Feelings of Guilt
The next day I wake up and smile cause it's a new and bright morning.
Then I see my friend and I remember why he's there. I remember what happened three nights ago.
"Could you sleep any?" my friend asks. I smile at him and answer.
"Actually I slept more than I've done since…" I stop myself and look at him.
"Since the accident," he finishes for me.
"Yeah…the accident," I say and sigh. Even though I didn't consider it to be an accident.
"That's all it was," he says. "An accident. He reaches forward and touches my arm gently.
"Thanks for saying that Max. It means a lot to me that you don't blame me, even though I blame myself."
"Please don't say that," Max said. "What happened wasn't your fault. And nobody blames you."
"Well I do," I said and got up from the bed. I decided that we shouldn't talk about this anymore, cause I would just start crying again.
"Let's go get something to eat," I said to change the subject.
"I'll fix it," Max offered.
"Actually I think we're going to have to eat out. I haven't shopped for days. There's nothing to make."
"What have you been eating the last couple of days then?" Max asked worriedly.
"I haven't," I answered simply.
"Well, then I suggest that we go to the Crashdown and get us a big plate with all the alien-themed breakfeast they have," Max said and I actually cracked a smile…
When we got to the Crashdown the place was almost empty. That was really surprising to see for a change. School didn't start until tomorrow so the place should be full.
I saw Liz approach us.
"Hey guys," she said and hugged us both. "How are you holding up?"
"We're okay," Max answered and smiled at her. "You?"
"I'm okay. I wish that there would be more people here though. It would help keep my mind of things."
"I understand Liz, I feel the same way. We all need to think of happier things. Like breakfeast," Max said.
"So what can I get you?" Liz asked and smiled at us.
"We'll take everything breakfast-related," Max said and led me to a booth in a corner.
"Then I'll be right back," Liz said and went to get the food.
After a few minutes Liz came back with the food and sat down with us. Then we were joined with the rest of the gang.
"It feels weird sitting here without him," Isabel said and looked sad. "Yeah. First we had to get used to the lack of Alex and now this," Kyle said and sent a worried lock my way. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked me.
"Well, no I don't feel okay, but it feels good to sit here with all of you and remember Michael. I just can't get this image out of my head," I explained to them.
"What image?" Tess asked gently.
"The memory of him lying in the car, his life being sucked out of him."
I shivered at the thought. And it was my fault that he'd laid there, I knew that.
"Maria, I can't promise you that the image will ever go away," Max said. "I can just tell you to try and find a good image of Michael and think of that instead."
"Thanks but I've tried that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it don't," I said and felt tears sting my eyes again. But I was not going to cry in front of my friends right now. They were hurting to and they didn't need me to go all crazy on them.
"I have to go to the bathroom," I explained before I rushed off…
TBC… Please give me feedback!
