Secondary Characters: The Pain
{Jon Carp}
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu
You're not going crazy...you're going sane in a crazy world!--The Tick
She's gone already, Chief.--Some guy at Taco Bell (The Late Show With
David Letterman)
The purple void was bloody. Three people stood surveying the
carnage.
The Plutos turned and noticed the man behind them. They
jumped in suprise.
He was old, with a long grey beard. He shed a tear over the
bodies of the Urani, and then turned to face the Guardians of Time.
"What have you done?" he rasped. "What the hell were you
thinking?"
They started to answer, but he cut them off. "You think you
can just manipulate my senshi like this? I felt bad for you two at
first, but no more. I'm not going to let you keep on fucking around
when there's work Sailor Uranus could be doing."
Blonde Pluto eventually tried to say something. "What's going
to happen?"
The old man laughed. "I don't care what happens to you. Kill
yourselves and let Pluto sort it out. But as for me, I've already
chosen who the new Sailor Uranus is going to be."
They were horrified, but knew it would do no good to show it.
They nodded. The old man smiled in satisfaction and disappeared.
Another man appeared, this one with a dark beard and permenant
scowl. He looked at the Plutos with frowny amusement. "You mortals
are hilarious," he said.
Green-haired Pluto stared at him blankly. "What are you going
to do with us now?"
"Now see, I don't know. There is only one of me. I don't
think the other gods would like it if I had two of you senshi
thingies."
"Charon's not a moon," blonde Pluto pointed out dully. "It's
a sister planet."
The god Pluto scowled. "I know, but Sailor Charon? That's so
hokey. It's nearly as bad as Sailor Earth. No, I'm leaning toward
the idea of having you two just slug it out, and the one left standing
gets to represent me."
Yet another man, this one in a black robe, appeared. "Hey,
now don't do that, now," he said. "That's always the kind of idea
you're coming up with all the time, and to tell you the truth, I'm
getting kinda sick of it."
The god Pluto laughed. "Really, Charon, stay out of this.
You're not even a god. What'll you give them, magic rowing power?
SUPER OAR ATTACK! Heh heh heh."
"Well, at least it wouldn't be something like yours. I guess
there's nothin more terrifying than a big, y'knoa, ball o' pink shit
shooting out at you. I'd at least put some imagination in my stuff."
The god Pluto sighed. "Well, fine. If you want this, and if
it'll get the others off my back, have your senshi. Just don't come
crying to me when this thing falls apart." He disappeared.
"Jerk," Charon muttered. He looked up at the Plutos. "Okay
guys, I need to know which one of you wants to be my senshi."
They didn't care. Eventually blonde Pluto raised her hand.
"Good!" Charon exclaimed. "Hey alright. Why don't you come
with, and Pluto, I guess, can get back to earth by herself, right?"
Green-haired Pluto nodded. She disappeared.
The other two found themselves in a dark brightly-lit cavern,
standing on a houseboat. "Welcome to my humble abode," Charon said.
"First of all, thank you fer choosing to be my senshi. It was the
right decision. Pluto, as you know, could care less how happy your
green-haired friend there is. Hey, try to cheer her up as much as
possible, okay? Take her out drinking or something. I feel bad for
her. Now, anyways, we need specifics here, don't we? Hmmm...like a
name! You need a name."
"Sailor Charon."
"No, I mean like a real name. Like Barbara or something. Ah
screw it, we'll figure that out later. You need a power. A good
power."
Sailor Charon sighed. "I do?"
"Yeah, an it's gotta be cool, too. Something
like...y'know...HADES DEATH BLAST!! Or...I dunno...CHARON STYX
PLUNGE!!"
"Plunge?"
"Oh I dunno, something to that effect. See, the key is, it's
gotta be intimidating yet simultaniously pretentious. Hey, at least I
didn't use a part of the female anatomy, right? Ha ha! Now
lessee...you need a transformation thingie too, doncha? Hmmmmmm.
Okay, you'll reach up into the air, okay? And then you spin around,
and big shadows cloak you and you spread your arms out and dance all
over the place and stars shoot out all around, alright? And weird
music playing real loud. So anyone who sees this just goes, 'Gosh,
that's real neat!' How's this sound to you?"
Sailor Charon shrugged. "Fine, I guess."
"And there'll be light! Green and blue light swirling all
around in the background, y'know?"
"Right."
"And stars! Did I mention stars?"
She nodded. "Uh huh."
"And you'll be naked!"
She sighed again. "Don't you have work to do? Boats to row?"
He shook his head. "Naw, nobody who dies goes to Hades
anymore,'cause nobody believes in us, see."
She looked at him critically. "This is ridiculous," she
muttered.
Charon frowned. "No it's not," he said. "We're just trying
to be creative here." He scratched his chin. "Hey, you want your own
talking cat? I can fix it so you have your own talking cat."
"No, I don't want a talking cat."
"Okay." He thought for a second. "You're gonna need a
uniform too, aren't you? How 'bout we make your skirt...grey?"
"Make it longer than the others," she replied. "Since it'll
just be lengthened anyway otherwise."
He nodded. "You bet. I never liked those little skirts,
there. Nobody did. They were Jupiter's idea, y'know. Okay, grey and
long it is. Now lessee, we need a history for you, don't we? Well,
you're Sailor Pluto's sister, right?"
Sailor Charon found that idea distasteful. "Do I have to be?
I'd like as little connection with her as possible."
He thought about it, but eventually shook his head. "Naw, you
guys gotta be together somehow, just considering the proximity o' the
planets, see. It's either sisters or lovers, an I think we've all had
enough of that kinda thing, don't you? Y'know? So, you're
sisters...and...let's just make this simple, okay? You died, were
reincarnated, and just fight with the rest o' the outers. None o'
that Time shit."
She shrugged. "Whatever you want."
"Listen, these are YOUR memories, here. This is what you're
gonna believe actually happened to you."
She shrugged again. "I don't care anymore. Can I go now?"
"Of course not! There's a whole mess o' shit we gotta figure
out here. And this is all harder than you think. We gotta be careful
that nothing about you is anything like any of senshi that are already
there, or everyone will laugh at me all call me uncreative. So work
with me here! We need all the miscellaneous stuff now. Like... your
favorite gemstone. And... your least favorite subject in school.
Favorite food. What you have trouble with. Hobbies. What you dream
of doing. Your astrological sign. Your least favorite food. Plus a
short description of you. Y'know, just a basic personality."
She groaned slightly. "Can't I just keep my own?"
That stopped him. "Well...sure," he said eventually. "That's
a good suggestion, actually." He looked up at her, his eyes glinting.
"Hey," he said with mock secrecy. "Do you think that I could... you
know...come to earth and be your boyfriend?"
"No."
He nodded sadly. "You're right. That'd just be dumb,
wouldn't it?"
"Oh, I don't think this process could get any dumber."
He stared at her. "I don't think you understand how important
this is for me. All those gods, they think they can just shit all on
Charon all the time. Well, no more. See, because o' you, I'm gonna
be invited to the big parties now! But you gotta be perfect, or I'm
gonna be a laughingstock!"
"But can't you figure all this out without me here? I'm
telling you now, I'm fine with whatever you come up with, just as long
as it's not something stupid like you coming, okay? I just want to go
back to some kind of life."
Charon shrugged. "Sure. Now if you got any problems, just
call anytime, alright? See ya."
Michiru woke up to the sound of soft crying. She got up and
went over to Haruka, sitting alone in the corner, and touched her on
the shoulder softly.
Haruka sniffled and tried to wipe the tears away. "I...I'm
sorry," she murmured. "I didn't want to wake you...I just..." she
trailed off and couldn't think of anything to say.
"Ssshhh," Michiru whispered soothingly. "It's okay. You know
I understand."
She stroaked Haruka's head softly, and the unceasing noise on
the inside of it nearly ceased.
Haruka reached out and touched Michiru's face. "What would I
do if I didn't have you?" she murmured.
The door opened slightly, and Setsuna stuck her head in. "Is
everything alright?" she asked quietly.
"Yes," Michiru answered. "Haruka's just having kind of a
rough night."
Hotaru peered in underneath Setsuna. She looked at Michiru
and mouthed the word "pills".
Michiru nodded silently and continued comforting her lover as
only she could. Hotaru ran to the kitchen and returned with a
prescription bottle in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
"Here, come on now," Michiru said, taking the bottle, removing
the top, and pulling out a single white pill. "Take this. You'll
feel better."
Haruka nodded, and with a shaking hand she popped it into her
mouth and washed it down with the water. Then she hugged herself to
Michiru tightly, wiping her tears on her shoulder. "I love you," she
murmured, grey eyes glistening.
Michiru smiled. "I love you, too."
Satisfied, Hotaru went back to bed. Setsuna stood alone.
She went up to nobody. "I love you," she whispered. Nobody said, "I
love you, too."
Barbara probably would have done something similar, but she
was too busy drinking alone.
