Giles had left for the weekend. He was going to pick up a new spell book in........ Los Angeles. "The City of Angel" she called it. Not Angels, Angel. Her Angel. The one that didn't love her. She felt the tears welling up, as always. It wasn't fair, she had tried so hard, so very hard.

But the pain was too much to bear, she ran up to her room. Opening her jewelry box she took out the cross and put it on. Then she searched around for her Claddagh ring. She put it on with the heart pointed towards her. She would always belong to Angel, the mark on her neck proved it, and the love that ran deep in her blood proved it too.

Suddenly memory hit her so hard she was gasping for breath. She had slitted her fellow slayers stomach for him. She had given her life to him so he could live, yet he still left her, still tormented her heart. Why? She could not take it anymore. Taking her weary back-pack she shoved a pencil, paper and a stake in it. She ran back down the stairs, out the door into the dark, stormy night.

"Buffy?" Dawn questioned. Shrugging she turned back to the magazine she was reading. Well actually she turned back to the spell book she had hidden in the magazine she was reading. She still was so angry at Willow she couldn't stand it. She was going to make her pay, just as soon as she found a spell to make her more beautiful than her sister......

Buffy with a swift kick, knocked the door down that led into Angel's former apartment. She looked around the vast empty space and her eyes automatically located the spot where his bed used to be. Her eyes filled with tears remembering that special night they shared. That night that cause him one moment of true happiness, that lead him to lose his soul. All that remained was and old bed frame.

Buffy started crying openly, bitter tears washed down her cheeks as she remembered the good times and the bad. He said he would love her forever, she recalled, but he had lied. He left her, and took back the day of the oracles. He didn't love her he never had.

The cruel words of Angelus echoed in her mind " You know what the worst part was? Pretending that I actually loved you, if I'd have known you would've given it up so easily, I wouldn't have bothered."

Then the part where she had to kill him. She always wondered if he never forgave her for that. He didn't know that she had almost died herself when he was gone. When Glory had come.....she told Giles

" I can't do it again, I loved Angel so much and I had to kill him because I'm the slayer, it's my job. Well I'm telling you, I can't kill some one I love again, I won't do it, I won't kill Dawn, and I'll kill anybody who tries to hurt her."

The night she had jumped, she couldn't bear to live without Angel, and her mom, and now Dawn. She just wouldn't be able to do it. She wasn't afraid of jumping, she knew all the pain would end, no more crying at night for Angel or her mom......the pain would be gone.
She had been happy, had been at peace, the she was dragged back into this horrid world, it had been too much. She needed to share with someone, someone other than Spike....Angel, she needed to talk with him. But he didn't come. Willow had called and he knew she was alive, yet he didn't come, because he didn't love her.
She had gone to Spike. Knowing that he was Angel's son, his childe. That Angel's blood ran through him. She had been relieved, yet disgusted and horrified about what she had done. Spike was a good person, she no longer thinked of him as a vampire. But she didn't deserve him. And she didn't want him, she wanted......

" ANGEL," she screamed in agony, taking from her back pack she pulled out the stake, pencil, and paper.

" Giles, you made me the best I could be thank you, Spike you've helped me more than you'll ever know. You are a great person. Willow, thank you for everything. You were the best friend. Tara, take care of Dawn for me, you were a better sis to her and a better mom than I could ever be. Xander you were the best," she scribbled. Then at the bottom she wrote " Angel, if I couldn't live with you, I couldn't live at all...........Love always, Buffy.

Laying the paper on the floor beside her she grabbed the stake. Using all of her slayer strength, she shove it deep into her already broken heart.

When Buffy hit the floor, in Los Angeles Angel woke up screaming " BUFFY"





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