Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: The Sea
{Jon Carp}
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu
Barbara stood outside Michiru's door, tapping her foot
anxiously. She wondered if she'd made the right choice. Carnations
were cheap and Michiru knew it, but the colors blended and swirled in
a way all other flowers seemed to be jealous of. Barbara never really
cared, but an artist like Michiru would just love it. "You're so
creative; most people would have brought me roses! Now let us go have
much sex and become the perfect lesbian couple!"
Hopefully.
What am I so nervous about? She SEES everything. That's the
way her mind works. How could she live with me and not notice how
much I loved her? And what about that night, for chrissake? We were
both drunk, but she had a reason.
She shut her eyes and just thought about Michiru for a little
bit. The picture formed in her mind automatically. She could see her
doing little things that Barbara'd watched her do during the day.
Playing her violin, combing her hair, just WALKING from place to
place, the memories excited the heart and made it want to beat faster.
But then it disturbed her. The way she carried herself, the
way she spoke, her manner, it was so dignified. So elegant.
Carnations? An insult. She deserved better.
Barbara turned away from the door for the third time that
day. Yet another bouquet had failed the "perfect" test.
Michiru opened the door and peeked out. Barbara was slowly
walking away, another pathetic bunch of flowers hanging from her hand.
She sighed and closed the door. She sat in her favorite
chair. "Hotaru," she whispered. "Hotaru, can you hear me?"
There was a slight yellow glimmer, and Hotaru was sitting on
the bed. "What is it?" she asked, slightly annoyed. "I was beating
four drunk gods at poker."
"It's Barbara again," Michiru answered. "Sorry, but you're
the only one I know to turn to."
Hotaru shook her head. "She been bugging you?"
Michiru laughed suprisingly bitterly. "She's trying, but
she's too nervous."
"Remind me again, what's so wrong with her?"
"I don't LIKE her!" Michiru burst out. "She's arrogant and
judgemental and bitter. Why doesn't she get the point? I don't want
to spend any time with her!"
Hotaru frowned. "Interesting," she said. "So, you don't
think that you could ever love her? I mean true, honest, pure love.
One-dies-the-other-feels-really-really-bad kind of love. You don't
think that's possible with her?"
Michiru stared at her dead daughter in disgust. "No," she
said after a minute. "I don't."
Hotaru shrugged. "Okay," she said. "So why did you...
y'know?"
"I have no idea!" Michiru groaned. "I was drunk, and...
scared of being alone, I guess. God, I was so stupid."
Hotaru grinned. "She is very beautiful, isn't she? And
handsome, too. You like butch women, right?"
Michiru glared at Hotaru. "Yes," she said. "It's too bad I
hate *HER*."
Setsuna was interrupted checking herself out in the mirror by
Barbara walking in and collapsing face-down on the sofa.
Setsuna sighed. "Just pick some flowers and give them to
her," she snapped. "It's not hard."
"Oh, shut up, Setsuna," Barbara muttered. "I don't have the
strength to argue with you."
"Well, fine. I just don't understand why she's so damn
irresistable, anyway."
Barbara looked at Setsuna as if she had just set her hair on
fire and begun dancing about the room naked. "To Uranus, she's
irresistable," she said, like a teacher explaining an elementary
mathematical fact to a toddler.
Setsuna rolled her eyes. "We're not Uranus anymore," she
replied. "We were never Uranus. Please, for your own good, give up
your pathetic dream of being Sailor Uranus."
"I was a good Sailor Uranus," Barbara muttered. "And I think
I was the original. I think I remember... she used to ride in my car
with me. She loved it so much..."
"You're an idiot," Setsuna interrupted, cheerily. She made a
faux-supermodel pose and grinned at her sister. "Just tell me how I
look. Hot, huh?"
"I really don't want to look at you that way."
"Oh, come on."
Barbara glanced up and then plopped her face back down into
the cushion. "Yes, you look fine," she said. "I suppose you're going
out tonight."
"Yep," Setsuna said proudly, touching up her lipstick. "Find
some poor schmuck, string him along, get him in the sack, and then
dump him, hopefully breaking his heart in the process. Just another
Saturday night."
"You truly are a disgusting person, Setsuna."
Her sister grinned. "I'm not disgusting," she said. "I'm
manipulative and cruel, but not disgusting."
Barbara sat up and stared at Setsuna harshly. "Why do you do
this?" she asked. "Who hurt you to make you want to this to all these
people?"
"Just appreciating my freedom," Setsuna replied, walking
towards the door and giving a smarmy wink that would have seemed
completely unlike her two weeks before.
The phone rang. She stopped and answered it. "Hello?" She
paused a second, then handed the phone to Barbara. "It's for you."
Barbara did not thank her. She took the reciever, and spoke
into it. "This is Barbara," she said. "Yeah?... What is it?...
oh my god... how? I don't... yes, I'll be right over..."
She stood up and dropped the reciever on the floor, a bizarre
expression on her face that Setsuna wasn't sure she recognized.
"One of my friends from the track is dead," she said simply.
Then she walked quickly towards the door, but stopped halfway. "Oh
god, he's dead," she said, as if hearing it for the first time. She
started to run.
She came back about three hours later. She walked in slowly,
and sat down quietly on the couch.
Setsuna and Michiru were uncharacteristically kind to her,
asking if she wanted anything to eat, hot chocolate, a warm bath, a
cold shower, some rest, and a million other things that Barbara
denied.
After about ten minutes of sitting silently she spoke. "I had
lunch with him last week," she muttered. "And I was mean to him. We
were joking around, just like always, but that's how he thought of me
when he died. He..." She broke off, terrified she might start to
cry. Masculine women aren't supposed to cry.
She looked up at the others, but only noticed one of them.
"I learned something," she whispered. "Always let people know how you
feel. Even if you think they do, MAKE SURE. Because one day they
could just be gone, and you'll never get a chance."
Setsuna's body felt empty. It was the unexplainable feeling.
She'd never felt it before, but it was strong now. She saw Barbara
stand up, take Michiru's hands in hers, and her mind burned with fury.
She couldn't understand.
"Michiru..." Barbara whispered. "There's something I have to
tell you."
Setsuna touched Michiru on the shoulder. "Michiru," she said,
"I need to tell you something first."
The door slammed. Haruka stood there, staring at all of them.
"No," she said wildly, "I have something I need to say to Michiru."
For what really could have been hours, not one of them moved.
"This isn't fair," Michiru muttered. "This isn't fair!"
"I don't know why you hate it so much," Hotaru said, unpeeling
a banana. "Just pick one. It's not hard."
"You don't understand," Michiru groaned. "It's not that
easy."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know what to do. I don't love Haruka,
but I'm connected to her. Uranusandneptune. She's part of me. And
Setsuna... I had no idea she cared about me like that, and I still
don't know how I feel about her, and..."
Hotaru looked up at Michiru, her eyes uncharacteristically
unhappy. "What about Barbara?" she asked.
Michiru blinked. "I'm not considering her a possibility," she
said. "I'm truly sorry I have to hurt her, but that's the way it is."
"But... but you have to admit, she is awfully attractive.
And masculine! You do like that, don't you?"
"What is it with you and her?" Michiru asked. "Why do you
keep talking about her? She's cruel. Remember the Starlights? She
just told us all to hate them because she did. Remember when she
wanted us all to kill you and your father? I don't want to be
controlled by her. I don't want her to make me as heartless as she
is."
Hotaru sighed. "Okay," she said. "Imagine there's somebody
who loves... macaroni and cheese. In fact, they love it so much,
they can never be happy unless they're eating it. All the rest of the
time, they're cranky and mean to everybody. But they've never had
macaroni and cheese. So that side of them can never show. Everyone
just thinks that the angry part is their entire personality. But if
they could only eat piles of macaroni and cheese every day, then
everyone around them would be better off. You see what I'm saying?"
Michiru blinked. "You've really been getting weird since you
died."
"YOU try being murdered and see if YOU'RE psychologically
healthy afterwards. Anyway, you get it?"
"No. But I think you were talking about Barbara, and I wish
you'd stop."
Hotaru finished her banana. The peelings faded into thin
air. "Okay," she muttered. "Fine. But what about Setsuna? She's
much worse than Barbara ever was. You know what she does, don't you?
She goes out and hurts people every night. She likes it."
"Yes, but whenever I'm around her, she's so nervous and sweet.
She won't do that to me."
"I wouldn't be so sure," Hotaru muttered. "Well, then there's
Haruka. Have you noticed that she's... y'know... insane?"
Michiru glared at her. "We all have our faults, Hotaru," she
said seriously. "We have to accept them and move on. I, for example,
do get obsessive about my appearance. I'm fine with that. Don't take
this personally, but you can be annoying, with your ridiculous
cuteness. Setsuna at first was boring and now she's sadistic,
Barbara's always drinking and yelling at people she thinks are
inferior for some reason, and Haruka's a paranoid schizophrenic.
And we're ALL LESBIANS." She sat down, depressed. "My god, we're a
pack of freaks."
"Hey, I got a boyfriend up there," Hotaru grunted, pointing
at the ceiling sharply.
Michiru raised an eyebrow. "Really? Who?"
Hotaru shook her head. "I'm not telling you. You called me
annoying."
Michiru rested her forehead in her hands. "I feel like I'm
going crazy," she groaned. "I need some sleep."
"Okay," Hotaru said, cheerful again. "See ya."
The mirror flickered to life.
Haruka paced back and forth, shaking her head and pulling at
the bottom of her shirt unconciously.
"What if," she was muttering. "What if... what if... what
if..."
Oh god, I'll die.
"She keeps me in. She saved me. Oh god, I'll die. I'll die.
I'll die..."
She stopped, tugging harder. "I need her," she murmured.
"There's no love. I NEED her."
Her shirt ripped.
She stared down at it dumbly. Water began to drip down on it,
as she continued to pace.
The mirror flickered to life.
Setsuna stood on the balcony, staring off into the sunset.
She barely moved, except to bring the cigarette up to her lips and
back down.
The world turned, the sun went down, Setsuna lit another
cigarette. For hours she sat there, just watching the world from her
faraway vantage point, free and secure.
It was a short-lived illusion. Somebody called her name, and
she remembered that she was a person with a body and a voice, and
others knew she existed. Her only hope for happiness was to make the
most of it.
One person, ONE PERSON ever cared about her at all. But was
it all a lie? Was she just fucking around with her? She...
Setsuna picked up her ashtray and smashed it on the balcony
railing. She put a hand to her forehead, and made a concious effort
to breathe more slowly. She found it exceedingly difficult.
"I can't go back," she said softly, painfully aware she was
talking to herself again. She'd been doing it for years. Somebody
had to keep her company.
"I don't want to talk to you anymore," she said. "And I'm not
going to. Whatever happens... whatever she does... I can't be alone.
I can't."
She looked around her.
Her cheeks were wet.
The mirror flickered to life.
Barbara sat in the corner, her knees pulled tight to her body.
She was in a dirty T-shirt and shorts. She hadn't changed for
several days.
Once in a while she'd look at the ceiling, sigh slightly, and
whisper a single word (a single name) silently.
Then she'd shrink into herself, as if afraid to even hope, and
bury her face in her knees. Salty water rolled down her legs.
Michiru stood in a shadowy place. Her eyes couldn't see
anything but the wind and the nothing all around her. Her arms were
stretched out over her head, and she could feel something in her
hands, something pushing, and moving.
It was a strain to look up. He neck didn't want to move, but
eventually it gave and she tilted her head back and saw what she was
holding.
It was Haruka. She was yelling something, but it was all lost
in the powerful gale that Michiru suddenly realized was about to push
her over. She looked frantically in the direction of its source, and
saw Setsuna, her hair whipping around her body, making her nothing but
a swirling mass of green. She was smiling.
Barbara was behind her breathing the wind, eyes closed and
hair completely still. Her stance was strong, and before her lay the
corpses of everyone she hated without reason.
Michiru went down. Haruka landed several feet away, in a
perfect crouch. She looked at her former supporter and ally with
utter hatred.
All three advanced. Michiru curled up into a ball, sobbing
and mumbling. "No! Please... I tried! Please..."
She woke up, not sweating, not screaming, not sitting bolt
upright and staring off into space for a few seconds. She opened her
eyes, rolled onto her back, and just lay there, thinking. There was
only one solution, she knew. And if she didn't, she would soon.
"Oh my god," Michiru muttered. "This is ridiculous."
Hotaru smirked. "I agree. So, which one are you gonna
choose?"
Michiru stood up and walked to the window. "I don't need
this," she said softly. "I don't need these people... loving me so
much."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hotaru asked. "Love saves us.
Love and justice. It saved me. The first and second times, anyway.
Third time, I kinda got screwed, but that was an exception..."
Michiru began to laugh. Hysterical, shreiking, gasping ha ha
ha's. She looked at Hotaru, her eyes sparkling. "Forget them all," she said happily.
"What?"
"You heard what I said." A few seconds of laughter. "I don't
want anyone to depend on me. I don't want to depend on them. I'm not
going to let any of them dominate me."
Hotaru didn't say anything.
"MY GOD!!" Michiru suddenly burst out. "It's so damn
beautiful outside!"
She walked closer to Hotaru. "It's just me," she whispered,
grinning. "It's not someone-and-me. I'm the most important one here.
Forget them all."
Hotaru refused to meet her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Michiru," she
muttered. "But it's not your choice anymore."
Michiru's stomach turned to vomit-soaked cotton. She turned
to Hotaru, trembling. "What?"
"Stability," Hotaru said softly. "That's the most important
thing. Teams. Partnerships. Love. Bonds. The gods like those
kinds of things; the kinds of things that schoolgirls dream about."
Michiru shook her head. "No," she murmured. "No. I said
no."
"They don't care about you. They care about someone-and-you.
I'm sorry. They're going to make their changes and fix everything.
This whole thing has been a disaster from day one. They're doing this
for YOU, y'know. They want you to be happy."
Hotaru's eyes flashed. "It's love and justice," she
whispered, in a sincere attempt to make everything okay. Michiru
screamed.
Michiru woke up sweating, screaming, sitting bolt upright and
staring off into space for a few seconds. Somoene was holding her.
"Ssshhhh." A soothing, warm, deep voice. "I'm here, Michiru.
It's just a bad dream."
"Oh god," Michiru sobbed. "Haruka!"
She calmed down quickly. "I'm sorry, Haruka," she muttered,
embarrassed. "It was the most terrible dream... I couldn't stand it.
I didn't mean to wake you up."
"It's okay." Haruka embraced her even tighter, rubbing the
bare shoulders softly with her strong hands. "Tell me what happened."
Michiru tightened the lock even more. "It's horrible. I
dreamt that we were arguing, and..." she hissed a small chuckle.
"It's so stupid, I shouldn't be upset about a dream."
"It's all right, Michiru. Please, tell me what happened. We
were arguing, and..."
"...And you got angry, and you went to Setsuna, and the two of
you... murdered me."
Haruka did not reply for a few moments. Michiru released the
embrace and looked away. "See, I told you it was just a silly dream."
Haruka placed her hand so softly on her lover's cheek. "It's not silly if it made you upset."
They kissed. Michiru's shallow breathing was silenced.
They parted. Michiru looked up at her love, at those intense
green eyes she adored so much.
"Do you trust me?" Haruka's face was serious.
Michiru nodded.
"Do you think you can sleep?"
No. "I think so."
"Okay." Haruka leaned over and kissed her again, then lay
down to go to sleep.
Michiru did not sleep that night, but she stayed quiet anyway. She lay awake, loved and in love, listening to Haruka's soft breath: in and out, in and out, in and out. Loved and in love.
{Jon Carp}
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu
Barbara stood outside Michiru's door, tapping her foot
anxiously. She wondered if she'd made the right choice. Carnations
were cheap and Michiru knew it, but the colors blended and swirled in
a way all other flowers seemed to be jealous of. Barbara never really
cared, but an artist like Michiru would just love it. "You're so
creative; most people would have brought me roses! Now let us go have
much sex and become the perfect lesbian couple!"
Hopefully.
What am I so nervous about? She SEES everything. That's the
way her mind works. How could she live with me and not notice how
much I loved her? And what about that night, for chrissake? We were
both drunk, but she had a reason.
She shut her eyes and just thought about Michiru for a little
bit. The picture formed in her mind automatically. She could see her
doing little things that Barbara'd watched her do during the day.
Playing her violin, combing her hair, just WALKING from place to
place, the memories excited the heart and made it want to beat faster.
But then it disturbed her. The way she carried herself, the
way she spoke, her manner, it was so dignified. So elegant.
Carnations? An insult. She deserved better.
Barbara turned away from the door for the third time that
day. Yet another bouquet had failed the "perfect" test.
Michiru opened the door and peeked out. Barbara was slowly
walking away, another pathetic bunch of flowers hanging from her hand.
She sighed and closed the door. She sat in her favorite
chair. "Hotaru," she whispered. "Hotaru, can you hear me?"
There was a slight yellow glimmer, and Hotaru was sitting on
the bed. "What is it?" she asked, slightly annoyed. "I was beating
four drunk gods at poker."
"It's Barbara again," Michiru answered. "Sorry, but you're
the only one I know to turn to."
Hotaru shook her head. "She been bugging you?"
Michiru laughed suprisingly bitterly. "She's trying, but
she's too nervous."
"Remind me again, what's so wrong with her?"
"I don't LIKE her!" Michiru burst out. "She's arrogant and
judgemental and bitter. Why doesn't she get the point? I don't want
to spend any time with her!"
Hotaru frowned. "Interesting," she said. "So, you don't
think that you could ever love her? I mean true, honest, pure love.
One-dies-the-other-feels-really-really-bad kind of love. You don't
think that's possible with her?"
Michiru stared at her dead daughter in disgust. "No," she
said after a minute. "I don't."
Hotaru shrugged. "Okay," she said. "So why did you...
y'know?"
"I have no idea!" Michiru groaned. "I was drunk, and...
scared of being alone, I guess. God, I was so stupid."
Hotaru grinned. "She is very beautiful, isn't she? And
handsome, too. You like butch women, right?"
Michiru glared at Hotaru. "Yes," she said. "It's too bad I
hate *HER*."
Setsuna was interrupted checking herself out in the mirror by
Barbara walking in and collapsing face-down on the sofa.
Setsuna sighed. "Just pick some flowers and give them to
her," she snapped. "It's not hard."
"Oh, shut up, Setsuna," Barbara muttered. "I don't have the
strength to argue with you."
"Well, fine. I just don't understand why she's so damn
irresistable, anyway."
Barbara looked at Setsuna as if she had just set her hair on
fire and begun dancing about the room naked. "To Uranus, she's
irresistable," she said, like a teacher explaining an elementary
mathematical fact to a toddler.
Setsuna rolled her eyes. "We're not Uranus anymore," she
replied. "We were never Uranus. Please, for your own good, give up
your pathetic dream of being Sailor Uranus."
"I was a good Sailor Uranus," Barbara muttered. "And I think
I was the original. I think I remember... she used to ride in my car
with me. She loved it so much..."
"You're an idiot," Setsuna interrupted, cheerily. She made a
faux-supermodel pose and grinned at her sister. "Just tell me how I
look. Hot, huh?"
"I really don't want to look at you that way."
"Oh, come on."
Barbara glanced up and then plopped her face back down into
the cushion. "Yes, you look fine," she said. "I suppose you're going
out tonight."
"Yep," Setsuna said proudly, touching up her lipstick. "Find
some poor schmuck, string him along, get him in the sack, and then
dump him, hopefully breaking his heart in the process. Just another
Saturday night."
"You truly are a disgusting person, Setsuna."
Her sister grinned. "I'm not disgusting," she said. "I'm
manipulative and cruel, but not disgusting."
Barbara sat up and stared at Setsuna harshly. "Why do you do
this?" she asked. "Who hurt you to make you want to this to all these
people?"
"Just appreciating my freedom," Setsuna replied, walking
towards the door and giving a smarmy wink that would have seemed
completely unlike her two weeks before.
The phone rang. She stopped and answered it. "Hello?" She
paused a second, then handed the phone to Barbara. "It's for you."
Barbara did not thank her. She took the reciever, and spoke
into it. "This is Barbara," she said. "Yeah?... What is it?...
oh my god... how? I don't... yes, I'll be right over..."
She stood up and dropped the reciever on the floor, a bizarre
expression on her face that Setsuna wasn't sure she recognized.
"One of my friends from the track is dead," she said simply.
Then she walked quickly towards the door, but stopped halfway. "Oh
god, he's dead," she said, as if hearing it for the first time. She
started to run.
She came back about three hours later. She walked in slowly,
and sat down quietly on the couch.
Setsuna and Michiru were uncharacteristically kind to her,
asking if she wanted anything to eat, hot chocolate, a warm bath, a
cold shower, some rest, and a million other things that Barbara
denied.
After about ten minutes of sitting silently she spoke. "I had
lunch with him last week," she muttered. "And I was mean to him. We
were joking around, just like always, but that's how he thought of me
when he died. He..." She broke off, terrified she might start to
cry. Masculine women aren't supposed to cry.
She looked up at the others, but only noticed one of them.
"I learned something," she whispered. "Always let people know how you
feel. Even if you think they do, MAKE SURE. Because one day they
could just be gone, and you'll never get a chance."
Setsuna's body felt empty. It was the unexplainable feeling.
She'd never felt it before, but it was strong now. She saw Barbara
stand up, take Michiru's hands in hers, and her mind burned with fury.
She couldn't understand.
"Michiru..." Barbara whispered. "There's something I have to
tell you."
Setsuna touched Michiru on the shoulder. "Michiru," she said,
"I need to tell you something first."
The door slammed. Haruka stood there, staring at all of them.
"No," she said wildly, "I have something I need to say to Michiru."
For what really could have been hours, not one of them moved.
"This isn't fair," Michiru muttered. "This isn't fair!"
"I don't know why you hate it so much," Hotaru said, unpeeling
a banana. "Just pick one. It's not hard."
"You don't understand," Michiru groaned. "It's not that
easy."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know what to do. I don't love Haruka,
but I'm connected to her. Uranusandneptune. She's part of me. And
Setsuna... I had no idea she cared about me like that, and I still
don't know how I feel about her, and..."
Hotaru looked up at Michiru, her eyes uncharacteristically
unhappy. "What about Barbara?" she asked.
Michiru blinked. "I'm not considering her a possibility," she
said. "I'm truly sorry I have to hurt her, but that's the way it is."
"But... but you have to admit, she is awfully attractive.
And masculine! You do like that, don't you?"
"What is it with you and her?" Michiru asked. "Why do you
keep talking about her? She's cruel. Remember the Starlights? She
just told us all to hate them because she did. Remember when she
wanted us all to kill you and your father? I don't want to be
controlled by her. I don't want her to make me as heartless as she
is."
Hotaru sighed. "Okay," she said. "Imagine there's somebody
who loves... macaroni and cheese. In fact, they love it so much,
they can never be happy unless they're eating it. All the rest of the
time, they're cranky and mean to everybody. But they've never had
macaroni and cheese. So that side of them can never show. Everyone
just thinks that the angry part is their entire personality. But if
they could only eat piles of macaroni and cheese every day, then
everyone around them would be better off. You see what I'm saying?"
Michiru blinked. "You've really been getting weird since you
died."
"YOU try being murdered and see if YOU'RE psychologically
healthy afterwards. Anyway, you get it?"
"No. But I think you were talking about Barbara, and I wish
you'd stop."
Hotaru finished her banana. The peelings faded into thin
air. "Okay," she muttered. "Fine. But what about Setsuna? She's
much worse than Barbara ever was. You know what she does, don't you?
She goes out and hurts people every night. She likes it."
"Yes, but whenever I'm around her, she's so nervous and sweet.
She won't do that to me."
"I wouldn't be so sure," Hotaru muttered. "Well, then there's
Haruka. Have you noticed that she's... y'know... insane?"
Michiru glared at her. "We all have our faults, Hotaru," she
said seriously. "We have to accept them and move on. I, for example,
do get obsessive about my appearance. I'm fine with that. Don't take
this personally, but you can be annoying, with your ridiculous
cuteness. Setsuna at first was boring and now she's sadistic,
Barbara's always drinking and yelling at people she thinks are
inferior for some reason, and Haruka's a paranoid schizophrenic.
And we're ALL LESBIANS." She sat down, depressed. "My god, we're a
pack of freaks."
"Hey, I got a boyfriend up there," Hotaru grunted, pointing
at the ceiling sharply.
Michiru raised an eyebrow. "Really? Who?"
Hotaru shook her head. "I'm not telling you. You called me
annoying."
Michiru rested her forehead in her hands. "I feel like I'm
going crazy," she groaned. "I need some sleep."
"Okay," Hotaru said, cheerful again. "See ya."
The mirror flickered to life.
Haruka paced back and forth, shaking her head and pulling at
the bottom of her shirt unconciously.
"What if," she was muttering. "What if... what if... what
if..."
Oh god, I'll die.
"She keeps me in. She saved me. Oh god, I'll die. I'll die.
I'll die..."
She stopped, tugging harder. "I need her," she murmured.
"There's no love. I NEED her."
Her shirt ripped.
She stared down at it dumbly. Water began to drip down on it,
as she continued to pace.
The mirror flickered to life.
Setsuna stood on the balcony, staring off into the sunset.
She barely moved, except to bring the cigarette up to her lips and
back down.
The world turned, the sun went down, Setsuna lit another
cigarette. For hours she sat there, just watching the world from her
faraway vantage point, free and secure.
It was a short-lived illusion. Somebody called her name, and
she remembered that she was a person with a body and a voice, and
others knew she existed. Her only hope for happiness was to make the
most of it.
One person, ONE PERSON ever cared about her at all. But was
it all a lie? Was she just fucking around with her? She...
Setsuna picked up her ashtray and smashed it on the balcony
railing. She put a hand to her forehead, and made a concious effort
to breathe more slowly. She found it exceedingly difficult.
"I can't go back," she said softly, painfully aware she was
talking to herself again. She'd been doing it for years. Somebody
had to keep her company.
"I don't want to talk to you anymore," she said. "And I'm not
going to. Whatever happens... whatever she does... I can't be alone.
I can't."
She looked around her.
Her cheeks were wet.
The mirror flickered to life.
Barbara sat in the corner, her knees pulled tight to her body.
She was in a dirty T-shirt and shorts. She hadn't changed for
several days.
Once in a while she'd look at the ceiling, sigh slightly, and
whisper a single word (a single name) silently.
Then she'd shrink into herself, as if afraid to even hope, and
bury her face in her knees. Salty water rolled down her legs.
Michiru stood in a shadowy place. Her eyes couldn't see
anything but the wind and the nothing all around her. Her arms were
stretched out over her head, and she could feel something in her
hands, something pushing, and moving.
It was a strain to look up. He neck didn't want to move, but
eventually it gave and she tilted her head back and saw what she was
holding.
It was Haruka. She was yelling something, but it was all lost
in the powerful gale that Michiru suddenly realized was about to push
her over. She looked frantically in the direction of its source, and
saw Setsuna, her hair whipping around her body, making her nothing but
a swirling mass of green. She was smiling.
Barbara was behind her breathing the wind, eyes closed and
hair completely still. Her stance was strong, and before her lay the
corpses of everyone she hated without reason.
Michiru went down. Haruka landed several feet away, in a
perfect crouch. She looked at her former supporter and ally with
utter hatred.
All three advanced. Michiru curled up into a ball, sobbing
and mumbling. "No! Please... I tried! Please..."
She woke up, not sweating, not screaming, not sitting bolt
upright and staring off into space for a few seconds. She opened her
eyes, rolled onto her back, and just lay there, thinking. There was
only one solution, she knew. And if she didn't, she would soon.
"Oh my god," Michiru muttered. "This is ridiculous."
Hotaru smirked. "I agree. So, which one are you gonna
choose?"
Michiru stood up and walked to the window. "I don't need
this," she said softly. "I don't need these people... loving me so
much."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hotaru asked. "Love saves us.
Love and justice. It saved me. The first and second times, anyway.
Third time, I kinda got screwed, but that was an exception..."
Michiru began to laugh. Hysterical, shreiking, gasping ha ha
ha's. She looked at Hotaru, her eyes sparkling. "Forget them all," she said happily.
"What?"
"You heard what I said." A few seconds of laughter. "I don't
want anyone to depend on me. I don't want to depend on them. I'm not
going to let any of them dominate me."
Hotaru didn't say anything.
"MY GOD!!" Michiru suddenly burst out. "It's so damn
beautiful outside!"
She walked closer to Hotaru. "It's just me," she whispered,
grinning. "It's not someone-and-me. I'm the most important one here.
Forget them all."
Hotaru refused to meet her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Michiru," she
muttered. "But it's not your choice anymore."
Michiru's stomach turned to vomit-soaked cotton. She turned
to Hotaru, trembling. "What?"
"Stability," Hotaru said softly. "That's the most important
thing. Teams. Partnerships. Love. Bonds. The gods like those
kinds of things; the kinds of things that schoolgirls dream about."
Michiru shook her head. "No," she murmured. "No. I said
no."
"They don't care about you. They care about someone-and-you.
I'm sorry. They're going to make their changes and fix everything.
This whole thing has been a disaster from day one. They're doing this
for YOU, y'know. They want you to be happy."
Hotaru's eyes flashed. "It's love and justice," she
whispered, in a sincere attempt to make everything okay. Michiru
screamed.
Michiru woke up sweating, screaming, sitting bolt upright and
staring off into space for a few seconds. Somoene was holding her.
"Ssshhhh." A soothing, warm, deep voice. "I'm here, Michiru.
It's just a bad dream."
"Oh god," Michiru sobbed. "Haruka!"
She calmed down quickly. "I'm sorry, Haruka," she muttered,
embarrassed. "It was the most terrible dream... I couldn't stand it.
I didn't mean to wake you up."
"It's okay." Haruka embraced her even tighter, rubbing the
bare shoulders softly with her strong hands. "Tell me what happened."
Michiru tightened the lock even more. "It's horrible. I
dreamt that we were arguing, and..." she hissed a small chuckle.
"It's so stupid, I shouldn't be upset about a dream."
"It's all right, Michiru. Please, tell me what happened. We
were arguing, and..."
"...And you got angry, and you went to Setsuna, and the two of
you... murdered me."
Haruka did not reply for a few moments. Michiru released the
embrace and looked away. "See, I told you it was just a silly dream."
Haruka placed her hand so softly on her lover's cheek. "It's not silly if it made you upset."
They kissed. Michiru's shallow breathing was silenced.
They parted. Michiru looked up at her love, at those intense
green eyes she adored so much.
"Do you trust me?" Haruka's face was serious.
Michiru nodded.
"Do you think you can sleep?"
No. "I think so."
"Okay." Haruka leaned over and kissed her again, then lay
down to go to sleep.
Michiru did not sleep that night, but she stayed quiet anyway. She lay awake, loved and in love, listening to Haruka's soft breath: in and out, in and out, in and out. Loved and in love.
