Authors notes: I just felt like writing something one night and this is what it became. Maybe it triggers someone's interest. It's a sad story and all I can tell you is that's it about one of the characters in Roswell.
How to move onI have never felt this much pain before in my whole life.
It's like I'm slowly dying of pain. Because I can't even think about going on with my life after what has happened. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and smashed into a hundred pieces. And then it's been put back again, each piece hurting and crying.
This sound so cliché, I know. But I guess I didn't realize that that's actually is how it feels. How could I have realized? I've never been in a situation before, where I just want to get out of the world and not come back until it's free from all heartache.
"Are you feeling okay?" a friend of mine asks. I want to scream that I'm so far away from okay as anyone can be. I want to say that I want to get out of this world right now. That I hate myself for what I did and for what I've become.
"Yeah, I'm okay," I answer.
"I want you to know that you can talk to me about what you're feeling," my friend continues.
I can't talk to anyone about this. Nobody would understand. Or at least that's what I tell myself. All of my friends are the best you can imagine. And they would probably all understand. Or at least try to. But I'm not ready to talk about it. I can't tell them about the guilt I feel, because then it would all become so real. They would tell me that I shouldn't blame myself and I would blame myself even more. Nothing they could say would make me feel any better.
"I know," I lie again. I feel like being alone. I can't stand all the people mourning around me. "Would you take me home?" I ask another one of my friends. "I don't have my car, because you know…" I stop myself when I think about it.
"Of course I'll take you home. I can't stand being around here anymore anyway. Too dark you know?"
"I know," I answer. It's way too dark and depressing. My friend gives me my jacket and together we move towards the exit.
"Call me tomorrow okay?" someone say from behind me. I slowly nod, not even turning around to see who it is. I would recognize that voice anywhere…
The drive home is silent. Both of us of in our own thoughts, although probably similar thoughts. We both think about what we've lost and how we should move on. In my thoughts I don't move on. I go back in time to the part of my life that was filled with love and joy. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot to be grateful about now too, but it doesn't seem like much right now.
The car stops and I get out.
"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" my friend asks.
I would rather be alone, but I know what I would do if I were. And I know that's not the solution. I can't hurt people by doing that.
"Would you?" I ask.
"Of course…"
I cry myself to sleep. My friend lying beside me, holding me. Not in a way two friends shouldn't hold each other, but in a way two friends should. I feel that it's good that I'm not alone. If I were, I probably would never get to see another day…
TBC? Should I continue? I don't know if this is any good, but I thought I'd post it anyway. Anywaz, hope you liked it.
