
"Doctor no friend! Make Lucas upset! Lucas leave." Darwin retorted and then dove out of the area, leaving Dr Westphalen behind.
So she went to look for Lucas by herself. First she stopped at his quarters, assuming that he would go there. But the room was empty. Next she went to the mess, maybe was simply hungry and had gone to eat something. But again, nothing. Finally she called him on his PAL, but Lucas didn't respond to it. Unwilling to make a ship-wide call from the Bridge, she went back to her other work eventually, hoping that Lucas would return soon – she had so many questions.
*~*
Dr Westphalen hadn't gotten anywhere near Lucas's hideout during her search, for which he was very glad. Of course he had heard her calling him on his PAL, but he didn't answer it. He didn't want to see the doctor again in the near future – he didn't want to see anyone.
Lucas doubted that anybody knew of the place he was in, apart from him and maybe the Captain, who had after all designed the ship. It was a small niche in the wall of one of the storage rooms, dark and stuffy, and too small for most grown-ups; altogether perfect for him when he wanted to be totally alone.
So now Lucas sat there, with his arms wrapped around his legs, knees drawn up to his chin, rocking slowly back and forth, and thought about the things Dr Westphalen had said. 'Isn't the vocoder enough for you?' 'Not anymore!' He didn't notice the tears that were slipping down his cheeks as he thought about long lost times.
*
We sit on a hill of grass. I can hear the music of the ocean roaring in the hill. It is a grassy beach without an ocean. Justine tells me that I don't hear the ocean; I hear the cars driving by on the Storrow Drive, the noise of their wheels is sounding in the hill; quite a pathetic ocean, she says.
I listen and imagine the real sea. A seagull screams above us.
Justine says: "Milan, are you okay?"
I say: "Justine, I want to go back to where the warm food is hiding in floodsinks. I want to go back into the sea, where the thoughts of my head don't squash my heart." I'm afraid of what Justine is going to think, that she is going to be angry with me. But she isn't angry. She listens. "But when I go back, I'm the dolphinboy, the boy you are laughing about."
Justine says: "I'm not laughing, Milan. Sometimes I wish I could go back, too."
"Justine, I'm thinking about that tomorrow and tomorrow I'm always locked in my room or in the learning room, that I have to wear clothes, have to eat dead food. I want to go home. To my dolphin family, home to the dolphins." I wrap my arms around myself. I close the eyes and let the tones grow inside me.
Justine sits at my side. She doesn't tell me what I have to do, like Sandy or Doctor Beck. She doesn't treat me like the doctors treat me. She doesn't look aside when I say something she doesn't like. She listens. She treats me like we treat a new dolphin who wants to swim with us.
Justine says: "My mother won't let you go."
I say: "What is, if she is going to lock me away forever? Makes me always play the little games, always searches for the dolphin language? What is, if I do all she says, and I'm still not good enough?"
Justine says: "You are already good enough. You can do by far more than anybody thought possible. But they don't know when they have to stop. Especially my mother doesn't know that."
*~*
"I can't believe you didn't tell me this sooner, Doctor!" Captain Bridger exclaimed furiously as they made their way down the corridor of the C-Deck. It was way past midnight and the so lights in the corridors were dimmed, simulating night on the submarine. The aqua tubes cast a bluish light, creating an almost supernatural atmosphere. But the two people rushing down the hallway were oblivious to it. They were frantically searching for a certain teenager.
When Lucas still hadn't shown up anywhere an hour ago, Dr Westphalen had decided it was time to get some help searching for him and had addressed the Captain. The old man had agreed that it wouldn't do any good had they called Lucas via loudspeakers and the whole crew looking for him as the boy didn't need anymore publicity on the ship; he had by far enough of it. So the Captain had gathered some closer friends of Lucas, namely Ben, Hitchcock, O'Neil, Otiz and Crocker, and ordered them to try and find the boy. But so far they had come up with nothing.
Now the Captain and Dr Westphalen were on their way down to the Moon Pool. It had been their first stop on the ship wide search assuming that this was where Lucas was most likely to go, but nothing. However now Bridger had decided to ask Darwin to look for Lucas, too. Maybe the dolphin would be able to achieve more than they had.
Bridger stepped to the side of the pool and was content to see the sleek gray form of his animal friend gliding under the surface towards them. He switched to vocoder on and was about to address the dolphin when Dr Westphalen gave a shriek at his side and pointed to a corner of the room.
There, next to the water, lay a crumpled, human form. It was Lucas, curled up to a ball, sleeping exhaustedly on the hard, cold floor. The two adults ran to his side, but he didn't wake. His face was strained, as if he was having nightmares and on his cheek tears glistered in the dim light.
"Oh, Lucas..." the Captain whispered. He felt a sudden lump in his throat. The boy looked so lost and vulnerable.
"I don't think we should wake him." The doctor voiced her thoughts.
Bridger nodded affirmatively. "Hmmm, I guess you are right. Let's bring him to Med Bay. He can sleep there. Inform the team that is still looking for him." Obeying Dr Westphalen activated her PAL and quietly informed the others that Lucas had been found. Bridger bent down and carefully lifted the boy up in his arms. Lucas began to move slightly and mumbled something in his sleep. The old man was afraid that he would wake up, but just then Darwin surfaced at his side and gave some whistles. Lucas immediately calmed down and continued sleeping. Thanking the animal quietly Bridger carried him slowly over to Med Bay and put him down on an empty bed. Then he removed the boy's shoes and pulled a cover over him. Lucas turned a bit and mumbled something. Bridger bent down, bringing his ear closer to Lucas's mouth to understand what he was saying.
"... Justine!" Lucas whispered. His voice was barely audible, yet it held a longing tune. Slowly more tears formed under his lashes and made their way down his face. Bridger gently wiped them away, only to see them replaced by new ones.
Preparing himself for a long night, the Captain sat down on a chair next to Dr Westphalen and they watched the teenager sleep. Nobody said a word. The only sound in the room was the breathing of three people.
*~*
When Lucas woke in the morning only Dr Westphalen was with him in the room. Captain Bridger had left earlier this morning for, as much as he hated it at the moment, the man still had to captain a submarine. Luckily, the world seemed to have decided to show its more peaceful side for a while. So Bridger didn't have to deal with a new crisis for a while. Or at least not a world wide one. Yet he found that the present situation was already enough stress for all of them.
Lucas blinked as he gradually woke and stifled a yawn. In a flash realization dawned on him, that he wasn't in his room – it wasn't this light in his quarters; his room was always gloomy and a little stuffy, like a bear's cave – perfect place to hide from the rest of the world. Taking his surroundings the teenager found that he was in Med Bay – again. However, he didn't know how he had gotten here. The last thing he remembered was coming to the Moon Pool in order to talk to Darwin. How he had ended up in Med Bay was completely beyond him. But then Lucas remembered what had happened yesterday and groaned. Med Bay meant Dr Westphalen and Dr Westphalen meant... trouble. As if on clue the woman stepped in and greeted him.
"Good morning, Lucas! How do you feel?"
Lucas didn't bother to answer. What she said didn't matter to him anymore. Her voice was sounding is Lucas's head but the words held no meaning to him. He knew they had meant something to him, something important, but it had disappeared from his mind. However, he could feel and understand the sound of her voice. A sound that spoke himself: Spoke of professionality, of interest, of concern, of pity, of slight hidden annoyance and of care. The annoyance and the concern in the voice grew with every minute that Lucas wasn't answering to it. Finally the voice changed into one of order, not allowing any contradiction. He could barely make out some words, they were curling and dancing around each other. "... go... eat... last time... now... food... too thin..."
The meaning of it became clear to Lucas pretty soon when the doctor dragged him to the mess hall. As they arrived there all the conversations stopped once again and the members of the crew stared at them. The fifteen-year-old stumbled forward to obey Dr Westphalen and grab something eat. He was staring at his feet while he made his way to the line and so he missed the angry looks that the doctor was sending the glaring men and women who quickly returned their attention to their food and conversation. They knew better than to contradict the doctor when she wore "the glare". And right now "the glare" said: 'Mind your own business or you'll regret it!'. Then she steered Lucas with his trail to a table where Commander Ford, Lieutenant Hitchcock and Lieutenant O'Neil were sitting.
"Hi!" "Hey, Lucas!" "How are you?" he was greeted. He acknowledged their presence only with a slight nod of his head as he sat down. Dr Westphalen gestured them to simply go on with their former conversation. So they settled back to the big boxing event that was going to take place tonight in New York; they all had made their bets. From time to time they sent a short glance into Lucas's direction, but he didn't notice it at all. He was staring at the food on his tray. He had grabbed the first things at hand and now eyed what he had gotten himself. A bowl of cereal, a slice of bread, some tea and orange juice. But the teenager couldn't find the heart to start to eat. He only stared at the food for minutes. Then Dr Westphalen said something to him, but her words didn't register in his mind.
His friends were shocked to see the boy like this. He sat there like a statue. Lucas didn't eat, didn't speak, didn't move. His eyes were empty. He didn't answer when Dr Westphalen gently told him that he should try and eat something. He only stared at his trail and was completely silent. But then after some more minutes in complete silence (they had given up the attempt to make a regular conversation completely) Lucas spoke up in a very quiet voice.
"Do you pity me, Doctor?" he asked; his eyes remained on his food, unseeingly.
"What?" Dr Westphalen exclaimed surprised. The eyebrows of all four adults sitting at the table rose in unison.
Lucas looked up at the doctor and repeated his question: "Tell me, do you pity me? Pity what I've become?" Then he looked down again.
The addressed woman was flabbergasted as were the other three people at the table. Where had this question come from? Little did they know how important the answer to this question was to Lucas. Dr Westphalen cleared her throat and decided to be honest with him. She should be grateful that the boy had finally talked at all, she mused.
"Well, yes... in a certain way I pity you, Lucas." She said and put her hand gently on his. She felt him tremble slightly and continued. "I feel for you, Lucas. I feel for what you lived through, my boy."
Lucas closed his eyes. Pity. Boy. He pulled his hand away from the doctor's and stood up, his eyes cast down.
"Thank you for you honesty..." he whispered before he turned around and fled from the room. His friends remained seated, stunned by his strange behavior.
Ben Krieg came in from the other side of the room and sat down at their table, not knowing what had happened. He noticed them staring at the opposite door and asked surprised what was going on. So Katie filled him in on how Lucas had acted and what he had asked the doctor.
"And what did you answer him?" Ben demanded urgently, already foreseeing and fearing the answer.
"Well, I told him that I do feel for him and pity his situation. What else should I have told him?" Dr Westphalen responded.
"Are you totally nuts?" The Lieutenant exclaimed. "Where did he go to then?"
"I... I don't know... But why?" Ben gave no answer to this, he had already jumped up from his place and now raced out of the room in search of his young friend.
On his way to the boy's quarters Ben decided to make a quick stop at the Moon Pool, see if Lucas had gone there. Nothing. So he rushed to the boy's room.
*~*
Lucas stood in his room. His head was spinning, his thoughts were chasing each other in circles in his mind. He couldn't think straight anymore. Dr Westphalen's words had been the final blow. Isolated words or short thoughts, images and feelings sprang to his mind.
Boy.
Pity.
Ocean.
Wolf's child.
Betrayal.
Friends.
Loneliness.
Justine.
Clothes.
Dr Beck.
Institute.
Dead food.
Parents.
Dolphins.
seaQuest.
Bridger.
Trust.
Dr Westphalen.
Lucas stepped in front of the mirror hanging on the wall in his room. Disgusted he looked at the thin face staring back at him. Hair with the color of wet sand. Bones standing out sharply under the pale skin. Gray-blue eyes that held only emptiness, sunken in the ugly face. His face.
Boy!
Lucas clenched his fist and slammed it against the mirror.
*~*
Ben reached Lucas's quarter and tried the door. It was locked. That meant that Lucas was in. The Lieutenant banged against the door. No response.
"Lucas, please open the door!" he yelled. Nothing.
"Please let me talk to you! Lucas!" Nothing but complete silence. Not even Lucas's usual music was playing. Deadly silence.
Ben felt fear rise inside him. What if the boy had done something to himself? Normally Ben would never imagine such things in context with Lucas, but now things were different.
He banged his fist against the door again.
"Lucas!"
Then Ben got an idea. The trick that Lucas himself had shown him once to open a locked door aboard the seaQuest. It was all a question of positioning a key and a pen in the right way at the lock and giving them the right twist...
Within a few moments Ben had cracked the lock. Taking a deep breath he stepped into the room. Lucas sat on his bunch, leaned against the aqua tubes, and stared at the opposite wall. He held his right hand to his chest.
"Lucas? Are you okay, buddy?" Ben asked stepping closer to his friend. Then he saw why Lucas held his hand: It was covered with several small cuts on his knuckles and blood slowly dripped from it, covering his arm, falling down onto the bed and the boy's clothes.
"Oh my God! Lucas what happened?" Ben gently took the bleeding hand in his hands and examined it carefully. Lucas didn't answer though. He was completely silent, staring at the wall. When Ben turned to follow his gaze he saw what the teenager was looking at:
On the wall hung the remaining pieces of a mirror that been hit forcefully by something, like a fist. Some pieces lay shattered on the floor. But was made the scene look so horrible were the three smeared letters on the shattered mirror.
B O Y , written with blood.
To say that Ben was shocked would be an understatement. He turned back to Lucas who was trembling at his side.
Slowly the Lieutenant reached for his PAL and switched it on.
"Captain Bridger, please come to Lucas's quarters immediately! Fast!" he said urgently. Looking at the boy's hand again he added: "And bring Dr Westphalen and a medkit with you."
Then Ben returned his attention to Lucas. Gently he pulled him into his arms, careful not to hurt his hand any further.
"Shh... It's okay, Lucas..." he murmured in a soothing tone.
Lucas finally took his eyes off the destroyed mirror and buried his face in his friend's shoulder, still trembling.
"Oh Lucas, why did you do this?" Ben asked softly.
Lucas began sobbing. He took some shallow breaths and clutched to Ben's uniform like to a lifeline.
"Boy..." he whispered between his sobs. "Boy!"
*~*~*
to be continued
