!WHIPPED!
PART 2: CRUTCHES, LIP BALM, AND A LITTLE BIT OF VIOLENCE ON SELPHIE'S PART.
By The Last Little Kodamas
Irvine had just finished his little prank and was shutting down Squall's computer. Tee-hee. They would trace the pic back to Squall's console and Irvine would get away with it. He started to chuckle. He had also figured out how to break into the main system, so now all the computers in the whole Garden would have that duck. It was gonna be greater than the time he tied Squall to the side of the Garden-er-the time Fuijin, Raijin and Selphie tied Squall to the side of Garden. Squall entered the classroom just as Irvine stood up.
"Oh hi Squall, you made it. Rinoa call off the great Zell hunt?"
"Yeah, she found him."
"Really!? Where!?"
"Uh, I think she said in the girls washroom."
"So I guess those rumors are true."
"I guess."
"That's just freaky man."
"I almost feel sorry for the guy."
"Me too."
"So what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Well, we have to wait for Zell, speak of the devil, here he is now."
"Hi Zell."
Zell hopped into the classroom on crutches. He also had to wear one of those plastic butt things that you have to wear when you break your tailbone. Let's just say Zell was slightly less than happy, and he had an expression of pain on his face.
"What happened to you Zell!?" Exclaimed Irvine, a look of pure shock on his face. He knew Rinoa would hurt him, but this was much more than he thought she was gonna do to him.
"Rinoa found me."
"I knew that! But what did she do to you man!?"
"I'd rather not say. The memories are too painful."
"Hey guys, what about me? You said you needed to discuss something with me, not talk to Zell about what Rinoa shoved up his anal cavity! Cut in Squall.
"Oh. Right. You."
"So..?"
"Squall, we hate to have to be the ones who have to tell you this, but as your friends-"
"Your best friends," said Zell.
"As I was saying, as your friends, we feel that we have to inform you that Rinoa's got you whipped."
"What!?"
"She's got you thrashed, you're her bitch-"
"I don't understand your slang terminology."
"OK...how about, you're totally under her control?"
"I am not!"
"We thought you might say that," said Irvine as he walked over to Quistis' desk and turned on the computer.
"Do you have authorization to do that?" Asked Squall. If there was one thing that hadn't changed about him, it was the fact he would never do anything bad without orders to do so, and sometimes not even then. Not always a good thing.
"Of course! I would never use other's things without permission, you know that!"
"Then why did you take my lip balm?"
"I am insulted that you would even think it was me, Squall."
"I found it in your pocket!"
"That's because, uh, Quistis put it there!"
"Oh. Well I guess I should go lecture her on the evils of taking my lip balm then."
"You do that Squall. Oh and I think she stole the keys to the Ragnarok too."
"That's it! The bitch is going down! She can't take my beloved Ragnarok! My daddy gave it to me! Me!"
"Calm down Squall. You can deal with her later." Said Zell. "Now, as you were trying to say, Irvine?"
"Yeah. Since we knew you would deny your complete whippedness, we've decided to give you a little presentation to open your eyes."
"I'm not whipped!"
"Just hear us out buddy ol' pal."
"Fine. But I don't have to like it."
"Whatever. Lights please Zell."
Zell hobbled over to the light switch, mumbling something about bossy cowboys and not leaving a sorceress with a sharp object when she's mad, and turned off the lights. Irvine pressed a switch at the desk where he had plunked down, and it turned on a large screen behind him.
"OK. Point A," started Irvine as he quickly wrote down what he was saying on the computer, which showed up on the large screen, "you never have 'time' to hang out with us, your pals, even though we prolly wouldn't want to cause you're really embarrassing, but that's not the point."
"How am I embarrassing?" Asked Squall, slightly hurt that his friends thought that.
"Well," continued Zell, "if we did go on a guy's night out, you would constantly be talking about Rinoa, and she's got you so tight in her web that you're even beginning to act like her."
"What!? You meanies!"
"Um...Yeah." Said Irvine looking at Squall rather oddly. "You used to be all bad-ass and quiet, but you were way cooler that way."
"Well, I happen to like being perky and popular!"
"But it's so pathetic to see how you've become."
"I-I don't know how to say no to her Irvine."
"That's it!? I'll show ya! Zell, call Selphie in."
Zell turned to the door and called Selphie in, and the perky brunette bounced happily into the room.
"Hey guys! You need me for something?"
"Yeah babe. Tell me to do something."
"...Ok. Irvine, I don't want you to look at other girls any more."
"I'll do what I want woman!"
"Hmph!" Selphie smacked Irvine on the cheek far more violently than one would think she would and she flounced out of the room. She was as mad as she could get, which wasn't really that mad, but hey, this is Selphie here.
"Ouch. See Squall? You just have to show them who's boss. Women are like dogs that way..."
"Uh, Irvine? Your cheek looks kinda purplish-reddish, is that normal?"
"Look Squall, stop kidding around here, I know it doesn't really look that ba-" Irvine caught his reflection in the computer screen at that moment, and saw that a big, purple weal was rising on the side of his face.
"OH MY GOD!! LOOK WHAT SHE DID TO MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!"
"Maybe you should go to the infirmary?" Suggested Zell helpfully.
"Uhn, uhn...sounds like a good idea..." Gasped Irvine, who was hyperventilating. He ran out of the classroom to the infirmary and the good Doctor.
"Zell's turn!" Said Zell as he hopped over to the desk a little too happily and sat down, wincing slightly with the pressure on his buttocks (buttocks. Buttocks, buttocks, buttocks. What a funny word.).
"So Squall, the plan was to show you all these charts and diagrams and whatnot, but due to the unforeseen circumstances, we're going to do this my way."
"OK..."
"I've prepared a little video presentation. Sit back and enjoy the show." Zell pressed a little remote control he was holding in his hand and the screen behind him filled with the FMV of Squall at Deling City when they're trying to assassinate Edea but the bullet failed so he jumps off the carousel thingy and steals someone's car and goes tearing down the street looking totally cool.
"Squall, this," Zell says, pointing to the screen behind him, "is the old you. The hip, the cool, the quiet you. The you that everyone respected." Squall just nods, unable to comprehend the fact he had ever done anything this cool in his life.
"Now this is a peek at what you are now." The scene switches to an episode of the Simpsons in which Lisa has a crush on Nelson and she is telling Milhouse in the lunchroom.
"You'll never believe this Milhouse, but I think I have a crush on Nelson Muntz."
"What!? Why!? That guy is a total creep!"
"I dunno. I'm sure he has a very sweet and sensitive side. Kinda like you Milhouse. Let's just say I want to bring out the Milhouse in Nelson."
"But what about me!? I'm all Milhouse!"
"You're more like a big sister."
"Why does everyone keep saying that!?"
"Here, give Nelson this note."
"Uhhh...(thinks; when she sees you'll do anything for her, she's bound to respect you.) Sure! What's a big sister for?"
See note being passed up to Nelson, he opens it up.
"Guess who likes you!?"
Looks back to see Milhouse waggling his eyebrows at him. Then you see Milhouse being pushed out of the school in a stretcher. Lisa follows him.
"Oh Milhouse, I'm so sorry!"
"He can't hear you little girl, we had to pack his ears with gauze."
"What are you trying to tell me Zell? That I'll end up like the weenie kid in the stretcher?" Said Squall. Zell meanwhile, is chuckling and eating popcorn, not really paying close attention to Squall.
"What!? Oh, this is the wrong clip, but I guess it could happen to you. Heeheehee this is great stuff though."
"I suppose. But where did you get the popcorn?"
"Huh!? Oh, the author gave it to me"
"Why didn't I get any popcorn!?"
"I unno. You didn't have to suffer a Wing Edge being stuck up your bum for her amusement, now did you?"
"I guess you're right. But I still would have liked some popcorn!"
"Deal with it."
"Will you share some with me?"
"BACK OFF, GET YOUR OWN POPCORN!"
"OOOOOOOOOOOK!"
"I'll show you the real clip now." Zell pressed the remote again and the scene flips to a video of him rubbing Rinoa's stinky smelly, warty, crusty feet. You wouldn't think a girl who looked like that would have such disgusting feet, but she did, and somehow she had gotten Squall to touch them for her, when no other self-respecting person would. There was green stuff rising off them, and little hearts coming out of Squall's head.
"What are those!?" Squall asked, pointing to the hearts and the green stuff.
"Necessary details." Said Zell hastily as he turned the screen off. "So, what do you think?"
"That Rinoa has nasty feet and why the hell did I touch them?"
"Because whenever you're around her, you will do anything she says. You're whipped boyo!"
"That's what being whipped is?"
"Yup. You're one of the worst cases I've ever seen."
"But, w-what am I gonna do now? I can't just break up with her..."
(dun, dun, DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
...TO BE CONTINUED...
Author's note: Hmm, now that Squall realizes what a pickle he's in, what's he gonna do!? I haven't decided yet! Tune in again for part 3! I hope you liked this, cause it made me laugh! Please review it!!!!!!!
