Once again I don't own the characters but I do own the plot.
Chapter Two
It had been one month since she had gone missing, one week since they decided to persume her dead, and one day since her memorial service. And Chakotay had been lost since day one. Sleep was almost nonexistant with him. The little he did get, was full of dreams of her, not just normal dreams but nightmeres. They were of her death and she was all alone and scared and there was nothing he could do. He was helpless.
It was after these dreams that he wandered aimlessly around their appartment. He would pick up various objects, remembering what they had meant to him... or more importantly to her. Or he would just sit and stare out the window, asking himself why. Why was she taken from him? Why couldn't he join her? It didn't make sense to him that he was here and she was gone.
Tonight, he just sat in the chair. Next to him was a table, and on that table was her favorite coffee mug. The same one she had from her time on Voyager, she never gave it up. She must have left it on the table in a rush. He remembered how late she was getting to her transport. Star Fleet had called her away on some 'top-secret mission.' A mission she would never return from. Damn Star Fleet, for taking his family away a second time. He had no one left, except for the rest of Voyager's crew and even then that family was incomplete. All of them at different places around the galaxy... none of them together anymore.
He picked up the mug, that he never found the time to clean up. She had this cup since her days on Voyager, it never stopped being her favorite. He just stared at, by just looking at it the emotions just overtook him and the tears came. The tears of the past month that he had been holding back came flooding through now. All because of a silly coffee cup.
"No," he thought to himself, "Not the coffee cup, but the memories it brings back."
Again he was taken back to the past, to the most important moment in his life.
Kathryn was in her ready room. She stood looking out the window, as usual a cup of coffee in her hand. She was feeling oddly empty, not at all what she expected when she returned to the Alpha Quadrant. She supposed the shock was still there, after all they only arrived home 20 minutes ago. She was sure that after the shock disappeared, the excitement would settle in. But in the back of her mind she knew that wasn't the case. The emptiness was caused by something else entirely. And Kathryn knew exactly what it was.
Admiral Janeway, the woman Kathryn would never become, had told her something that left her more unsettled then she cared to admit. Chakotay would marry Seven of Nine. She should've known that she couldn't ask him to wait forever. Over the last year she had been pushing him further and further away. And now she had pushed him into the arms of another woman. She knew he deserved happiness and while she was the captain, she couldn't give him what he needed. Still, she couldn't help but feel saddened by this, or what could've been.
"Captain, I rang the chime but you didn't answer, I hope I didn't intrude.."
She knew that voice. And she cringed a little at the informal way he addressed her. It was usualy Kathryn when they were alone. She recoverd quickly and turned around to look at him. "Of course not, Commander, what can I help you with?"
He looked at her, "Captain..." This time he realized his mistake. "Kathryn, I just wanted to see how you were, you left the bridge awfully quick." He smiled a little trying to make things lighter. "Is the Alpha Quadrant not agreeing with you?"
He stepped closer to her, and looked in her eyes. He could see that she was hurting. But why, he didn't know. He couldn't even begin to understand what was going on in her head. Their friendship and been deteriorating slowly, and it hurt him more than he cared to admit, that he didn't know her enough anymore to know what she was feeling. "Kathryn, what's wrong?"
She looked down, knowing she she couldn't lie to him. "I know... I know about you and Seven."
He was taken back a bit. Seven and him had decided not to let anyone know about the two of them just yet. "I, don't understand, how could you..." He thought about it a second. "Of course, the Admiral."
Kathryn just nodded.
He didn't understand why this made her so upset. It wasn't like she cared for him in the way he had cared for her for so many years. He had just recently given up the idea of him and her together. It wasn't fair for her to be feeling badly about his relationship with Seven. "I don't understand, Kathryn..."
"When were you going to tell me Chakotay?"
"Seven and I, we decided to keep it to ourselves for the time being."
"Even me? I thought we had a better friendship than that Chakotay."
He started to get angry now. "When was I supposed to tell you? When you were busy pushing me away? When everythying else seemed more important to you than spending a little time with me. That's not what friends do. This past year our friendship as been going slowly downhill."
She looked up sharply at him, giving him that glare that some of the junior officers were scared of. "I wasn't pushing you away, I was doing job. My first responsibility is to my crew and my ship. I'm sorry if it seemed like I couldn't find the time to spend with you. But in all honesty Chakotay, you are my best friend and I never thought any differently."
"I've always felt that way too, up until recently. I wanted to tell you Kathryn. I really wanted to, but I didn't know how?"
"Have I really become that unreachable?"
They both seemed to have calm down a bit and Chakotay took this chance to sit down. Things were running through his head, that he couldn't quit grasp. "No, it's just... I guess I didn't know how you would react, or how I would react..."
"I guess, I really didn't know how I would react either."
He looked up at her. "React to what?"
"React to you... you finding someone else, I guess."
"Someone else? What do you mean?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing after all this time, he had to be sure he wasn't jumping to conclusians.
"You choosing to spend your life," She paused for a long moment. "with someone who wasn't..." She was finding this to be increasingly difficult.
In a soft gentle voice, he said to her, "Kathryn, go on."
"Who wasn't me Chakotay, who wasn't me." She turned around, to look out into space again. She couldn't believe the revelation she just made, not only to him but to herself. After all this time she admitted to the both of them her feelings for him. She was such a fool to wait so long, to do this to him now. Now that he was happy with Seven. She wasn't being fair to him. She looked down at her hands again, but she didn't turn around to look at him. "Oh, god, I can't believe I just said something like that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Just forget I said it, I... don't know what got into me."
After his initial shock of what she had said pass through him and she started talking again he stood up. His heart was soring, she finally had told him everything he wanted to hear. He didn't even realize that was his hearts deepest wish, that she loved him back in the way he would always love her. Everything else didn't matter in that one moment. He walked over to her not even listening to her ramble on about something. He gently turned her around. He placed his index finger on her lips. "Shhh. I don't want to hear it. I've heard enough." He looked closely into her eyes. He could see the fear, embarrassement, and hurt, but he also saw the love. The love she had for him. He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.
"I love you too Kathryn."
And suddently Chakotay was no longer on Voyager. He was back in his empty appartment, alone. His memory was over and now it was just him. No more Kathryn, all he had now was the memories. Those weren't enough, nothing would be enough. Only his Kathryn would be enough.
He wiped his eyes dry, he had to be strong, Kathryn would want that. He stood up and was about to walk to the kitchen to put the coffee mug away when his door chime rang. It was much to late to be a social call. Something must be wrong. He didn't know if he could take anymore bad news. He sighed and put the cup down. Then walked over to the door to let in whoever it was.
Chokotay was surprised, "Tom? What are you doing here so late?"
Tom Paris didn't wait to be invited in he just walked into the apartment. "Chaoday, I found something out that you should know."
To Be Coninued...
Chapter Two
It had been one month since she had gone missing, one week since they decided to persume her dead, and one day since her memorial service. And Chakotay had been lost since day one. Sleep was almost nonexistant with him. The little he did get, was full of dreams of her, not just normal dreams but nightmeres. They were of her death and she was all alone and scared and there was nothing he could do. He was helpless.
It was after these dreams that he wandered aimlessly around their appartment. He would pick up various objects, remembering what they had meant to him... or more importantly to her. Or he would just sit and stare out the window, asking himself why. Why was she taken from him? Why couldn't he join her? It didn't make sense to him that he was here and she was gone.
Tonight, he just sat in the chair. Next to him was a table, and on that table was her favorite coffee mug. The same one she had from her time on Voyager, she never gave it up. She must have left it on the table in a rush. He remembered how late she was getting to her transport. Star Fleet had called her away on some 'top-secret mission.' A mission she would never return from. Damn Star Fleet, for taking his family away a second time. He had no one left, except for the rest of Voyager's crew and even then that family was incomplete. All of them at different places around the galaxy... none of them together anymore.
He picked up the mug, that he never found the time to clean up. She had this cup since her days on Voyager, it never stopped being her favorite. He just stared at, by just looking at it the emotions just overtook him and the tears came. The tears of the past month that he had been holding back came flooding through now. All because of a silly coffee cup.
"No," he thought to himself, "Not the coffee cup, but the memories it brings back."
Again he was taken back to the past, to the most important moment in his life.
Kathryn was in her ready room. She stood looking out the window, as usual a cup of coffee in her hand. She was feeling oddly empty, not at all what she expected when she returned to the Alpha Quadrant. She supposed the shock was still there, after all they only arrived home 20 minutes ago. She was sure that after the shock disappeared, the excitement would settle in. But in the back of her mind she knew that wasn't the case. The emptiness was caused by something else entirely. And Kathryn knew exactly what it was.
Admiral Janeway, the woman Kathryn would never become, had told her something that left her more unsettled then she cared to admit. Chakotay would marry Seven of Nine. She should've known that she couldn't ask him to wait forever. Over the last year she had been pushing him further and further away. And now she had pushed him into the arms of another woman. She knew he deserved happiness and while she was the captain, she couldn't give him what he needed. Still, she couldn't help but feel saddened by this, or what could've been.
"Captain, I rang the chime but you didn't answer, I hope I didn't intrude.."
She knew that voice. And she cringed a little at the informal way he addressed her. It was usualy Kathryn when they were alone. She recoverd quickly and turned around to look at him. "Of course not, Commander, what can I help you with?"
He looked at her, "Captain..." This time he realized his mistake. "Kathryn, I just wanted to see how you were, you left the bridge awfully quick." He smiled a little trying to make things lighter. "Is the Alpha Quadrant not agreeing with you?"
He stepped closer to her, and looked in her eyes. He could see that she was hurting. But why, he didn't know. He couldn't even begin to understand what was going on in her head. Their friendship and been deteriorating slowly, and it hurt him more than he cared to admit, that he didn't know her enough anymore to know what she was feeling. "Kathryn, what's wrong?"
She looked down, knowing she she couldn't lie to him. "I know... I know about you and Seven."
He was taken back a bit. Seven and him had decided not to let anyone know about the two of them just yet. "I, don't understand, how could you..." He thought about it a second. "Of course, the Admiral."
Kathryn just nodded.
He didn't understand why this made her so upset. It wasn't like she cared for him in the way he had cared for her for so many years. He had just recently given up the idea of him and her together. It wasn't fair for her to be feeling badly about his relationship with Seven. "I don't understand, Kathryn..."
"When were you going to tell me Chakotay?"
"Seven and I, we decided to keep it to ourselves for the time being."
"Even me? I thought we had a better friendship than that Chakotay."
He started to get angry now. "When was I supposed to tell you? When you were busy pushing me away? When everythying else seemed more important to you than spending a little time with me. That's not what friends do. This past year our friendship as been going slowly downhill."
She looked up sharply at him, giving him that glare that some of the junior officers were scared of. "I wasn't pushing you away, I was doing job. My first responsibility is to my crew and my ship. I'm sorry if it seemed like I couldn't find the time to spend with you. But in all honesty Chakotay, you are my best friend and I never thought any differently."
"I've always felt that way too, up until recently. I wanted to tell you Kathryn. I really wanted to, but I didn't know how?"
"Have I really become that unreachable?"
They both seemed to have calm down a bit and Chakotay took this chance to sit down. Things were running through his head, that he couldn't quit grasp. "No, it's just... I guess I didn't know how you would react, or how I would react..."
"I guess, I really didn't know how I would react either."
He looked up at her. "React to what?"
"React to you... you finding someone else, I guess."
"Someone else? What do you mean?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing after all this time, he had to be sure he wasn't jumping to conclusians.
"You choosing to spend your life," She paused for a long moment. "with someone who wasn't..." She was finding this to be increasingly difficult.
In a soft gentle voice, he said to her, "Kathryn, go on."
"Who wasn't me Chakotay, who wasn't me." She turned around, to look out into space again. She couldn't believe the revelation she just made, not only to him but to herself. After all this time she admitted to the both of them her feelings for him. She was such a fool to wait so long, to do this to him now. Now that he was happy with Seven. She wasn't being fair to him. She looked down at her hands again, but she didn't turn around to look at him. "Oh, god, I can't believe I just said something like that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Just forget I said it, I... don't know what got into me."
After his initial shock of what she had said pass through him and she started talking again he stood up. His heart was soring, she finally had told him everything he wanted to hear. He didn't even realize that was his hearts deepest wish, that she loved him back in the way he would always love her. Everything else didn't matter in that one moment. He walked over to her not even listening to her ramble on about something. He gently turned her around. He placed his index finger on her lips. "Shhh. I don't want to hear it. I've heard enough." He looked closely into her eyes. He could see the fear, embarrassement, and hurt, but he also saw the love. The love she had for him. He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.
"I love you too Kathryn."
And suddently Chakotay was no longer on Voyager. He was back in his empty appartment, alone. His memory was over and now it was just him. No more Kathryn, all he had now was the memories. Those weren't enough, nothing would be enough. Only his Kathryn would be enough.
He wiped his eyes dry, he had to be strong, Kathryn would want that. He stood up and was about to walk to the kitchen to put the coffee mug away when his door chime rang. It was much to late to be a social call. Something must be wrong. He didn't know if he could take anymore bad news. He sighed and put the cup down. Then walked over to the door to let in whoever it was.
Chokotay was surprised, "Tom? What are you doing here so late?"
Tom Paris didn't wait to be invited in he just walked into the apartment. "Chaoday, I found something out that you should know."
To Be Coninued...
