*~*~*
Bridger
stared down at Lucas, his hands and lips shaking violently. No, he couldn't
have heard it, Lucas hadn't said this – it simply couldn't be! The old man
looked over to Lieutenant Krieg and saw his own feelings mirrored in the other
man's eyes.
Ben was the
first of them to find his voice again. "No, Lucas," he said, his voice
cracking, "You can't mean that." Ben stroked the boy's hand reassuringly but
Lucas pulled it back. With some difficulty he sat up in his bed and hugged
himself. Lucas stared pointedly at Ben who found it hard to withstand the gaze.
Lucas looked like he was incredibly tired despite the fact that he had more or
less slept for the past three days. His eyes were dull and he looked at Ben as
if he was a dream.
And for
Lucas it all seemed like a dream, in a haze. In his dreams it had all been so
real, the dolphins, his family, the beach, his mother dying, the room with the
faces! Or had it been real and now this was a dream? Lucas wasn't able to tell.
In a way it wasn't important anymore what was real and what not. All that Lucas
wanted to do was go home to his family and find peace. He couldn't stand it any
longer. It was all so senseless and confusing.
Willing his
friend to understand him, Lucas repeated his words. "Light is dark and one."
Then his eyelids grew too heavy and he fell asleep again.
The two men
at his bedside stared at each other with unbelieving eyes. How could this be?
The meaning of Lucas' words was clear to both of them. There had been the time
when Darwin was very sick and had always repeated those five words. It had
taken the crew some time to come to understand what the dolphin had meant with
it; it had been an old friend of Bridger who had given them the final clue:
light was the knowledge and dark the absence of it. Clearly spoken this had
meant that Darwin was losing all his knowledge and didn't want to die alone –
and they had granted the animal his wish and had let him go. And now Lucas was
saying exactly these words! Did that mean that...? Bridger couldn't bring
himself to end the sentence, not even mentally. He gulped hard against the lump
in his throat and addressed Ben:
"I think we
should inform Dr Westphalen. She needs to know this." As an afterthought he
added, "Oh, and tell Justine also."
"Aye, Sir."
Ben found some comfort in his known role, with the Captain keeping a cool head
and giving the orders. It was in moments like these that Ben knew that he
wasn't born for the job of a Captain – he would never be able to react so
thoughtful in personal moments like this. With a nod and a last look at the
sleeping Lucas the Lieutenant turned and left the room to wake Dr Westphalen.
When he had just reached the door he heard the Captain speak up again.
"What on
earth are we going to do?" he mumbled. Ben wasn't able to give an answer to
this but he guessed that Bridger hadn't expected it anyway.
The old man
was left alone in the room with Lucas. He stared down on the teenager's
sleeping form. His features seemed troubled in his sleep, like he was having
unpleasant dreams.
"Oh, kiddo,
kiddo..." Bridger whispered, "What are we going to do with you?"
*~*
" 'Light is
dark and one' ? What does that mean?" Justine asked quizzically after Ben told
her that Lucas had woken shortly during the last night and said this. She was
sitting in Dr Westphalen's office together with the doctor, Ben and Captain
Bridger. Each of them had a cup with steaming black coffee in front of them to
become fully awake; it was still very early, only quarter past five.
The young
woman wasn't able to make sense of these words, however, she had seen the
doctor's reaction to them: the elder woman had visibly paled the moment she
heard the words and pleaded "Oh, no!". So this actually had to mean something!
The three
other people exchanged short glances, then Bridger spoke up.
"You see,
we had something like this happen to us once..." With that he explained to
Justine what had happened when Darwin was repeating these words. During his
story the young woman also paled slowly. When the Captain was finished she
moaned softly and buried her head in her hands.
"Oh, Lord!
So does that mean that Lucas wants us to let him go, too?" Justine voiced the
question that all of them had feared to say out loud. She was met with a
deafening silence for a minute or two as the three members of the seaQuest
found themselves unable to answer this question.
Finally
Bridger cleared his throat, feeling the need to say something. "Well, honestly
I have to say that this might be, with a big probability..." He said, staring
at his hands.
"No." Dr
Westphalen said suddenly with a determined voice. "I'm not willing to accept
that so easy! That might have been the fever talking or something else! I say
we wait till Lucas is awake again and see. And then I'll examine him carefully;
I'm sure we can help him and it'll work out just like last time! You remember
how desperate we were before Justine arrived and then he got better again
almost instantly!" The doctor took a deep breath and looked around. The other
nodded. She was right. They couldn't give up just like that! There was no real
reason for that. Determined they stood up.
Lieutenant
Krieg looked at his watch and swore under his breath. "Damn! I'm already late
for my shift. One day Commander Ford is going to have my head for this!" He
looked up at Dr Westphalen. "You'll tell me when you find out anything?" He
asked. "I'll try to be back as soon as possible."
The woman
nodded simply. "I'll start examining right away and we'll see." With that they
stood up. Justine was going to accompany the doctor and stay at Lucas' side.
Ben hurried out of the room and towards the Bridge, hoping sincerely that
Commander Ford would show some understanding even if Ben couldn't tell him
exactly why he was late again – of course it was because of Lucas but Ben
couldn't tell the Commander what had happened this night. Captain Bridger had
said that was going to inform the crew himself if it was really necessary. But
right now they were all still clinging to the small hope that Lucas hadn't
meant the same thing as Darwin had done.
Captain
Bridger also excused himself; he would go to his quarters for a while. The old
man was fighting an internal struggle. While he wanted to watch Lucas for the
whole time to find out the true meaning of his words he knew that he needed to
get himself together again. Right now he was on the edge of losing control over
himself and he knew that he couldn't do that; he was the Captain and even if
the world was falling apart he needed to remain in control for the sake of those
who trusted him. But being the one to keep his cool had never been so hard
before! This was one of the rare occasions in which Bridger wished that he
could have stayed on his island and led the peaceful life of a hermit.
*
When he
reached his quarters Bridger headed directly for the small bathroom that was
linked to his room – one of the few luxuries that the post of a Captain held.
There he turned on the cold water of the washbasin and splashed his face
repeatedly, trying to ease the heat that was coursing through his body and the
throbbing headache. Bridger buried his head in his hands and took some deep
breaths. The water was still running, its sound comforting in a strange way
against the quiet of the room. After a few minutes Bridger finally lifted his
head again and stared into the mirror. His own face was staring back at him,
his eyes burning in their intense.
Then the
Captain let out his breath determined and straightened his shoulders. He turned
off the water and headed back into his room where he switched on the video
hologram of the Professor. With a hiss the mist on which the Professor was hologramed came blowing down and the virtual man's features
got clearer.
"Hello
Captain." The Professor's technical voice greeted Bridger.
"Hello." It
didn't strike Bridger as strange anymore that he was talking to a computer-face
that was merely accessing different sources of information to give its answers.
In the time that he had spent aboard the seaQuest Captain Bridger had grown to
accept and even like the conversations with the hologram that helped him find
his ease again in difficult times or to overcome smaller personal crisis.
"You seem
troubled." The Professor detected in his calm computer-way.
"Lucas woke
up from his fever early this morning." Bridger said and sighed.
"Well, this
seems like a good thing me, considering that the young Mister Wolenczak was
very sick for the last days and you were very worried. So why this rather
depressive mood?" The hologram stated in its neutral voice.
Bridger
sighed again and started pacing in his room. "Yes, you should think that we'd
be overjoyed with this development. But you don't know yet what Lucas said when
he woke up." He paused, tortured by this memory. In his mind Bridger still
could hear the pleading tone in the teenager's voice. "He said: 'Light is dark
and one.' The same thing that Darwin said when he was so sick and wanted to
leave the seaQuest to return to his pod."
"And now
you are worried that the young Mister Wolenczak is asking for the same thing?"
The Professor inquired.
"Yes."
Bridger confessed mostly to himself. "I don't know what I am supposed to do...
and I'm also afraid what will happen if he means exactly that..."
"Happens to
whom? To him or to you?" Truth to be told this was the actual question for
Bridger now. In the relatively short time that they had known each other Lucas
had grown immensely important to the Captain. The teenager had been one of the
main reasons why Bridger had stayed on the seaQuest after the 'Stark-incident'.
He had brought new joy in the old man's sad life with his brilliant mind, his
youthful mischief, his ever helpful and friendly manner and his repeating
proofs of his unconditional trust in the Captain. There were days when the old
man didn't know how he deserved all this. The thought of loosing this all again
hurt more than anything else.
"I'm not
sure..."
"Well, but
you let the dolphin go when he asked for it." Another simple statement from the
hologram that highlighted exactly what was troubling the Captain.
"Yes,
because it turned out to be the only way. But it hurt though." Bridger paused.
"It was one of the hardest decisions in my life for me."
"And maybe
it's time for another decision like that."
Bridger
stared at the swaying picture of the man for a long while, thinking, fighting
with himself. Finally he said: "Maybe you are right. What matters now is what's
best for Lucas and not what I want. But that doesn't make things easier for
me."
"Life has
never been easy – you should know that by now I would have guessed."
"Yeah,
we'll just have to see..." Bridger looked at his clock. "I think I'll go now
and look after Lucas for myself..." As an afterthought he added. "Thank you."
The
hologram gave an accepting nod just before the Captain shut it off. The Professor
was right, he mused, turning to leave his quarters. Life had never been easy
and that was what made it worth living.
*~*
Meanwhile
Dr Westphalen had been examining Lucas who had woken up shortly after she
returned to Med Bay with Justine. Lucas had once again endured the whole
procedure without saying a word. The teenager was sitting on his bed with
behavior bearing much resemblance to the one he had shown before Justine had
come to seaQuest. He was staring at his hands in complete silence and showed no
resistance when he was moved around or probed by the doctor. Neither he
responded to any of her careful questions and attempts to make him talk. Lucas'
mind seemed to be leagues away, in a land of dreams. His eyes were dull and his
hands were shaking lightly – the fever had taken very much out of his already
weakened body and these effects showed.
After
listening to his breathing Dr Westphalen put the stethoscope away, quite
satisfied with the results of her medical examination: While Lucas' sickness –
whatever it had been caused by – wasn't cured to a hundred percent yet, the boy
should be physically fine and back to normal in a few days. And with some more
rest and care he would quickly get stronger again, too.
However,
what had Dr Westphalen worried was Lucas' absent-minded behavior. It was just
like it had been before Justine had helped the teenager to come out of it.
"Lucas,"
the doctor probed once again. "Come on my boy... Please tell us what's going
on... Lucas!" She took him by the shoulders and gave the boy a light shaking,
trying to get a reaction out of him. But Lucas only turned his head away so
that he didn't have to look into Dr Westphalen's eyes. The woman sighed deeply
and patted his head before she turned away. Justine was standing in the back of
the room, watching her young friend quietly. Dr Westphalen nodded at her,
indicating the Justine should talk to Lucas now.
Taking a
deep breath the young woman stepped to the boy's side and took up his hands to
let him know that she was there. Lucas ignored her.
"Hey
Lucas!" Justine spoke to him in a quiet voice. "How are you doing?" Silence was
the only answer she got.
"You know,
you had us worried for quite a while but Dr Westphalen said that you'll be fine
soon. What do you say now?" Lucas still kept silent, staring at his hands which
Justine was stroking the whole time.
"Come on,
Lucas, talk to me. They say that you want to leave us, that you want to go – is
that really true?" When Lucas still wouldn't answer Justine gently took his
face into her hands and turned it towards her so that the teenager had to look
at her. However, Lucas let his eyes wander away, trailing through the room
without remaining at one spot for more than a second. Eventually Lucas looked
at Justine and they locked eyes. Green eyes stared into grey ones.
"Come on,
Lucas, tell me what's going on! You know that you can trust me!" Justine
whispered with an urgent tone.
*~*
Lucas was
sitting in the corner of the dark room, rocking himself back and forth. The
laughing faces had disappeared. He was finally alone. Alone in the dark. He
didn't know how long he had been here or what was going to come next. A heavy,
deafening silence lay around him like a cloak. Lucas was worried for his
family. What had happened to the dolphins? They had simply disappeared and then
the boy had run away from the faces of those people. Lucas still had the
feeling that he knew them but he just couldn't quite place them. Then he pushed
this glimpse of a thought away – what mattered now was his family! They were
hurt, or even dead – or had it all merely been a dream? Anyway, Lucas had to
get to them. But how?
Suddenly
Lucas felt something caressing his cheek. Mother?
No, there was only a young woman – she had been one of the faces. What was
she doing here in his corner of the dark room? The woman's lips were moving;
maybe she was saying something but Lucas couldn't make out the words. Instead
he looked around. What had happened to the dark room? Lucas was now sitting on
a soft bed in a light room. In the wall of steel there was a tube made of glass
and it was filled with – water! All water was flowing to a stream and all
streams were eventually leading to the ocean. So if he could follow the tube,
maybe Lucas could get to the ocean and find his family. But Lucas knew that he
wouldn't be able to do it alone. He had no idea how to get out of here but
perhaps the woman could help him – after all she had found him here in the
darkness that had surrounded him. And she seemed nice enough to him. Her green
eyes were piercing his; deep calm pools. Her lips were moving again. This time
Lucas could make out some of the words.
"...
Lucas... tell... going on... trust..."
But it was
rather the sound of her voice than what the woman said that registered to
Lucas' mind. Her pleasant voice was soft, but with a hidden strength that woke
his trust. If anyone would understand that Lucas needed to go back to the ocean
to his family it would be her. The boy only had to make her understand! So he
decided to give it a chance; it was all or nothing now.
*~*
When
Bridger entered Lucas' room in Med Bay he found Justine standing in front of
the boy, staring into his eyes. And Lucas was looking back at her in complete
silence, his body unmoving. The Captain was about to greet Lucas by announcing
that he was back but Dr Westphalen who was standing a few feet away from him
silenced Bridger with a gesture of her hand. Lucas hadn't been anywhere close
to this attentive since he woke up and now the doctor didn't want Justine to
loose the boys attention.
So Bridger
kept silent and merely watched the young pair. For minutes the room was
completely silent. Lucas seemed to be thinking very concentrated about
something. After what seemed like an eternity Lucas slowly, almost hesitantly
licked his lips, wetting them so that he could say something. Then he squeezed
Justine's hands lightly and leaned a little forward to her face. The boy's gaze
was extremely intense as if he was willing Justine to understand him as he
spoke.
His voice
was hoarse and Lucas was fighting to get out the words, stressing each of them.
"Light...
is dark... and one!"
*~*
The
threesome could only stare at Lucas for a minute. Bridger felt a heavy lump
come to his throat and he noticed out of the corner of his eyes how Dr Westphalen
held a hand in front of her mouth trying to suppress a sob.
"Oh my
God!" she whispered.
For her too
there was no longer any doubt: Lucas was asking to leave. Anybody who heard the
boy's tone and saw his desperate eyes had to see and admit it. But even though
the Captain, the doctor and Justine couldn't deny it any longer would they also
be able to accept it?
Bridger was
still fighting to win his voice back in order to say something when he noticed
that they had lost the teenager's attention. Lucas was looking at the aqua
tubes with the smallest smile finding its way to his lips. The Captain didn't
have to turn around to know that Darwin was there.
Now the
dolphin was the new center of Lucas' attention. The boy slowly stood up from
his place on the examination table, gathering all his strength, and walked past
the three adults, ignoring their looks completely. He slowly made his way
across the room towards the tube, swaying. His step was insecure and slow,
several times he was close to stumbling. But Darwin's eyes were firmly fixed on
him and kept him going. Finally Lucas reached his destination, breathing
heavily. Darwin nodded happily and clicked and whistled various tones. A smile
– a little strained though – spread across Lucas' face. The boy traced the
dolphin's outlines on the glass of the tube, trying to touch him. Darwin swam
even closer, his snout touching the tube. Lucas placed his right hand exactly
over the animal's snout, bringing them as close together as the glass would
allow it. The teenager's breaths came very fast, he seemed to be close to
hyperventilating, yet his eyes sparkled.
Bridger
stepped unnoticed behind Lucas, amazed by the sight. It had been a long time
since they had seen Lucas so content for the last time. It fitted that once
again Darwin had achieved it. The teenager breathed a delighted tone that
sounded very much like a laughter.
"Dar....
Dar.... Darwin...." he mumbled.
"Yes,
that's right!" Bridger exclaimed behind him. The boy whirled around and looked
fearfully at the Captain who had frightened him. The old man raised his hands,
showing his palms to Lucas, indicating that he wouldn't harm him. The Captain
tried to keep his voice calm as he continued. "It's alright... That's Darwin.
Darwin." He thought for a moment then asked, "Do you want to meet him, Lucas?"
The Captain threw a checking glance in Dr Westphalen's direction – she nodded.
She had
seen for herself that Lucas was physically fine and furthermore she would be
the last to stand in Lucas' way now.
"Sure. I'll
go with you." She said and gave Lucas an encouraging smile. But the boy was
already looking at the dolphin only again. Bridger gently took him by the
shoulders and steered him towards the door.
"Come on,
Lucas, I'll take you to the Moon Pool" Then he turned to Darwin and pointed his
finger at him. "And you'll also meet us there, pal!"
The dolphin
nodded and sped off. Lucas stretched his head to try and follow the animal with
his eyes. He was so concentrated on his task that he didn't resist when Bridger
led him down the corridors with Dr Westphalen and Justine in close pursuit.
Lucas wasn't the only one eager to come to the Moon Pool and see the dolphin.
*~*
Shortly
after the four entered the Moon Pool area Darwin surfaced and greeted them
happily. Dr Westphalen indicated to the few scientists working in the area to
leave them alone; they obeyed quietly, knowing that the doctor would have her
reasons for this request. Lucas immediately walked over to the side of the pool
and stroked Darwin. His breathing was very fast now, his forehead and upper lip
were beaded in sweat and the boy had a look of intense concentration on his
face as he listened to the dolphin's whistles. The doctor and Justine stayed in
the background to give Lucas some space while Captain Bridger stepped over to
the vocoder and flicked it on. As soon as Bridger was a few steps away, Lucas
took his chance and climbed to Darwin into the pool, soaking his clothes
completely.
"Hey,
Lucas, come out!" Justine protested. "The water is freezing and without a suit
you'll catch a cold."
Like
expected Lucas ignored her. He grabbed Darwin's dorsal fin and the dolphin
pulled him deeper into the pool. There Lucas clinched close to Darwin, seeming
unwilling to ever let go again. His wet blonde hair framed his pale face, his
reddened cheeks standing out in stark contrast to the whiteness. The boy's grey
eyes were sparkling with the joy of being with the dolphin.
Captain
Bridger watched the pair for a minute. Lucas appeared to be much more relaxed
now that he was with Darwin – like it had always been, the Captain mused. The
two had always been so much in tune and now the crew finally knew why.
Bridger's musing was disturbed by Dr Westphalen.
"Nathan,"
she said urgently, "Lucas has to get out. His body isn't strong enough yet.
He'll get sick again."
Bridger
nodded. As much as he hated to do this, the doctor was right. So he took up the
vocoder and called Darwin – he doubted seriously that Lucas himself would have
listened to him.
"Darwin!
Darwin, Lucas has to come out now." He said.
The dolphin
looked at Bridger but didn't move towards him. "Lucas no want out." He said
instead. "Lucas Darwin swim. Lucas no go."
Bridger
nodded; he had expected this. So he continued patiently. "Darwin, I know that
Lucas wants to stay with you. But the water is too cold and Lucas has been sick
for a long time. And if he doesn't come out he will get sick again and can't
swim with you anymore."
This seemed
to convince Darwin. He turned to Lucas, nudged into the boy's side with his
snout and gave a few fast whistles. Bridger waited for the translation of the
vocoder as he wanted to know what Darwin had said to Lucas – but none came. The
vocoder's error light blinked. It hadn't been able to define the "words" that
Darwin had used. But Lucas seemed to have understood them nevertheless.
However, he didn't look very convinced by them. Yet, he trusted the dolphin
enough not to resist as he pulled the boy back to the three waiting people.
Captain Bridger and Dr Westphalen helped him climb out of the pool. Lucas lips
were already turning blue and he was shivering violently. So Justine and the
doctor led Lucas away to get him some dry clothes. While being walked out the
boy threw longing glances back at the dolphin before the three walked around a
corner. Bridger stayed with Darwin. When the threesome were gone he turned back
to the dolphin.
"Hey pal,"
he bent down and petted the animal's bump gently. "Thank you for your help. I
don't think we would have convinced Lucas to come out of the pool without your
help."
Darwin gave
a proud blow, spraying the Captain. "Lucas Darwin friend. Darwin help." He
declared simply.
"I know
that Darwin. I know that you are Lucas' friend. But I am also his friend and as
his friend I want to help him. But for that I have to really understand Lucas'
problem and what he expects me to do. and that's why I need your help now, pal.
Do you understand Lucas?"
"Darwin
Lucas friend. Darwin understand."
"Can you
tell me?" Bridger asked and leaned closer unconsciously.
Darwin
nodded. "Lucas light is dark and one." He said the words that Bridger was
beginning to hate so much like it was the clearest thing in the world.
Bridger
sighed deeply. "Yes Darwin, Lucas said the same thing. But what does that mean?
You have to tell me pal."
The dolphin
gave an annoyed blow, seeming frustrated by the Captain's ignorance. But then
he explained nevertheless. "Lucas sad. Lucas miss pod. Lucas afraid. Lucas
leave seaQuest. Lucas go back to pod." After that Darwin gave a last blow and
dove away in search of his friend. The audience was over. Bridger was left
alone in the wide area of the pool. The only sound was the splashing of the
water.
In strong
contrast to his shocked, immobile exterior Bridger's mind was racing. 'Lucas miss pod' They had strongly suspected this from the
beginning: Lucas was longing for the family he had grown up with. Justine's
presence had enough of a substitute for a while but wasn't any longer. 'Lucas go back to pod' What Lucas really needed was his true family
- the dolphins.
'Lucas leave seaQuest' This was what hit Bridger the most.
That Lucas really wanted to leave the seaQuest. To leave him. The boy had
become like a son to Bridger in the short time they had known each other. The
old man didn't know what he would do it he was to loose Lucas like he had lost
Robert. Could he really let Lucas go? Would he be able to stand it, be able to
make the decision?
But this
wasn't about him Bridger reminded himself. It was about Lucas. And Lucas
clearly wanted to leave. Like the Professor had said: It was time to make one
of those decision which would were the hardest and of which you knew that they
would change your life ultimately.
It was only
that Bridger wasn't sure if he would be able to do it all alone this time and
if he did whether it would be the right one.
*~*~*
