Chapter 7
Two days later, Spock stood alone with Sarek, who was flanked heavily with guards, and the formidable presence on the briefing room's viewscreen. He purposely kept his own security force in the hallway, avoiding the idea that Stron and the others stood against Vulcan in this tribunal.
Finally, he could put aside all other matters such as the Andorian warlord and other underground allies with demands.
Put aside Kirk's hurry now to remove the battle scars off of the ship so they could leave to get more.
Put aside Sagar's only slightly positive account on Saavik's current status. She was stable, the seven operations she had so far endured removing the most life threatening injuries, but Sarek's orders for medical treatment covered only that Saavik live until the tribunal was concluded. She was still unconscious and the damage to such things as her nervous system -- as in her hands -- had not even been tested, let alone treated.
Spock raised his hand in ritual greeting to the screen. "Live long and prosper, T'Pau."
She had and would continue to. In Vulcan's protracted history, very few accomplished the wealth and power this woman had. She was all of Vulcan in one person and what she said spoke for the entire planet. It was no exaggeration that even the Empress feared her.
She returned his greeting and he folded his arms behind his back, exhibiting the same stoic demeanor she did.
"I assure you the proceedings will be brief," he began.
"You are so confident, Spock?"
"I know my argument to be logical. Therefore, as one dedicated to Surak's disciplines, you will need very little time to acknowledge this for yourself."
She peered through his words for hidden meaning or disrespect. "We shall see. Sarek, if you will recite the charges."
From his place next to an elderly Vulcan named Selahn, the legal advisor for the tribunal, Sarek rose to his feet clad in deep red robes, his sashes of chain mail bejeweled with his House symbols catching the light. "We meet to discuss the crimes against Saavik, a krenath daughter of Romulus--"
"And Vulcan," Spock added.
Sarek neither acknowledged nor denied this and Spock saw it being recorded by the computer for the official record.
"These crimes," Sarek continued, "are two counts of k'lasa and kae'at k'lasa against Spock, son of Sarek, son of Skonn as set in our laws."
At once Spock said, "I claim these crimes are untrue."
T'Pau's mouth pinched causing a network of lines. "Spock, I was present when you spoke with Sarek, admitting to these events."
He rose an eyebrow. That she had directly heard that conversation instead of Sarek informing on him spoke a great deal. "I did not admit to these events. I was not raped or seduced, not physically or mentally."
Sarek and T'Pau breathed deeply at his words, almost in unison. "Spock, tread carefully," she said. "Thee does not want to incriminate thyself."
Spock vividly recalled the memory he had seen in Saavik's mind: her father taking responsibility for raping her mother and not the other way around. He looked at Sarek. Would you hold the phaser to my head, Father? And how quickly would you turn on Saavik again for these 'crimes' as her father's family turned on her mother?
He addressed T'Pau, ignoring her warning not to say his next statement. He was the only heir and it gave him some leeway. If Sybok had lived or if Sarek was more inclined to produce another successor, they'd be more disposed to punish him immediately. As it was, his death was the extinction of their House. Even T'Pau would think twice before risking that.
"I go on record as the only witness to Saavik's actions. I asked her to stay with me for... the first count we discuss, and I volunteered for the second count. I also go on record that I did speak to my father in regards to what happened on Thieurrull. If I may finish," he forestalled their interference. "I do not incriminate myself because neither of these events was a crime or happened with a Romulan."
If this was a human court, his audience would break into disruptive murmurs, perhaps even shouts, but with only Vulcans present, silence was the only reaction and it lasted barely a second.
"We addressed this before," Sarek said wearily. "Saavik may have Imperial citizenship, but not Vulcan."
Spock simply nodded. "Agreed. However, by the time I have finished here, I will prove, amongst other points, that Saavik is not a Romulan national."
Again his ears almost prepared for an outbreak only to have a deafening cessation of sound hit him instead. No monarch ever sat straighter in a throne than T'Pau in her divan chair. Transmitting her image across lightyears did not lose the coolness in her voice. "We have thy agreement that thou was forewarned. Proceed with thy argument."
"I call my first witness, Archernar of House Major Mei'lyr." He touched a control on the table in front of him, signaling Stron and Soluk to bring in the prisoner.
Archernar entered with a dignity and esteem that not only rivaled the Vulcans present, but the one on the viewscreen. He walked a step ahead as if escorted by an honor guard and stopped in the center of the room, turning neatly on his heel towards Sarek. He bowed deeply, keeping his eyes locked on the Vulcan's and then repeated the gesture to T'Pau. He ended this courtly introduction by sitting regally in the witness chair as if at the right hand of the Romulan Emperor.
The whole time, his humor laughed from beneath the surface of his manners. Not mocking the Vulcans, but the situation that caused them to come to him as a key witness.
Sarek's guards hovered closer, scowling fiercely, giving the impression that Archernar only had to smile to bring their justice down on himself. He took this in, eyes sparkling, but remained the epitome of honorable nobility.
Spock thought his father and T'Pau would blissfully strangle him for forcing them to endure the Romulan's presence and certainly objected to his being introduced as anything but a prisoner. Then Spock had the more the disconcerting thought that his mother would have found the Romulan and his roguish humor enchanting.
"Mr. Archernar," he began, "you brought information to me of a bioweapon developed in your Empire, a weapon manufactured to use against Vulcans."
The Romulan spoke crisply. "Yes."
"Only Vulcans?"
"Correct. It has no affect on -- say, a human or Tellarite."
Spock asked, "Will you describe the condition the weapon creates in its victims?" and braced himself. He was reasonably sure that if the words pon farr were said, T'Pau would order the tribunal ended.
Archernar must have seen something of this for a corner of his mouth raised ever so slightly. His words, however, were clinical and precise. "It creates a hormonal state, specifically a chemical imbalance that strips the victim of his or her mental disciplines. Symptoms include extreme aggression, violent outbursts, intensely emotional and instinctive urges, and an increased sexual drive."
Spock felt Sarek stiffen behind him and saw the skin along T'Pau's cheekbones draw tight.
If the Romulan saw these extremely subtle signs, he ignored them and continued speaking matter of factly as a physician would. "We did not create the condition itself. It already existed in Vulcans and strikes at regular intervals. However, because the resulting lack of mental control is beneficial for interrogations, my Empire discovered a trigger for it, making it appear outside of the normal cycle."
Spock didn't give himself time for a breath. He was as appalled by this rape as any Vulcan, but he had an argument to make here and even a breath would give T'Pau a chance to speak before him. "You and your fellow prisoners created a batch of this bioweapon while on Thieurrull?"
Archernar nodded. He was about to throw Sumic to the wolves, but Spock never promised the commandant that T'Pau would not discover what happened at the prison camp. "We learned of a coming rescue attempt. We made this liquid weapon agent so we may take our own prisoners. Four of the Vulcans splashed with it were saved by Enterprise."
For formality sake, Spock asked, "You witnessed the resulting condition in these four people?"
"I saw two of them and they spoke of a third male. Later, I discovered from a reliable source," Archernar was hard pressed not to smirk, "that the fourth person was Lieutenant Saavik."
Spock's fingers danced across his computer sending files to his father's station and to Vulcan for T'Pau. "The following evidence was garnered from Security footage in the brig and the medical exams taken three days ago."
That Security footage would reveal two more counts of Vulcans straying where they shouldn't during pon farr, but the two Romulan victims were safely leaving the ship shortly and Spock also never promised to protect Sumic's people.
"If I may summarize this particular point," he said to Archernar, "your bioweapon was used on four Vulcans aboard this ship and all four experienced the same resulting condition?"
"It's not my weapon. It's my Empire's," the Romulan corrected, "but other than that, your summary's accurate."
"To go on, this condition, because of its very nature, has resulted in children being born to the prisoners. What is the Romulan Empire's view of these hybrids?"
Even Archernar showed discomfort now. It amazed Spock the ability of those present, himself included, to murder people without second thought but to squirm when talking about the Fires and the resulting progeny.
The Romulan stroked his jaw line with a thumb. He hadn't understood why Spock thought this question necessary when they first went over his testimony. He still didn't, but Spock refused to explain his full plan to anyone. "Well, first of all, my Empire doesn't call them by such nice names as hybrids. The official viewpoint is they don't exist. Literally. Their names don't exist in their House records, they're not allowed the use of the Family name, and no one in the Family speaks of them. Unofficially, they're conceived and born to give living evidence of the prisoner's dishonor, and they're eventually thrown out on the street."
He leaned forward in his chair and his eyes dared to snap at T'Pau. "That's on our side of the border. On this side, the prisoner is a Romulan, forced to give birth to the hybrid because of the Vulcan sanctity for life."
"That will be enough," Spock warned, knowing the Romulan's temper would only hurt Saavik's case.
But Archernar ignored him. "But the Vulcans don't take the kids in and they become part of the prison system. Even if the Romulan parent lives-"
"I said," Spock snapped, "that is enough."
He held an agonizer at the ready. Sarek's guards drew aim, fingers on the trigger, and Archernar exhale noisily before sitting back in his chair.
"The answer to the question," he said, his voice controlled, "is the hybrids don't exist and they're not allowed to claim they do."
Spock spoke to the room. "I have nothing further for this witness".
T'Pau entered something at her station and in a moment, Sarek read it. He stood. "The bioweapon, has it been tested on Romulans? Does the resulting condition-"
Spock was the only one to catch the tension in those words.
"-appear in your own people?"
Archernar's humor came back, his smile friendly, the farce in it well hidden if it was there at all. "You're asking me if we experience intense emotions, aggression, and a strong sex drive? Yes, every day."
Spock waited tensely while Sarek warned the witness to answer questions without embellishing his responses.
"Now, again," his father said, "do Romulans undergo the same resulting condition?"
Archernar dropped his head to rest on one hand while he gazed curiously at his questioner. "I got to admit, I find your question interesting. Do you mean, sir," he said that courteously, "that Vulcan has changed its stance on Romulans and Vulcans being of the same genetic stock?"
If Vulcans fidgeted, Sarek would now. "No, we have not. However, there are biological similarities, just as there are with Rigelians."
"So our weapon might work on Rigelians? No, can't be. They'd have to have the condition to begin with and they don't. Anyway, to answer your question, no, I don't know of any Romulans suffering from this... uh, chemical imbalance."
When his father moved on, Spock carefully hid his reaction. Sarek may have taken Archernar's response as a No, and why shouldn't he? The Romulan's right hand was on the verifier and it didn't sound the alarm that the witness had just lied. But Spock knew the Romulan didn't really answer the question, just escaped on a technicality. Archernar replied truthfully that he didn't know any Romulans in pon farr. That didn't mean it couldn't happen, and it was a question Spock had warned Archernar about answering. He felt his overall argument was still strong, but if Romulans did undergo the Fires, it was better left unsaid.
"You are being released to your Empire, are you not?" Sarek was saying. The witness nodded. "As a payment for your testimony. Come now, you notified more than one person you were willing to trade information for your freedom."
"Quite true," Archernar agreed cheerfully. "And then I bankrupted myself but giving that information away to your son when I thought he knew it already."
"So you generously agreed to appear here with no price attached?"
Archernar spread his hands in a shrug. "Not quite. Captain Spock lets me live if I tell what I know. I call that a good price."
"And yet we have a prisoner exchange."
The question was meant for him so Spock answered it. He spoke unemotionally but knew his meaning weighed profoundly. "You heard what is happening to our people captured on Thieurrull. The exchange seeks to bring them home. The damage will be done, but not compounded by their deaths."
No one said anything in reply, but Sarek's next question took a beat to come. "One last point for the witness. Have you met Lieutenant Saavik?"
The answering smile blossomed with nothing holding back the pleasure in it. "Oh yes. Only briefly, I'm sad to say."
"Do you see any Romulan traits in her?"
Archernar gave a great sigh of delight. "Thankfully, yes. If you know what to look for, it's there."
Sarek whirled on Spock. "Do you agree Saavik is half-Romulan?"
If he intended the question to be alarming, it fell flat. Spock had announced his intentions to prove Saavik wasn't a Romulan and Sarek sought to check that. But his son planned a better line of reasoning than this question could dispute, so Spock replied easily, "I do."
His father eyeballed him with a long, measuring gaze before shaking his head once. Quite plainly, he was giving up on saving Spock from whatever tricks he planned. "No more questions for this witness."
Archernar rose with easy grace and once more bowed to Sarek then T'Pau. "It has been my honor."
Incredibly, T'Pau's head dipped slightly in return. "If your return brings one of my own home, then your crimes with this weapon will be balanced minutely with some honor."
Real respect flickered in Archernar's expression and he bowed one last time. As he left between Stron and Soluk once more, he ruined it by winking at Spock.
"For my next witness, I call Selahn."
Sarek's objected. "Selahn is here as an observer and only that because he traveled with me to the Empress' court. He will not be badgered over such trifle as this."
Spock merely noted, "You can see he is on my list. I merely seek clarification on certain laws."
Nobody warned him further as he kept blatantly disregarding them when they did, but their eyes stayed on Spock as the elderly Selahn took the witness chair. No one insulted him by asking him to place a hand on the verifier.
"Your service here today honors me, Selahn," Spock began. A great deal of modern Vulcan law was written by the Elder sitting before him and no one understood it better.
The legal consultant had an odd habit of fluttering his eyelids ending in one strong blink. He did it now as he peered at Spock. "Be warned, son of Sarek. I am not here to twist the law to your preference."
"I would not ask you to do so, sir. Merely inform me of what the edicts are regarding certain situations. For instance, what takes precedence, our law or Imperial law?"
Selahn settled in the chair, taking on the air of someone contentedly lecturing on his favorite topic. "Imperial law."
"Are there exceptions to this? What if a human breaks our law, but under the Imperial code, he did not? Do we take precedence because the violation was against us?"
The legal representative made a satisfied noise. "You speak of the days when we first traveled in the Universe, before the Empire. Then, yes, we, being the violated party, did take precedent. However, the Empire does not recognize anyone as
superior to its law. So if it did not find legal fault with the accused, we could do nothing."
Spock saw Sarek's argument and exposed it. "No exceptions? Could some Imperial be implored to allow Vulcan jurisdiction?"
"If they had sufficient power to grant it, yes."
"Except another Imperial could override it, granted he or she had the authority, correct? For example, if this human had saved members of the Empress' inner circle from assassination, she might override Vulcan jurisdiction to protect this human under Imperial law?"
"Of course."
Sarek's folded hands tightened and Spock fought not to raise an eyebrow. After all, he hadn't spoken to the Empress about any of this and he risked his alliance with Kirk if he did. However, nothing stopped him from giving the appearance that he had.
"If you do not mind my extrapolating further, what if the accused was partly of Vulcan blood? Myself for example. If I did not have Vulcan citizenship, only Imperial, would the situation change?"
Selahn fluttered his eyelids again, but seemed validated in a much better way than Sarek did. "Ah, I knew we would come to this."
Spock doubted anyone else did.
"If you had Terran citizenship, not Vulcan, we could not enforce jurisdiction."
Spock prudently kept anything but the same calm, questioning tone from his words. "And if I did not have any citizenship other than Imperial?"
"The results are the same." Selahn clapped his hands on his knees, fluttered his eyes again, and looked off into the distance to some place where no one cared about anything except discussing legal points. "You thought this otherwise as do so many others."
My father included.
"As it happens, these are the exact points I came to discuss with the Empress. Not for this case, but another. Her mandate is this: her law supercedes all others. We live in an Empire, not a democracy. We have had many experiences where we won jurisdiction, but this was due to no one in the Empire caring to override the procedures, most likely fearing our retribution. This included the Empress. However, in the past year, three cases were overturned in Imperial court, one taken to the Empress who canceled even our Council's order. You remember, T'Pau," he said casually. By her expression, she did. "Almost certainly, the latter was due to the Empress wishing to exert her authority in this small way. Especially when she has not dared to in more important matters between her throne and the Vulcan Council."
So the Empress finds amusement in tugging T'Pau's chain and reminding her who is monarch when she can. I did not know this.
Selahn could go for hours, but Spock had his answers. "No further questions, sir. Again, the honor has been mine."
Sarek stood at his desk. "Selahn, I have only one. For as small a matter as this case would be to the Empress, would she assert Imperial jurisdiction?"
"You know the Empress better than I, Sarek." The statement was made with no particular slur, but Spock began to find the tribunal most interesting. "I doubt she would get involved unless what Spock said is true."
"That being?"
Father must be flustered if he does not remember this point.
"If the accused has performed some favor to the Empress or her inner circle. Other than that one exception, I cannot see the Imperial sovereign bothering herself over one hybrid."
Selahn looked back and forth from father to son, but Sarek kept his word and excused him from further questions. Spock made no rebuttal and Selahn, looking displeased he no longer had the opportunity to lecture, made his way back to his chair.
"Your next witness, Spock?" T'Pau asked.
"Is you, T'Pau." He didn't need Sarek's or Selahn's tense reaction or the hard image on the viewscreen to tell him he was crossing a line. "With all respect, you gave the execution order so I must make my final point to you."
Her reply pulsed with warning. "Make it quickly."
"I will. A short moment ago, Sarek asked me to confirm Saavik is half-Romulan. I did. Do you confirm Saavik is half-Vulcan?"
"Yes." She couldn't say anything else. All records stated this biological fact.
"Despite this, Saavik is not given Vulcan citizenship."
"Correct."
Did she not see the trap coming? Or did she see she couldn't avoid it? "So Saavik is not a Vulcan national."
"Agreed."
"Then I have made my case. I expect the execution order to be immediately withdrawn and all necessary medical treatments made." He sat down calmly as if nothing else could be said, but it was an artificial effect.
T'Pau's hands clasped the arms of her chair firmly while Sarek leaned forward on his desk. "You have made no case," she rebuked. "If you state you have no more arguments, I am prepared to order the execution."
Spock steepled his fingers in front of him, his eyebrows knitted tranquilly in thought. "Perhaps I have been dramatic in my conclusion. That does not refute the truth I make. I proved through expert witness that Saavik was a victim of a bioweapon that works on Vulcans. Despite this and her parentage, you state Saavik's Vulcan blood does not enter into the equation. Correct?"
Her terse reply told him he had used what little latitude she once bestowed.
"Then, logically, Saavik's Romulan blood cannot make her one of their nationals. If her Vulcan parent cannot make her a Vulcan, her Romulan parent cannot make her a Romulan. Therefore, the law in question does not apply to her. She is no more guilty than any other of the bioweapon's victims."
He stood, arms folded behind his back, and spoke easily. "In addition, I have made the following points. Saavik is accused of rape, or at the minimum, mental and physical seduction, and yet you have no witnesses to collaborate your charges. The only eyewitness, myself, has gone on record that these crimes were not committed. Also, being that I am the supposed victim here, I have refused to bring charges on the defendant. Therefore, she can only be found not guilty."
Selahn nodded absently, but only Spock saw it.
"Second, as you heard, Saavik is not a Romulan citizen. Their Empire makes no claim to her nationality or her existence. They deny her as you do. Therefore, she is not guilty as she is not a Romulan citizen and the law specifies Romulans only."
"Third and last, Vulcan also denies Saavik citizenship and legal status, so she cannot be held legally to any authority except that of her Imperial citizenship. The Empire has no law against a Vulcan national having a relationship with an Imperial citizen."
"Lastly, you cannot claim both ways legally. If you claim she is Vulcan so she is held accountable by our laws, then she is not guilty of k'lasa and kae'at k'lasa because she is Vulcan, not Romulan."
"I again say that I expect the execution order to be immediately withdrawn and all necessary medical treatments be made."
He was right and they all knew it, but he had flouted Vulcan's privacy by bringing Archernar in to discuss their secret mating rituals. He had pressed T'Pau, despite his announcement that he meant no disrespect, until she appeared to have the reasoning of a pre-Kahswan child. Logically, she must award him the victory, but his defiance begged consequences and Vulcan justice took that into account.
Considering all this, the comm signal was a blessing. "Keptin Spock?"
He looked for permission before answering. "Yes, Mr. Chekov?"
His first officer's voice had the slightest uneasy edge. He must know with whom Spock was meeting. "My apologies, Keptin. The Empress requests both you and Mr. Sumic report immediately. She questions vhy ve are releasing our Romulan prisoners."
Judging by T'Pau's expression, the Empress was going to be the one uneasy. "Attend to this, Spock. Do not let this exchange for our people go undone. We are adjourned here until tomorrow morning."
Meaning Vulcan time, not Imperial. No matter. If some of T'Pau's soiled mood could be taken out on the Empress, so much the better. The Vulcan matriarch was displeased the Imperial monarch might get involved in Saavik's case so she was picking a bigger battle. "I will do as you say."
He sounded like the repentant child, but she wasn't fooled. Neither was Sarek by the look of him and they were right. He would not back down from his argument. They could confer with Selahn, but he was sure his points couldn't all be swept away.
Sarek waited for them to be alone, but no longer than that. "My son."
Spock shutdown the recording station, not looking up. "I have pressing matters, Father."
"This takes only a moment."
And you certainly will mollify the Empress, he thought bitterly and regretted his pettiness.
Sarek folded his hands and lectured sternly. "You show disregard for our ways, and risk yourself and our House by doing so."
"I regret if I offended anyone," Spock answered tightly. "However, I did not create this situation, I seek to rectify it. Regardless of how I make my argument, T'Pau and you must choose logic over prejudice."
Sarek scowled. "You immediately contradict your vow to show consideration with accusations of bigotry. Is this your sense of how to favorably make your case?"
Spock snapped the padds in his hands against the table, straightening them in order, but using the noise and gesture as a protest. "You once told me, Father, that logic must rule out over everything. That includes how I state my facts. When something is clearly the truth, it must be recognized as so. Now, my responsibilities require me to be elsewhere."
The door closed behind him before Sarek could stop him. His father sank into a chair and gazed after the younger man. He once had another such son, headstrong and impassioned with beliefs. Sybok had been a revolutionary and his arguments, even with the glimmering of truth in some of them, caused his execution.
And because of prejudice, a distant cousin of Sarek's had murdered Amanda. He only had Spock left.
He needed to push up from the chair to stand, feeling an additional century like a yoke over his shoulders. He did nothing so melodramatic as to look at the viewscreen where T'Pau once was before leaving for Sickbay.
As requested, Sagar was there by Saavik's bedside. The healing sleep, not surgery, was curing the visible lacerations and contusions, but bruises and angry green marks discolored her exposed skin. She appeared not serene as a Vulcan might, but dead. Only the small, slow rise and fall of her chest plus the indicators above her head showed she was alive.
Sagar wasted no time with greetings. "You asked for a status report?" Sarek nodded. "Internal bleeding was alleviated in surgery as well as critical injuries to any organs. Kidney transplants became necessary using cloned organs the patient had in stasis per standard procedures. Broken bones threatening her vital organs were healed but no others. In short, she is alive and will remain so. However, other injuries were left alone."
He picked up one still mangled hand, holding it delicately, not from compassion but in caution for his stronger psi-senses so important to a healer. "Such as this damage. Her healing trance causes the bones to re-calcify in the position they were in, so her hands are malformed."
Like any Vulcan, the thought of losing his hands shook Sarek. That inborn response caused his next question. "The psi-points in her hands, have you tested them?"
Perhaps a shade of Sarek's reaction clouded Sagar's own expression. "Only slightly. I cannot tell if she will ever initiate a mental contact again. However, she is receiving."
Logic and the reason why he came here returned, but Sarek strove to keep that reason hidden. "What did you discover about her mental state?"
"The patient is in difficult straits. From what I saw, she attempted to withdraw into stronger pain disciplines at the same time she was rendered unconscious, triggering her healing trance. However, as the patient believed she was dying, her katra sought an anchor where there was none. So her current mental state is a confusion of memory and post-traumatic shock, deepened with the healing sleep, while her katra is arrested in pre-separation."
Sarek re-thought his plans. It sounded like Saavik was spiraling downward into a disconnected psyche and capable of dragging someone else with her. "With such chaos, you risked too much in contacting her."
But Sagar disagreed. "No more than any other meld. True, she cannot control the contact, but I was able to."
He paused for a beat before plucking a Feinberger off a nearby tray and playing it over her abdomen. "You trusted me with the reason why you ordered her treatment and its limitations," he said, keeping his voice carefully lowered. "However, you did not request knowing if she was capable of having children in the future, so I did not test her reproductive system."
No, future children were not Sarek's concern and Sagar removed the one obstacle to his plans. He thanked the healer, "Your service, as always, is exemplary," and waited for him to leave before approaching the bed.
Spock still kept a guard posted near Saavik, Sarek was displeased to see. His son no longer governed his actions to protect himself from this association. Sarek ordered Saavik's medical treatment, true, but with it, his debt to the mother of his late grandchild and the woman who saved his life was paid. He owed Saavik nothing.
Still, the thought that he had stood by while she was beaten, causing the miscarriage he now mourned, was unforgettable.
Without seeming to, he glanced over the nearby personal guard, a Vulcan male he did not recognize. He wondered if this would be easier or harder if the loyal Stron was here.
Knowing the guard's orders were intended towards McCoy was a significant benefit, however, so Sarek approached him simply enough. In fact, having someone nearby might be necessary.
The man nodded respectfully and returned to searching the room.
"May I have your name?" Sarek asked.
"Shetuk."
"Have there been any problems, Shetuk?"
"None today, sir. Only Healer Sagar and Captain Spock visited today. And, of course, the other guards."
"Of course."
Spock brazenly visited Sickbay. How long before those who didn't know the situation discovered it? His son would never forgive him for what he was about to do, he'd lose Spock forever, but better this than to lose his son's life itself.
He looked down at the unconscious form on the bed and almost, but not quite, touched the bruised cheek. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shetuk notice the movement. He pulled his hand away.
"My apologies," the guard said straight away. Then, "I heard of the loss to your House."
"Yes," said Sarek. Interesting the honorable expressions of empathy for a miscarriage when the mother was in such dishonor. "A difficult loss indeed."
With Shetuk regarding his visit so benevolently and certain to help if Sarek became lost, he hesitated no longer and touched the psi points on Saavik's cheek and temple.
My mind to your mind... My thoughts to your thoughts.
Despite Sagar's description, entering this personal nightmare was almost a physical blow. He at first sensed only an abyss, a cavity of nothingness, separating him from Saavik as if she waited at the other end of a great empty hall. As he crossed this, he abruptly entered a full world of what he assumed was a memory.
Around him, Vulcans garbed in Starfleet uniforms raced through the dirty, stark compound he suddenly found himself standing in. Archaic, crumbling barracks, gray against the dirt and dust surrounding them, made the state of the art energy-fencing stand out even more. What he first thought were more Vulcans until he noticed the tattered, in some cases utterly ruined, prison uniforms they wore, tore at their dormitories, breaking off pieces, shattering benches for weapons, and pouring through a break in the gate. Romulans struck at Vulcans, energy weapons fired and makeshift clubs shattered on bones.
From the sky, ship phasers cannoned into the ground causing Sarek to whirl as his feet were heaved by the quaking surface. He fell and as he struggled to stand, he faced the main sign for the encampment, but he didn't need to read the Vulcan lettering spelling a Romulan name: Thieurrull. Written crudely beneath it in red lettering, as if scrawled with their own blood, was the humans' name for it: Hellguard.
The sea of fighting figures paid no heed to him. They couldn't as they played out a battle that already had happened long ago and which was being reenacted from memory.
The stinging dust, stirred up by the combating people and whipped by the wind, slashed and stung him until Sarek forcefully reminded himself he did not have to be beaten by a memory image. Still, he squinted out of habit while he released his mind, searching for the one presence he wanted.
It was the meld that pulled her figure from the crowd. She dashed through the battle, free of the injuries scarring her physical body, weaving and ducking where she could, pulling her phaser and knife when she couldn't. She was clothed in Starfleet trousers and boots, but a prisoner's uniform tunic, and she reacted to this world like it was real. That let her change the memory as she fought figures -- Vulcan and Romulan alike -- which should have gone through her like ghosts.
Sarek called above the wind. "Saavik!"
She ignored him, or didn't hear him, and he almost lost her as she ran into the thick of it. He wafted through, seeping through the bodies around him ethereally, until he caught sight of her again. He yelled once more and managed to grab her arm, using the meld to form this physical motion.
Her eyes flashed and she grabbed his robe, pulling him closer to shout near his ear. "We have to find him!"
She pointed at the collapsing dormitories and dashed a long stride away before hearing him shout, "Find whom?"
She looked at him, bewildered. "Can you not hear him cry?"
"Who!"
"Him!" She staggered as she at once tried to run and stop in the same second. Her bewilderment turned into herself. "Her."
Her head lifted in the wind, catching some sound, burning off her confusion. She glared back at him, commanding him to follow, and he was forced to run after her.
Ahead, the battle cleared, the dust cleared, and interwoven in broken timbers, metal, and concrete were dark shadows giving Sarek only brief glimpses of tangled hair, filthy skin, and too old eyes. Saavik made for these figures as if called and they scattered as she neared, revealing themselves as children searching for other shadows to hide in, and she hurdled over the pile of debris.
"No!" she shouted after them, stretching out a flung arm to halt them.
A piercing noise shattered the air. Saavik and the children hastily clapped hands over their ears and Sarek twisted around seeing the Romulan prisoners do the same while Vulcans guards wore protective earplugs.
Standard procedure. The prisoners cannot fight with that noise stabbing them.
Saavik yelled above the noise. "This is wrong! The prisoners shutdown the siren when they rioted!"
Her news bothered Sarek for only one reason. She was not in control of their surroundings. It changed with her state.
The escaping children, their prisoners' clothes reduced to rags tied about them, crashed to the ground, writhing at first from the acute pain caused by the siren and then falling still.
Sarek saw Saavik in silhouette and hurried through the wreckage to demand an explanation. The sight of small bodies strewn across the ground stopped him dead, as dead as he feared these children were. He automatically reached for the nearest, a boy, and wondered if this was the one whose cries Saavik heard.
She was suddenly there, pulling him away. "Don't!"
The boy abruptly came alive and stabbed at his heart with a makeshift knife of broken metal, a foul cloth wrapped around it for a hilt.
As swiftly as it happened, the boy disappeared as if wiped away by the wind.
His controls sorely hard pressed, Sarek reeled back on Saavik. "Explain this!"
"We must find the child!" She searched the small bodies but didn't draw near to any of them. "She -- he -- is crying. Do you not hear it?"
He towered over her. "What child?"
She looked up, short tempered. "Mine!"
He withdrew, stung. Oh no. She does not know she miscarried.
He spoke calmly, tried to be soothing, but it was hypocrisy next to his reason for coming here. "Saavik, the child was not born."
"I know!" She glared, questioning his intelligence. "But I used to hear him -- her..."
Her voice trailed off, frustrated once more about the child's gender, but unwilling to use the word 'it'.
"You heard them cry?"
"I heard... an echo." She searched the horizon, seeking that voice again.
"Saavik... you will not find the child here. He or she died when you were beaten."
With no warning, like a puppet with its strings cut, she sagged to her knees and then dropped to all fours. Her body convulsed, her back arching as if her stomach spasmed and she jerked with it. At the movement, the surrounding memory changed in a blink, replaced with the banquet room of Warbase 5.
Or what Sarek saw of it. A wall of bodies blocked his vision of the room, and he realized he saw this from Saavik's point of view. Before, he was on the other side of this living wall, checking the dead forms of Cartwright and Valeris, looking over his shoulder then as the guards struck the woman T'Pau ordered executed. Now, those blows were aimed at him, passing through his mental body and thrashing the hunched woman. In fact, he saw the heavy boot that hit her abdomen hard, inevitably causing her miscarriage, and looked up into the laughing face of the captain of the Excelsior.
"I must live long enough to kill him," Saavik said calmly.
Sarek stared down at her bleeding body, but she hadn't spoken from there. Another image of her appeared, standing next to Sulu in some disgustingly exposing uniform with insignia pins gathered on her hip like scalps. The spark in her eyes died in the next instant, becoming haunted.
"I have been living a dream."
Those eyes snapped on him and he knew she really saw him for the first time. "I tire of people entering my mind without permission. Why didn't your healer tell me I lost the child? Oh, I sensed Sagar's fleeting touch. What satisfaction did you obtain by being the one to tell me?"
Fleeting touch? That explains why Sagar did not describe this chaos. He barely touched it.
He refused to be defensive. "None. I came here for different reasons."
This image of her was quite composed, if disapproving, but he lived in her mind, by her thoughts and feelings. He was swept by her pain and mourning along with her anger for him and T'Pau.
"Control yourself," he ordered, "or have you learned nothing of Vulcan's ways?"
The presence around him crackled like her eyes that suddenly took a gleam of cunning. "As you wish."
Their surroundings melted more gently this time, reforming into greenery, the air fresh with the clean smell of plant life, while behind him a fountain splashed. He spun around taking it all in. Near the fountain, bending over the roses, was a human woman that fought hard to keep the flowers living on a planet where they weren't meant to be. Amanda, humming to herself, her fingers stained by the rich soil Sarek determinedly brought from Earth. In other beds, Vulcan plants were thriving in native soil, while in still others, the hybrids that he and Amanda had painstakingly developed flourished.
Seeing Amanda shoved the fact that Saavik had just taken control of her environment to the back of Sarek's mind.
My wife.
Not legally, but still his, no matter what anyone else said, no matter what he had so stupidly told himself in the beginning. That first year of their affair, when he had told himself he dared take a human as a lover because Amanda was a member of the powerful Grayson family. It gave him a great deal of sway as Vulcan and Earth hammered out their places in the Empire.
And then his pon farr and Amanda was pregnant, and he learned he belonged to her from the second she had first noticed him. He hadn't made Amanda his lover, she had made him hers. Which was why he had fought his family so hard to keep her and their unborn child, and why he was so destroyed when the Graysons had refused to let her marry him. She made them acknowledge her child was one of them, but they threatened if she married -- he heard again all the vile names they had called him -- they'd take away the baby's birthright.
And Amanda came to him anyway, defying her family by twisting their rules. She never married Sarek, keeping Spock's inheritance, but she stayed with him the rest of her life.
He caught sight of himself in the pool of the fountain. Unconsciously, his mental image had changed; his hair darker, his face unlined, and his body trim and proud. He glanced again at Amanda. This was how he felt he appeared whenever she had looked at him.
"Mother."
Sarek turned to the strong, deep voice and saw Spock standing in uniform at the garden's entrance. This then was how Saavik had this memory. Spock must have given it to her. As his father, Sarek refused to think of when and why.
Amanda spoke over her shoulder, gently chiding. "I told you not to bring those weapons in here."
Spock arched his eyebrows. "Our family has enemies, Mother. I either carry these or those more traditional to home. And I remember times you aimed a phaser at someone yourself."
"Not in here and only when someone threatened you before you could defend yourself." She didn't exactly smile, but her eyes were alight and her words contained laughter. "This is my haven, Spock. We're safe in here, if for no other reason than the extensive security your father and you have around the place."
A few years after this scene, Sarek's cousin would abuse his trust by learning the security codes and murder Amanda here in her retreat. And the Graysons would revoke their pledge and take away Spock's inheritance.
Amanda was saying to Spock, "Now, be useful, and bring me that bag."
He dutifully lifted the heavy bag of planting soil and brought it to her, bending down to sit on his haunches. Amanda scooped up thick handfuls and dumped them into the hole for a new tree.
Saavik moved behind them, gazing softly down at this Spock. "I see where he inherited this side of himself." She visibly relaxed and so did her presence around them. "He told me Amanda could have easily picked up the bag. She was stronger than human women her size from all the years living in Vulcan's gravity. This was her way of keeping him busy until you came home."
When he and I were first putting our relationship back together, after my acceptance of his career. Sarek objected to Starfleet. If Spock was to fight for riches and power, let him do it for Vulcan as Sarek himself did.
The last thing he and Spock had united over was executing Amanda's killer, and destroying the Graysons until none stood in line before Spock, seizing back his legacy. It made him a powerful man on Earth as well as Vulcan, and saved him some struggle in Starfleet.
But this moment, here in the garden, was a family scene, one Sarek had pleasantly come home to, and Saavik intruded by using it.
"How dare you?" He glared at her. "You have no place here."
She ignored the affront. "And I see where Spock inherited that part of himself. You come into my mind, you play by my rules. Really, Sarek, control yourself. We are Vulcans, are we not?"
"You mock me? You have no right!"
Her calm facade was burned off by tightly reined temper. "Neither do you. Why are you here, Sarek?"
He stepped rapidly across the distance, working himself between her and the woman and son who meant everything to him. "Do you know the dishonor you have brought down on my family?"
She had the decency to look away in guilt. "I did not intend it. Spock's life was in danger, and I had the chance to save it. I tried to rectify the situation afterwards before it harmed him. I never intended the rest of this to happen. I thought I would be dead by now and Spock safe."
He felt her sincerity, but this revelation was a surprise. "You stopped Cartwright knowing Kirk's guards would kill you?"
"Yes. It is why I went there alone."
His eyebrows screwed together into a thunderous line. "You deliberately killed my grandchild?"
Her anger, exhibited in this mental image that flew into his face, buffeted him with its strength. "Never accuse me of that again. I did not know I was pregnant until after the attack."
"Do not lie to me. You said you sensed the child, that you heard its presence as an echo."
"I was told the Romulan bioweapon affected mental disciplines, so I thought the echo was a distortion from it."
Amanda's laughter peeled lightly behind him and the incongruous sound caused him to grabs the tatters of his control before he lost it. Saavik sat heavily on a bench, her head bent low. He never should have entered her mind; its shaky state was affecting him -- or so he told himself.
"Why are you here, Sarek?" she asked again flatly. She lifted her head to look up at him. "You never said."
He straightened his shoulders and folded his hands, but before he could answer, she was off the bench and in front of him. "Spock. Something has happened. Tell me."
He looked down into that demanding face. "You should have died with my grandchild."
Her head jerked back, but he doubted his view shocked her. By now, he should have expected the scene around them to change, this time into someone's quarters. Hers, he guessed, from the view of her staring quietly at the phaser in her hand.
Her second image spoke, the one projected from this damage psyche that simultaneously lived within and separate from the memories. "Only a Vulcan can mourn the ending of one life and in the next breath, desire the death of another. Is that why you are here, Sarek? To convince me to die?"
"Yes." He used her memory and, for the first time, bent his will to it, making it show something he wanted. He gestured her to follow and went to the porthole on the wall opposite her bed.
He pointed to a shimmering, thin line of light extending from their position out into space. "I do not know how much of our disciplines you understand, but that is all that links you to life."
She raised fingertips to the porthole. "That thread?"
"Yes. Sever it and your dishonor will be gone with you."
She dropped her raised hand. "It is not that easy."
A sudden movement in the other room drew his attention. The other Saavik, the one reliving the past, shoved the phaser to her head, her eyes squeezing shut as she tried to press the trigger. The Saavik beside him was suddenly next to her sister image. "I tried suicide, I am not good at it."
He pulled back at her, trying to draw her again to the porthole. "You went to the Warbase to kill yourself."
"I was dying for a reason."
"There is reason now!"
They were gone again, in new quarters. Spock's, Sarek recognized. In this memory, she was standing close to his son, arguing, while Stron and Soluk looked politely away.
This time, the Saavik image in the memory turned to him, stepping out of the past. "Spock said he had a way to save me. That is the problem, isn't it?"
Sarek watched as his son spoke emphatically, demanding hoarsely if she wanted to die.
"Yes," he said softly. His throat felt tight. "His argument is too good. I can counter a few of his points, but not all of them. He dares T'Pau to find against him. He puts himself between the two of you."
"Are you certain she means to kill him?"
He kept looking at Spock, aching as his son picked the wrong battle. "You said he is so important to you, you are willing to die for him. Do so. Sever that link."
Someone called, the voice weak. "Father."
Spock.
No, do not tell me he is bonded to her! If Spock was, threatening Saavik's lifeline would bring him here.
Or he simply could have entered Sickbay and seen Sarek standing over her in a meld.
Saavik was wrestling with what he said. Had he swayed her? He could cut that thin line himself. It would mean his own death; he was too far into her mind to pull out in time, but if it saved Spock, death was not too high a price.
He hesitated, wondering if he could be saved by Saavik ending this herself.
"Father!" Spock was so far away, at the barest level of touching the meld.
Saavik seemed to hear this time and Sarek braced himself for the inevitable change of scene.
They were in a small dwelling, one corner crowded with heavily encased computers. A lytherette sat on the chair. From behind came Spock's voice, warm and teasing.
"You laughed when I was jealous over your former lovers and now you're jealous of mine?"
Sarek didn't dare turn around to look, not in this setting where his son spoke so intimately and Saavik's voice answered in the same way.
"I did not laugh, and it was different!"
The sound of a bed creaking and the whisper of skin against skin; Sarek hurriedly moved through the wall, not bothering for such physical things as leaving through the door. But he was trapped, the memory refusing to let him change it.
"Because?" Spock asked huskily.
And Saavik chuckled low in her throat. "Because you were under the Fires then, not me."
"I cannot argue with that logic."
Sarek was suddenly shoved and he fell outside. Saavik blocked his way back into the house as if he had trespassed instead of being dragged here. Her defiance lashed at him and he once more determined he needed to break her lifeline himself.
"Father!" Spock was drawing closer. "You are too deep! Come back before you cannot be separated!"
It was risky to kill Saavik now. If his son moved nearer, he might be pulled down with her. If Sarek was to do this, he had to do it immediately.
Saavik glanced at him, looked away. "Go."
"You must listen--"
"I have. Go."
Something in her attitude convinced him. He reached out to Spock's voice, used it as a beacon for the way out. He recited the mantra:
I am Sarek. I am separate, an individual apart from here. I am Sarek...
Spock was nearer, he could sense it, and Saavik was growing further away, a conflicted form gripping itself.
I am Sarek...
As if he was drowning underwater, Spock dragged him out and his mind snapped back in his body, the meld ended.
He closed his eyes and drew a deep, cleansing breath. He opened his eyes to Spock, who gripped his hand, the one that touched Saavik's face.
"What have you done, Father?" He flung Sarek's hand away like something diseased. "Tell me what you did."
Sarek folded one hand over the other, his sleeves dropping over them, almost enveloping them. He knew he'd face Spock's reaction when he started this. "I was checking her mental state."
Not an outright lie, but undeniably an evasion.
Spock elevated an eyebrow skeptically. "That is quite kind of you, Father. I did not know you were so concerned."
"My son, I am most definitely concerned."
Spock searched his expression and words carefully. He was still skeptical. "Most kind indeed. I take it I can count on your support fully? Even if you must do so openly with T'Pau?"
Sarek noticed Stron and T'Mes in the corner with the personal guard, including a new one on duty with Shetuk. The guards now wore their heavy helmets and it changed their features. Still, the man's face seemed familiar. Sarek checked the small House emblem unobtrusively adorning the uniform. This must be Savoruf, son of Svean. If he remembered correctly, the man was new to Spock's people and his father was loyal to Sarek. He might need to make use of that.
"You may not believe me, Spock, but I want only what is best for you."
His son's eyes lowered, thinking. "I will endeavor to remember it."
You will forget it when Saavik is dead. "That is all I can ask."
"While I am aware that I ask for much. My only argument is your understanding my position as you went through this when you first chose Mother."
Sarek knew more than ever he was right in what he had done. Spock didn't plan to put Saavik aside. He planned to keep her despite the risks. "You compare Saavik to Amanda? Are you certain she is still willing to come to you after all that decision has cost her?"
Spock blanched at the idea and, too late, Sarek yearned to take the words back. "My son..."
It hurt seeing the wall they had battered themselves against their whole lives rise between them again. It hurt because he caused its revival.
"I wondered the same thing, Father. How could Saavik choose a man who has cost her a child and almost her own life?"
Sarek tried not to remember what Amanda had said on the day she had returned from the Graysons and surprised him by slipping in bed next to him. "People think they can keep from me from you, but they're wrong, Sarek. Our bonding is a marriage by itself. It makes you my husband and no one can make me think differently."
Spock's face bore that same defiant look. "What Saavik's answer might be has no bearing on the tribunal and my arguments in it."
Spock might be in pain, but the alternative -- Saavik continuing to live -- was worse. I am sorry, my son. "As you say. And the Empress? You returned rather quickly."
"The Empress rejoices in an additional opportunity to salt the Romulans' wounds over Thieurrull being destroyed. Returning the prisoners will spread the word of the Armageddon Torpedo through eyewitness accounts. The exchange goes on as planned. Also, Enterprise has new orders. We leave for further targets once our battle repairs are complete," Spock stressed the next words, "after the tribunal closes tomorrow morning."
Sarek heard the stiffness, a shadow of a small boy's hurt in years past when Spock tried to hide his pain over Sarek being too strict or not understanding his trials. Amanda was always better at handling such moments, but Amanda was dead.
Like a rusty machine, creaky from lack of use, Sarek tried to reach out to his son. "My advice, Spock, is to not be beset by all these difficulties. You will see you are able to rise above everything that happens. You do have my support in that."
But Spock only seemed confused and how could he be otherwise? Sarek dared not speak his mind since the boy wasn't willing to hear the truth. Boy? Spock was an accomplished adult and his father, to use Amanda's words, was proud of him. And feared for him.
Sarek nodded in goodbye and found T'Mes was in the path to the door.
She dipped her head in greeting. "Sarek." She addressed him not as a junior officer to a Vulcan dignitary, but a member of one noble allied House to another. For a moment, he thought she saw through him, but her expression, like all their people's, was bland. He could read nothing in it. He took his leave.
Spock exchanged glances with Shetuk, the guard still on duty. "Do you agree with Sarek's statement? Was he checking on Saavik's health?"
Shetuk spoke without hesitation. "He made no direct statement regarding his purposes. However, he did speak at length with Sagar, including questions concerning Lieutenant Saavik's mental state. He also told me how deep the loss was to your house regarding the miscarriage."
Spock was torn. His father seemed to be hiding nothing. "And yet, why such a deep meld?"
"Perhaps he was drawn into it?" Shetuk suggested. "Sagar did say she suffered from an instability."
That didn't help settle Spock at all.
The guard Sarek identified as Savoruf spoke firmly. "The question is, do you trust Sarek, Captain?"
He hadn't expected Savoruf to speak at all, but the man seemed guileless in this instance. Only Spock couldn't answer the question. He honestly didn't know. Did his father finally see the truth?
Saavik wasn't sleeping peacefully. Her eyes darted under the lids and lines stressed her mouth.
"I will check her myself." He reached for her temple expecting the others to pull back to give him privacy, but they didn't.
Stron even put a hand out, blocking his way to Saavik. "Captain, with all respect, if she is unstable, repeated melds may make her worse. You do her no good by endangering yourself."
"I must know if my father plans more than he tells us. If something goes wrong in the meld, you should see it on the medical indicators." He nodded towards the board above the bed.
Stron hesitated and glanced sideways to his wife. With him, T'Mes looked back at Spock before silently agreeing. Stron removed his hand. "We'll stay nearby."
"I will bring Sagar here in case his intervention is necessary," T'Mes said.
Spock stopped her from going. "No, I do not want the healer reporting to my father on our movements. Be ready to summon him, but do so only if you have no other choice."
The other three Vulcans stayed by the bed, hovering. Sooner or later, someone in Sickbay would notice the unusual sight. He ordered them to the regular guard positions, T'Mes on the perimeter in case she need to fetch Sagar. With no more privacy than their step away gave him, he touched the psi-points on Saavik's temple, cheek, and jaw.
He eased their minds into the meld, gently not wanting to hurt either of them. As he became wrapped in her mind, he called. "Saavik."
No answering reply. Before, her actual presence lay a distance away but easy to find. This time, he heard only the void.
"Saavik."
He sensed her; of course he did, she surrounded him here in her mind. But the actual ember of life, the part that was not physical brain but her, was nowhere.
"Saavik, answer me."
Nothing. He pushed out further, feeling lost with no direction but the one from which he came. Where was she? What kept her away?
"Saavik!" He waited, unsure if he was more impatient or alarmed by her silence. As always, he blamed his human side for this, not seeing even an Elder's control would be tested by all that happened in the last few days. "If you do not answer, I am forced to go further into this... disconnection. Do you understand the risk?"
From somewhere came the briefest hint of awareness. He pushed further. "If you need me to bring you out, I will. If I do not hear your response in the next fifteen seconds, I will come for you. Understand I only wait to not jeopardize us needlessly. Depend on it, I am coming."
Like a breeze, a sigh whispered by. Your attempts at manipulation are transparent, Spock.
Relieved, he replied wryly, "So is your effort to hide. Let me see you."
He felt her reluctance as stars formed in the void. Their appearance was bewildering, but hers wasn't. She was dressed in a simple gray robe, kneeling amongst the worlds and pinpoints of light. It was so good to see her like this, uninjured... beautiful, until he noticed the flatness in her eyes.
"You must go, Spock."
He knelt on one knee next to her. "What is it?" She stayed silent. "Something troubles you. Tell me."
She was here and yet still remained at a distance.
"I know Sarek said something to you to cause this. You know you can tell me."
Her eyes pinched shut and he suddenly realized what it had to be. He controlled his sharp, initial reaction aimed at his father and instead tenderly held out his two fingers. With this simulated physical gesture, he transmitted the wealth of sentiment behind it. She opened her eyes and looked with -- longing? sadness? -- at him, but did not touch him.
His hand wavered. "Do you reject me?" He was surprised at how small his voice sounded and the hurt if she rebuffed him.
Since he didn't expect it, he didn't control it, and she sensed it all around them. Her eyes a combination of softness with the ache still behind it, she touched her fingers to his and he encircled them with his hand.
He steadied himself for what he was about to say. "I know what my father said to you." She was taken aback, and he folded his other hand around hers as well. "He told you that you were pregnant, didn't he? And that you miscarried?"
He understood the held back tears that made her eyes shine, but not the relief that darted in for a half second and then was gone. Not until he realized he felt a small bit of relief himself, a release that they could finally comfort each other.
But he was wrong; that was not her reason. He couldn't know the talk with Sarek made her question again if she was bringing about his death through T'Pau, and she was relieved he hadn't discovered it.
She covered his hands with her free one. "He told me I miscarried, but I already knew I was pregnant. I overheard the medtech tell you, but the words were broken and I did not know the child was gone."
Fatigue weighed heavily on Spock. He was pushing past his limits trying to save Saavik, captain his ship, and lead an underground. Otherwise, he might better check his mood. "I thought I stopped you from hearing about the pregnancy. I wanted you spared." He remembered his father's part in this and didn't bother curbing his sharpness. "Sarek had to tell you the rest, didn't he?"
But her words were still soft. "Yes, he did. I was caught in a nightmare because I couldn't sense the baby any longer. Someone had to tell me."
"I should have told you. I would have if I had known you had heard."
He was so tired. It was pulling at him, the way -- the way it had at her last night, when she fell asleep while sitting upright, fighting against it. He leaned down and lay his forehead on their joined hands. He didn't care about being in control or appearing strong. Not here. He didn't need to here.
Her whole presence around him wavered, and then some barrier broke and he felt her warmth draw closer. She curved around him so they nestled together, her head atop of his and their hands pressed between his cheek and her chest. For the first time since Thieurrull, they were together.
"We had a child," he whispered.
"I know," she murmured back.
And just like their time on Thieurrull, their child lasted only days. Forget what trouble they'd have raising an infant in this world with so much against them. The miscarriage was an open wound reminding them of the possibility for what they had and that it was gone.
Spock blamed himself. With all his power, he couldn't build a safe life for them, couldn't keep the Empire from intruding. Why not? His counterpart in the Federation could give Saavik so much more than this daily struggle.
They were so closely linked, she heard him without words. "We don't know if I have a counterpart or what she is like. No doubt, she has never fought a day in her life." He felt her bitterness just on the edge around them. "She is probably well coddled and spoiled."
"He can still give her more than I can give you. I couldn't even keep our child alive more than a few days."
The sudden, strident sound of shouted jeers and challenges made him fling his eyes open and he vaulted to his feet. They were at the bottom of a deep hole, just wide enough for them. The dirt sides crumbled where someone had tried to climb out. Above, outlined forms against a cruel sun heaved more insults down on them.
"What happened?" he asked. Her back was to him where she still kneeled on the ground. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the body of a small, dead Romulan to the side: one of the opponents from this round in the Pit. "Did you create this?"
"Yes, inadvertently." Her voice was low. "My control is improving, but my subconscious still sends me places. I warned you to go."
She sounded so lifeless, he came over to see what was wrong. She created star fields out of voids. She didn't have to stay here.
A baby lay exposed, naked to the harsh sunlight except for a rag fixed around its hips. One look told him it was dead, and yet she still held it in her hands.
With a thumb, she brushed dark hair around a small, pointed ear. "I did this."
His head jerked up at her words. A memory? he wondered. Had she been forced to kill an infant once?
She rose unsteadily and the baby lolled. He hurriedly reached up to take the small body before it fell. Her hands still lay out flat, shockingly covered with green blood.
"I did this." She still sounded listless, but her eyes -- in her eyes, he saw condemnation and self-loathing. "Not you. I killed our child, Spock."
The baby in his hands: theirs? "Saavik—"
"You were right. You told me to wait and I didn't. And I killed our child." She dug her fingers into her palms, the blood marking her further. "I should have died with it."
The instability he was warned about -- she was right; her subconscious forced her into a living nightmare. He had to give her a focus to get out.
He carefully laid down the body he held, not stopping to analyze why he bothered to cradle the head until it lay on the ground. Or wonder why he took off his jacket and covered the form respectfully.
When he had to wrench himself away from the makeshift grave, he knew he had to do the same for her. She was fixated on that spot forcing him to grab her chin and pull her to face him.
"Take us out of here."
The Pit shimmered into waves of surreal colors and then solidified again. She closed her eyes, in concentration he first thought, but when he saw his jacket on the ground, still covering the baby, he closed his eyes too.
He put his hands like blinders on her face and stared deep into her. "Look at me. Only me."
She gazed back and when they both could look at each other without their eyes darting back to the hidden, little body, he said, "Get us out of here."
Slowly, the star field came back around them, although he noticed Thieurrull over her shoulder like an ugly wraith. He ignored it for now.
"McCoy kept the news of your pregnancy from us while he told Kirk," he began. "You did not know you were pregnant when you went into that banquet room." He held up her bloodied hands by the wrists. "Do not take the blame for what our enemies did. Clean these."
She struggled visibly, not so easily convinced that she shouldn't have known, until her head came up sharply. "Kirk knew I was pregnant?"
Confused by her sudden anger, he nodded. "Yes."
"Then he knew what he was doing when his guards attacked me."
Spock's chest constricted tight and his grip on her wrists pinched, but she made no protest, as caught up as he was in what she just said. The point never occurred to him and now when he looked back at the alliance he made with Kirk, his stomach clenched painfully.
"I do not know," he finally answered. His voice caught on itself. "McCoy may have told him later when he returned to the ship."
Or he knew and sat across that chessboard elated at what he had done. Which tormented him more? That he had not saved the child or that his enemy sat there possibly laughing at him at having murdered it?
The blood on her hands trickled down on his fingers. He jerked away. Illogical to let phantoms bother him so much -- illogical that Saavik even created the image of their dead child. But it upset him as much as it did her.
Impulsively, he stripped off his shirt and wiped the blood off both their hands, and flung the shirt far away. He then took in a lungful of air and exhaled slowly.
"We are the victims," he told her, but he used it to clean his own conscience. "Not the criminals. I will not take on their guilt."
She threaded her fingers once more into his and they just held on to each other, mourning.
She spoke at length, still subdued. "Tell me everything."
He did, from the moment he heard about her near death to the alliances he made and the debts he collected, up to the tribunal which he went into in detail. He tried not to falter as he explained why he aligned with Kirk, but although it was hard for her to hear, she made no accusations. The only thing he didn't tell her fully was his deal with Archernar, not because he avoided her fighting with him -- which she would -- but because he was dealing with enough without adding the problem of her leaving him. He only told her he had a contingency plan should the trial find against her, a place and an ally where she could stay safely. If it had to happen, he only hoped she'd forgive him someday.
When he finished and she didn't press for the particulars in his plan, he knew she had something else.
She did. "Now tell me how you are safe from T'Pau when you weren't before?"
This argument? She swore she'd do nothing without word from him. Why bring back this old quarrel?
Sarek.
"What did my father say to you?"
She was exasperated and didn't bother hiding it. "I asked him if T'Pau still planned to kill you if you defended me. He didn't answer, but he couldn't hide his fears, not in here. So answer me. Are you in danger?"
He was just as annoyed. "T'Pau either finds in favor for you or I remove you from the scene. If I have to, I will fake your death. Either way, the situation is satisfied without risking my life. Now answer me. You swore to fight for your life. Did my father tell you something that makes you go back on that promise?"
The fact that she didn't say anything and kept herself carefully composed answered him.
He took her firmly by the elbows. "Swear to me you will not sacrifice yourself."
She laid her hands along his arms. "If you will give your word you will do the same."
"Agreed. The promise then is we fight for both of us to come out alive." She hesitated, wondering if he hid something from her, if he minimized T'Pau's threat to his own safety. He counted on her innate trust of him to keep her from seeing the truth as she would in an enemy. "Saavik?"
Her hands clasped his arms more tightly, then relaxed. "Agreed."
His head fell back in release from the strain. Ironically, they were back now to their first meeting and her first mission on the Enterprise when she swore, "You die, I die. You live, I'm free."
"Then our conflict is almost over," he said. "We need only—"
He broke off, seeing how she was faced with his bare chest and that she eyed it with more than a little appreciation.
He stepped back. "Saavik, not now."
"I only admired the view," and then with more softness, "and enjoyed the familiarity."
The familiarity: this was the first time they freely touched outside of pon farr. "I am not a prude—"
She vaulted her eyebrows mockingly.
"—but we have an audience outside of here, and I do not want to return to knowing glances because your heart monitor climbed."
"Such conceit. Besides, I thought I was in healing sleep. It keeps my heart rate low."
Her lightness dimmed. "Spock, how long will I be like this? The instability? Can I come out of it?"
He wished he hadn't stepped away. "Tomorrow, Sagar will give you the rest of the necessary medical treatments."
"If T'Pau finds in favor of your arguments. Correct?" They both knew the answer. She looked off in the distance. "In case that's true, I need to show you something."
The environment changed again, but before it solidified, she gave him a look of warning.
The banquet room in Warbase 5 or so he gathered from the wall of people in front of him. Kirk on the outside of the circle just starting to push in and Sarek leaning over a Vulcan woman Spock didn't know.
Saavik was pulling him gently into the circle. Uniformed guards beating someone -- her. Their fists and boots, the butts of some of the phasers, all stained green.
The Saavik of this memory was pulling to her feet when Sulu kicked her hard in the abdomen. His Saavik stared at him significantly.
Spock nodded. "I will take care of it."
She swept them away back to space.
He should go. But she seemed so... alone. And what would her subconscious do without him to focus on?
"Someone is always with you," he said hesitantly. "Next to your bed in Sickbay. I thought you should know."
She inclined her head. "Good."
He searched for something else to say when her mouth tipped at the corners. "It's all right, Spock. I will be here when you return."
Around them, stars grew distant until they became the night sky above Vulcan. He stood with Saavik on one of his favorite vistas in a memory he had given her. They stood bathed in the blue-white light of evening with T'Kuht, Vulcan's sister world, hanging low in close orbit.
She moved closer to the cliff point where they stood and gazed out across the desert. "And I have all of Vulcan to explore while I wait for you."
He reached out and cupped her face, caressing the sensitive points under his hands as she rested against them. He allowed his link with his body to draw him away with this image in his mental eye.
