"It was going to kill us, my precious! Kill us and leave us for dead, it
was!"
Gollum continued the rain of snapple bottles, much to the dismay of Frodo and Sam.
"Gollum, wait, wait! We weren't trying to kill you! We were trying to save you! We were taking you to get some medical attention; you're in desparate need, you know," Frodo attempted to cover up what he and Sam had done.
"No, it squashes us with its rock with wheels, it does. We hates it, and we hates its rock!"
"It's not a rock, you ninny!" Sam was now much more annoyed than frightened. "It's a Corolla!" Gollum said nothing but looked puzzled.
"What's it, a Corolla?"
"I don't know what a Corolla is, but can't you read?" Sam pointed to the back of the car, which sported silver letters: C O R O L L A.
"sssss- elf words, they are! evil! smells of elfsex!" Sam and Frodo seemed unknown to the word elfsex, but they continued to bargain with Gollum. After some arguing, Gollum agreed that they were not murderers, but "nice hobbitses." They walked back toward the car.
"Sssshotgun!" hissed Gollum. Sam kicked the dirt with his toes and reluctantly got in the backseat. As soon as Frodo started the engine, Gollum began pushing buttons and opening compartments. Before long, they were driving through the dead marshes with their hazard lights blinking and the speakers blaring "I Will Survive" at maxium volume.
"Turn all this nonsense off!" Shouted Frodo, searching for the button that turned off the windshield wipers. "We might as well announce our coming to Mordor with a midget marching band and a flamethrower!" Gollum hissed in disapproval at the mention of Mordor, but unpushed the buttons. They traveled on for some time in silence. Sam had fallen asleep in the back, and was snoring softly.
"What has it got, my precious, has it got fooood? Has it got fish, nice fish, does the hobbitses have for precious?"
"We haven't got any fish, Gollum, " said Frodo, but Sam found a moldy sandwich, and I have some lembas in my pack." Gollum immediately dove for the pack, but his attention drifted from food after plundering through it a bit.
"Ooo! What has it got, my precious?"
"Hey!" Shouted Frodo, waking Sam. "The lembas are in the front pocket! No need to look there!" Gollum pulled the wafers from the pocket and sniffed them.
"ssss!" He hissed in displeasure. "Elf cakes, stinks of elfsex they does!" He quickly rolled down the window and tossed the lembas. Sam started at the loss of his dinner.
"What are you doing?! That's all the food we have, you miserable thing!" Sam watched helplessly as the lembas landed in a puddle of who-knows-what. He slumped down in his seat and soon fell back into sleep, this time snoring much more loudly.
Eventually, Gollum too drifted into sleep, and it began to weigh heavily on Frodo's eyes. He stuggled to keep his head up and watch ahead, but the wearyness overcame him, his hands drifted from the wheel, and he too, fell asleep.
Authors Note: Please excuse the numerous type errors. There will be a chapter three, no they are not dead; that would be just pointless. I don't really know what will happen next...I suppose we'll find out later.
Gollum continued the rain of snapple bottles, much to the dismay of Frodo and Sam.
"Gollum, wait, wait! We weren't trying to kill you! We were trying to save you! We were taking you to get some medical attention; you're in desparate need, you know," Frodo attempted to cover up what he and Sam had done.
"No, it squashes us with its rock with wheels, it does. We hates it, and we hates its rock!"
"It's not a rock, you ninny!" Sam was now much more annoyed than frightened. "It's a Corolla!" Gollum said nothing but looked puzzled.
"What's it, a Corolla?"
"I don't know what a Corolla is, but can't you read?" Sam pointed to the back of the car, which sported silver letters: C O R O L L A.
"sssss- elf words, they are! evil! smells of elfsex!" Sam and Frodo seemed unknown to the word elfsex, but they continued to bargain with Gollum. After some arguing, Gollum agreed that they were not murderers, but "nice hobbitses." They walked back toward the car.
"Sssshotgun!" hissed Gollum. Sam kicked the dirt with his toes and reluctantly got in the backseat. As soon as Frodo started the engine, Gollum began pushing buttons and opening compartments. Before long, they were driving through the dead marshes with their hazard lights blinking and the speakers blaring "I Will Survive" at maxium volume.
"Turn all this nonsense off!" Shouted Frodo, searching for the button that turned off the windshield wipers. "We might as well announce our coming to Mordor with a midget marching band and a flamethrower!" Gollum hissed in disapproval at the mention of Mordor, but unpushed the buttons. They traveled on for some time in silence. Sam had fallen asleep in the back, and was snoring softly.
"What has it got, my precious, has it got fooood? Has it got fish, nice fish, does the hobbitses have for precious?"
"We haven't got any fish, Gollum, " said Frodo, but Sam found a moldy sandwich, and I have some lembas in my pack." Gollum immediately dove for the pack, but his attention drifted from food after plundering through it a bit.
"Ooo! What has it got, my precious?"
"Hey!" Shouted Frodo, waking Sam. "The lembas are in the front pocket! No need to look there!" Gollum pulled the wafers from the pocket and sniffed them.
"ssss!" He hissed in displeasure. "Elf cakes, stinks of elfsex they does!" He quickly rolled down the window and tossed the lembas. Sam started at the loss of his dinner.
"What are you doing?! That's all the food we have, you miserable thing!" Sam watched helplessly as the lembas landed in a puddle of who-knows-what. He slumped down in his seat and soon fell back into sleep, this time snoring much more loudly.
Eventually, Gollum too drifted into sleep, and it began to weigh heavily on Frodo's eyes. He stuggled to keep his head up and watch ahead, but the wearyness overcame him, his hands drifted from the wheel, and he too, fell asleep.
Authors Note: Please excuse the numerous type errors. There will be a chapter three, no they are not dead; that would be just pointless. I don't really know what will happen next...I suppose we'll find out later.
