Part 14B

Part 14B Rated R this Part

Back at Hooters…

Spike was sitting at a table by himself again, eating his wings and thinking of Buffy.

"I can't bloody wait till the wedding," he thought. "Next time I see her, I'm just gonna grab her and kiss her."

Spike continued to ponder about what he should do, while Barbie was talking to Xander.

"Hey there cutie."

"Barbie, hey, do you think you could get us another round?" Xander asked.

"Sure thing, but first, I need to ask you something," Barbie said.

"Okay, shoot."

"Where'd that cute British friend of yours go?"

"Who Spike?" Xander asked as he pointed to the table where Spike was sitting by himself.

"No, not that British guy," Barbie said. "The other British guy, you know, the sexy one with the glasses."

"Giles?!"

"Yea, that's him I guess," Barbie said.

"You think Giles is sexy!?" Xander asked.

"Why yes, he is..do you know where he is?"

"He's right over there," Xander said with a low voice as he pointed to Giles, who was surrounded by at least four Hooters waitresses.

"Thanks hun, another round coming right up," Barbie said in her all too cheerful voice.

"Hey Harris! I think the "entertainment" has finally arrived," Steve cheered.

"Oh goody, I bet the minute the stripper lays eyes on that sexy British guy, she'll ignore us all too," Xander said in a sarcastic tone.

The guys all started to clap and hoot and holler as the girl came in.

"Man, I think hers are even bigger than Barbie's!" yelled one of Xander's drunk buddies.

"Where is Giles?" Xander thought.

In the corner of the room, a disheveled looking Giles had managed to escape the wrath of the Hooters waitresses.

"Well, that was, uh, interesting," Giles thought to himself.

He decided to go straighten up in the bathroom, but was unaware of the person who followed him in there.

"What in gods name got into you?" Giles asked himself out loud. "Look at you, you have lipstick all over your face."

He then walked into a stall to take care of 'business', and when he came out, got the shock of his life.

Barbie was sitting on the counter of the sink, completely naked, smiling seductively at him.

"Hey there sexy, see anything you like?" Barbie asked in a seductive tone.

"I…mm….aa….yoou…you're nude!" Giles yelled as he flushed red, aware of the bulge that was beginning to form in his pants.

"Yes I am…did I mention how much your accent turns me on?" Barbie asked.

"I….well…no, but, um…" Giles stammered.

"Do you not find me attractive?" Barbie asked hurt.

"God no, you're beautiful, it's just.."

"Giles?" Barbie asked innocently.

"Ye..yes.."

"Fuck me."

"Yes, ma'am!"

And with that, Barbie tore his clothes off and they went at it on the bathroom sink, in the Hooters restroom.

Back in the main room…

"Yeah baby! Whooo, show me what you got!" yelled another of Xander's drunk friends.

"I can't stay here anymore," thought Xander. "I have to go to the bathroom."

And with that, Xander proceeded to the bathroom, where he got the shock of his life.

"Ohhh, Giles…that's it baby, that's it, right there…ohhhhhh!" Barbie screamed.

"Bloody hell, Barbie, ahhhh….ahhhh..ohhh!" Giles screamed out in pleasure.

"Oh my god! My eyes! My eyes!" Xander screamed as he covered his eyes and ran out of the bathroom.

"Did you just hear something?" Barbie asked Giles.

"It sounded like Xander, but it couldn't be, we locked the door right?"

"I thought you locked the door?" Barbie asked innocently.

"No…oh dear…."

"Shhh, who cares baby..wanna try it standin up in a stall this time?" Barbie asked.

"Oh hell yes!" Giles screamed. He picked up Barbie and they moved to a stall, closed the door, and continued their fun.

Back in the party room

"Spike! Spike!" Xander yelled as he ran out of the bathroom and towards Spike's private little table.

"What is it Harris? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Oh yes, because sitting here having a conversation with the wings is my definition of party!" Xander yelled.

"Bloody hell, will you just bugger off? What do you want?"

"Well, I just walked into the bathroom, and you'll never guess what I saw," Xander started.

"Well…?"

"Giles and Barbie were.." Xander tried to say but was cut off by a loud roar.

"What now?" Spike asked himself as he got up to see what was going on.

As he walked to the party floor, he saw that the stripper had turned into a giant snake-like creature.

"Only in Sunnyhell could you have the stripper turn into a giant snake," Spike said.

"Hey, I didn't hire him!" Xander yelled.

"C'mon, we don't have time to fight with each other, let's just kill the thing," Spike said.

"All right, let's go, you got any weapons?" Xander asked.

"We'll find our own," Spike said.

Xander grabbed the tray of chicken wings and started throwing them at the demon.

"This reminds me of the time I had to throw the dinner rolls at the Indian guy at Thanksgiving after he had turned into a bear," thought Xander.

Xander continued throwing food at the demon, while Spike put his plan into action.

"C'mon you big stupid stripper demon!" Xander taunted.

"Xander, that's not helping, just shut your bloody mouth and try to distract it!" Spike yelled.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom…

"Did you hear a roar?" Barbie asked.

"Yea, it must've been me, keep sucking," he said as he pushed her head back down.

Back in the room….

Spike took the trays of food off the burners and turned the gas up to high. He was going to try to burn the demon using the burners they cooked the food with..it was all he could use.

"Bait, I need bait.." Spike thought.

He quickly grabbed one of the Hooters waitresses and threw her in front of the table where the burners were.

"Just stay there, and move when I tell you to," Spike quickly explained to her.

"Okay," she said.

"Hey you big ugly snake! You ruined my party!" Xander yelled as he continued tossing food at it.

"Xander, shut up! Hey over here! Look at the nice Hooters waitress!" Spike yelled.

The demon turned its attention to the waitress, and she stood there in shock as it started coming towards her.

"Move you stupid bint!" Spike screamed. "Figures," thought Spike. "Can't even follow directions, no wonder why she works at Hooters!"

She finally moved and at that second Spike turned the flame up to high, and the snake was burning.

"You did it!" yelled one of the waitresses.

The demon turned to charcoal in a matter of minutes, and they were left with nothing but charred demon and some bad food.

"And they say Hooters is only good for wings and boobs," Xander joked.

"Did anyone else just see that?" Steve asked.

"No, listen, Steve, you're drunk, and a nice Hooters waitress is waiting right over there for you…this was all in your imagination," lied Xander.

"Oh..I see…right on! Mad cool party Xander!"

The guests started leaving, and Xander and Spike were left alone in the party room.

"Well, this will certainly be a night I'll never forget," Xander said to Spike.

"Yeah, you got that right," Spike said.

"Hey, you want a ride home?" Xander asked.

"Nah, I'm good Harris, but thanks anyway…I think I'll do a quick patrol before I call it a night," Spike said.

"Alright, well I'm gonna just stay here and help clean up a little."

"Okay, well I'll talk to you tomorrow I guess. Oh and Harris?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you have to tell me about the watcher and Barbie?"

In the bathroom….

Giles and Barbie lay sleeping on the floor, covered in a Hooters tablecloth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Welcome to Taco Bell, how can I help you tonight?" asked the voice from the drive-thru.

"Well, I only had to wait on this freaking line for a half an hour, so I think it would be nice of you to help me," Buffy said very aggravated.

"Welcome to Taco Bell, we can't control our lines, how can I help you tonight?" the server asked again.

"Yes, I'd like forty, 99 cent chalupas, extra sauce, and a diet coke please," Buffy yelled as she said her order into the machine.

"Okay, so that's four 99 cent chalupas and forty diet cokes. Your total comes to.."

"No! I said FORTY 99 cent CHALUPAS and only ONE DIET COKE, and I asked for some extra hot sauce too," Buffy yelled into the speaker.

"Oh, I am so sorry," apologized the person. "So that was fourteen chalupas and one diet coke with extra hot sauce in it."

"Ahhh!!" Buffy yelled. "Are you stupid or something?"

"Welcome to Taco Bell, how can I help you tonight?" asked the ever pleasant but oh so annoying voice.

"Did you not just hear a word I said?!"

"Your total comes to $21.50, please pull around to window one."

"That's it, I oughta.." yelled Buffy as she punched the stupid drive-thru speaker.

"Welcome to Taco Bell, how can I help you tonight?"

"Shut up!" Buffy yelled as she pulled her car up, and was behind at least seven other cars until she got to window one. "Well, looks like I'm stuck here," she said. "Hey, is that smoke coming from Hooters?"

She rolled down her window and stared at the smoke that was coming out of the roof. All of a sudden, she saw a familiar blonde and leather clad figure walking out the back door.

"What is Spike doing at Hooters?" she asked herself.

Spike walked out the back door, and started heading for the shortcut through the woods that would lead him to the graveyard, when he suddenly got the urge for Mexican. Not a Mexican person, but Mexican food.

"Bloody hell…why do I suddenly feel like a chalupa?" thought Spike.

He started walking towards the Taco Bell that was right next door to Hooters, when he noticed Buffy's car in the drive-thru.

"Why is the Slayer at Taco Bell's? Shouldn't she be at Anya's party?" Spike thought.

He continued walking towards her car, when Buffy realized he was coming towards her.

"Oh my god!" Buffy thought. "He's coming over here! Why is he coming over here? Why was he at Hooters?" All the questions flew through her mind at 90 miles an hour.

Spike knocked on her window, and Buffy rolled it down.

"Spike, what are you doing here?" Buffy asked, trying to sound as normal as possible, and hide the excitement in her voice.

"I was just out for a walk, and felt the urge for Mexican, so I came here," Spike said as casually as he could, silently praying to whatever god there was that she hadn't seen him walk out of Hooters.

"Mexican food I hope, not a Mexican person, unless I'd have to stake you," she tried to joke, but the thought of Spike turning into dust made her hurt inside.

"Hahaha, very funny slayer..so what brings you here? I thought you were hosting Anya's party tonight?" Spike asked.

"Well, Anya decided to invite some 'other' guests without telling me first, and well, to make a long story short, I can't cook Spanish food so Dawn sent me here to pick up forty chalupas," Buffy said.

"I see, lil bit always was a quick thinker, but this line is pretty long, and I don't fancy standing out here all night, so I'm gonna get going," Spike said as he mentally cursed himself for being such an idiot.

"Spike, would you like to come in and sit with me?" Buffy asked.

"You sure? Wouldn't want to intrude or anything," Spike said.

"Yes, I'm more than sure Spike, come in and sit with me."

'God, I love her so much," thought Spike, as he opened the door and hopped into the passenger seat of the Jeep.

There was a minute of comfortable silence between them, until Buffy broke it.

"Spike?"

'Yes Buffy?"

"What were you doing at Hooters?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Where is she?" Willow asked. "She should've been home twenty minutes ago."

"Don't worry baby, the line must have been really long, that's all," Tara reassured her girlfriend.

"I'm trying not to worry, but I have a bunch of hungry senoritas out there who are waiting for their food, and the stripper hasn't even showed up yet."

All of a sudden, the phone started to ring, and Willow picked it up.

"Summers residence, this is Willow. Oh, hey Xander, how's your party going?"

Willow was silent for a few minutes as she listened to Xander explain what happened at the party. Then he got to the part about Giles.

"Ewww, Giles with a hooters waitress?" Willow asked disgusted. "Are you sure Xander?"

She listened for another minute, and then finally said her good byes.

"Okay Xander, well I'm just glad you're okay, and that Spike saved the day. Okay, yea, I'll give Anya your love. Not like that you sicko!"

"Okay, bye."

"Well, what happened?" Tara asked.

"Long story…"

At the pay phone outside of Hooters, Xander hung up, when he saw Buffy's car, with her in the driver's seat, and a blonde in the passenger seat.

"Dammit, I need another quarter," Xander cursed as he fished around in his pocket for change.

A minute later, the phone rang again in the Summers residence, and Willow picked it up.

"What!? Spike and Buffy are in her car on the drive-thru line?" Willow asked.

"Okay, just keep an eye on them, be detective Xander, and make sure he doesn't tell her about the wedding! Okay, you too, bye." Willow hung up.

"We have a problem.." Willow said to Tara.

"Finally, I never thought we'd make it to the front of the line," Buffy said relieved that she finally could get home back to the party, but sad because she would have to leave Spike. "Tell him how you feel you idiot!" she screamed to herself in her head.

The other part of her, the more rational part of her, screamed, "Don't tell him you love him over chalupas! This is hardly the time or place!"

She decided that the rational half of her was right, and decided to play it cool.

"Well Buffy, this was fun, but I really should go…I'll see ya around I guess."

"Spike, don't be ridiculous, I'll drive you home, it's raining out anyway..plus you can have a chalupa, free of charge," Buffy offered happily.

"Now that's an offer I can't refuse!"

Buffy paid for her order, but not without giving the manager hell first, and drove off.

All of a sudden, she hit something, and stopped the car.

"What was that?" Buffy asked Spike.

"I'm not bloody sure, prolly just a speed bump or something, nothin to worry bout slayer," Spike reassured her.

"You're right, let's go."

They pulled away as Xander was left in the road, half run over, from spying on them. He had blended himself in with the road so that they wouldn't see him, and they didn't all right, because they ran right over him.

"Ow," Xander said as he laid still on the pavement. The rain was pouring down, and he had nowhere to go.

"Some party this was," Xander thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy pulled up to the entrance to the graveyard, getting ready to drop Spike off. They both got out of the car, unsure why though because it was raining.

"I would ask you to come to the party, but unfortunately, we have no room as it is," Buffy explained.

"Well, me and you could just go upstairs, and we could have our own party," Spike said seductively as he leaned into Buffy.

A few months ago, a comment like that would have gotten him beaten to a pulp, but now, it only turned her on.

"Spike…."

"Buffy"

"I.."

"You what?"

She leaned in to his touch and he cupped her face with his hand, ready to kiss her, before she pulled away.

"I…have to go, the chalupas are getting cold, and so am I," Buffy said as she started to shiver standing out in the rain.

"Oh, okay Slayer…I'll see ya I guess."

"Spike, I had a great time tonight, but I really have to go. Thank you."

And she opened her door, started the car, and pulled away.

"Was she going to say she loved me?" Spike thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy pulled into her driveway, feeling colder than se actually was.

"I almost told Spike I love him, I can't believe it. But I didn't…he probably thinks I hate him. But god, he felt so good."

Buffy decided to leave her thoughts of Spike for later, she was gone for a while, so she had to run to the back door and into the kitchen.

"Buffy!" Dawn yelled.

"Hey Dawn, sorry it took me so long, I ran into a long line."

"Buffy, hey, you're back, finally!" Willow said.

"Did you get the stuff?" Dawn asked.

"Yes I did, forty chalupas, you can count them yourself," Buffy said proudly.

"Um, Buffy, there's only thirty-eight," Dawn said.

Tara and Willow shared a look, knowing where the two other chalupas had gone.

"So, did the stripper come yet?" Buffy asked.

Ten minutes later….

"Buffy, these chalupas are delicious!" Anya exclaimed. "You'll have to give Maria the recipe so she can add this to the catering list."

"Oh, it was nothing, just a little something I whipped up."

The women continued to eat, and then moved on to the gift opening.

"Open mine first!" Maria said as she shoved her gift in Anya's face.

"Okay!" Anya said excited.

"Oh, Maria, it's beautiful.."

"What is it?" Willow asked.

"It's a sexy Spanish g-string with a matching lace sombrero!"

"Oh my god…" Buffy said as she couldn't believe Anya could like a gift like that.

"Now me and Xander can really role play while we have sex," Anya said.

She continued to open her gifts until there was a knock at the door.

Anya excitedly ran over to the front door and opened it up.

"Cake delivery for a Mrs. Jenkins.." the man read off his long list of names.

"Yes, that is me, Miss Jenkins, and that is my cake with the sexy Spanish stripper in it!" Anya exclaimed loudly.

"Sign here," the man said.

"Okay thank you, good bye!"

Anya with the help of a few Spanish women, rolled the cake into the living room and turned up the volume of the music. "I'm too sexy.." was blasting in the Summers living room.

The turned off the regular lights and Tara switched on the strobe light, which created a cool effect.

"Oh, this should be fun!" Willow yelled as she anxiously waited for the hot Spanish stripper named Rodriguo to jump out of the cake.

"Now Dawn, if there is anything, and I mean anything that you feel you can't handle, then just go upstairs," Buffy said to her sister.

"Buffy, don't worry, I'll be fine, I'm so psyched to see this guy!" Dawn yelled over the music.

I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt too sexy yowwww

The whole room started to countdown….

"5,4,3,2,1…Jump out!" they all yelled at once.

And the stripper did jump out, and at first, everything was disorienting because of the strobe light, but then, it became clear that this wasn't Rodriguo.

"Oh my god is that..?" Willow started to ask but was cut off by Buffy shouting.

"Jonathan!?" Buffy screamed as she stared at Jonathan, the nerdy kid from high school in all of his glory.

"Ah, um..this isn't the Wilson's Home for Old Ladies is it?" Jonathan asked very embarrassed.

"Oh my god no!" Buffy screamed as she tried to cover her eyes.

"Dawn go upstairs now, this is not something you should have to see!" Buffy yelled and Dawn was not going to argue, she ran right up stairs, never looking back.

"Okay, so wait, first off, you're a stripper!? And secondly, you were headed for and old ladies retirement home?" Buffy asked.

"Yes…I..I was, they hired me to strip at Sylvia Jenkin's 90th birthday bash, so I decided to do it, and last thing I remember was being put into this cake and jumping out, expecting to find myself at a retirement home, and instead I end up here," Jonathan explained.

"Well, let me just say, eww for one, because no offense, but Jonathan, you as a stripper…those two things don't work well together, and secondly…" Buffy said but was interrupted by Willow.

"Actually, Maria and her friends seem to like him," she said as she pointed to where Jonathan was standing covered in whipped cream, being licked and kissed at by the Spanish women.

"This is just too gross and too weird.." Buffy said, then thoughts of Spike jumping out of the cake covered in whipped cream came to her mind, and a smile went on her face.

"Buffy, you can't be serious…why are you smiling? You can't find Jonathan attractive can you?" Tara asked.

"God no, I was just thinking of someone…" she said as her thoughts drifted back to Spike.

"Well, something must have gotten mixed up, because Anya's last name is Jenkins, that's why," Willow explained.

"But, if Jonathan is here, then that means.." Anya said, as they all stopped and knew the answer to where Rodriguo, the beloved stripper was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"5,4,3,2,1….jump!!!" screamed twenty old ladies at the Wilson Retirement home.

Rodriguo jumped from the cake, expecting to find himself in a house filled with young women, instead, found himself in a retirement home with a bunch of old, wrinkly women.

"Qué la cogida?" Rodriguo asked himself in Spanish, which translates to "What the fuck?"

"Hey there cutie, wasn't expecting you, but you'll do!" said one of the old women.

"I left my dentures in my room, can I nibble on your ear?" asked another.

"Help!!!"

And she bangs, she bangs
Oh baby
When she moves, she moves
I go crazy
'Cause she looks like a flower but she stings
like a bee
Like every girl in history
She bangs, she bangs

I'm wasted by the way she moves
No one ever looked so fine
She reminds me that a woman only got one thing on her mind

End Part 14B :)