Story Time: Cracking your Code
© 2002 Elise _______
Merry, Pippin, Aragorn and Boromir were taking a rare and well-deserved rest from their journey to Lothlorien. They sat around a fire built by the hobbits, were roasting various vegetables (mushrooms, tomatoes, etc) over the fire on sticks; all in all, they were in a very summer camp-like setting. Which inevitably led to telling stories, which inevitably got interesting.
"OK, so there's this beautiful Hobbit-prince, right? And he lives in this beautiful castle with servants and all the mushrooms he could eat," Pippin began. "But he wasn't happy. This Hobbit-prince, let's call him 'Chippin', had no love in his life. Sure, he had women throwing themselves at his feet because he was just so beautiful, I mean really beautiful, you should see this guy. He's gorgeous, with curly hair and blue eyes and good skin, and --" He was cut off by Merry whacking him upside the head. "Alright, I'm getting to the good part, I just needed some character development."
"You're bloody self-obsessed, you are."
Pippin ignored Merry's remark on his self-love. He had high self-esteem, that's all. "So anyway, Chippin had no love, so he was very lonely. But then he met this other Hobbit, who was beautiful too. The other Hobbit had sandy, curly hair and gray eyes, and was nearly as gorgeous as Chippin was. This other Hobbit's name was, uh Berry. Yeah, so Pippin and Berry had hot monkey sex, and ate some mushroom sammiches and were happy for the rest of their days."
Aragorn and Boromir exchanged looks of surprise, but Merry seemed oblivious.
"That story was terrible, Pippin. I mean, you named your Hobbit-prince 'Chippin' for crying out loud. It wasn't even a good cover."
Pippin was amazed that Merry, his confidante, his cohort, his right-hand man, his best friend, his oh right. That talking thing he was supposed to be doing. Right
"Well, whatever. Boromir, I believe it's your turn to tell a story."
Boromir seemed a bit apprehensive about telling a tale to the 3 pairs of eyes and ears in front of him. But he was the Prince of Gondor, damn it. He could do whatever the hell he wanted. "Very well. Once upon a time there was a chivalrous knight named Regolas yeah. And Regolas went on many, many adventures, slaying dragons and orcs and goblins, when a king from a far-off land asked him to slay the most terrible, evil thing in Middle-Earth: a horrible monster by the name of Varagorn. Regolas was unsure about this, because Varagorn was nice to him and everything, but on the other hand, he was constantly picking on other, better-looking, less evil monsters. So Regolas decided to follow the kings orders and kill Varagorn. So he went to Varagorn's lair, kicked the living shit out of him, and on his way back to the far-off king's castle, he met a surprisingly good-looking monster named Loromir. They had hot monkey sex, ate some mushroom sammiches, and were happy for the rest of their days."
The collective chin of the other three members of the Fellowship present had hit the floor.
"Boromir and Legolas, sitting in a tree, F-U-C- hehe." Pippin sniggered.
"Hey, Boromir. I've got a story for you. There's a monster named Varagorn. He kicked the crap out of his unfortunate fellow monster, Loromir for lusting after his man. The end. Did you crack my code?" Aragorn's eyes somehow turned red.
Boromir turned sheet-white, then ran away, with Aragorn chasing after.
About 30 seconds later Merry, who hadn't said anything after his remark about Pippin's bad name-changing, suddenly gasped.
"I'm Berry?!"
"Uh" But before Pippin could answer, Merry's mouth was on his.
Once upon a time, there were two Hobbits, Merry and Pippin. They had hot monkey sex, ate sammiches, and were happy for the rest of their days.
